I posted this to the alcohol thread a bit ago, and was thinking of you.
The post will not be entirely related to you; however, there are some points of interest, if you leave your perception, open. Its how we "process" things in our head, that can make all the difference:
I wrote this to AMP in his journal concerning his problem with being influenced to drink alcohol and couldnt say no, and wasnt taking the blame:
I disagree entirely. This is utter…….BUNK!
I want you know that I wrote this from my heart for you my friend. I hope you can make sense of it, and I want to talk to you about it.
A friend lends a hand and extends it, and holds the right hand of the other friend firm acknowledging friendship, but sometimes the friend holding the right hand has to extend the left hand and slap the friends left hand at the same time: Thus a TRUE FRIEND.
You can be the independent
FUNCTION and subordinating
CONJUNCTION in the environmental
DYSFUNCTION and your training and dieting goals will not
MALFUNCTION.
YOU are at fault……bottom line.
YOU made the
DECISION and
CHOICE to drink; you allowed the surrounding environment to point a gun to your head to make you
"think" you had no decision and no choice, and
the gun went off.
Don’t be misinformed, even adults have this problem. Therefore
don’t even think that this type of problem is just restricted to your age and present atmosphere; it will be one you will fight most of your life and into adulthood.
Though the stimulants within the circumference of the atmosphere may be different as we mature and age ; whether you are holding the gun in hand on the lap or by the head, or throw it away, is based on your CHOICES and DECISIONS you make (in the "context" we are speaking).
There are some variables in life we have no control over,
but the wisdom is knowing the difference between them.
Your perceptive view, attitude, and subsequent reaction, to the recognized things you can change and things you cannot change, can make an impeccable distinction between your internal emotions and the circumstance(s) and subsequent feedback and/or consequences; internally being able to separate attitude, perception, potential reaction, WITH acknowledging just how powerful ones emotions can define and manipulate each of the aforementioned.
Recognize EMOTIONS:
Recognize that emotions
can and will try to be functional in decisions and reactions: Some emotions are impulse related, stimulated by circumstances and/or atmosphere, some emotions are more personal related to opinions, feelings, beliefs, personality, and other associated human functions.
BUT:
Emotions can LIE and tell you the TRUTH.
Example:
You know you "shouldn't do something" (your brain is being logical, this logic is based on a "premise", say your weight loss goal), but strong emotions kick in in favor of the event or become twisted, as does some memory, and atmosphere stimulants, that tend to favor the unwanted action that your logic has factored against):
your emotions just lied against your logic inference, and you WILL pay a PRICE in the result.
Subsequently when you get finished with the event your logic was against, this happens:
The logic fundamentally stays the same going from "I should not do this" to "I shouldn't have done that", but the emotions do a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Going from: " euphoria " "desire" "anticipation" (strongest feelings), "slight depression" (guilt potential) (weakest), to: " Lined Depression" ," Anger", "Some Heavy Guilt", "Despair",----as the emotions now have become on par or in line with the logic against the action--after the fact, and this without adding in any "Biological Factors" that may or may not exist (feeling of dehydration, headache, loss of energy, etc.)
Thus emotions can carry over a "disease" effect on some other factors such as attitude, demeanor, and "overall internal feeling" , and can effect other decisions, that same day or subsequent days following the "bad" decision. How much and how long depends on "subject matter on decision" ----and the internal "VALUE" it opposed.
Your View Box:
In my opinion, everyone has a separate
"View Box" from which all emotional stimulants, biological factors, brain perception, and personality traits and functions, feed into. These aforementioned stimulants, perceptions, factors, traits, and functions, feed into YOURSELF, and thus determine your decision.
If you can separate your
"view box" (yourself), from the various stimulants, perceptions, factors, traits, and functions, (lets call these:
"Persona"), and feed these independent but sometimes "washing machine mechanisms" of the persona into your "view box", and then let your "view box" equate this to the "value" you have placed on a "subject matter", you WILL win more than you will lose (and most of the time when you in fact view things like this, when you in fact lose, it is "usually" a situation you had no control over, or was limited in some fashion).
You are going to have to take this "view Box" and "POLICE" your "Persona" correctly in conjunction with your "want-o-meter" level of your personal goals, young man, and control the "meter" correctly. And, it is this VERY THING, that fails many persons and its just not you in college: we all have variable environmental factors that influence us………….
STOP CRYING because its college and this is what you do……..HOG WASH!
I been where you are at (in a school dorm--I know). Put your "view box in control", and when other factors inside you wreak havoc, pull from strength, desire, passion, WILL POWER, or any other stimulus you can view, and raise the fricken' "want-o-meter" to the level necessary to maintain your path:
And, THEN when this is done ENOUGH, you can take your "view box" and allow a lowering of this same meter and not hurt your goal path. UNDERSTAND?!
Do these "PERSONA'S" control you or do YOU control them? THIS IS THE QUESTION.
AIM SINK THIS IN YOUR HEART:
Anything (or most things) that are NOT worth achieving--are easy to obtain. Think about it. Most persons all they have to do to gain weight (or get fatter) is EAT (how hard is that? For most persons).
Most things that are worthwhile to obtain are the HARDEST but one in which can bring the most satisfaction (i.e. deficit dieting, training and adapting to responses given by the body).
Each day that you achieve and win your mental battles you win, and brings you one step closer. Each day that this occurs, has an accumulation effect that will creep up on you, and before you know it, your there. And no feeling in the world will overcome the daily feeling you get once your there.........Rock on today.
Some of my various quotes I have made in the past: (they you may have not seen):
"So many people complain that life is unfair, but that very fact proves just how fair it can be. Life doesn't discriminate. Everyone's life contains difficulties."
It is courage, courage, courage, that raises the blood of life to crimson splendor. Live bravely and present a brave front to adversity.
True hope dwells on the possible, even when life seems to be a plot written by someone who wants to see how much adversity we can overcome.
We all share them: We all have weakness and difficulties, however, we must have the consciously aided intellect to overcome them.
We must have high expectations and reasonable demands place on ourselves to expect to receive high achievements.
We hold the keys to our own cages and can free ourselves when we use our courage and inner strength to overcome our fears---J.H. Newman.
And for a laugh:
Okay, Unload: How did it go today: June 13,07
My day went pretty well. I didn't have one of those: What the....? (
f@ck) days. Like I had last week:
I woke up stubbed my toe, and while its still throbbing, my car tire was flat, then like an idiot, I left the dome light on, and the battery was dead. Then I was pissed because I had to go get gas in it, and pissed because it cost over $3.
I got to work, all but one PC was blue screening, I couldn't see straight so I turned a corner to fast and buckled my index finger, now I was really upset as this was going to effect my lifts..........What the.........?
I still kept my diet and trained.
Chillen
Another thing you can tell yourself is think of all the money you will save. Since we've stopped eating out the last few months I've noticed a HUGE difference in how much extra money we have...we were paying twice as much eating out.
...you can get through the knee problems! You are stronger than you think and what you believe makes you stronger! 
Talk to your doctor more in depth about how to make your workout and diet benefit the rehabilitation of your knees. Get educated about the entire knee replacement process...and maybe get a second opinion? My heart and prayers go out to you.