Keep Me Fat

[glitterbomb88]

I'm 5'4 and now weigh 316lbs. I have lost 10 lbs, and I am freaking out.
I have high blood pressure, so I have started eating right and I joined a gym. I'm telling you this story because I have started losing weight again and I am so not looking forward to this crap I dealt with before.

Short history: 9 years ago, I lost a lot of weight. I went from 295 lbs. to 145 lbs. (size 10-12) using diet supplements which gave me temporary heart problems. My doctor made me quit, and I tried to maintain my new weight, but gained the weight back 3 years later. Here's what I deal with while losing and after losing weight:

My cousins and I have always been close, but me and cousin #1 are really close. She's a great girl, until I start losing weight. They've always been thin and I was the pretty fat one. People always tell me I'm pretty, have beautiful face, lovely face...blah, blah, blah, you know the "pretty face thing" if only you'd lose weight and be thin like your cousins. They are pretty, but I'm prettier. I'm not bragging, but my cousins admit it too. I have the face, my cousins have the bodies.
While I was fat, the wanted to go everywhere with me, but when I lost weight they never wanted to go anywhere with me, except night clubs. I hate night clubs. They told me I looked funny thin, and cousin 1 said she liked me better fat because I was better to cuddle with when she was cold. She also likes throwing it in my face that guys I like have tried to date her. I have made it known this bothers me, but she continues to do it while smiling.
I once put a skirt belonging to cousin 2, she caught me trying it on and went bananas, screaming telling me to take it off. It looked really good on me, and she knew it, but she said my legs were too big to wear something like that. I bought one like it and wore it to a wedding and got lots of compliments, she was furious. Cousin 2 even told her mother she didn't know why so many guys wanted to talk to me when we'd gone to the mall. And her mom said, "Well she's not big anymore." And my cousin goes, she'll probably gain it back. And her mom agreed. They talked like I wasn't even in the room...I was standing right there.
When I'd come home for visits, they would cook all of this crazy food and try to make me eat it! They'd get upset when I didn't and tell me eating this or that won't hurt. An aunt actually tried to brush cake frosting on my lips, saying you know you want it! When I got angry, they said it was all in fun, and that I was over reacting. It was horrible. I felt like I was in a bad dream. Only my mother and uncle seemed happy for me. My friends were so happy for me, but my family was not happy for me and it hurt. I don't understand them. I'm telling you all of this because I am losing weight again and I am so not looking forward to this crap again!

Now due to hard times, 5 of us need to live together, but I have to move. I cannot lose weight living here. They have no desire to eat or be healthy, and they fry almost everything. They are not fat, and eat whatever, including my expensive fruits and veggies! They use my food to cook stuff I can't eat! It make me so angry. The times that I run out of money and food, I eat what I can of their food. My doctor told me to eat on a small salad plate when I have to eat their dinners, but I feel guilty and I know it is not helping my weight loss.

It is so hard for me to eat healthy and to lose weight with all of this fattening food and negative energy around me. It is stressful.

Right now there are 2 cakes in the kitchen and tons of junk food. I told them I'm working on a lifestyle change and I swear they went and bought all of this junk on purpose. I told them so. They said I have to use willpower and stop being weak, that if I'm serious about losing weight that I will not eat it.

It has been proven that it is best to remove such foods to resist temptation and binges...Do they want me to fail or am I just weak and too sensitive? I've heard of losing friends because of weight loss, but relatives? Am I the only one? Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[mizzie]

It's really a shame that people who are supposed to love and support you are trying to much to make this harder then it needs to be. It's also a shame that they don't have enough self esteem that they feel threatened by your weight loss. You don't need to be anyone's "token fat friend" and if they can't deal with that, that's their problem, not yours.

Unfortunately, because you have to live with them, it's become your problem.

The harsh reality of it is, if they need you to look a certain way to accept you, then they are no friends (related or not) of yours. I'm sure it hurts to find this out, but I'm also sure you aren't the only one who'd dealt with this.

You didn't post your age, but I'm guessing from other things you said that you are an adult. Is there any way you could get a place of your own or find some supportive friends to be roommates? If that's at all possible, that's what I would suggest. Your relatives are showing their true selves in all this and it turns out they are very ugly people (and I don't mean how they look). It's sad, but it's up to you how much you let this affect you. At this point, you can accept it, ignore that they are using you to make themselves look better and give up. Or, you can walk away from them, get healthy and surround yourself with people who deserve your love and friendship.

Good luck and know you can always come here to complain. If you haven't already made a diary, there is a section for that here. It's a great place to get out your thoughts.

 

[Omega]

I am sorry that you are facing such problems with your relatives.

You owe it to yourself to remove yourself from this bad situation as it is harming your health. If someone was being beaten or molested by the people that they live with - it would be obvious that they would need to remove themselves from their home situation. I think that the danger to your health from a weight gain should be viewed in a similar way. If you are an adult (and I assume that you are since you visit night clubs) - then you should try hard to move out. Maybe you are working - and if you cannot afford your own place can afford to live in shared accomodation. You may need to find extra evening work or a better paid job - but I am sure that if you consider the change to be urgent - you can change things.

If you cannot afford to do that yet - then see if you can put a lock on your bedroom door - or have a cupboard with a key - so that you can lock away your own healthy food. Alternatively shop on a daily basis - and then cook your own meals from the healthy food in your bag as you get home.

You need to take action. Ignore the things that these people say. Make friends and spend as much time as possible in the company of other people.

 

[Xenon1]

WOw glitterbomb I am sooo sorry to hear about all that is happening to you. I can relate to you in some ways. I have been overweight almost all of my life. When my sister and I started hanging out together in my teens and adolescent years, she was really surprised that men would always look at me and accost me even though I was fat and she was slim and a model at that. It really used to bother her...but really it bothers me more because I would prefer if they leave me alone It's actually one of my fears of losing weight...if so many men are bothering me now, what would it be like when I am thin? Who knows maybe it will be the reverse.

Just wanted to let you know I can relate to you. I even had an aunt that used to buy me chocolate and another one cookies whenever I was losing weight. I think it is best if you get out of the situation and into a happier, healthier one. I hope you lose all of the weight and have continued success in everything that you do!

*hugs*

p.s. if it were me I would throw out the junk that they bought...but don't take my advice on that one because it may cause unnecessary conflict...but it is something I would do

 

[Ando3242]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I like what Omega said about getting a lock on your door and locking up your healthy food. Perhaps like others say you should move out and get your own place. But I don't know your situation and of course you may not be able to afford this right now.

A common diet tip I've read time and time again is to not buy the junk food in the first place - if you don't have it you can't it eat. But, like you, I'm in the same situation where the people I live with continue to buy junk food. I have no control over that either. But luckily they support my efforts, and I'm not forced to eat junk food or starve to death- healthy alternatives are available to me here.

It's a shame that your cousins won't support your efforts to be healthy. If you can't move out, perhaps you can try to distance yourself from them as much as possible, even if it means spending your time in your room alone.

Good luck and I hope your situation improves.

 

[whiskeytangofox]

Agree with the other advice that they sound insane (but unfortunately all too believable) and you need to get out asap. Family are always worse than friends and yours sound abusive and crazy. If your entire family is like that, you may want to consider counselling or other forms of help because you want to make this a permanent change and that means addressing the reasons why you gained in the first place and how to deal with people like this.

What I would try to do in the meantime is stop stressing about it. I know it's hard and very destructive what they are doing but unfortunately you are stuck there for a bit.

I would try to have a goal not to gain weight over this time. Lock up your food in your room if you can or buy food and make it straightaway and then pack it and take it to work (if you work) and keep it there. So maybe make sandwiches for several days and take them in the next day. Keep snacks in your bag or at work. Try to get active and explore things you enjoy. Essentially I would begin the process of weight loss without having to do it all out. That way when you do move out, you will already probably have lost bit, will be more active and will be in a good routine.

 

[glitterbomb88]

Thanks to everyone, I really appreciate the support. It really did help and I have made some changes for the better.

Xenon, I have that issue about men too. I don't like the attention because I'm not used to it. Also I fear that when I lose the weight and I'm smaller I won't be able to protect myself as well, because when I lost the weight before (I'm 5'4 and I have a small frame), dudes goofing around would grab me or even pick me up like I was a rag doll and I was unable to break free, it scared the crap out of me. Recently, I talked to my mom about this fear and mom suggested I take self defense classes (she's has earned a 3rd degree black belt in Karate), so I think I will. I don't understand why our relatives are like that, but I'm not trying to figure it out.
It's their problem not ours; I have enough to deal with. Oh, and I did consider throwing away all of that crap food they bought

Whiskeytangofox, I am not stressing about anything, especially not them. I've started telling them how I feel and I'm blunt, so they can't question what I say. Needless, to say they don't like it. Now I'm being told it's not like that, they didn't mean it that way; or Oh! I'm being mean, or my fav, they just stare with their mouths open. lol! They said they liked me better when I was quiet, in other words took their crap. Well, I don't take it anymore and now I eat less because I'm not stuffing my feelings and I feel so much better.

Good news! I have lost 14 lbs, and to those who were wondering, I do work. I have been saving up, and saved up enough to move...to another state! I'm moving to New York! I can't stay here anymore and I am scared about such a big move but I am really excited and happy!

 

[Rox2]

Wow! Good for you!
I think it's so great that you have made a plan and are really taking action! I admire that and I bet you will keep losing weight and manage to start a new life surrounded by people who will be a real support system for you!