It's all about me

Two weeks ago I tried doing the low carb diet for one week, but ended up just doing it for 3 days. It does kill the appetite, I must say. But I got sick of the small choices of food very quickly and couldn't go back to it after going to a wedding and then having a hangover the next day. Maybe I should try doing this intermittently or on days when my appetite is out of control. I was so surprised I could actually stick to the 50 grams of carbs per day for 3 days, which was the diet I followed from a magazine.

I had tuna sandwiches last week and they were only 150 calories per sandwich (3 servings per can). I used 2 slices of this very thin whole wheat bread by Pepperidge Farm, and I mix my tuna with 1 tablespoon of low-fat sour cream and chopped scallions. Yummy :).
 
Blancit: yea, I am 99% of the time all about the fruits and veggies...but this last week or so has been a convergence of stress, emotion, travel and hormones and my appetite was starting to spiral out of control...I was one step away from mugging children on the street for their candy bars...It just had to be reigned in before I got too far off track and telling myself "do not eat that cookie....do not eat that cookie" was just not going to cut it this time.
 
cym said:
...I was one step away from mugging children on the street for their candy bars...
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:rotflmao: Hilarious:rotflmao: Also, that concoction you mentioned, with cocoa and coconut and pudding? It's sounds really unbelievable, and it was nice of you to share by the way, but what is the consistency? I just bought a blender and that sounds worthy of a shopping trip for tonight's dessert.
 
Like an almost thick milkshake. I am sooo making this again...but next time instead of 1/4 cup yogurt per 1 cup skim milk I'm going to make it 50/50 to thicken it up a bit, and instead of pouring it over crushed ice I'm going to see what happens if I add crushed ice to the mix itself and blend that together. And I wondering how it would taste if I used cheesecake flavored pudding mix (sf/ff) + bakers choc instead of choc pudding + bakers choc. I can play with the variations endlessly cause in the end it's really just fruit/skim milk/yogurt - cool.
 
Once you get that milk shake all together, I want to know how it worked out and how it taste with the variations. I love to throw stuff together, but if it comes out tasting bad, it's a waste. I love chocolate and I love pudding, so I'm sure that will be really good. Let me know, we will let you be the Guenni*sp* pig so to speak. LOL :) I hope your day is going well.
Kim
 
1803

Very, very cool realization this afternoon. Having coffee in my favorite coffee shop and they have a new dessert. It's about the width of my palm, maybe 3 inches high, dense, dark, moist looking chocolate brownie/fudge/cake combination studded with nuts and topped with a thick layer of chocolate frosting. I drooled at it for a moment (or two or three) and commented to my friend that whoever came up with that recipe should be hunted down and shot on sight. I was only half kidding.

So the counter girl asks if I want a piece. And, shocking myself, I said "naw, I just like to look, I really don't want to actually eat it." The shock being that...I really didn't want to eat it. I mean, yes, I would have liked to experience the taste of it, but I didn't want to eat it for reasons that had nothing to do with calories. I can only describe it as feeling like a vegetarian who grew up eating meat, decided for ethical/health/whatever reasons to stop eating meat. I would imagine that there would be times you would smell or see a previously favorite piece of meat cooking and on one level be able to think "that smells/looks good" but have no real desire to actually eat it. Never having been a vegetarian, that might be a crappy example, but it's all I've got.

I just found it interesting and odd that I could look at something like that, appreciate the the fact that it was lovely and probably yummy as heck - and at the same time not want to actually eat it (cause I was kinda repulsed at the amount of combined sugar/fat it contained). HMMMM.

Cals at 1803, dead bottom of maint. range Today will end up with about a 150 cal deficit so all told the week should come out with an average at the high end of maint. range, but not as a surplus. Best of all, appetite reigned firmly in --- so tomorrow back to regular eating with reasonable sat fat, adequate fiber and my usual garden of fruits and veggies.

Total: 1803
Fat: 91 822 46%
Sat: 27 242 14%
Poly: 12 108 6%
Mono: 35 314 18%
Carbs: 104 373 21%
Fiber: 11 0 0%
Protein: 149 595 33%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%

Liquids:
coffee: 16 oz
lemon juice: 1 oz
water: 70 oz

fruits:
plums, 3 mini

veggies:
onion, purple, 1/4 cup diced
recaito, 1 tablespoon

dairy:
low fat cheddar, 1/4 cup
non fat cream cheese, 1 oz

meat:
chicken, 6 wings
ground beef, 85% lean, 4 oz
egg, 3 whites

nuts/seeds/grains/legumes
ww/ wrap, 2 wraps
almonds, 1 oz

other:
olive oil, 1/2 tablespoon
protein bar
 
1687

Today was my weekly weigh in day. It was my first weigh-in in two weeks. Last Monday it seemed pointless after a week-end of sodium/alcohol/food excess + pms bloat. Even I am not masochistic enough to have gotten on the scales at that point. But couldn't put it off today. I mentally prepared myself that the small deficit I've maintained the last several days might have been too little/too late to compensate. And....I am exactly at the same weight I was two weeks ago. Deep, deep sigh of relief. Cause I was just a leeeetle worried. Okay, scared crapless.

And now I'm sitting here thinking, as awful as it might sound, frankly I like being slim. I like it way, way more than I like crab dunked in butter, I like it more than I like giant Daiquiris, I like it more than I like stuffing my face with crackers & cheese. I still don't like counting calories. I still chaff a bit at the reality that I don't have the genetics and metabolism that will let me just chow down without weight gain. But, I dislike being overweight more than I dislike monitoring and adjusting my calories. I dislike sitting in my doc's office facing bad news more than I dislike managing my nutrient intake.

This week has not been a lot of fun, reigning in the food seeking drive and maintaining a deficit.. But...it was also not fun when I was shaped like a short round blob. It was not fun walking into a social function and praying I would not be the biggest female in the room. It was not fun always shopping for clothes that would hide the rolls of arm/belly/thigh chub. It was not fun feeling like I literally could not control what or how much I ate.

So, this week was not so fun. And not so easy. But..so what. It's over. Looking back over the last ten days or so I really think I was closer than I realized to losing my grip on maintenance. But the important thing is: I didn't. I actually learned a couple of things, refreshed my memory of how friggin easy it is to listen to that little voice that says "It's okay" when it's really not...and best of all I realize I can slip and stumble....but don't have to fall unless if I chose to.

Cals at 1687, last day of deficit thank goodness. Even though sat fat high all week, the slight excess served it's purpose so no regrets...I even managed to get in my fiber yesterday. Did kind of OD on s/f cookies and s/f pudding - mostly 'cause I think I was compensating (taste wise) for the huge amount of fruit I usually eat. Since I'm chomping on a mango at the moment though, no worries.


Total: 1687
Fat: 66 593 37%
Sat: 24 214 13%
Poly: 6 58 4%
Mono: 25 223 14%
Carbs: 153 482 30%
Fiber: 32 0 0%
Protein: 132 527 33%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%

Liquids:
coffee, 20 oz
diet soda, 3 oz
lemon juice, 1 oz
water, 80 oz

fruit:
blueberries: 1/4 cup

veggies:
eggplant, 1 whole
broccoli, 1/4 cup chopped
tomato, 1 whole
pumpkin, 1/3 cup, pureed
onion, 1/4 cup diced

dairy:
ff cream cheese, 3 oz
low fat colby, 1 oz

meat:
pork chops, lean only, 2 medium
ground beef, 85% lean, 4 oz
bacon, 3 strips
eggs, scrambled, 1/3 cup

nuts/grains/seeds/legumes
ww flat wrap, 1 wrap
saltines, 2 crackers
black beans, 1/4 cup

other
pudding, ff/sf 3 servings
gelatin, plain, unflavored, 2 servings
sf cookies, 4
 
cym said:
And now I'm sitting here thinking, as awful as it might sound, frankly I like being slim. I like it way, way more than I like crab dunked in butter, I like it more than I like giant Daiquiris, I like it more than I like stuffing my face with crackers & cheese. I still don't like counting calories. I still chaff a bit at the reality that I don't have the genetics and metabolism that will let me just chow down without weight gain. But, I dislike being overweight more than I dislike monitoring and adjusting my calories. I dislike sitting in my doc's office facing bad news more than I dislike managing my nutrient intake.

This week has not been a lot of fun, reigning in the food seeking drive and maintaining a deficit.. But...it was also not fun when I was shaped like a short round blob. It was not fun walking into a social function and praying I would not be the biggest female in the room. It was not fun always shopping for clothes that would hide the rolls of arm/belly/thigh chub. It was not fun feeling like I literally could not control what or how much I ate.

So, this week was not so fun. And not so easy. But..so what. It's over. Looking back over the last ten days or so I really think I was closer than I realized to losing my grip on maintenance. But the important thing is: I didn't. I actually learned a couple of things, refreshed my memory of how friggin easy it is to listen to that little voice that says "It's okay" when it's really not...and best of all I realize I can slip and stumble....but don't have to fall unless if I chose to.
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word.

inner enlightenment. feels great doesnt it? to make peace with your demons, and have a sense of real understanding about what makes you tick. and even more importantly, knowing what keeps you going so you can fuel your forward motion.

The importance of choice! Addictions are not diseases, they are choices we make in response to stimulus. I think we have very similar beliefs on the whole thing.

I am quite happy that you are finding ways to succeed at the most difficult part of weight loss: keeping it off. keep it up cym, we all need to know it can indeed be done.
 
I mentally prepared myself that the small deficit I've maintained the last several days might have been too little/too late to compensate. And....I am exactly at the same weight I was two weeks ago. Deep, deep sigh of relief. Cause I was just a leeeetle worried. Okay, scared crapless.
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Oh, this sounds SO familiar! Glad the scale gods didn't turn on you!
 
Congratulations on maintaining your weight. No gain definitely feels good after a less then perfect two weeks.

I have a question for you. What do you use to track your food?
 
CoachCrimson said:
word.


The importance of choice! Addictions are not diseases, they are choices we make in response to stimulus. I think we have very similar beliefs on the whole thing.

I am quite happy that you are finding ways to succeed at the most difficult part of weight loss: keeping it off. keep it up cym, we all need to know it can indeed be done.
Click to expand...

Coach, first, I need to come by your diary too....frankly I've been too absorbed with my nose stuck up my own belly button to be a good cheerleader lately. I'm over it. :rolleyes: Second, heck, I need to know it - maintenance - can be done. I'm determined to prove it to myself! And third, I love what you wrote about addictions. It's only taken me five million times of trying and failing and trying and failing to realize -"oh, ummm, I have a choice here"....sheesh

Blancita: no harm....no foul....just a long week!

Tom: I dare the scale gods to mess with me! - there I said it outloud (running and hiding)

Losing43now: Fitday is my friend...my enemy...my friend....
 
Dear Cym, Been reading your diary but not writing. Love it as usual. I'm still around, just not as active, having problems sleeping these days. Geez I met that guy in the middle of April and I'm still getting over the mood swing. Its raining today and I had a shitty sleep but I'm still gonna get out on my bike for a pedal. You look FANTASTIC in your avatar.

Thanks for writing.
 
1794

So, I feel like rambling!

1. After yesterday I have a new appreciation for the value of the scale. Over the last couple of years it's ranged from total fear and avoidance to a marker of how "good" or "bad" I was being and there were times the number could make or break my day mood wise - silly but true. So after yesterday's weigh-in I was thinking. Depending on time of the month, my weight really hasn't varied more than 3 pounds in either direction in months and months. If it had shown a five pound increase yesterday, I would have been admittedly disappointed, but I would have also known that that much of an increase in a two week period indicated a fat gain, not water fluctuation and i would have known I had to continue keeping a small deficit for a bit longer. If it had been 5 pounds less, I would have reasonably assumed that I had calculated my maint. range incorrectly and have adjusted. But, either way, I'm now thinking of it as a handy little road marker that's helping keep me pointed in the right direction. I can live with, and appreciate that, once a week.

2. I resolve to never, ever again in this lifetime utter or write the phrase "lifestyle change not diet". I was talking with a co-worker last night at dinner. I'm sitting there stripping the skin off my chicken and she made a comment about how impressed and surprised she was that anyone could "stay on a diet" as long as I had. The forbidden phase plopped automatically out of my mouth but i thought about it later and decided that, for me, that's not really true in a sense. I live in the exact same house, drive the same car, have the same job, same friends, yada, yada. Truly the biggest change is not in the way I live, but in the way I think. And how those thoughts fuel my actions. I'm not doing one single thing that I don't want to do...it's just that the things I want (and don't want) to do are different. Better than that, I can't explain.

Cals in line and that's about it. Sat fat way too high, fiber too low...macros and targeted nutrients out of whack because I needed to grocery shop...which I did this a.m. (in the pouring rain!) so no worries I decided in the grocery store to change, at least temporarily, my targeted satfat to 25g max rather than 20g and swap out my non-fat dairy for low fat. I have this sneaking suspicion that either/both the trade-off in higher sugar content of the non-fat dairy and the lower fat content itself was slowing fueling an increased appetite. Obviously, I still need to get that sat fat down to under 20g consistently in the long run---I just gotta work something out I can live with.


Total: 1794
Fat: 91 818 47%
Sat: 30 270 15%
Poly: 14 122 7%
Mono: 35 313 18%
Carbs: 143 485 28%
Fiber: 22 0 0%
Protein: 111 443 25%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%

liquids:
coffee: 16oz
lemon juice: 1 oz
water: 80 oz

fruits:
mango, 1 whole fruit
apple, 1 medium
watermelon, 1 small wedge

veggies:
turnip greens w/ turnips, 1 cup
corn, 1/4 cup
yam, 1/4 whole potato
tomato, 1 medium

dairy:
cheddar, 2% fat, 1/4 cup

meat:
polish sausage, 4 oz
pork roast, 4 oz
chicken, 8 oz

nuts/grains/seeds/legumes
northern beans, 1/4 cup
ww flat out wrap, 1
crackers, 4 saltines
corn muffin, 1/4 muffin
 
Hi, cym. Sounds like we have the same attitude about the scale. I agree with you -- it's a good way to keep on track, as long as you don't let it freak you out too much, LOL.

Lifestyle change -- but you gotta admit, it is a LOT more than just a diet, especially the way we traditionally think about "diets" - as a short term change in our nutrition in order to lose weight. And isn't changing the way you think about food changing your life as well?
 
Wow, that was a really good post. You said the biggest change has been in your thinking and I am relieved that I, too, have had a shift in my thinking. I still measure everything (almost).

Thank you for that exhaustive list. THat was a lot of work to write but I appreciate where it was coming from. I have been diagnosed for twelve years. I thank God I finished a university degree when I was younger because the smarts it gave me helped me with my self-esteem when I needed it and enabled me to become the reader that I am. I have Kay Redfield Jamieson's book called the Unquiet Mind. Have read Patty Duke's book and about Margot Kidder. I am so grateful for the medication that makes it possible for me to live a normal life. Otherwise I think I'd kill myself eventually. The moods are so intense. Luckily behaviour is predictable so my experts know what to do. I should have clued in and called mental health when I met Michael. Unfortunately with mania, others notice it before the sufferer does.

The next time I "happen" to meet an attractive available man I'm going to remember my impulse control. (Hopefeully) With Michael it was gone before I knew it and that's what got us off on the wrong foot. I know that men can trigger mania in me. Luckily I have an old friend John, who is also disabled memory wise (brain cancer). I am seeing him tonight.

Stability, sobriety, structure. Now you can kick my butt about exercising (bike riiding these days). Please?
 
I feel that people with problems watching their weight who refuse to weigh regularly, whether once a month or once a day, enjoy living in denial and that's partially the cause of how they got big. They know instinctively that the scale is going ever-up, so its just easier to avoid it. As for me, being a person who has always had to watch my weight as I gain easily (maybe due to my large appetite?), I've always weighed myself daily. Even when I know the scale has gone up from a few bad days. I need that reality check to get me on track and it has worked like a charm in helping me control my weight throughout the years. Even when I was pregnant last year, I would weigh daily and snort at the sometimes 2 pound a day gain. But the habit was so ingrained I couldn't stop.
 
Tom:

Maybe after so long it's just that I lack the patience (always my downfall) to explain it anymore. If friends/coworkers/family members want to keep saying a variation of (as they still do practically every day) "oh you're still doing so good on your diet)", I'm just gonna say "thanks" and move on. Because no matter how many times I explain it, or what words I use, I'm starting to feel that maybe 1 person in 10, if that, "gets" what I mean when I say I'm not, and never was really "dieting".

Okay, so I'm going off on a tangent here. I believe that it's not just how much you eat (diet) but what and why you eat (the "L" word) that makes the difference over the long haul...on one level, actually controlling the "how much" is something we can all do in the short run, one way or another...and if you control the "how much" for long enough, and you're losing weight, it feels like some significant "lifestyle change"...but the "what" and "why"...that comes down to not temporarily changing the enviroment (i.e. what's in my fridge) but the mind....which is a whole different can of worms.

It's weird. I know for a fact that I could sit someone down (I've actually done this more than a few times over the last year and half) and explain step by step a safe, healthy way to shed excess weight. And it would work. No problem. It's logical. It's based on specific facts about human biology. But, I don't do it anymore - even when someone I actually like says "please, please, pretty please". Because what I can not ever seem to get across, is the shift in thought patterns that have to take place to make it "stick".

Like another co-worker of mine (the one who's actually saying "pretty please" right now). She likes to party. That's cool. She swears she can stop "for the duration". Okay, that's cool too. But what she can't understand is that she has to learn how to go out, party, have fun and sometimes not drink at all, and other times set a limit of a glass or two - forever.
 
From reading the "diet boards" since last October, I've also noticed that a lot (though not all of course) of overweight people actually think thin people get to eat as much as they want, dont have to exercise, yet they stay thin. That gives them an excuse to feel a sense of jealousy and hostility for those "lucky thin people who can eat whatever they want". They clearly dont realize that 99% of thin people are thin because they either naturally have very small appetites or they actively watch their weight and dont get to eat whatever they want. Or if they eat that cake or treat, well they will cut back on calories to make up for it (either naturally because they're full or consciously because they have to watch their weight). People just need to stop making excuses that hinder them and stop believing everyone has it so easy except them. That line of thinking is certainly not fair to those who've battled their weight forever and who generally have won the battle through hard work and a constant exercise of will power.
 
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