Kat's Diary

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black_butterfly

New member
I figured I would start a diary. There are so many things that run through my head, that sometimes I just need to get them out.

I am 28. I am 5'7". I am currently 240lbs. I was 260 at my highest weight. When I see that number I just want to cry. I have been overweight since as long as I can remember.

In school I was a cheerleader and played Tennis. When I tell people I was a cheerleader, they kind of look at me because I am not the typical cheerleading type. I was the biggest girl on the squad. I wasn't the most popular in school. I had a lot of friends, but I often wondered why.

I have tried so many times to lose weight, but I always failed. I thought I was going to be overweight forever. I didn't think I would ever have a boyfriend or have kids because who would want to be with me. I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years and we have a 6 year old daughter. I know he loves me and he tells me that I look good, but I still wonder why he is with me, or why did he choose to be with me. I'm not the prettiest or the skinniest. Why me?? I get sick in the stomach when I think about how he weighs less than me.

I am a cheerleading coach for a youth league. I was coaching 5-6 year olds, but now I am moving up to 7-8 yr olds. I always have in the back of my mind that people are thinking why is she coaching, she isn't the typical cheer type.

I have high blood pressure and I am on medication. I shouldn't be this way at 28 years old. I have a long life ahead of me. I think that is what clicked in my head and finally got me going. I started by cutting out sodas and switching to just water and green tea. I really cut out the junk, like candy and snacks. I also joined the gym about a month ago.

I have really become proud of myself. I am starting to like the way I look. I am hoping to soon love the way I look. I read everyone's success stories and their tips and I realize that I can do anything that I put my mind too. It is going to be a long, hard journey, seeing I have about 100 more lbs to lose. I know that I can do it though.

Thank you for anyone who reads this. It was making me start to cry just writing it. I am going to try and write everyday.

Thanks again everyone....
 
You sound like you are doing this right!
20 pounds less are speaking for themselves! And you seem to have a great attitude, I am glad you found "us".
I know what you mean about people looking at you, I am a ballet and contemporary dancer, I mean not professionally but I did dance a fair bit (like daily) for a long time, when I tell people they think I am lying, because I am not your every day dancer, with my tummy fat and big boobs! I even taught ballet to small kids when I was still in school and again, nobody would believe that.
Everyone american I ever met told me I would be a cheerleader had I been in an US school, I am a very cheerful person! And I am slightly hyper, so I seem ever more cheerful than your everyday calm cheerful person.

About the boyfriend being skinnier than you, at my biggest I was bigger than mine, and he is like a good foot taller than me. That was one of the factors that made me be serious I think, subconsciously!

Anyhow, have a great time, Camy
 
So much for writing in this everyday...yeah well... On to the good news...

I've lost 5 lbs since Monday. YAYYY!!! So I am down to 235lb.. I only have 36lbs to go before I hit my first goal of getting under 200 lbs. Another thing I am happy about, it might be corny, but I went down in my ring size. I normally wear an 8, but they are big on me. I tried my best friends ring on and it is a 7 and it fit!! My grandmother got me a ring about 4 years ago and I have never been able to wear it... until now. I was dancing in the kitchen I was so happy. I guess it is even little things like that, that makes you realize how hard you work...

A little thing not weight related.... Tonight I am going to see Staind, Papa Roach, and Seether in concert. I am so excited!!! I saw CrueFest in August and Papa Roach was there... Love them.. So my exercise tonight will be rockin out!! (ok so i guess in will be weight loss related in the end) :)
:hurray:
 
Well the concert was awesome. I was down in the pit, second row. I was rockin, dancing and jumping... major workout!!

Today was cleaning day...well yesterday was the bathroom. Today was the kitchen, bedroom and my daughters room. I know some calories were burnt today..

Will check the weight loss later.. tune in!!
 
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