Janice's Diary.

J

JaniceB

New member
Day One.

Well I made some good decisions today. Before I start -- where should I post on a daily basis? On other sites there was one page on the forum where we'd all kinda check in on a daily basis. Can someone point me there?

Well like I said, I made good decisions. I also made some bad ones. The food I ate today wasn't good. But it's been better than lately.

For lunch/breakfast, I ate a frozen dinner from Boston Market. 770 calories. Then a peanut butter sandwich with it. Not the best. Not the worst, i suppose.

For dinner, I had a couple hot dogs and some chicken noodle soup with crackers. Still not great but as I was walking back from doing laundry I wanted to get pizza and instead I went to the store and bought some veggies. I got home to cook - and realized I didn't have any chicken. So I ate this instead.

Then because I ate at all weird hours, I sorta had a SECOND dinner which was some box mac and cheese. BUT I made it with soy milk and low fat butter and didn't use as much. And.... ugh... I added a hot dog in it. It's bad-- but I ALMOST ordered a pizza in from Dominos. So while it sucked, it was the better option of the two.

So yeah I know this was nasty. Too much salt. WAY too much salt. I have PMS and I'm surprised I'm not sucking on the shaker. No veggies. No fruit. All fat and carbs and salt.

Man, something about having to write it down. I feel embarrassed! But the idea of having to admit it maybe brings it out into the open. It might break me form eating secretly and such. So yeah. I ate like a fat premenstrual pig today. I got no activity other than going across the street and doing laundry.

I suck. but i still feel better. Because I'm at least trying to be more conscious.
 
Yay Janice! You pretty much summed it up in the last sentence. Right there, that is the beginning. It's where change and self-improvement starts, especially once you begin taking stock and paying attention to what you put into your body.
 
Hey there Janice, congrats on starting your Journal!!!

It does help to get it down on "paper" so to speak.. it really slams it home, and you SHOULD feel better, because you are actually DOIN it Girl!!!!

As you said you made some not so great choices today.. but tomorrow you will make better ones :) And so on and so forth it goes!!! Hang in there!!!

Make sure you get some good healthy food in so you can actually cook yourself delicious and low cal meals and snacks.. and slowly get rid of the high fat/carb/salt/sugar options completely!
 
Janice,

Wow, great that you are thinking about it but looks like the habits have a long way to go. Get rid of all crappy products from your house - mac & cheese is not food and it doesn't matter what you make it with.

Go shopping and get in the healthy stuff. do some prep and get ready. if you have to pig out then do it with real food.
 
Best wishes in reaching your weight loss dreams Janice!

My co-worker is very obese despite gastric bypass surgery (brought her down from the 550's though). Anyway, for the last 2 weeks she's been having lots of luck with going to OA (overeaters anonymous). It also has undereaters in there so dont get offended by the title. Anyway, this is the best plan I've seen her on and she's of course been dieting on and off since she started there 4 years ago (and beyond obviously). But this time she's doing things less restrictively and more healthily. Usually she'll go overboard with some shakes and stuff and really low cal but then she always goes off those. This time she's getting a lot of support from her sponsors at OA and I must admit they are giving her some very on point advice about the foods she should be eating and about controlling any binging. So there's also in person help as well. But online works very well too. Main point is to stick with your support team (us or whomever) when times are getting tough and you are getting a bit out of control and starting to lose interest in your diet (as most of us do unfortunately). That's definitely the time to forget the shame and just come around for some support. It happens to the best of us..
 
grrr

I appreciate that you're trying to help, but I'm having a really hard time, I'm starting slowly and I don't respond well to this sort of criticism. The last thing I need is negativity. It's my second day for pete's sake.


kimpa said:
Janice,

Wow, great that you are thinking about it but looks like the habits have a long way to go. Get rid of all crappy products from your house - mac & cheese is not food and it doesn't matter what you make it with.

Go shopping and get in the healthy stuff. do some prep and get ready. if you have to pig out then do it with real food.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks and reporting in today

Well today was one of the worst days I've had in a really long time. I'm having a lot of stress in my life right now and on top of PMS, I was just a total mess today. Money problems, personal problems, hormones, depression. It was just really, really bad. I'm not ordinarily an angry or irritable person but I'm just going thru something right now that is crazy. As I said to a friend today - "my entire body feels like a stress headache."

So yeah I ate horribly today. But ironically it was also better haha. I ate nothing all day (dealing with problems with my work and generally fighting anxiety) then I broke down and got that pizza I was craving so badly yesterday. I KNEW it was bad. I KNEW it was emotional eating. I KNEW that it was the equivalent of an alcoholic reaching for a bottle but I did it anyway because all I was thinking was I WANT WHAT I WANT I WANT COMFORT I WANT SATIETY I WANT DISTRACTION I WANT TO FEEL BETTER. And immediately I did. Then I felt gross. But not as gross as I *should* have I guess. True I did eat the entire large Papa John's pepperoni and green pepper pizza but it's also the only thing I ate today. I also drank lots of water and took all my vitamins.

I cleaned today and I went for a short walk (I haven't been working the past few days because of a finance snafu on the movie I'm working on and thus we're shut down until its' fixed -- thus the stress.) but nothing more. I've been sorta sitting in my apt stagnant since Friday night. I know it's not good for me. I can feel myself getting stiff. So I'm going to try to get out tomorrow.

But two other good things -- I ordered a set of ankle braces to use while waiting for my appointment with my surgeon. And I found an outpatient eating disorders clinic that specializes in food addiction that is covered by my insurance. So tomorrow I'm going to call and set up an appointment.

So yeah. I'm just happy because I am cognizant of the issues. And reporting here everyday is making me responsible for them. I really appreciate the support and the lack of judgment.

And I guess I've got a bit of fat-on-fat prejudice but I just don't think that someone is 50 lbs overweight because they had a baby can understand what it's like to have been obese since 5 years old and now be 200 lbs overweight and be dealing with a lifelong disorder/addiction. Losing weight is hard for anyone - but still, I just think there's differences. *shrugs* Or maybe it's just my bad day talking. (But still appreciate the sentiments)


Blancita said:
Best wishes in reaching your weight loss dreams Janice!

My co-worker is very obese despite gastric bypass surgery (brought her down from the 550's though). Anyway, for the last 2 weeks she's been having lots of luck with going to OA (overeaters anonymous). It also has undereaters in there so dont get offended by the title. Anyway, this is the best plan I've seen her on and she's of course been dieting on and off since she started there 4 years ago (and beyond obviously). But this time she's doing things less restrictively and more healthily. Usually she'll go overboard with some shakes and stuff and really low cal but then she always goes off those. This time she's getting a lot of support from her sponsors at OA and I must admit they are giving her some very on point advice about the foods she should be eating and about controlling any binging. So there's also in person help as well. But online works very well too. Main point is to stick with your support team (us or whomever) when times are getting tough and you are getting a bit out of control and starting to lose interest in your diet (as most of us do unfortunately). That's definitely the time to forget the shame and just come around for some support. It happens to the best of us..
Click to expand...
 
Hey Janice,

I want to congratulate you on taking the first steps. Just being here shows your level of commitment. There is a great deal of support here and if ever you feel discouraged it's a great place to come back to. Writing a journal is certainly a great step. It helps with self-awareness, in that you can review what you have been doing and make changes accordingly, and lets not forget that it lets you get out all of your frustrations.

When you wrote about the stress, the PMS, the depression and the emotional eating it really struck a chord with me. I can totally relate. Everyone has good and bad days and we all just need to push through them as best we can with the support of those who love us. I know it isn't easy and food is always a great comfort; I've been there hun. I hope things start looking up for you and I wish you all the best. This is not an easy thing to do but you are taking the right steps and I will be keeping an eye on you girl! Again, congratulations on taking the initiative to do this! You should be incredibly proud of yourself.
 
Thank you :)

I'm still a newbie at learning to use this site.

I woke up fresh and am considering how to start the day. I'm in dire need of groceries haha
 
JaniceB said:
And I guess I've got a bit of fat-on-fat prejudice but I just don't think that someone is 50 lbs overweight because they had a baby can understand what it's like to have been obese since 5 years old and now be 200 lbs overweight and be dealing with a lifelong disorder/addiction. Losing weight is hard for anyone - but still, I just think there's differences. *shrugs* Or maybe it's just my bad day talking. (But still appreciate the sentiments)
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Yeah, I guess I dont follow you Janice. Looks like you are annoyed by my posts where I tried to be helpful and supportive but because I'm not that overweight you dont my input obviously. :(

No one else is ever like that on this forum so it is surprising. Whateva. Best of luck to you. Think karma.
 
wednesday!

Two bowls of cereal with soy milk.

(Usually if I eat cereal I eat toast too. With peanut butter. Refrained.)

Next time eat less cereal and more fruit.

Turkey burger with cheese and bacon lettuce and tomato. Small amount of fries. Ketchup.

I passed on a REAL burger. I was at work and stressed and ALMOST ordered from Five Guys but didn't. So instead of a large double cheeseburger, I got a turkey burger. And believe it or not - I didn't realize I even ordered bacon. My inner fat kid was like yeah bacon! Then my outer and inner fat kids got together and ate that shit. When the day comes that I turn away from bacon, I hope to be shot. It's like not saying "aww" when you see a cute puppy or kitten. It's inhuman.

Will not allow inner fat kid to order bacon. I DID want to order a side salad but was limited on money. It was mid-day and needed protein. Also drank water instead of diet soda.

Dinner: I had a humongo piece of watermelon. I was hoping that that would tide me over until bed. I ate lunch late and thought it might - but no. So I started making some pasta with turkey meatballs. Ordinarily I"d eat probably two big bowls of that with some bread. Instead I ate like 5-6 small meatballs.

So overall, not bad. At least it wasn't a day of eating only cold slices of Papa John's.

I also had to do my commute to work this morning so I got some exercise.

I AM feeling better though. I'm really just trying to take it meal by meal, choice by choice.

Also took my vitamins :)
 
?

I'm confused too. I was venting that thought, yes. But I didn't mean it directed toward YOU Or anyone in general. I appreciate everyone's support.

I wasn't trying to start any issues.

Do I think it's different to be someone who's like 50 lbs overweight because they had a baby as opposed to someone who's been obese since they were 5? Hell yeah. But I certainly wasn't trying to put anyone down. I said that "losing weight is hard on anyone." But it's true that someone who has to lose 200 lbs has a unique set of issues as opposed to someone who has to lose like 50.

No idea why you thought that was directed at you. I don't even know who you are or anything about you.

Blancita said:
Yeah, I guess I dont follow you Janice. Looks like you are annoyed by my posts where I tried to be helpful and supportive but because I'm not that overweight you dont my input obviously. :(

No one else is ever like that on this forum so it is surprising. Whateva. Best of luck to you. Think karma.
Click to expand...
 
confused

Isn't that what I posted in a thread where I was asking for a group on here that was all people who had to lose over 100 lbs? That had nothing to do with you. I really have no idea why you would think it does.

JaniceB said:
I'm confused too. I was venting that thought, yes. But I didn't mean it directed toward YOU Or anyone in general. I appreciate everyone's support.

I wasn't trying to start any issues.

Do I think it's different to be someone who's like 50 lbs overweight because they had a baby as opposed to someone who's been obese since they were 5? Hell yeah. But I certainly wasn't trying to put anyone down. I said that "losing weight is hard on anyone." But it's true that someone who has to lose 200 lbs has a unique set of issues as opposed to someone who has to lose like 50.

No idea why you thought that was directed at you. I don't even know who you are or anything about you.
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Janice, if you're looking for a group like that you can try..

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club/13998-300-pound-club-anyone.html

Also you may want to check out some challenges:

Club Challenges - Weight Loss Forum

Or check out this summer challenge:

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club/30686-summer-09-project-sign-up.html

Also, just browse through diaries here and find people that you can relate to. There are lots of people here that are over 300, myself included. And we support each other one a daily basis.

Welcome to the forums and good luck.
 
Hey Janice!
How are you doing? Hopefully today will be go along greatly for you.
I know I'm not falling within the requirement of losing more than 100 lbs like you wanted, but 75 pounds is close enough...

As for your food:
Do you have to drink soy milk because of being lactose intolerant?
If not, maybe you should try nonfat milk. It took me awhile to get use to, but now I love it.

Normally for breakfast, I eat a bowl of cereal, drink a glass of nonfat milk, and eat a piece of fruit.

Also, I wanted to know if you eat snacks between your meals? Eating healthier takes a lot of preparation and takes awhile to get use to, but maybe when you go buy yourself groceries this week, you can buy some veggies or fruit that you really love. Then when you get home, separate them into small Ziplocks and put them in your fridge. That way, when you want a snack it's already prepared and ready to go.

I'm unsure if you know how to read Nutrition Labels. I myself am still learning how to read them, but I'm getting better at it and it has helped me make better choices when it come to buying TV dinners or figuring out how much I can eat.

Eh, it's a slow process... but you'll get there.

Anyway, great job tracking down what you ate. You are right, the more you write down, the quicker you will see where your faults are and figure out alternatives for it. You are just beginning so don't get down if you overeat or have a really crappy day. Also, I know when I get cravings, I drink a big ol' glass of water and wait 10 minutes. Sometimes, the cravings pass. However, I wouldn't deny yourself all of your favorite snacks... that would drive a woman insane... we're all crazy enough as it is.

Awesome Job passing up the cold slices of pizza. That is hard to do, heck, just the other day I went crazy on the cold pizza that was leftover from what my boyfriend ordered the night before.

As for being nonactive sometimes, Hun, I read somewhere that you got a treadmill. On the days you know that you are gonna get no activity, dust it off and go for a walk in the house. :) If it's only for 5 minutes at 2.0 mph because of your ankle problems, than so be it. You gotta start somewhere, no matter how small. Than, if going at a certain speed for a certain amount of time was easy for you, kick it up a notch... even if it's just walking for a minute longer at 0.1 mph faster.

You can do this Hun. Take it a day at a time and don't be so hard on yourself, you are just starting. It will take awhile to break your habits, heck, I'm still figuring out ways to break mine, but just improving them a little will definitely help.

Always,
Veronica
 
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Oh geez

I don't have any sort of "requirement" for people to give me advice. Something I said got waaaaaaaaay taken out of context. I was looking for a group of people on here that had the same sort of issue I have so I could find some people to commiserate with. In my day to day life I don't have any "fat" friends and sometimes I really need people who understands what it's like to be 200 lbs overweight. Did I phrase this wrong? I guess so, but that's all I meant.

Geez louise!

I've never been someone who snacks between meals so I don't feel I am giving anything up by not doing it. My weakness is at night after dinner and having too much at meals. And yes, I know how to read nutrition labels.

Does anyone else have a sort of "mental block" when it comes to exercise? Maybe it's just laziness haha. But to me, it feels like something more. Started to explore it a few years ago in therapy but didn't really get anywhere.

Also - it's weird but on the treadmill and stuff I have no ankle problems. They don't HURT, they just sorta pop out of joint and I fall and sprain them. It happens randomly. I"ll just be walking down the street minding my own business on flat concrete, nothing to trip me, and they just sorta give away. I think the ligaments have been stretched and sprained so many times over the years that they've never healed right.

Thank you guys :)
 
i've just read your diary and i could be wrong on this but just wanted to give my 2cents,

- usually when you reply to someone's post with their quote highlighted in blue it usually means what you say is directed towards them and hence a response to something they said.

-so from what i see scrolling through your diary, when blancita wrote her supportive comment, you highlighted her comment and responded with your daily report and ended it by giving the comment about how you don't appreciate lighter people giving advice. so to regular users on the forum it looked like you were directly replying to blancita because you'd quoted her post.

-i'm horrible at explaining stuff but thought should give my 2 cents because i know that blancita is a very supportive person in the forum.
 
hi janice! :seeya:

im fairly new here too, and so far the forum members have been GREAT. keep in mind we are all different sizes, shapes and ages... but we all have one goal in mind. And that is to become healthier and look and feel better.

With that said, you are doing great by recording your progress here, that is the first step to a great journey. Consistency is key - it is my biggest struggle though... but when you write down the good and bad, you hold yourself accountable, so good job.

Also, everyone here has a load of their own experiences, even if they are smaller or bigger than you - but hey, you never know... their words may make a difference when you least expect it.

i've been reading and reading through all these journals, and the progress people make is really encouraging. I find myself looking forward to posting my meals and the way my body feels every day - and am hoping like mad i get to my goal when i'm hoping to. but we are human, and you have to remember that even though it frustrating sometimes, you have to take control of your life now, and we are all behind you 100%.

good luck!
 
JaniceB said:
Does anyone else have a sort of "mental block" when it comes to exercise? Maybe it's just laziness haha. But to me, it feels like something more. Started to explore it a few years ago in therapy but didn't really get anywhere.

Also - it's weird but on the treadmill and stuff I have no ankle problems. They don't HURT, they just sorta pop out of joint and I fall and sprain them. It happens randomly. I"ll just be walking down the street minding my own business on flat concrete, nothing to trip me, and they just sorta give away. I think the ligaments have been stretched and sprained so many times over the years that they've never healed right.
Click to expand...

exercise is definitely all mental... at least for me.... there are days when i just dont want to even walk to the front door, let alone exercise. but you just have to push yourself... once i make it to the gym, i have to tell myself... "all i need is to work up a sweat. thats all" then once you work up a sweat you say "well, im already working out, only 10 more minutes" then 10 minutes goes by and you go "ok, i've been here for 10 minutes, im already sweaty and nasty, i might as well push it hard" and before you know it, you had a great workout. i know - easier said than done, but you have to brainwash yourself as best you can do at least get exercising.

and yes, my ankles are the same way. i heard once that if you sprain your ankles over and over, they are more prone to it. so im the same way. i'll be walking down the street, minding my own business, and for no reason, i will take a step on the side of my foot and bam. sprained ankle and i am out of commission for a month.

so i decided to change my sneakers. so far so good :p
 
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