Thanks
CheryLynn!! Means a lot!
Thankyou
Canadian, you are a sweet heart! Really helps because today I feel particularly low. I'm going to a formal dinner (i'm back home from college) and now I fit into old clothes (back in my size 8 days) but they are so TIGHT around the chest. LoL Ultimate boob sqashage!! This made me realize how much I put on my BACK (and my back isnt even that fat)...but its like a dress that flares out so its only the chest area meant to be tight. And its TOO TIGHT! And its all I got to wear, I REFUSE to buy new clothes! I WILL get back into this and comfortably!!
Now that I think back...was it really worth eating HUGE servings of pasta twice daily?? Was it really worth it to eat a whole 250g chocolate bar by myself in one day?? Was it really worth eating chocolate for every meal of the day? WAS IT? IT WAS NOT!! I am ASHAMED, and I WILL CHANGE.
Chocolate is my trigger food, pretty much the only thing tht makes me want to binge. I LOVE chocolate.....i eat a bit of organic dark chocolate every now and then these days. But I keep it at bare minimum. NO MORE TWIX BARS AND MALTEESERS (used to be my exam fav foods!!! see what it did to me!!!!!!)
alphafemale, offcourse I dont think you are being bossy! You are saying the truth, I am most definately eating below calories for the last few days.... I am trying to work on that. Most of the times I end up eating somewhere else (but home) for lunch, and being a vegetarian and on a diet, really limits my options. I eat carbs (bread in the morning) or cereal like I did today. Protein I get from soy milk and tofu which I love and eat. I also eat lentils (I made a lentil based vegetable soup the other day and I still have it, might eat it tommorow as tonight I'm goin somwhere for dinner) for protein. I belive that plant proteins are much more cleaner than animal proteins anyway. No offence against non-vegetarians, everyone has there right to choose what they eat!
I decided to go back to my vegetarian roots (I used to be a vegetarian, but I started eating meat in college)! I swear its working really well, my skin is glowing due to my diet I think! Seriiously, vegetarian diet rocks
I completely agree with you that I'm not eating enough, but I will work on that!!!!
Today so far I ate:-
BREAKFAST-
-1/2 soy milk+ special K = 200
-1/2 tb spoon peanut butter= 100
LUNCH-
- Organic nut and seeds bar = 200
- Starbucks soy chai latte tall= 200
- 2 Small apple= 100
WORKOUT-
- Elecptical at resistance 10 for one hour= 450 calories burnt
This was a warm up to the weights I was lifting after that!
-Les mills BODY PUMP- today I went up a notch and lifted heavier weights, and surprisingly my body doesnt hurt. I guess finally I'm used to all the squatting and lunging lol. Or maybe I need to go up from 4kg bar!! I know its litte, but I'm just starting out!!
- Les mills BODY COMBAT- I LOVE THIS CLASS its SUCH INTENSE CARDIO!= -500
DINNER-
-Salad (no dressing)= 50
- Fruit salad (with dressing)= 120
- Chickpeas= 300
- Dates x2= 180
CALORIE IN= 1350
CALORIE OUT= 1300
w000tw000t! i ate a lot today! Esp for dinner...but I was at a party and I avoided pretty much ALL good stuff lol. Fried and things..plus they dont really have a lot of vegetarian options so I stuck to this. I know the calorie estimates arent that proper, as I dont know what they really have in the fruit salad dressing!!! But I doubt it was more than 120, as I've developed a good sense at this lately as I calorie count whatever that I'm preparing myself. Be it salad or whatever.
Today I am really really upset. I know I'm only slightly over weight right now....I was eating only salad and she was like how come u are not eating? I said 'Oh I'm on a diet, I've put on a lot of weight over the last year'...and YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID? 'oh good, you look bigger than your mom'...I know I'm bigger than my mom. My mom does fitness for living, she has six packs!! And you know what? I will be there too. Tonight was the first time I cried about my weight. I hate my body...I really really hate it. I'm at such a downlow right now. My 21st birthday is soon, and look at what I've done with my body. My clothes are tight and some woman just made fun of me at a party! Since my mom looks like a supermodel, the pressure is so much more on me. I know it is not everything, but it hurts so damn much. It hurt me sooo much. I stared at my self in the mirror for ages after the incident. (offcourse I rushed home soona fter this was said)....I cudnt help decest my belly and my thunder thighs and my flabby arms. I am working on hard, but it feels like sometimes even that is not good enough. A little part of me wants to go even more hardcore on exersizing tommorow onwards, I KNOW I so can, but its not good for me. I'm allready doing more than most people. Even my mother tells me to take it easy. I'm trying...I'm trying. I'm sorry to myself for doing this to my body. I cant even belive how there was a time I loved my body so much. I loved prancing around in a bikini like I own the place, wearing short shorts to show my nice legs....where is that now?? THAT ME IS GONE!! NOW I'M OVER WEIGHT and I CANT LOOK NICE IN STUFF I WEAR! That is what I'm having to live with. Its so difficult, especially when I come home....everyone is soooo caught up in appearance. I know I'm unfit, I know I'm a little over weight, but HELL I'm TRYING MY FUCKING BEST!! Why wont they just leave me FUCKING alone!??!
WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE ME AND THAT IS WHY I WILL FUCKING CHANGE! I WILL SHOW THE BITCH WHO PUT ME DOWN TODAY, THAT I CAN BE BETTER THAN THIS. I'm such an emotional wreck right now, so I've written a bunch of stuff that does not even make much sense. But I've never been hurt this BAD BY ANYONE!
You know what?? I will be fucking skinny again! FOOD DOES NOT CONTROLL ME, I CONTROLL ME. AND I CARE ABOUT ME, SO I SHALL LOOOSE WEIGHT!! FUCK ALL THE HATERS!!
