kevs journal

K

kevmac

New member
Hiya diary, well today is going to be the last day i feel so low about my weight, i go to my 1st slimming class later tonight so im making the 1st step to turn my life around, i know i have a very long journey ahead of me but it
all starts with the 1st step tonight, im going to write about my life so far so
if i ever go off my diet i can look back here and right myself

I have been overweight all my life, at school i was the butt of many jokes and never had any friends, i could never wear any of the nice trendy clothes all the other kids wore, due to my size i had to wear clothes for big men, many times i would look out my window and long to be out playing with everyone, when i left school i was around 20st ( 280lbs ) and i soon found booze, at the time i used to drink to forget about my size, i found i was getting into fights every night caused by people using me for thier jokes, i was soon in trouble with the police because of these fights.

By the age of 24 i was 36stone ( 504lbs ) and was so unhappy, i had never had a girl friend ( which gave the people down the pubs more things to throw at me ) i decided to do something about it, i joined a slimming class with some people from work, after about 16 months i had lost around 18stone and i felt great, i was starting to get some nice clothes, i met my first girlfriend and things couldnt be better, we got engaged,my weight started going back on and i was soon around 28st and she finished with me, things started going downhill when we split up and once again i started drinking and eating junk food and i could feel the whole cycle starting over again so i locked myself away, i wouldnt go outside ( only to go to work ), after about 4 years of locking myself away i had had enough, so back to slimming club i go, i soon lost 12 stone and things felt great, i got a part time job in a night club where i met my partner of today. We have been together for around 12 years and have 2 kids together, she has 2 from a previous relationship, over the last few years my weight has started to go on again and there isnt a day go by that i feel she is going to leave me because of this, again i wont leave the house or even answer the door as im back to around 33st ( 470lbs ), she has assured me she loves me for who i am but i just find it so hard to believe, i hate the way i look and i just cant understand why she doesnt hate me for it as well, i have missed out on my kids growing up due to my weight, i have never ran around with them or played football these are things im going to change before its to late and they arent kids anymore.

I have now got to the stage i am so ashamed of myself, i struggle to tie my laces or put socks on, i move in the bath and the water trapped behind me floods everywhere, getting so out of breath going upstairs, i feel such a freak,
tonight im going back to a slimming class to put all these negative things behind me and lose this weight once and for all, i am going to get that feel good feeling back
 
Hi Kev,

That was a very moving thing to read. I understand how it feels to go through life with this burden of being overweight. What you have to remember is that you are not a freak of nature, you seem like a very nice person who has a weight problem. That great thing about problems is that they can be solved, allbeit through some insanely hard work on your part. It sounds like you are on the right track by trying to get some help at the slimming club and by posting on this great site where there are alot of encouraging people all going through the same thing. Good luck at the slimming club and with everything. Thanks for posting your story and giving people another view on the trials and tribulations of weight loss and gain. It has really made me think alot and made me feel stronger and more determined to get this weight off and to lead a happier more fulfilled life. Cheers, Skye
 
Hi kevmac
Welcome to the WLF and to your Diary!

Congratulations for taking the steps necessary to to reclaim control in your life.

You've been down this road before, you know it isn't easy, but you also know you CAN do it.

I think it would be really helpful to figure out what you did differently to lose the weight, and what you resumed doing in order to gain it back.

The goal here is to be healthy and to not ever have to "relose" those pounds.

So what is your plan - what are your exact goals and what is it you're going to do to achieve them?

Looking forward to getting to know you and good luck on this journey,
 
thanks for your messages, i have just got back from my slimming class and already i feel so motivated, i wasnt as heavy as i first thought, i thought i would be around the 470lb mark but in fact im 436 (31.2 st ) so im well pleased with that. I have already been shopping for all the healthy foods and even bought mineral water, water is something i have trouble with but im going to give it a go, i havent really thought about setting a goal yet it will proberly be around the 15 stone mark. so come on kev you can do it :)
 
hey buddie glad to see yu started a diary, yur post is very reminiscent of a lot of us, i was a fat little kid and a chubby teen as well, it sucks to be the fat kid,:mad: but now the road ahead is full of potential and hope,:p your wife sounds great and i know she will be a source of support for you! just concentrate on the future and today you can do it!!!!! keep postin, later daze STAR
 
I have woken up this morning still feeling so motivated, for the 1st time ever i swapped my cup of tea for a small bottle of mineral water, i sat and worked it out yesterday and i reckon i must drink around 15-20 cups a day which cant be that good for me, so i have taken the advice by a few people on here to drink more water, i have also planned the whole weeks eating which i will stick to, i have planned more chicken,fish, fruit and veg into my diet, i will add later to my diary to let you know how my 1st day went :)
 
I have done everything to the letter today i have even managed 1ltr water, if did feel a little hungry i had fruit with a small bottle of mineral water which done the trick, normally i would have reached for the crisps and biscuits, i have eaten quite a lot today but it has all been the right foods, i just feel so good that today is the start of my new life :)

Breakfast; oat so simple, 250ml semi skimmed milk, banana

Lunch; bacon, poached eggs, tomatos, (2 tbls ketchup 2 syns), grapes

Tea; beef in (gravey 2 syns) with garlic,onion,mushrooms,peppers, 198g new potatos, runner beans, 1 banana

supper; omelette

drinks; 1 litre mineral water, 4 cups tea ( milk from allowance ), 2 cans diet cola
i have used 4 out of my 10 daily syn allowance
 
Just to let you know Kev, that I'm reading your log here as well. As Skye said - that was a moving intro post. Don't forget to take photos - and take measurements, jean size, etc - You are going to leave all of that behind you. My journey was much shorter than yours - I had only 48 pounds to lose - but I'm now addicted to getting fitter, and so losing weight was only the first goal in a lifetime plan - I'm still determined not go to back, and I wont!

I know exactly what you mean about the kids. I can now out-run mine - its great! But more than anything else - do this for yourself. We will give you the support that we can. When you fall from grace - record it, learn and then jump back into the saddle. Its about teaching your body new habits - of eating, exercise, taste, etc. Sometimes you have to go through a period of forcing your body to accept these habits - it take some time - until then, you have to fight the good fight - for your self. You are going to do it.
 
The 2nd day of my slimming plan went very well yesterday, i did spend a lot of the day feeling hungry ( or was it my mind playing tricks ) but every time i felt hungry i reached for the mineral water and fruit, i know its early days but at the moment i cant see anything getting in the way because i want to lose this weight so badly, i will as TF suggested take my measurements and take some pictures, my food for yesterday was

Breakfast; oat so simple, milk from allowance, 1 pear

Lunch; syn free vegetable soup, 2 x kippers, 1 banana, 1 peach

Tea; Salad consisting of baby spinach, watercress, tomatos, cucumber, onion, pickles, grilled chicken ( skin removed :mad: ), ( salad cream 3 syns ) 1 x mullerlite yoghurt, 1 x banana

Supper; 2 x wholemeal bread toasted, pilchards

Drinks; 1.5 ltrs mineral water, 3 cans diet cola, 5 cups tea

i used 3 of my 10 daily syn allowance
 
well thats day 3 over with now and i am going from strength to strength, it was shopping day today and out came all the nice cakes and things for the kids and it didnt bother me, normally the kids wouldnt get a look in, i have not felt as hungry today so things are going well, my food for today was

Breakfast; 2 wholemeal bread, pilchards, 1 banana

Lunch; 2 kippers, 1 apple, (2 snackajacks 6 syns)

Tea, slimming world pork (sweet and sour 2 syns), dry fried chips (potatos from allowance), fruit salad, quark with sweeteners

Supper; bacon, eggs, tomatos (ketchup 2 syns)

Drinks; 3 cans diet cola, 1 litre mineral water, 6 cups tea

10 of 10 syns used today
 
Sounds like your doing great. ;) Your first entry was very touching. Keep your chin up and remember to drink your water. I cannot stress how important water is to dieting! I am a tea/coffee lover and I know how hard it can be.
 
Great job so far Kev! Your first post was a tear jerker, I think alot of us know what its like to be the fat kid, the butt of jokes and to not have friends. I am in the same boat as you. But we are going to change that aren't we? Keep up the good work!
 
Thanks for your replies, everything is still going very well, i am still drinking water and im finding it easier now, i really am looking foreward to losing weight so my confidence can return and i can start going outside, my weighin is next monday and i am really looking foreward to it, my food today was

Breakfast; oat so simple, milk from allowance, 1 pear

Lunch; 2 x kippers, 2 bananas, 1 mullerlite yoghurt

Tea; peppered smoked mackeral, lettuce, tomatos, onion, spinach, anchovies, eggs, cheese from allowance, cress, (salad cream 2 syns) mullerlite yoghurt, 1 peach

supper: MIGHT NOT HAVE AS IM STILL FULL, egg, 2 wholemeal toast

Drinks, 2 litres mineral water, 5 cups tea, 4 cans diet cola

2 of 10 syns used today
 
hello there diary, im still going great guns on my diet and i can honestly say i have not had anything to eat i shouldnt have had, buttttttttttttt saturday nights is a killer for me and although im not going out something inside my head says its PARTY TIME, saturday nights has always been a nightmare for me even when i have been on diets in the past but i have always managed to lose weight, i will try 110% not to give into any cravings im going to get later but if i do give into them i will be honest, i have a 3 egg omelette in reserve should i need it so fingers crossed i should be ok, my food for the day is

Breakfast; 2 wholemeal toast, pilchards, grapes

Lunch;3 sausages ( from the good for you range ) (1.5 syns), tinned tomatos, scrammbled eggs, 1 x banana, 1 x peach

Tea; steak, salad= lettuce, onion, mushrooms, radish, cress, cucumber, salad cream 3 syns, 1 hifi bar,

Supper; 3 egg omellete NOT HAD YET, 1 banana

Drinks; 1.5 litres water, 6 cuos tea, 4 cans diet pop

4.5 of 10 syns used today
 
Im so pleased with myself this morning for not giving in to food last night, in the end my mind was playing all sorts of tricks with me telling me to eat things, my mind was trying to think of every excuse to eat, like go on have it you have done so well it isnt going to matter, or im so overweight anyway a few treats are going to be ok, or i still have a couple of days until my weigh in class and any damage can be sorted out by then, it wasnt easy because im just so used to eating as and when i feel like it, i suppose food is like a drug to me, it dont help matters that saturday nights im alone because my mrs works in the evening so i just get a free roam around the kitchen ( like a scavenger), the mind really is a powerful thing
Im going to take the threat away from saturday nights and make some slimming world free foods so hopefully i should be ok next week, i kept coming onto this forum as well last night to read posts and keep my motivation up, and it worked, so thankyou forum. I have my 1st weighing class tomorrow night and i am really looking foreward to it
 
well your not alone. My appetite really seems to activate late at night. glad you were able to fight it off......good luck on the weigh in.
 
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