Isn't it supposed to be easier the second time around?

DarkEyes16

DarkEyes16

New member
I lost about 40 pounds over a year ago, after losing that weight i gained almost all of it back. I keep trying to start again but my attempts tend to last 2 weeks and I'm back at square one again.

I thought it was supposed to be easier the second time around cause you know it's possible. Am i wrong about this?

I start working out, and then suddenly a busy week comes up and I miss them gym.

Also, I keep craving sugar. I've been slowly trying to cut it out, and then all of a sudden a day will come where I can't get enough of it.

I'm pretty upset with myself for having put in all the hard work before and only to lose it all because of jobs and social life. I made sure I have more time now, and I've cut back on my social life quite a bit as well so that I can focus on losing weight, but it just seems more daunting.

Remembering how my entire day was consumed by when I was going to eat, what I was going to eat, how many calories I was eating, looking up everything before eating, when I was going to work out, how much I should be working out.....aaahhhhhh!!! It's so much!

*sigh*

Maybe I need a partner? Anybody in South Jersey looking for a work out partner?
 
How's your plan set up, if you don't mind me asking?

Maybe it's too rigid.
 
As of right now I'm not quite sure I have a plan.

What I was doing before was, strength training 3 times a week with 40 minutes of cardio 3 times a week, which I worked up to 5 or 6.

Then eating 4 to 5 meals a day and staying under 2100 calories. I would try to eat a lot less carbs, except for at breakfast I'd allow myself cereal or a piece of toast. One slice of bread at lunch with whatever I was eating and I would try to limit bread at night.

I'm at 264lbs right now, my height is 5' 8". I'd say I carry 80% of my weight in my middle.

Last time, it was a slow change...first exercising, then slowly cutting things out of my diet.

But I gotta say none of the healthy stuff ever tasted as good as the bad stuff ever. So maybe there's my weakness, that eating healthy has left my taste buds very unsatisfied.
 
Play in the kitchen and work on getting "healthy" options to tasste good and be satisfying... there is no excuse for healthy food to not taste good..

Get a cookbook or two.
Google recipes
Take a cooking class

experiment...
 
I agree with Mal. Taste buds will change over time so in essence, you just have to be strong and fight through the desire to eat those foods that you have troubles with. Is the fight worth it? Depends on you and your values/beliefs.

To boot, you don't have to cut carbs out throughout the entire day. Maybe that's too much for you.
 
What I do is I just don't keep any tempting stuff in the house, and when I go out to do something and I think I may be tempted to buy something junky (and it's not a planned treat) I take only enough money to get the think I NEED. You just have to set your life up so you are less likely to fail.

I did what you did. Lost a bunch of weight then put it all back on, and then some. And I found it really hard to get back to losing it.

I agree w/ Mal on the food thing. You just have to try different things. Also, Steve is right about your taste buds changing and adapting to new tastes. Over time you may find that the things you used to love you don't even like anymore. Once your body starts to like being healthy, it'll hate being fed unhealthy things.
 
Does that whole taste buds changing thing happen after 2 or 3 years? Cause it didn't happen after a year.

Also for everyone's information I don't keep any junk in my house.
 
I did the same thing. Lost about 60lbs, then his a stressfull time, and started packing it on agean!!!!


Took me about a month to not crave the sugar and junk food. The stuff is like crack!!! Went a whole year without a McDonalds Cheeseburger. Had one one day, and it tasted like crap!!!

Im starting agean also. I wish you luck!!!!!!!
 
Thanks Paul. It's so hard isn't it?

I was never really into McDonald's my main weaknesses are pizza and mexican food. I can't get enough of the stuff.

I started packing on the pounds when I had two jobs and was taking a class and then I had 3 jobs and was volunteering but my social life was phenomenal. I met so many people and was having a lot of fun. Super stressful but also fun.

No offense to those healthy groups and all but I'm sorry, joining a walking club in my suburban town with a bunch of women who have families and kids is never going to be as fun of a social activity as going to a concert, drinking and meeting people my own age.

I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss Paul!
 
There are people your age who are also into fitness, I guarantee it. Find them and you'll have more fun with them than with people older than you. Then again, what's wrong with making older friends? We're so into age-segregation in this culture, you can learn a LOT from someone older than you.

If you want to be slim and healthy, you can't continue to do what is making you fat and expect to be slim and healthy. Plain and simple. Why don't you try designating one meal a week to be a "cheat?" It gives you something to look forward to through the week.

Also, you can make healthy versions of Mexican food and pizza. Get a whole wheat pizza crust from the store, find a lower fat cheese, a tomato sauce, veggies and lower-fat meats as toppings, and there ya go! Pop it in the oven and it's quick and easy, cheaper than delivery, and you make it taste however you want. Mexican, get some whole wheat tortillas, brown some ground turkey in spices, get some salsa, lower-fat cheese, lower-fat refried beans, chopped veggies, rice that's not fried in fat, low-fat, plain Greek-style yogurt to replace sour cream, and there you go.

If you just plain don't like healthy food and refuse to eat it, well I just don't know what to tell you. I hope you can exercise enough to lose weight without eating healthy, but the thing with lower-calorie/high-nutritional-density food is that you can eat more and feel more satisfied. With junk food, it has a lot of calories packed into a small package, so when you eat it regularly and eat enough to get full, you're packing it on.
 
DarkEyes16 said:
No offense to those healthy groups and all but I'm sorry, joining a walking club in my suburban town with a bunch of women who have families and kids is never going to be as fun of a social activity as going to a concert, drinking and meeting people my own age.
Click to expand...
Join a soccer league, a basketball league, baseball, flag football, volleyball... most towns have single sex and/or co-ed leagues... seperatedby all sorts of skill levels... and age groups...
 
It's not an age-segregation thing. I get along with older people, I tend to work with them all the time. It's more of a mind set thing. It's a lot of soccer moms and frat boys in my town. That's why I tend to hang out in urban settings and cities, maybe I'm on the verge of being a hipster.

And usually the people who are my age and into fitness are already thin. So that's more of a self conscious thing. It would help if I was doing this with someone similar to me.

I'm not refusing to eat healthy food either. Why do people on this site make such harsh assumptions. I feel like I'm defending myself most of the time rather than getting good advice.

People have to be realistic. That wheat pizza you're talking about, great and all but not that tasty. I do like some healthy foods, but I'll probably take one slice of bad pizza and stay hungry than eat that pizza that sounds unsatisfying. I'm aware of healthy alternatives and try to eat them. But sometimes you just want those nachos from your favorite bar or that delicious Pizza. Normal people are able to do it.

I've done this before, lost 40 pounds, ate healthy, exercised. I didn't completely deprive myself of everything. I did eat "bad" foods but not all the time. If I deprived myself of everything I loved to eat, I would end up binging at some point and that's not good. Usually if I had a craving I would immediately satisfy it but with a small portion. I'd say nutritionally I was probably lacking a lot. I'm not a big meat eater. I eat turkey and chicken and tuna mainly, but small portions of it because I don't like eating a lot of meat. I hate veggies, I've tried and tried again but I just can't get into them. I like romaine lettuce, spinach, carrots, tomatoes, and cucumbers and that's about as far as it goes. I love almost anything with melted cheese on it, I don't know why but that for some reason is so satisfying to me and I really like mayo but I get the low fat kind for my tuna. I also had no social life when I did all of this cause it was all I focused on. I didn't even know rice could be fried in fat, that sounds really gross.

I'm usually unsuccessful when I plan a cheat meal, because life doesn't always go as planned as I have learned the past year. As much as you want to plan, things come up and things get thrown at you. So maybe friends want to go out wednesday, friday and saturday. You know, I can't just be like sorry I can't go out tonight Friday is my cheat meal. I'll be miserable. I mean I have started going out a lot less now, locking myself up a little.

But I'm a social person. I like being out, I like my close friendships and developing them.

Your message is of hopelessness. That's disappointing. You're saying "ha you're plan sucks, good luck with that but it's not going to work." I think that's a really bad way to approach people who are overweight. It's undermining their efforts. Everyone has a slow start, and you know what I'll probably put sour cream on the taco. Full on deprivation of the things you like can be a set up for failure.

I understand I have to change, I think everyone who's trying to lose weight understands that. But to be successful in losing weight you have to make sure you're also happy during the process. I was missing a lot of things in my life when I initially lost weight. I think that's why I gained a lot of the weight back. Just losing the weight, doesn't make a person fully content. It helps but there's a lot more psychology to it.

I think the major obstacles I face are:

Accountability
Balance
Routine
Boredom

I have to find a new trainer, I loved my old one but he left the gym I used to go to and I cant' afford him now. I don't like any of the new trainers, I don't feel comfortable with them and I don't connect with them. He held me accountable and I wanted to work for him. I was seeing results with him and my workouts were never boring. He managed to change it up all the time.

I like staying up all night and sleeping in late. I don't know why I'm nocturnal but I just am. As much as I try to reset my natural clock I always fall back into staying up late and waking up late.

I always want to work out at random hours. I get motivation randomly in the day and then if it doesn't work out where I'm unable to work out for some reason (this has happened a few times, I go to my gym and it's closed, ugh - worst.gym.ever.) I lose the motivation. It's fleeting.

I get bored really easily, with food and with exercises. You know you find that one delicious healthy food and you're like omg this is so good. But then I eat it for like a week or two and I'm over it and bored. Same thing with exercising, I tried new trainers recently and things started feeling repetitive. I was getting bored. I think it's more of a weight training thing where I get bored. Being on the elliptical for 30 minutes, I don't get bored, it just kind of sucks. But it's more methodical, there's a time limit and an end in sight. Also my calories and distance are being tracked. It's almost like everything needs to be a game, I need to be challenged and then accomplish it successfully and then once I have I'm bored again.
 
Doesnt sound like you've got an understanding behind why you want to lose weight/get in better shape...

have you really asked yourself the reasons why you do?

Or the reasons why you want to stay where you are?

if you have a clear goal in mind - there's generally little that will stand in your way of getting there..
 
Why do I want to lose weight?

I want to look and feel better, well mainly look better cause I feel sort of fine internally physically, not so much mentally. But it's also because it affects every single part of my daily life. My weight holds me back from doing a lot of things that I would love to do.

I don't date people I think I would actually have a successful relationship with, I don't travel as much I would like to, and I'm not as socially free as I would like to be and I believe it's all because of my weight. I can't wear the clothes I want to wear. I'm too self conscious and have such a low self esteem because of it. I'm too fat to do this or that. Oh that person is too good for me or out of my league because I'm fat. You know that sort of mentality.

You would think these are enough motivations to get me to lose weight, but you know what I know my weight is a form of protection and security.

I have been overweight my entire life. I'm used to it. The first pair of jeans I ever wore were a size 16, I was never thinner than that. It's familiar and safe. I keep it there so I won't have the opportunity to get hurt.

People also have to realize that every person is different. How people lose weight varies depending on every persons personality. What works for some does not work for others. Your amazing success story with your diet may not work for someone else. The things that worked for me before may not work for other people.

Losing weight is one of the hardest battles I've had to face. The pounds never "melt" off, it never becomes easy. Even the last time, it was a battle every day, an all consuming battle. You work hard and hope you get results and when you don't or when they stall, or even when suddenly you're somewhat satisfied, you lose focus.
 
I've always believed that weight loss is about 7 percent diet, 3 percent exericse and 90 percent mental...

it took me 42 years to get thru the mental part... once you get past that hurdle, it's not a struggle...

I've been on this forum a long time, and see people make the same mistakes for lack of a better word that i have made over the past 25 years or so of trying to lose weight... One of those big mistakes is trying to do to much at once and not keeping a realistic perspective on what those results should be.

For instance - i recall eating low calorie for 2 -3 weeks and being absolutely annoyingly frustrated by not losin more than 5 lbs... i lost sight of the fact that it was a process.... and that it wasn't going to happen over night.. and I had to relearn new habits...

I've read often that it takes 28 days to build a habit... pick one thing that will get you on your way to the body you want to be and do that for 28 days... at the end of those 28 days - give yourself a reward...

Somewhere on this forum is a thread called "Fear of Thin" - posted by me.. do a search for it and do the exercise in the thread and see if that gives you any insight...
 
DarkEyes16, you sound exactly like I did a year or so ago.

I went to therapy to get to the bottom of the whole thing.

I went from feeling that it was completely unfair, to asking myself did I REALLY want to lose the weight (I had the same reasons as you and it didn't make much of a difference either), and finally realizing that I just have to suck it up and deal.

And the reason I have to suck it up and deal is because changing my diet (exercise has always been good) is the ADULT thing. If I don't take care of myself, NO ONE else will.

Sure, I would LOVE to be able to eat cookies and pizza all day and feel great. But you know what happens? I don't feel great. I feel like crap. I feel bloated. I get a sugar high which screws my body up. And then I am regretting I ever did it.

Therapy also made me realize that my thin friends (all my friends are thin, except for me) were not eating whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. They watched their food. They gained weight if they didn't.

You know what we did once?

We had ONE piece of cake and we split it among 5 people. Yes, FIVE people.

I've had that same piece of cake for myself, ALONE, not sharing it with anyone.

It made me realize that yes, I can have the things that I like to eat, but in SMALL quantities. That's what thin people do!

I'm a social person, and I like to go out. I've learned from my thin and poor friends -- they eat dinner at home and when we go out, they only have drinks. They don't eat dessert. They are still being social, but they aren't eating the extra calories.

I realized through therapy that in my family, every social event is centered around food and that it doesn't have to be that way. I've seen how other families celebrate -- even my own cousins pull out musical instruments and start jamming instead of heading into the kitchen to see what food there is to share.

Like Mal said, this is a journey. It's not like flipping a switch.

You lost the weight the first time, but you obviously didn't make the right habits/routines that made it a lifetime plan.

This is your chance to figure out what will make it work for the rest of your life, so you don't have to come back and ask, "Isn't it supposed to be easier the THIRD time around?"

I changed my thoughts on diet in the last year because I realized I was still looking at this as a short term, let's look good in my clothes type of thing, rather than seeing the bigger picture that I am not only losing weight to look good, but also to be healthy, to be who I am on the outside.

Consider therapy, if you can afford it. Find someone who deals with eating disorders and diets. For me, it's been a better investment than personal trainers, gym memberships, nutritionists, and any diet plan out there.

My two cents.
 
Very good advice, and for the record I apologize if I came off as harsh. I certainly wasn't attacking you. I think since I've always thought healthy food WAS tasty, it wasn't that hard for me. Although I definitely have my junk food loves, I could always enjoy healthy food. I have a set of kinda "hippie" aunt and uncle who cook healthy and all their food tastes really good, and my parents and I would have dinner with them all the time when I was little so I'm used to health food. But I have to realize that it's hard for other people. I think you CAN get into the mindset to do it, you just have to really want it.
 
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