Kicking my own.. er.. what is that behind me?

Trus do you mean aspergers by ASD? Otherwise what is it?

I think for people like shinsplints sometimes just certainty of having a name put on it, makes it easier to live with. I have read of many people with various mental disorders who have been relieved to know what is wrong with them. I am not like that. I am ok about knowing i have depression but i don't really want to be told i have a personality disorder or any other thing.

If you can't get settled in life by the time you are my age, then you really should see about getting a pension and for that you will probably need a diagnosis and you will certainly need to have your conditions totally stabilised. To reach that point you have to have had all treatment options covered.

They don't like giving the pension to younger people. I have only learned that recently but if you have a debilitating condition that prevents you from being functional in the workplace then you should be eligible for a pension.

I have struggled for years and years to be stable in the workforce and have always been poor. I think i deserve it but i must say, i don't like having to tell people i've got it. I still haven't told my father. The only people i tell are those i trust and those who need to know. Everyone else just thinks i'm a dole bludger. lol. So i don't really win there either and its not something you can really keep a secret about because people always ask what you do. And you can't lie to everyone. So even the pension is not all roses but its a dam sight better than the dole.

I find it strange that the psychologist thinks that because you are intelligent that you are highly functional. Being a student is a lot easier than fitting in to the workforce. Being a student was one of hte happiest times of my life and i did was able to go without depression throughout the whole three years. That said, being a student does not suit everyone either. Lots of people suffer whilst there.

However I did get depressed when i started my masters but that's a whole other story. I got over it and was able to pick myself up and continue. without further crisis. I think i was on antidepressants at the time too but i can't remember to be sure. That might have been one of the periods i went off them.
 
sorry to hijack your diary shinsplints, 44 ASD stands for Autistic Spectrum Disorder of which Aspergers is the mildest form of high functioning Autism.
 
Back after a long while...


First with an apology to 44 and Trusilver for never getting back to them. I hope everyone is well.


I have spent the last few months trying to sort out my life. I took 44's advice & went to see a psychiatrist because I was sick of the whole medical system screwing me around. It seemed nobody wanted to be the authority to tell me what was wrong with me for fear of some imagined backlash. Many times I felt like blurting, "Just tell me what to do! I promise I won't take you to court for patient abuse." :rolleyes:


The guy I saw was an angel from heaven. Finally, somebody who asked all the right questions, genuinely wanted to help and seemed to have a bit of confidence in his opinions. When I mentioned something about autistic spectrum disorder, he too was doubtful but he didn't leave it there and try to shoo me out the door hoping I'd go and bother someone else; he gave me several tests. He also took me right back to my childhood asking me to recall memories, moments when I had certain feelings and when did I have those feelings again and was there anything I did to make those feelings bearable etc etc. He was really DIGGING, unlike any other health professional I've ever been to. He was also lovely and very easy to talk to. As a consequence, I ended up revealing stuff I've never even told my mother. He diagnosed me with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder with moderate Social Anxiety as a result of a distressing incident that occurred in childhood of an abusive nature. He said most autistic people exhibit symptoms from childhood age whereas my stuff only seemed to appear after adolescence as I consciously withdrew from society because of "shame issues". The stuff he hit the nail on the head about was eye opening. For example, there is a condition where after a person has been abused for a long period of time, makes them insensitive of certain aspects of humanity. Such as cases where someone has had an abusive parent kick the shit out of them and they later can't stand to hear this same parent coughing or chewing because it reminds them that this person that they've tried to convince themselves was a monster (in order to protect themselves) is actually human. He basically said that this is what I've been struggling with and the bullying I experienced in school was not due to autism but to a cultural/class clash. (Poor girl in a rich school).



Anyway, I've been using some great strategies he gave me to deal with my thinking and it's really helping. He ingeniously suggested I do something to "rebel" (yes, you heard right) against my parents, but in a healthy way. He didn't think I'd passed that stage of development due to the PTSD and the fear it brought with it, so he said I needed to do that now. So I quit my job and went overseas for a while. I had a terrible time and a great time. Terrible because it was ferociously hot and I was bitten by about a thousand bugs and in the mountain shack I was renting I had no modern facilities like electricity, hot water, a couch or a TV... But GREAT because I had the house to myself, no distractions or internet (which often depresses me), great village people around me to chat with, and healthy mountain water to drink which did my health the world of good.



I came back re-energised, ready to start my sugar-free lifestyle again...
 
... Joined another gym, looking for completely different work than I'd done in the past (where I was bored shitless), losing weight and - I can't believe it - have cut out sugar for 7 weeks! I'm thinking I never succeeded all the previous times in staying off junk food because I felt hungry, as I was bored eating the same stuff every day, and also, I was nutrient deprived. So I've started taking vitamins and I'm reading a book called The Gabriel Method, which is really helping me to see the relationship between emotional/mental/nutritional hunger and obesity/overeating. This guy is awesome. He says many of us in the Western world may look well-fed but actually, we're malnourished because the food we eat is nutrient poor. He himself lost over 100 lbs and transformed his life, never needing even any excess skin surgery, apparently. He says, "Fat people are fat because their bodies WANT to be fat." That was a real revelation to me. The fact that stress, emotional abuse, lack of nutrients, even noise pollution, could effectively turn on a switch in the brain to signal the body to store fat in order to protect you... It makes me be in awe of the human body and its amazing adaptive ability. Our bodies are not stupid. There is no shame in being fat. It's all an adaptive response to the environment. Some people get cancer. Other people get fat. I love this guy's philosophy. He gives me hope... For the first time in so many diet books and methods, someone is making sense and giving me hope for LIFELONG change.


Yes, so in short, I highly recomment this book.
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