Katie's Diary...

K

ktw22689

New member
So I guess I will give this diary thing a shot.
I am currently somewhere around 189-190 lbs.
I need to lose about 50lbs.

Its really hard for me because my whole life (since I was about 10) I have never had a chance to judge myself..or let myself decide how I should look. Its been carved into from that age by my mother that I need to lose weight I need to lose weight. So thats always been in the back of my mind..impressing her.

Now my current boyfriend says he wants me to lose weight. Hes not a body builder or anything..Hes skinny, with extra flab here and there and lives on junk food.

This relationship has been a struggle for me at times because I am so insecure I go into relationships being like well they should love me for me, yada yada yada. And this guy from the get-go wanted me to lose weight. Now hes attracted me to now obviously and loves me..but he says I would be so much more beautiful if I lost weight. (which is totally true..but I feel sort of offended by that).

We bought a bunch of work out stuff together..total gym, elliptical, and some work out videos. They offer a great variety because I get bored. Hes working out too..trying to tone up and lose his flab.

I feel overwhelmed with pressure again though..like I am doing this for him and not for me (even though I obviously want to lose weight). I just feel confused.

And he struggles alot with anxiety and depression from other factors of his life and that leads him to often be tired alot and sad and have no motivation. Its hard for me to work up the motivation to work out and eat right when hes vegging on the couch with brownies and acting all sad.

Im glad this is a journal because I make no sense with my rambling on..cry me a river Katie:nopity:
 
Katie, try and surround yourself with people who are motivating, it will really help. You may need to get some new friends who are motivating, the people around you is important as a circle of support...you need all you can get, especially in the beginning. I wish you best of luck
 
Hey Katie,
welcome to the site. Your situation sounds very frustrating. Sounds like you are being torn in two directions. Rememeber, you need to do this for YOU. Not a boyfriend, not a family member, do it for YOU.

You have found a great place for support and motivation.

I see from your ticker you have already lost 7 lbs. That is a great start and keep it up.

Stick around and let us know how things are going.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Matt
 
Hey Katie, your life sounds very similar to mine about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship with a guy who would always make comments to me about how fat i was and how i could lose some lbs so id look better and he would say stuff about his friends gfs and always make me feel like shit by commenting on other girls on the tv, at the beach, in the store...I have no doubt that he loved who i was for my attitude and loyalty to him but he certainly didnt love me for who i was as a complete person including how i looked. He also had some problems with depression and was very insecure with himself. I knew that i had to lose weight just as much as i know it now but it sure didnt feel good to have it rubbed in my face everyday. In fact, it made me feel worse and i ended up gaining weight under the stress and emotions he put me thru. I am not saying ditch the guy, it is totally up to you because it is ur relationship, but i wanted to tell u about my situation and that i did ditch that guy and found a new one who loves me as a complete person, who tells me im beautiful and wouldnt change a thing about me and makes me feel so good about myself that i actually want to lose weight...and for me, not for anyone else.
You really don't deserve to be treated like that, no woman does. He needs to stop with the comments and motivate you, not put you down.
 
Matt--thanks so much for the inspiring words! They really help and I am trying so hard to get motivated and do this for myself but damn its about 90 degrees every single day..its soo hard to work out haha

Michee-- Thanks so much. i definitely understand where you are coming from. I dont think my bf is as bad as your ex seems to be (from what you said). I mean for so long I was looking for a guy to want me for me..when I dont even like the way I look so how can I expect them to. We talked alot last night and I definitely understand where hes coming from because honestly its the truth..

Anyway thanks for your help guys. Hope this heat wave ends soon!!
 
hey Matt.

Ive been super busy. Classes started again, as I am in college. Aside from classes I have an internship and then a position on two different executive boards for organizations on campus.

Im doing pretty well with my goal up to around 13 pounds lost.struggling a bit these passed 2 weeks because I am getting sick or something. My stomach is off..Im hoping its not this major swine flu thing!

I always seem to get sick about 2 months into my work out which is why it usually ends..another time in my senior year when I lost about 20 pounds the first 2-3 months I ended up getting Mono...

Hopefully whatever I have goes away and I can keep on chugging.
 
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