keeping us down is impossible (we're unstoppable)

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Day 19

Today has been pretty good. I had work from 2-8 and was very active. I'm at 19,000+ steps, so I got a lot of walking around in. Didn't get any new members to work with, but I did spot a few people on the bench, so that was fun. Tomorrow I have class, but I'm helping my mom's church group with a fundraiser later in the evening and all throughout Sunday, so not sure if I'll be able to squeeze the gym in this weekend. But at least I'll be up and about.

Food is as follows
Breakfast: bowl of cheerios w/ milk, banana, coffee - 345
Lunch: turkey sandwich w/ lettuce & spinach, veggie straws - 510
Snack: protein bar - 210
Dinner: chicken black bean bowl (rice, beans, grilled chicken, broccoli, salsa, & avocado) - 480
Total: 1545

Water intake: 79.6 fl oz

Over calories again, but not by much. And honestly, I'm not really worried. I'm really not too concerned about my weight and the scale at this point. I'm still very early on in what will be a long journey, and I'm trying not to rush, obsess, or hyper-focus on everything because that's what I would do in the past, and I'd burn out only a few weeks in. I'm really just taking it slow, getting used to being more active and decreasing my portions.

Do I have a goal weight? Absolutely. Eating healthier and exercising more is great, but it's all null and void if I continue to carry around this extra 20-30lbs of fat. But am I going to lose it in one month? Two months? No. And even if I somehow did, I can almost guarantee it'd come right back because I didn't do it right. I want permanent change, and that doesn't come through temporary fixes.

Have I gone over my daily calorie goal? Yes. Twice now, in fact. Is it going to derail me? No way. This is exactly why I write in this journal - to keep myself accountable, and to see not necessarily where I failed, but where I didn't always succeed. I can see what worked and what didn't, and adjust accordingly. Today was not my best day, I admit that. But I forgive myself and move on, and promise to do better.

Tomorrow is a new day.

To be continued...
 
Glad you´re sensible about the calories. May I mention your calorie goal is pretty low for such active days anyway?
 
Day 22

Aside from work, today has been rather uneventful. I'm pretty low on calories again, which I don't really know how this keeps happening? I feel as though I'm eating often enough, and I don't really feel too hungry throughout the day aside from the occasional junk-food craving, so I feel like I'm getting enough food, but the numbers just don't add up...

Food is as follows
Breakfast: coffee w/ creamer - 40
Lunch: Chinese chicken salad (lettuce, red/green cabbage, green onions, carrots, etc) - 340
Snack: protein shake, granola bar - 310
Dinner: turkey patty, broccoli and cauliflower - 205
Snack: mixed nuts, 1% milk - 280
Total: 1175 (+50-ish)

Water intake: 82. 4 fl oz

So, I skipped breakfast today, which I know is one factor for the low calories. But even with my usual breakfast it would still land me under 1500 cal. I didn't intend to skip it, but I don't normally eat breakfast right away in the morning - usually an hour after waking - but I ended up doing some errands and kind of just... didn't eat. I did go grocery shopping, and I had like 1/4 of a trail bar (unaccounted for, but insignificant in the long run) that they were offering as a sample, but by the time I got home it was just about 11 and breakfast sort of just rolled into an early lunch before work.

I had some mixed nuts as an evening snack, and then drank a glass of milk before coming up to get ready for bed. I mean, I feel a little hungry, but it's not enough to prevent me from falling to sleep, nor is it enough to really warrant a trip back to the kitchen for another small snack. I'm feeling pretty tired, so I think I'll drink some water and just sleep it off, and aim to do better tomorrow.

It's going to be a gym day, and I want to eat enough to give me energy to give it my best, so I'll make sure to fuel up before heading out. I know I still have a lot to learn, especially balancing my intake with my output, so I'll keep working on it.

I'm still learning to walk, but once I get running, nothing's gonna stop me.


To be continued...
 
Ways to Go

Well, it's been a hot minute since I last posted, but I'm still here and very much on the wagon. I've had a couple bumps as I finish up this last portion of my spring semester, but thankfully I've completed and presented my final project. Class ends on Saturday, so I can relax the rest of this week in terms of schoolwork, and then I'm off school until it starts back up in September.

Though I haven't had time to write here, I've had plenty of time to reflect on my progress and where I want it to take me. As I stated when I first started, my overall goal is to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle while still being able to go out and enjoy the things I do with family and friends. I'm almost at one month since I first started this journal, and while I've made some good changes, there's still a lot for me to learn and figure out.

I've been keeping my perspective pretty broad, trying to keep my focus on the larger picture and the long run, and it's really helped me stay positive and open-minded when it comes to bumps in the road. In the past, my mindset was very "one-tracked" and singular, and my relationship to food and fitness became very toxic. I've come a pretty long way from that, but fixing that mindset, that relationship with food and its purpose in my life, is my number one goal. Even if I come away from this with nothing else but a (positive) change in mentality, then I'll 100% consider this a success.

That said, I've come to realize the importance of setting more tangible goals - things I can look back on and, with certainty, say I've achieved. Going into this, I didn't want to focus too much on a goal weight because of how it ended for me in the past, with me becoming obsessed with reaching a number that honestly fluctuates several dozen times a day. I'm much more interested now in what the effects of these changes are doing for me and my body, rather than what it says on the scale.

BUT, I do see the merit in setting a weight goal and how it can help you focus/re-focus your efforts in reaching long-term success, and if I can keep reminding myself that the number on the scale is just that - a number - and not the be-all-end-all result of my journey, I think collecting/using it as data could be very helpful to me in achieving my true goals.

Since it's summer (or will be soon), I figure I'd set out a few goals to reach by the time I return back to school. I'm going to try and pick up more shifts at work while on break, but even with (possible) additional work hours, I'm still going to have a lot of free time on my hand. September is 4-months away, which I think is a pretty good time frame to get some small goals checked off my list.

In no particular order:

1. Lose 10 lbs. I know, it's not a large number, and theoretically I can stand to lose a lot more. Am I going to lose 10 lbs and stop at that? No. Absolutely not. But I don't want to be too aggressive or too ambitious, and furthermore, I want to lose those 10 lbs and I want them to stay lost.

2. Strengthen my legs. A little general, but I tore my ACL back in high school, and after several surgeries my knee was never quite the same. I've kind of shied away from pushing myself when working out legs, and it's caused a serious imbalance in strength between my right (the good one) and my left (bad) legs. I can't really afford an actual physical therapist at this point, but I still know the exercises they gave me in the past, plus using the weighted machines can help me target specific muscle groups without putting too much stress on the joint itself. (I've actually already seen some progress, and my knee doesn't buckle quite as much, but I still have lots of room for improvement!)

3. Exercise every day. At least 30-min a day, be that a simple walk or a full on workout at the gym, I want to incorporate more exercise into my life. I've done pretty well so far, what with Monday and Friday having guaranteed "walks" and me going to the gym on the days between, but there are times when I get busy, or days I just don't feel like doing it. It doesn't have to be anything intense, but just 30-min of activity.

4. Balance my nutrition. So, as it's been pointed out a couple of times, I'm not always eating enough to account for the amount of activity that I do. Furthermore, carbs make up a large majority of my intake, and my protein is often not enough when I factor in the weight training I do. It has also been pointed out that I need to eat more vegetables, which I've been trying to incorporate more into my diet, but I've still been falling rather short.

I've sort of had these goals there in the back of my head all this time. Like, I've known from the start this is what I wanted, but physically jotting it down is kind of nice. I'm a work in progress. I've got a long way to go, but I've had a great start, and now I'm setting the road map for which direction to follow. Hopefully GPS doesn't break down on me!

To be continued...
 
Day 31

Hopefully back to regular posting from now on. I've certainly missed it. I think it's rather therapeutic in a way to look back on your day and just sort of reflect over what you did.

Food is as follows
Breakfast: banana, coffee w/ creamer - 145
Lunch: 2 baked chicken tenders, sweet potato fries, broccoli & cauliflower - 355
Snack: coffee, protein shake - 160
Dinner: turkey patty, broccoli & asparagus - 253
Snack: protein bar, turkey wrap with spinach, glass 1% milk - 490
Total: 1403

Water intake: 84.5 fl oz

If it isn't already self-explanatory at this point, I should mention when I write "snack" I don't necessarily mean I eat all the things listed at one time - they're spread throughout the hours between meals. That out of the way, I ended up snacking a lot after dinner in an attempt to catch up my calories. It was just kind of an off day for me, so my schedule is a bit out of whack. I sometimes forget to take into account that my depression can really mess with me, both physically and mentally, and although things have been going well for me, it's just one of those things I'll never have complete control over.

It's been very cold and gloomy today, which affects my mood and energy levels considerably. I like to tell myself I'm kind of like Supergirl, that I get my strength from the sun, and when it's overcast like it's been, I'm only at half power. I was pretty productive this morning, and cleaned out the kitchen and stocked up on new groceries, but then I spent a few hours just laying in bed. And it sucks, because I'll lay there knowing I could be doing something more productive, but there's a sort of disconnect between what my brain is telling me, and what my body is willing to do. I can tell myself to get up a million times and... it just... won't listen...

Eventually, around mid-afternoon the sun peeked out for a short while, and that broke me out of my funk long enough for me to get to the gym. And once at the gym, the sort of adrenaline and workout hype took over and I was able to get good work done. I was even able to increase the weight on my leg presses today, so that was an exciting thing for me.

Came home, rested and made dinner, and then headed to the mall to walk around and get in the rest of my steps to hit 10k on the fitbit. I was also able to grab a box of protein bars while I was there, since I realized I was low after coming back from the the gym. I've really taken a liking to the Quest brand as they're low in sugar and net carbs, plus I like the taste. Also started using Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Whey as my protein shake instead of Muscle Milk, which was really high in carbs. Like, I'm not trying to go low-carb or anything, but I am trying to keep my sources of it more natural or at the very least "real" food based (as opposed to a drink), plus it was getting expensive buying per bottle.

Anyway, that's probably enough writing. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up a bit, and we'll finally get some sunshine, so hopefully I can be more regular with my schedule.

To be continued...
 
Depression is a bastard. All that time you could have been in bed enjoying the warm glow of Having Done Things. Glad the sun came out to see you :)
 
Unstoppable said:
It's been very cold and gloomy today, which affects my mood and energy levels considerably. I like to tell myself I'm kind of like Supergirl, that I get my strength from the sun, and when it's overcast like it's been, I'm only at half power.
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*snap*
It is very gloomy here today too & it has the same effect on me. I have my blinds open whenever I can to let in any light, even though G wants them shut to keep the warmth in. I need that light.
Well done getting out there & getting things done xo
 
Well, it's been quite awhile since I last visited. Last time I posted, it was on the cusp of summer vacation and I was all set to make some goals. I managed to lose 5 of those 10 lbs, but I got into a bit of an accident that set me back for quite some time. But, I'm back on track now, right in time for the holidays. Oh, joy! But, I refuse to let that deter me, and I've spent quite enough time in easy-mode that I'm excited to really get back into things.

I'm not gonna lie. My eating is still holding me back, and I'm honest enough to admit that. Some days I eat too much, other days not enough. It's still a huge struggle for me trying to find a balance, which was one of the main reasons I've come back here. I've been using my Fitbit and another food tracking app to log my food, but I still feel like writing it down keeps me most accountable. I'm also still grappling with getting enough fruits and veggies, but I guess the one good thing about taking a medical class, you learn so much about what happens if you don't eat right, it sorta scares you into trying to do better. Which I have been. Not by too much, but progress is still progress! I've also started taking a daily multivitamin, which is in NO WAY a substitute for solid food, and I am trying to keep my diet more diverse to get key vitamins and minerals. BUT, I like to take it as a bit of insurance to help along in the areas I may be lacking. I also started taking melatonin at night to help me sleep better. It's not always effective, but it does help me get a more solid night's rest, and I think that's really helped improve the mental portion of all this.

Anyway, as of now, I'm munching on an apple and sipping water in preparation for the gym. The one thing I can proudly say I've been consistent with is exercise, working out 4 times a week, and staying lightly active on days I don't. I still work at the gym 3 times a week, so I don't do any lifting on those days, since I do indirect lifting re-racking all the weights and whatnot. I'm not super strong, but I'm definitely stronger than I've ever been, and like... not to brag, but I got some pretty nice biceps.

I'll update again later, but currently, food is as follows:
Breakfast: 1 egg scrambled with spinach, 1 slice toast (potato bread), coffee w/ creamer - 226
Snack: 1 medium apple - 95
Current total: 321

Water intake: 33.8

I want to start keeping track of my workouts here, since I keep them on a note on my phone, but sometimes I accidentally delete them. So yeah, today's workout is upper body, and this is what I got planned:
Warm up: Stretching, 10-min elliptical
Strength:
  • Barbell chest press 80 5x5
  • Lat pulldown 105 5x5
  • OHP 80 5x5
  • Cable row 90 5x5
  • Barbell curl 30 3x21s
  • Triceps pushdown 47.5 4x10
  • Shoulder shrugs 20 4x10
  • Facepulls 20 4x10
Cardio: 20 min stair climber

I have a protein shake ready to consume pretty much as soon as I step out of the gym, and it'll be around lunch by the time I finish. So I'll drink that as an immediate source of protein (and some carbs) for recovery, and then I can shower (thoroughly, because boy do I sweat!) and make myself a solid meal after that. I'm thinking leftover turkey meatloaf, but we'll see if my dad gets to it first.

That's about it for now. It feels good to be back, and I really look forward to continuing this journey here with you all!

To be continued...
 
Trusylver said:
Well done on your exercise constancy :)

are your weights in KG ?
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Haha, no. I think I'd be crushed if those were in kg! o_O Everything is pounds! I'm small (5'2) and up until a few months ago, was under the mentality of "high rep, low weight" when it came to lifting. But I've done more research, talked to a lot more people, and now I've been on the slow shift to heavier weights.
 
I am also 5'2, it is good to see you are beginning to move to the lower reps and I always work in kg so I tend to assume which is not always great lol
 
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