I haven't updated in a while. I've been pretty busy and I've honestly been struggling this month. As you all know, I go to see my dietician every month and since our last appointment, I've gone over my calories six times. All of them are between 250-450 calories over! I know I'm not going to lose as much weight this time and it makes me so sad. Even though I've lost 37+ pounds, I'm still fat. I still feel and look fat when I look in the mirror. I've gotten tons of compliments and that feels good. My clothes are fitting much looser and even dropped two pants sizes, 3 underwear sizes, and 1 bra size! I'm a loose and comfy size 20 now...I was a TIGHT 24!!! I wish I could snap my fingers and focus on the positive, but all I want to do is focus on my failures. The fact is, I am human and I am not perfect. Life would not be fun if I were perfect. The only way I've ever learned anything has been through learning it the hard way. It's just how I work. Every month since I started this journey on April 2nd, I have had a semi-breakdown, gotten a little depressed, wanted to quit, and then saw the silver lining and learned what God was trying to tell me. I call it my "freak-out mode." After each freak-out mode I learn a valuable lesson. I'm taking this month and the mistakes I've made as a nother valuable lesson. I go to see my dietician tomorrow, so I will let all of you know how I do with my weigh-in. I know that because of my mistakes, I might not loose as much as I have in previous months, but compared to the person I was just a few months ago, and compared to how I used to eat, I have sailed oceans in my progress. This month I'm learning that when I go out to eat, I might have to get something that is not my first choice. I might have to get a salad and not the amazing chicken parmigiana at Joseph's Italian. I'm learning, learning, learning. Ya'll just help me to see the bright things...all of this only foucusing on the negative is driving me NUTS! I hate being a woman sometimes...I'm so emotional and I still feel FAT! ugh.
On another note, I have been working out more. It's not consistent yet like I want it to be, but I've been doing the treadmill and doing some weights. I plan on trying to find a routine that works for me in this next week, and sticking to that. I'm ready to work out HARD CORE, because I discovered that I actually like it...and It actually makes me feel good! I had a good experience at the gym the other morning (at 5:30am...yawn!) and I wanted to share it with ya'll:
The Scenario: It's 5:30 am. and I haven't even had my first drink of water yet. I'm at the YMCA women's lockeroom and I see the scale. I decide to weigh myself. Before I lost any weight, this was a depressing thing to do. I would have to put the big thing on 250, and then push it ALLLLL the way to the right...with the biggest numbers. It would say 299. ugh. NOT THIS TIME, BABY!
I put the thing on 250, and now I have to push it all the way to my left, with the SMALLEST numbers. Oh my GOSH! It said 252. YAYAYYAYAYAY!!!!!!
there ya go...even though I've slipped up, i'm still losing some weight, and that's all that matters. I"ll get back on track and it will be magic!