Ivyxx's Journal

ivyxx

ivyxx

New member
So I thought having a weight loss diary might help me shed the pounds. Put down thoughts, plans, focus.

About Myself

I'm 21 years old, 5'8" and weigh 165lbs. I knew I had been gaining weight (I could only blame tight jeans on the dryer for so long), but I didn't realise how much I had gained. I haven't owned a scale for a while (but I bought one today), so I never knew how much I weighed, until last week I weighed myself at my boyfriend's to discover I was 165lbs. I was pretty shocked, this is the highest I've ever been. Last summer I had lost 25lbs and was down to 135lbs, so I was sad to find out that over the past few months I put on 30lbs. Plus, my boyfriend's roommate who had been out west the past couple months, just got back and said he noticed I put on weight. That's when it really gets to you, when people have noticed.

Him noticing, combined with finding out how much I weigh pushed me to try and do something. I'm not going to lie, last summer I wasn't healthy about losing weight. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years, and wanted weight gone fast. I got this mentality that he was with me so long he'd put up with a little extra chub, but if I were to find anyone else I needed to be thinner. Fasting, the 2468 diet, and staying below 1000cal were my main choices for losing weight, and it worked. 25lbs gone fast. Part of me wants to do that again, because I know it works, but part of me doesn't because I know it's not healthy and it wasn't fun. So I'm going to try it healthier this time.

Stats

Start Weight: 165lbs
Goal Weight: 140lbs
Ultimate Goal Weight: 130lbs
Height: 5'8"
BMI: 25
Bust: 37.5 inches
Waist: 31.5 inches
Hips: 39 inches

My weight loss plan is basically exercise more and eat less/less calories. I don't want to really count calories, because last time I got kind of obsessive, and it was all I could think of. No fun. So this time I want to be conscious of calories, aware of them, but not obsessively count.

Today's Food:

B: chocolate instant breakfast
L: two peanut butter and jam sandwiches
Sn: popsicle
S: two bowls of tomato soup
- Water and diet Pepsi throughout the day

I don't have a concrete exercise plan yet, nor do I have a specified day or time. Did a bunch of random things today such as:
- planks
- crunches
- used Twist Board with weights
- used Door Knob Exerciser
- don't know the name, basically I have my back to a chair, with my legs bent like I'm sitting and my arms bent and resting on the seat of a chair, and then push my body up and down using my arms. I don't know if that description made any sense at all.
- some walking

Tomorrow I think I might check out the gym in my building, see whats there, haven't gone there yet. I also want to try and go for a walk before work. Hopefully I'll get out and do stuff tomorrow morning because I'm working 4:00pm tomorrow until around 11:00am Friday, and then volunteering 4:00pm until 8:00pm. So I'm going to be tired/busy. I also need to buy milk tomorrow morning, so I guess I'll walk down to the grocery store, that's a good 20mins brisk walk to get to.
 
So the humidity today is disgusting, yech. Did some walking though. Walked down to Salvation Army, bought a cd, t-shirt, and shorts. Now I own two pairs of shorts! I wouldn't wear shorts (or skirts) for so long, but after a couple talks with my boyfriend and a girl at work, I've realised I don't have gigantic deformed legs. Plus, my boyfriend's legs jiggle when they walk too, and he's a walking skeleton. Literally. Anyway, after that I walked down to the grocery store, groceries ended up being heavier than anticipated and I just missed the bus so I had to walk back. I was dying by time I got home because of the humidity and how heavy my food was.

According to Google maps that adds up to about 3.5km. Not sure if that's good or I should be aiming for way more?

Since I didn't have food, I didn't eat until I got back. So far I've had:
- chocolate instant breakfast
- two english muffins with margarine

I'm still hungry but I'm going to wait a bit before I eat again. I might have some diet Pepsi in a bit because it makes me feel more full. Then around 1:30pm before I go to work I'll probably have two sandwiches. I also bought some celery to snack on, so maybe I'll have some of that. I don't know.

My roommate has a Wii, so I think I'm going to try and figure out how that works before I head to work. I'm not really much of a video game person, so we'll see how this goes...
 
Hey ivyxx,
Just thought id pop in and check out your journal. I know exactly how you feel about losing the weight and gaining it back again. I did the same thing too last summer. I lost 20 lbs and ended up gaining back 40 in less than a year. Yikes! I definitely dont ever want to do that again. I also think it was because i was following some diet that i was probably only eating no more than 700 cals a day and when i went back to eating normally i just ballooned up again. So i def agree with you on the need and want to lose weight in a healthier way. Feel free to check out my diary:)
Good luck girl!
 
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Alright so update on the last few days. Tried some Wii fit Thursday morning, but it got pretty boring after a while. That night I worked so I had supper there, Kraft Dinner and corn on the cob. Of course I was terribly hungry and ate a huge plate full. Later that night I got really, really hungry for some reason. I was working overnight, so once the other girl left and I was the only one there I starting snacking on whatever I could find in the fridge. Not good.

The next morning I had to stay at work a couple extra hours. I made french toast for one of the guys and used some leftover egg to make scrambled eggs for myself (very little though). Came home and had two english muffins before getting ready to go volunteering. I was going to pack a sandwich but forgot. So by the time I was done that night, I was pretty hungry. Went over to the boyfriend's, who only eats junk food (he looks like a skeleton, so he figures he doesn't have to worry about what he eats), and had garlic bread with potato wedges.

Woke up the next morning to get ready to go to the Tall Ships Festival downtown at the waterfront with my boyfriend and his roommate. Skipped breakfast that morning (wasn't hungry and he doesn't have breakfast food anyway). Good side about that day was I got a lot of walking done down at Tall Ships. Downside is his roommate treated us to lunch at a pub, we split a giant grease filled platter for an appetizer and then I had a bbq chicken club sandwich. BUT I didn't finish my fries. We also didn't finish the platter. I had to leave the festival early because I had to work. I can't quite remember what we had for supper that night, I know it was really good because the guy I was working with is such a good cook. Oh. Mashed potatoes, vegetables, and salmon. The vegetables were soo good. Such good seasoning. I don't really like salmon so I only ate some of it.

Sunday I worked again. Lunch was hotdogs and sweet potato fries (freshly cut up by moi, because I love them). I only had half of my second hot dog because I split it with one of the residents who loves hotdogs. After lunch I had to clean out the shed, which was a task and a half in the heat. Must have been around 25-30C. That must count for good exercise! My supervisor will be so happy, the shed is SO clean. And I hung the tools on the wall, instead of the old method of throwing them by the door. Very nice looking shed. After work I took the bus partway home the walked the rest of the way (15mins). It sucked in the heat because I was wearing a black shirt and tight jeans, but it was either walk the 15mins, or wait 45mins for the next bus to come that takes me home. My rooommate had a bunch of family over, including the aunt that asked if I was goth when she saw the apartment (first of all, the drapes are not 'blood' red, they are 'exotic' red, and they are beautiful. Second of all, what's wrong with a black table cloth? It's a really nice fabric and you won't see food stains). So my roommate made tons of food. I had a piece of lasagna, two pieces of chicken, a piece of cake, and a (small) piece of pie.

After eating I tried to stay up for a bit but was too exhausted and had to go to sleep. Every few weeks and I get extremely tired and need to go to bed early and get at least 12 hours sleep. So I went to bed around 7:30pm and woke up not long ago around 8:30am. And I feel MUCH better. I had such a bad headache last night from being tired.

So for today, I haven't started anything yet. I think I'll have a bowl of cereal (Oatmeal Crisp Triple Berry), and use my door knob exerciser for a bit. Maybe try the Wii fit again when my roommate wakes up (she's sleeping on the couch? not sure why..). I'm supposed to be going camping today until Wednesday, but I'm leaving the planning to my friend, who, as of last night, still has nothing planned except that it will be Mon-Wed. I'm having strong doubts it will happen. Which sucks. Because I randomly managed to get Mon-Fri off, so I want to take advantage of it and do some summery stuff!

Good news! I (somehow) managed to lose 9lbs in the last two weeks! Awesooome.
 
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50lbs? Are you kidding?

It's 2:25am and I can't sleep. Lame. Anyway, so the last few days have been terrible in terms of eating healthy. I had time off this week so I went to visit my parents and then stayed with my boyfriend for a couple days. All my boyfriend eats is junk, we had so much pizza. So yeah, unhealthy to the max. Plus we got a free pop with our pizza because they messed up his order last time, so that didn't help.

Aside from that, there's something a friend of mine said that's been bothering me. So I was talking to my friend Jon earlier, and we got on the topic of skinny girls. Then he said if I lost 50lbs (without losing ass or chest) I'd have a Jesus body. Um, excuse me? 50lbs? I think I would look disgusting if I lost 50lbs, that's way too skinny! Now, for a reference I've added a fairly recent photo of myself. I do not consider myself fat. Obviously I want to lose some weight, but not a massive amount. I just want to get rid of the jiggly areas (and not see a belly button indent through shirts haha). But that picture is what I look like at 165lbs. Right now I am at 155lbs, if I were to lose 50lbs that would put me at 105lbs. 105lbs at 5'8"?? My sister is really thin, she's only 5'2" and weighs around 110lbs. That would make me less than my sister who is already thin and is 6inches shorter than me?? Hell no!

I don't want to look like a skeleton. Now, while my boyfriend is super skinny and I think he's sexy, skeletor is not a good look for me. Plus, my boyfriend can't help how bony he is. This would take intense starving for me to weigh 105lbs.

It just really bothers me how he said that. Because that would take me down to a really unhealthy weight. I'm pretty sure it would be a struggle just to stay conscious. It's one thing for him to think that in his mind, but the fact he said this to me, the fact he said I need to starve myself to death in order to look good is what bothers me.

Am I crazy? Would people really think I look better if I lost 50lbs? I don't feel like it's the media that makes me unhappy with my body, or makes me want to look a certain way. I feel no pressure from runway models. It's the people I know, that make me feel like I'm not good enough. It's when people I know say things like that, or point out someone they think is beautiful and I know I look nothing like that.

Anyway, just thought I'd get that off my chest. Maybe I'll be able to get to sleep after venting a little.
 
Does your friend know how much 50lbs really is? It sounds like a silly question but Im no good a weight estimations. Mostly because im from England and my whole life used stones not pounds.

People say the dumbest things, Theres a guy i work with that tells me all the time "if you lost weight youd look like snow white" and then ask all the other staff if they agree
WTF? it makes me so self concious, the snow white idea i like (im a princess) but why does he think its ok to just come out and say something like that.... i totally understand you needing to vent!!

My name is Katie, by the way : ).
 
Hey Katie, yeah I don't think he understands how much 50lbs is. Last night I told him how that would make me weigh less than my sister and he said "Yeah, and your sister has a smokin body". Um, she's also 6 inches shorter and I would weigh less? So he said "Fine, then just tone up?" Grr, boys suck. Yeah, they don't think about what they say. That's terrible that not only does that guy at work say that to you, but he goes around asking coworkers? It's like "Oh great, everyone at work thinks I'm not good enough the way I am, awesome". My friend also brings up how he lost 125lbs, BUT he lost all that from drugs. No healthy eating, no exercise, just doing lots and lots of drugs all the time.

So the past few days haven't been so great on the weight loss front. Friday night was my friend's going away party, he's moving to Arizona, USA (we're in Nova Scotia, Canada) to get his Ph.D. in astrophysics, it's definately going to be a while before I see him again after he leaves. This meant going downtown drinking. And if that wasn't bad enough, the first place we were at had this Keith's promotion and 4 types of Keith's beer with endless free samples. One of the girls said technically they legally aren't allowed to give us more than 4 beers each, but we definately got way more. I don't like beer, but since it was free I made myself like it (and actually Keith's Red isn't that bad). So I semi-drunk off free beer, only bought one drink the whole time there! Then we moved to another bar for cheap night ($2.50 drinks), so I had a few drinks there. I stuck to ordering vodka-limes, telling myself it was a lesser evil than my usual vodka-sprite-grenadine drinks. Only really fruity drinks I had were because I ran into a guy from high school and he bought some for me. Then on to another bar (only because it was free cover with a stamp from the previous bar).

I managed to not eat too much junk even though I was drinking. Had a few bites of a friend's nachos, a few bites of a brownie and ice cream. Afterwards I had to get some street meat because that's how you end a night of drinking in Halifax. Seriously. After a night downtown you have to go down to pizza corner and get either pizza and/or street meat (street meat is shish-kabobs sold from these two guys with a cart who only sell them late at night).

I also spent a couple days at my boyfriend's. All he eats is pizza. He came over in afternoon for a little while yesterday, he asks me what I was going to make him for lunch and I listed a bunch of stuff and he just goes "You're going to order pizza? Pizza?". When I said no he said he'd wait until he got home to eat. See, boyfriend's make me fat, haha. That's my story, I'm sticking too it. After I lost all that weight last summer, it stayed off until I started dating Kevin, then it came back. He also always makes me waffles for breakfast which is too cute because he even cuts it up for me, so I definately can't resist.

Today, I'm getting back on track. I'm making a grocery list because I'm running out of food. I've also discovered this website nowloss.com which has tons of information, so I'm taking some ideas of what to get. I'm working at 3:00pm, so I think I'm going to put off grocery shopping until tomorrow. I volunteer tomorrow, but I'll pick some up on my way home.

I just want to say I hate the commercial for Canadian Premium Chapmans ice cream. With the kids and the "What is it hunny?" "It's a black tie affair." Hate it, so much, annoying. I also don't like Rachael Ray...I need to change the channel...
 
So I've been doing good lately with eating and exercising. Been using my door knob exerciser a lot, I really like it, it feels like it's working. Lots of stepping while watching TV.

Yesterday to eat I had:
B: two english muffins with margarine
S: 4 cannellonis with two pieces of toast with garlic

I skipped lunch because I was volunteering and didn't have time in the morning to pack a lunch. I think my stomach is finally getting a bit smaller, I'm not hungy all the time anymore, and it's becoming easier to eat less. I'm working later today, so I don't know what I'm going to have for supper yet. But so far for breakfast I had 2 packets of oatmeal cereal and strawberry instant breakfast. Not sure what I'm going to have for lunch yet, but I'm thinking of having the leftover cannellonis from last night.

My weight however has been at a standstill, which is kind of discouraging BUT I did lose inches. So, my new measurements are:

Bust: 37 (-.5 inches)
Waist: 30.5 (-1 inch)
Hips: 37.5 (-1.5 inches)

So that's a total of 3 inches, which isn't much but it's something! So yay! Gotta keep it up and tone up my jelly belly!
 
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