Kaika's Krap

Kaika

Kaika

New member
This is my diary.

Just to let you all know, my real name isn't Kaika. Kaika actually means the begining of an opening in Japanese. For some reason, I thought it meant blossom or blooming so I went with it, ha ha. Oh well what's done is done.

Anyway, I'm 5'5 and I started out weiging 219 at the end of February. It is now March 28 and as of this morning I was at 202-03. My official weigh-in isn't until Sunday (April 2nd) so I won't be changing my ticker until then. Anyway, I figured it's time for me to get up off my ass and do something about my weight before I'm too old to enjoy being trim. I turned 40 this past June and since I spent my 30's over wieght and didn't enjoy them at all because of it, I do not want to spend my 40's in the same boat. To be honest, I'm getting really tired of being "the fat freind".

Above all though, I want to be healthy, I want to look healthy and I want to feel healthy but you can't do that when you're near 100 pounds over wieght. Also, I'd really rather not die of an obesity related disease at 50 or 60 thank you very much. I'm hoping to live to 100 like my great grandmother did.

So far I have lost all most 20 pounds, have been excersing 1/2 hour all most every day (i think I missed two) I totally watch my portions and eat a very balanced diet and I drink a lot of water. Not only have I lost weight but my skin looks better, I have more energy and feel more balanced for lack of a better word.

My triggers are stress. I have an anxiety disorder which has been a main contributor to my wieght gain and stress and anxiety just make me want to eat and eat. I am praying that I can get through these next few months with any major stress events. I guess what I should be praying for instead is if I do go through anything major, that I learn how to handle it with out destroying myself. After all, no one can avoid stress forever.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'm sure I'll find something more to bitch about or celebrate in the near future. Until then, farwell and happy health hunting to all.
 
I want to pig out so bad today. I am having one of my "I want to eat everything in site" days as I like to call them. I'm feeling a bit anxious and I think that's why, no, I know that's why I feel this way. That's okay because it's not gonna happen. I can dream of pizza and fettucini alfredo the same as I can dream about my prince coming to get me on his white horse, scratch that, in his black Jaguar, and sweeping me off my feet (more like bulldozing me off my feet at this point) but much like the dream of my prince, the girl scout cookies will just have to wait for another day.

Damn you fat genes (or jeans, take your pick), damn you to hell. :mad:
 
Hi Kaika!

You know what I do on "wanna eat everything" days?? I excersize! For real, its a big help!

You'll break those 200's really soon!!! Just keep at it!
 
Hi Kaika,
Welcome to the WLF and to your brand new diary :)

I'm looking forward to getting to know you!
 
Thanks guys and thanks for the suggestion NewBride, I'll give that a try. :)

Wow, these diarys jump to the back of line quickly don't they? I really should bookmark this page.

Anyway, I am having a bit of a hard time today. I got on the scale this morning and it jumped back up two pounds, UGH and no, I didn't eat everything in site yesterday, I was good.

Another problem is my cycle is late, it always seems to be screwing up lately. I know there's no bun in the oven so I can rule that out completely but it's really hard to lose wieght (as I'm sure you girls can attest to) when you're PMSing. I just wish I would get the thing so I can start losing again. It's bumming me out. :(

Also, Dir en Grey (a band I want to see) is coming back to my city in a couple of months. They were here recently and I bought tickets but I didn't go because I honestly don't want to go anywhere being this wieght, therefore my tickets just sat there unused. I definetly want to go this time but I know I won't if I don't lose a few before hand. *sigh*
 
I was pretty busy yesterday so rather than cook, I decided to eat out. So, I call one of my favorite resturaunts and trying to be good, I order the broiled fish, salad and a baked potato rather than one of the things I normally get. Anyway, I get it home and it was the absolute blandest, nastiest thing I have ever had from there, and as hungry as I was, I couldn't even eat it. I was also very frustrated because here I am working my ass off, (literally) and when I got on the scale yesterday morning, it was back at 205 rather than the 203 it said a few days earlier. Therefore I said "#%^ it, I'm having something good" and ended up getting a small turtle sundae and a chili dog from DQ, and let me tell you, it WAS good.

You know what though? I didn't let it throw me off and I have this site to thank for that. I didn't feel guilty, well, maybe a little, but I didn't allow it to stop me from getting right back in track this morning. I had one tablespoon of peanut butter spread over two pieces of light, wheat toast, had my fruit a little while later, went for a walk and for lunch I whipped up a tuna casserole made with low fat cream of mushroom soup, tuna packed in water, and a few baked lays on the top, then I sliced up half a cucumber to have as a side, grabbed a V8 and enjoyed, guilt free I might add.

I can honestly say that if it wasn't for this site, I may not have done quite so well. This site helped me to allow myself a cheat here and there, something I didn't handle to well before, and helped me realize that it didn't have to blow my whole program if I did have a cheat. Woo hoo, go me! And thanks to everyone who posts here and the mods and admin, I can honestly say this place has been a huge help and I have a feeling it will continue to be just what I need to stay motivated.
 
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Okay it's now April 1st and I officially lost another pound. It wasn't quite as much as I'd hoped but I'll take it.

Last night I was getting some pretty bad cravings I'm assuming due to the lack of vegetables I haven't been eating and my seemingly perpetual PMS (Still haven't gotten my period, it's about a week late now). I've been eating some vegatables to be sure, just not as much as I normally do. I really need to step that up. Anyway, I didn't totally cheat but I had a 100 calorie candy bar and a little while later I had a 100 calorie oreo pack. I normally don't have two such snacks in one day, I usually only have one. Okay make that three such snacks. I also had 1/2 cup of lowfat chocolate milk. Yes the crave monkey has been totally riding my back the last couple of days. Hopefully that means I will get my period soon but then again, who knows.

Good news, I had the boyfriend take some pics of me on March 4th and then again today wearing the same clothes. Since then, I lost about 10 pounds (Lost the first five the week before) and you can really see a difference. Sorry they are a bit dark but I forgot to turn the flash on. Anyway, my mother actually asked me if I was wearing a girdle, ha ha. I can assure you that I am not.
 
Kaika,
Your progress *definitely* shows!!

Good for you and congratulations on the 15 pounds lost so far :D
 
Thanks M. :) Still have a LONG way to go but these pics really help me stay on track.

I also just measured my waist an another inch gone! Woo hoo!
 
Kaika, you'll be surprised how quickly the time goes when you're focused.

You can SO do this!
 
Welcome to the WLF! We're glad to have you here!

Anyway, It's hard seeing the scale move up rather than down, but, your weight does fluctuate quite a bit, that's why a lot of people only weigh themselves 1 time a week.

And your pics... WOW! you can really tell a difference! Keep up the good work and you'll be at your goal in no time!
 
Hi Kaika! Those pictures are testimony to how hard you have worked! This is my first post EVER (ive been lurking around the forum for a few days now...) and I just had to say that what you have done, already, is amazing! A huge step in the right direction! I can't wait to see results on myself, but for now sharing your excitment definitly helps! Thanks for sharing yourself with us!
 
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Thanks for the encouragement M. I gotta tell you, I am not the most patient person on the planet by any stretch of the imagination so it helps me to hear someone who's come such a long way herself say that to me.

Thanks Xorie. I'm learning, thanks to this forum, that a person's weight will fluctuate and that I have to keep my eye on the bigger picture. Thanks for the encouragement too, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Wow VULauren, I honestly didn't think these pics were that encouraging. I'm so glad I could help you come out of the wood work and start posting. And I know this sounds cliche' but if I can do it, ANYONE can. I'll be looking forward to your progress if you decide to post it. Either way, I KNOW you can do this!

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement Kat, I know I sound like a broken record here but I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
 
aaaaah patience. Yes, that's a tough one but we all go through that too and it never is easy however by looking at your pics, you have already displayed that some patience is well within your ability.

Just keep it in your daily mental preparation and you will get to your finish line. A diary is a great place to scream out loud "I want this off TODAY !!"

You're doing a fine job :) You're gonna totally love posting those skinnier pics as the summer progresses and we're gonna patiently wait to see them :)
 
Thanks T2, I will definetly keep what you said in mind, it makes perfect sense. I do love this diary too. It has been really helpful to me so far. Also, thanks so much for the kind words and yes I will be posting those pics too. I can't wait to see them myself. ;)



Last night I was faced with my biggest weekness, a table full of food. Buffet style settings are definitely my downfall, no doubt about it.

My stepfather came over and paid to order Wrestlemania so he could watch it with my son and nephew, so to show my appreciation, I made a big dinner for everyone. What I made really wasn't too bad. Baked chicken legs, some tuna noodle salad and some cut up, fresh vegatables but of course, we had to have dip with those veggies and the tuna salad is made with a fair amount of Miricle Whip. My stepfather also brought chips (which I did not eat) and two loaves of home made bread courtesy my mother. Now my mother did make whole wheat bread and they were fairly small loaves and I also sliced the bread fairly thin so I did do somethings right. I also did not go back for seconds. I had one plate and one plate only so I didn't do too bad but I of course picked while I was cleaning up like I always do and I ate one too many chicken legs. I planned on only having two but ended up having three instead and I ate a bit more tuna salad than I should have. I did have a pretty good work out earlier that day but still I felt that I should go for a walk or something since I ate a bit too much so my daughter and I decided to go do a little shopping and walk around Target for a while. That was fine until we got to the check out and I just had to have a turtle (candy bar) so I kind of blew the Target walk with that one. Also, before I went to sleep, I had to have one last piece of homemade bread. I'm sitting here laughing at myself because I can't believe how I blew it. Well, not completely but it was bad enough.

Anyway, I was pretty good about the left overs and storing them. I froze most of the tuna salad and put the rest in measured out servings in baggies, I so would have been picking at it if I hadn't. I also froze one loaf of bread (she sent two) and quickly wraped up the chicken legs and put them away.

When I got up this morning, I had a one cup serving of the tuna salad for breakfast (about 500 calories) and a V8 and figured that in for my calorie allotment for today. I also changed my card in my food mover to a higher calorie one (the one that I should be using according to my weight) thinking that I was most likely getting chocolate cravings partially because I wasn't getting enough nutrition. I don't always use the food mover but it sure is a great guide when I get off track, I highly reccomend it to anyone. Anyway, I hoping the controlled calorie increase will help with the cravings.

So, there you have it. My first day of April. Once again, I started out great but kind of lost it in the evening. That has been a recuring thing for me the last few days. Hopefully I will nip it in the bud with the help of the food mover before it's gets completely out of control. I think I can do it. :)
 
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Awe, thanks again T2. Your words are really encouraging. It's people like you that make my think I really can do this. No, I really WILL do this!

Domo arigatou gozaimasu T2 san! :) (I really need to think of more ways to say thank you, ha ha)
 
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