Jericho Diary

[Jericho]

Thank you both.

To answer why the name, well it comes from my love of pro wrestling actually. A wrestler I have enjoyed for a long time is Chris Jericho. I always liked the name and use it for my gaming tag. Considering that Jericho is also one of the oldest continuously-inhabited cities in the world it also represents timeless strength to me. Everything batters the walls but they hold.

Even now, my family 'doesn't get me'. It took me a long time to remove my mask to the world. I walk without it now and that fact is powerful to me.

 

[*Chantelle]

Ken,

That is such a beautiful - and meaningful - letter. Thank you for sharing it with us. Every step you're taking "as yourself" along this path is making you stronger, not to mention the support network that you've found in Amy. You're definitely getting there, one step at a time.

Chantelle

PS. You mentioned gaming - what do you play?

 

[Natsky]

Thank you both.

To answer why the name, well it comes from my love of pro wrestling actually. A wrestler I have enjoyed for a long time is Chris Jericho. I always liked the name and use it for my gaming tag. Considering that Jericho is also one of the oldest continuously-inhabited cities in the world it also represents timeless strength to me. Everything batters the walls but they hold.

Even now, my family 'doesn't get me'. It took me a long time to remove my mask to the world. I walk without it now and that fact is powerful to me.

AWESOME Jericho! You inspire me to no ends!
You are so honest and truthful and the courage .. I just know you are a VERY STRONG person and I know, as we all do, that you will reach your goals!

Keep typing
and I love hearing your news. I shall keep up with your diary hun

always
Natsky
Keep up the good work... and to a healthier you...

 

[Camy]

Wow, I was very moved by your letter... what an amazing way to work on your feelings, on yourself.
My family acted similarly, they also love me, I have no doubt in that, but they thought I was strong (and lazy) and instead of unconditional love and support I needed to be pushed. They said, you were already smart and we thought you knew, so instead of telling me how proud I made them, they pointed at something they were not impressed with. It was always something. And the more they said, the less I showed how deeply it hurt me, the less I said the more they thought I was strong and kind of cold, so the more they pushed. I spoke to them a few years ago, I was so frustrated with them never being happy with me, I worked so hard for them to appreciate me and I always just got a "yeah but why aren't you..." (I had good grades in school, I was the best singer in school choir, a soloist, I was nice to people, volunteered, helped out, never went out, always helped at home, took care of my younger sibs... their response was always: why don't you have more friends, why are you not out more, why are you gaining weight). They couldn't see it my way, even after I told them everything, even when I had cried for hours telling them I never feel good enough for anyone and anything because I never was good enough for them. They can't see that I was tough because I couldn't be weak, because being weak would have killed me. They think I need therapy (which I do, of course), but they still don't really think they made mistakes.
But I know why they did it and I am working on me, on proving to myself that I am worth it, that I am good enough for everything, that I deserve things. I am turning into the person I want to be, the person I have always wanted to be. And that person has forgiven her parents for not reading her right and is ok with their pushes, because she knows they mean "I am proud of you, I love you".

It is so great to see that you did that, you took all that pain and heartache and turned it around and now you are tackling your "last" hurdle and I just know you will do great, because you overcame so much already. Amy is lucky to have you and clearly you are lucky to have her. Someone who loves you past your insecurities and fears... that is true love.

Have a wonderful weekend and I am rooting for you to be at your minigoal by your birthday, Camy

 

[Jericho]

MONTHLY REPORT
Start: 396
End: 378.2
WEEK GOAL: 376

Can't beat that with a stick

I've added side by sides showing the changes so far. I think the face shows the most change with the side facing showing the least.

But there is no way I can't see changes anymore. It's right there in pixilated glory. It really shocked me. I'm a happy fellow.

I would post alot more but I posted the letter earlier.

So, this coming month I have my birthday where I am going to Disney World with Amy for the day. I need a weight goal. I plan on shooting hard and go for 3 a week. That is 12 pounds so the end goal for Feb is 366. Here we go!!

 

[Addiecakes]

First off, great pics! You can really see some significant differences, mainly just in your overall shape. That's one of the biggest things that I've noticed about myself so far, ... I don't feel smaller as much as I feel that my shape is changing. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday, and I realized that my fat is starting to look foreign. It no longer looks like it is part of my natural body, it looks like it is trying to drip off of me, ... it's not the most attractive looking thing in the world, but it shows me without a doubt that my body is significantly changing.

Secondly, that is a beautiful letter. As someone who spent the entirety of my childhood trying to gain the approval of a father who would never recognize my accomplishments ... I understand a lot of similar feelings that you seemed to encounter in your childhood. I also struggled with major depression throughout college and most of my early 20's (after dropping out). Thank you for posting it, I appreciated it and found it really meaningful.

 

[Sunflower2]

Well done! You look different already!!

 

[nothingnowhere]

Congrats on the 15 pounds!!! Keep up the good work!

 

[antonito]

Thank you both.

To answer why the name, well it comes from my love of pro wrestling actually. A wrestler I have enjoyed for a long time is Chris Jericho. I always liked the name and use it for my gaming tag.

I was looking through your thread and going "wow, this guy is practically my twin" in terms of starting point and goals, etc. Then I saw the above quote. Jerichoholics unite.

Race you to the finish line

 

[Jericho]

You might have a small lead on me...but you're on!

 

[cellerystick]

I just thought I'd leave a quick comment about the letter you posted to yourself on the previous page. I thought it was beautiful and it really struck home with me. Being young now and going through a lot of the things you explain in the letter (such as having parents that don't accept what you want from your life, etc.), I find your words comforting. I only hope that later on in life, I can look back, accept my upbringing and not let it hold me back.

So, thanks for sharing that. I'm sure quite a few people find your story inspirational.

Good luck with your weight loss. You deserve it.

 

[Azdren]

Hey Jericho,

Thanks for posting on my thread, and directing me to your diary.

I do not have words to express what a good feeling it is to see other people out there with similar stories.. I am actually watery-eyed right now, sitting in a Borders, on my laptop...

Reading your letter really hit home. you know I actually applied to only two schools coming out of high school -- I applied to Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, and FIT. I got accepted to both, but went to the former.

I liked how you said you wanna travel to Kuwait, and Iraq. I think that is a real adventure. hehe...

Also, I wanted to say that I wouldn't be able to post before/after pics with my shirt off... Actually, I promised everyone to post my before/after pics at the end of the month, but I didn't because I am still so self-conscious about my body image.

I think i'm going to hold out until i'm a bit lighter

Last but not least, I saw the support you are getting from Addiecakes and Sunflower, people who have posted on my diary as well. And I kind of feel very guilty now for not having a whole lot of time to go through everyones threads and post on their threads too... A part of me feels like I have no credibility to give advice on weight loss, being so overweight myself. But I really do appreciate hearing from you, and Camy, and everyone else!!!

Thanks again for sharing. I'll do my best to keep up with this thread as well. And good luck!

Oh, and Happy early Birthday!

 

[Jericho]

Hey all. Thanks for the support. Just answering some things..

games I play? Right now I'm hip deep into Mass Effect 2. I love those really good storyline based games. I also love to read (currently doing the Dresden File books).

Azdren, keep your head up. First I want to say I'm no expert. I'm informed. I read up on sites (medical studies) and use common sense. That is where my fight comes from. It also comes from the heart. I want to see everyone here do well cause they are supporting me just as much. You just have to jump in Azdren. Even if it's a 'way to go', it means a lot to that person. And don't worry about your body image here. Hell, we are all in the same boat. Love yourself cause if you don't, you can't expect someone to love you (RuPaul, eat your heart out)

PS: I already been to those places. I worked at Kuwait and Iraq off and on for 4 years.

 

[Sunflower2]

I'm a gamer girl. Not played that one though..Still working through uncharted 2 and fallout 3. And god of war on PSP. And AC2. Too many games!

 

[Jericho]

Ah God of War 3 is soon...so drooling all over my controler

Oh and today I am combative and nasty..beware

 

[Sunflower2]

*flees*

 

[Jericho]

Happy happy.

So I went down to get lunch. I passed the peperoni and hot sausage (love some spicy sausage) pizza and got a nice chicken salad wrap with tomato. I got my diet pepsi and there was the counter.

I was craving sweet and they had a bunch of things like kitkats, peanut butter cups, etc. I actually passed it when leaving and just got some lifesavers in the other store. That way I don't chow it all down and overall less calories!

 

[Addiecakes]

I haven't been able to find the expendable income to pick up ME2 ... YET. But I will, soon. Right now I'm playing through Fable 2 for the first time and am on my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th playthroughs of Dragon Age: Origins. Oh yeah.

Are you playing ME2 on PC or console?

 

[Andy2]

Happy happy.

So I went down to get lunch. I passed the peperoni and hot sausage (love some spicy sausage) pizza and got a nice chicken salad wrap with tomato. I got my diet pepsi and there was the counter.

I was craving sweet and they had a bunch of things like kitkats, peanut butter cups, etc. I actually passed it when leaving and just got some lifesavers in the other store. That way I don't chow it all down and overall less calories!

Way to go Jericho!

Its ALL about small victories like this. Keep up the motivation man, we ARE going to hit our goals down the line. Maybe not next month, or in 6 months, but each day we have small victories gets us that much closer to the place we really "see" ourselves.

Wish you the best!

 

[Jericho]

I haven't been able to find the expendable income to pick up ME2 ... YET. But I will, soon. Right now I'm playing through Fable 2 for the first time and am on my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th playthroughs of Dragon Age: Origins. Oh yeah.

Are you playing ME2 on PC or console?

PC I got it on Steam. I also have it with ME1 so I continued the save (so worth it). Also, I have Dragon Age as well on Steam so I have the special Dragon Armor for ME2 as well.


Great great great game! It is sucking my life away.