It's do or die! A journey of health.

seliwyma

seliwyma

New member
Hi everyone,

I’ve been reading these boards for a while now, trying to learn and find inspiration by seeing other’s successes and struggles on the road to becoming healthier. I now feel like it’s time for me to start contributing; to put my struggles (and hopefully successes!) out there for the benefit of myself, and maybe for others.

Weight has always been a factor in my life, ever since I was little. From about the age of 14 I started to become aware of “dieting” and from then on my weight would fluctuate between around 55 to 70kg. When I was 18 something just clicked. I stopped “dieting” and started being healthy. I had balance, energy, and I was really happy. For about 2 years my weight stayed reasonably level – between 58 and 62kg. This is a great weight for me and one I would love to get back to.

Unfortunately this great time in my life was cut off by a series of rather traumatic events with which I did not cope very well. I found my comfort in food. Food became my “rush,” my enjoyment, my escape. And the weight became my safety blanket, hiding me from the dangerous things in life. But of course it doesn’t keep me safe, and any enjoyment is outweighed by feelings of shame, guilt and fear. Because if I keep going the way I am, I will kill myself. My body just cannot maintain this, and I feel like I have reached tipping point.

So I have to do something about it, and here I am.

I currently weigh about 108kg (I think, I don’t actually own a scale but occasionally check it at the gym) and my ultimate goal is to get back down to 62kg, a weight where I’m not necessarily skinny, but I can feel light and energetic and I do look good.

My short term goals are:
1.Lose 5kg by the time my boyfriend gets back from overseas (Dec 7th)
2.To weigh 100kg or less by NYE
3.To run for 15 minutes non-stop by NYE

My medium term goals are:
1.To weigh 80kg, or comfortably fit into size 16 (AUS) by June 20th 2011(My birthday!)

Long term goal:
1.To weigh 62kg, or comfortably fit into size 12 (AUS) by Dec 1st 2011 (First day of summer!)

This is my starting point:
Weight -- 108kg (I think)
Waist -- 104cm
Hips -- 134cm
Chest -- 124cm
Thigh -- 76.5cm

I do work out, though the consistency of this could be improved! Exercise wise my main goal is going to be to go for at least a half an hour concentrated walk every day, on top of my usual gym workouts.

Food is my biggest problem. I need to develop coping strategies so that I don't turn to food for any other reason than genuine hunger. After 6 years of developed habit this is a lot easier said than done, but nothing is impossible and I can do it.

To start with I'm going to plan ahead what I aim to eat for the day. Just until I get used to having a different approach to food.

So today I plan to eat:

Breakfast: 2 slices of toast with Sardines in tomato sauce and pepper

Snack: Banana

Lunch: Lentil Soup

Snack: Handful of Cashews

Dinner: Chickpeas with cumin and corriander

I will clock in to record how my day went!
 
Hey girl,

I just wanted to say thanks for posting in my diary.

I definitely think you can get down to the weight you once were- or your goal rather. Your weight plan looks realistic. It's going to take a while, but I guess all good things just don't happen all at once. Best of luck with your first weight goal! If everyone else on this board can do it, so can you!
 
Oh my god, I'm useless! haha. It's crazy how a morning's resolve and dedication can fade once dinner time comes around....urgh!

I guess it will be a slow transition as I've been eating a LOT of food consistently for a very long time.

It wasn't as devastating as it could have been I guess, I've been doing a lot worse lately so any improvement is a good improvement.

So this is how my day panned out...

2 slices of toast with sardines = 400 calories
2 rice cakes with vegemite = 100 calories
small handful of cashews = 100 calories
Half a pizza (urgh!!!) = 1000 calories (nice one...yeah...)
8 Tim Tams (what the hell is wrong with me!?) = 750 calories

Total = 2350 calories

I also went for a half hour brisk walk, so I guess all in all I'll probably come in at about maintenance level.

I will aim to do better tomorrow! This is a journey, and I'm prepared to take baby steps, even if it means I don't exactly meet my goals so long as I'm not gaining weight I'll be happy!

Now to combat that emotional eating....!

Thanks not.breaking, it's nice to have someone read and offer encouragement!!!
 
Good morning!

Well, my goals for today are to:

a) Get my calories down to 2000 (or less)
b) Do a very solid workout at the gym with Run 3 mins Walk 3 mins x 4 on treadmill plus 10 minutes on bike, 10 minutes on rower and a total weights routine.
 
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Hey you,

It's funny how you say that morning's resolve can fade by dinner time- I find it's the same with me- maybe because we are so tired by the end of the day that reaching our goal just cannot bother us- but I think THAT's exactly when we need to remind ourselves, it DOES matter.

Have you calculated what your average calories intake should be in accordance wwith your age and height?

Also...Tim Tams?? Are you Australian?
 
Hey there seliwyma

Just wanted to say hi and good luck for your journey down the scale. Your goals for today look really good. How'd you get on?

I'm a kiwi and I love love love tim tams. I've worked out they are one thing I just don't let myself have at all! I want to just keep eating them once I start. I've been having a small amount of dark choc every night instead.

Anna
 
Hey not.breaking, haha...yep, vegemite and tim tams...of course I'm an Aussie!

I've done a lot of different calculations and calculators and the average seems to be about 2400 for my maintenance calories at this point, I hope that's right!

Hi Anna, thanks for dropping in! Haha, yes, the tim tams can be dangerous...it's scary when you suddenly look down and realise nearly the whole pack is gone! I think they will be best avoided in the future! I like the idea of small bits of dark chocolate. I think I definitely need something that will calm the sugar cravings and dark chocolate is something that is nice just in moderation...I'll give it a go!

Well today went okay. The food choices weren't great, but the calories in vs calories out in the end was pretty good.

So after the left over pizza and tim tams, along with some fruit, chicken and chips (duh, what!?) I came in pretty much bang on 2000 calories.

I had a pretty active day with a good session at the gym (I did my running, always something I look forward to achieving!) and also a 15 minute walk either way to and from work (with a decent hill on the way home).

So overall I'm feeling good!
 
Ooowwwwccch! Haha, I'm pretty sore from the gym today! Normally I go with my boyfriend and he seems to tire of it quicker than me so I don't usually get to do as much as I'd like. Well, yesterday going on my own I was able to stay until I just couldn't do any more, and yep, I'm feeling the difference!

Goals for today are to keep my calories at 2000 or less and go for a half hour walk.
 
Okay, today so far! (before I forget)

I haven't done my walk yet, but I did do an hour of gardening which is essentially an hour of squats, haha. My legs were certainly feeling it afterwards!

I haven't had much of an appetite at all today, which is very unusual for me!

I just had no inclination to eat breakfast (which I usually never skip), then for lunch I made myself some curried chickpeas and could only get down about 3 mouthfuls before I was full. I had a banana and a ricecake for snacks and I just ate about a third of a chicken breast. I think that's kinda kick started my appetite cause I can just feel some hunger coming on now!

So...to this point in time I've eaten about 500 calories.

I've got a mate coming round to cook up some pasta soon, but I probably won't have a huge portion. Tonight's battle will be with the alcohol! But fortunately I'm broke so I can't afford to buy much anyway, haha.
 
And to add to that... 3 pints of beer, a jack daniels and diet coke, a glass of wine and some spag bol....I'd say about 2100 in total for today. And I'm drunk...so I'm goign to bed! Night!
 
Okay, so, fortunately the hangover wasn't too brutal, haha!

Once again I haven't had the hugest appetite today. Unfortunately, when that happens the food that I do tend to have a hankering for is pretty much flatlining on the nutrition stakes, but oh well...

Breakfast - Noodles noodles (500)
Snack - Banana (100)
Lunch/Dinner - Nando's quarter chicken and chips (900)

Total = 1500

Though I'm kinda hungry, so I'm likely to add to that, I'm not sure what with.

I didn't really do any exercise today but I've been up and about pottering around the house so at least I haven't just been a lazy bum. Better than nothing!

I'm feeling good. I've been eating less and have been more active in general. There's no miracles happening, but it's all a step along the way. It's nice!
 
Just wanted to drop in and say good luck! Don't beat yourself up over bad days, it's like you said, baby steps. Strive to be just a little better today than you were yesterday, and you'll be more apt to find something you will stick to in the long-term. One of my biggest goals when starting out was to stop emotional eating, but my short-term goal was to replace the Ben & Jerry's with light string cheese and fat free pudding.... baby steps!
 
Hey Seli,

Have to agree with Laura F, baby steps, God knows how many times I've tried to eliminate sugar or what not completely out of my diet and it has backfired badly. I guess some people can do it but not me, I need to eat everything in moderate portions and resist temptation wherever possible. But the best way, I find, is to cut back a bit at a time. Sort of like exercise, you challenge yourself more and more, bit by bit, as time goes on.

Best of luck this weekend! I know they are tough for me as it means more access to food...around the house and when you are out with friends!!! But remember to keep yourself accountable!!! Have a good one!
 
Waist = 103 (-1cm)
Hips = 133.5 (-.5cm)
Chest = 123.5 (-.5cm)
Thigh = 76.5 (no change)

I know it's only been a couple of days, and I haven't made dramatic changes so far, but I thought I'd do a little measure to see if anything has been happening. It's creeping down! Nice to see!

I think I'd really like to buy some scales which read body fat %. To me this is the most effective measure of my progress as it allows me to see how my body is changing and how effective my gym routine is...as opposed to just seeing if i get lighter or heavier. Of course these things are expensive so it probably won't happen for a while!

Laura and not.breaking, you guys are totally right. I think if I came into this with a NO SUGAR, NO FAT (bla bla bla) sort of attitude then it's would be too all or nothing. I know from experience that I can't give up the foods that I love...but I can learn to eat them in moderation, I think for me that's the recipe for success. And to do that, little changes, "baby steps," are what will make the difference. I'm pretty happy with the improvements I've made this past week (ie. not eating in excess of 3000 calories every day!) and I can just add to that as each change becomes comfortable. Like exercise!
 
why don't you get your bodyfat measured at the gym you go to, most gyms have it as part of a normal membership and calipers are much more accurate than the bf% scales which tend to fluctuate a LOT
 
Hey Trusylver!

Thanks for the advice! I go to a gym that is swipecard entry and is un-staffed (which makes it cheap!) so unfortunately that kind of thing isn't available. It would be great to have a more accurate reading but I'm not too fussed. I used a bf% scale when I lost weight several years ago and it seemed pretty steady, that's why I found it a much more beneficial reading than just kg on the scale.

Well, today I have had the HUGEST appetite! I got up very early, which has probably contributed, and I mowed the lawn which was actually quite a workout! haha...It was total jungle and it's a pretty big yard so it took me a while. It's only 3pm and so far I've eaten...

2 bananas = 200
1 slice of toast with sardines = 200
ham sandwich = 300
noodles = 400

Total so far = 1100 calories. I know that I am going to be hungry a lot this afternoon, I can feel it. I'll try to keep it under 2000 though. So long as I achieve that I'm happy!
 
Okay...add to that chips and gravy (600) and an icecream (300) and we reach the 2000 point. I'm still hungry. I'm going to have to do battle with my will tonight. Argh.
 
And I know that I'm probably still hungry because I'm totally failing to meet my nutritional needs....vegetables anyone!? Unfortunately the only place that sells vegetables is about an hour and a half's walk away...It's a sunday, no busses. Urgh! I should plan ahead.
 
Okay, so I'm really struggling with the urge to binge tonight...I keep having thoughts of icecream and doritos. Fortunately I'm blocking them out a lot better than I usually would and the distractions that I'm using have been pretty effective in calming the anxiety that accompanies this urge (yay for psychological issues and eating disorders...)

Okay, so I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to walk half an hour down the street and then turn back for another half an hour. And i'm NOT going to take my wallet, haha!
 
I went for the walk! And I feel so much better for it. It's so nice to replace a negative with a positive like that :)
 
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