I'm Just Trying to Be Happy

BikiniBound2011

BikiniBound2011

New member
Soooooooo.....I am back. I stopped posting just about two months ago. I actually haven't even been on the forum at all in two months. I'm sorry to the people that posted in my old diary and encouraged me. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, and just fell off the face of the planet. I don't know exactly why, but I just kind of gave up I guess. But luckily, I have basically maintained the weight I had lost. I don't know how I managed that since I have been eating total crap. But it got even worse over the holidays, with the parties and cookies and cakes. Everyone sent me home with the leftovers and I pigged out! I knew if I kept eating like this I would gain all the weight back. Then of course it's the new year and everyone is talking about dieting, plus I keep seeing the weight watchers commercials. I decided I needed to come back. I don't want to gain the weight back and I have a lot more to lose. And, it is now 2011, and like my user name says, I want to be in a bikini sometime in 2011!!

Here is the link to my first diary, if you are interested:

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/weig...-goes-here-goes-again-oh-here-goes-again.html

A little about me: I'm 25, female, married. My current weight is 176.2 lbs. I started at 194.8 lbs on June 22, 2010. My goal weight is 125 lbs. I'm 5'4", and right now I'm a size 12. I work for my dad's business as a income tax preparer, but I hate it and really want to pursue dog grooming, which I'm trying to learn on my own until May when tax season is over, and I can hopefully find a job in a grooming salon and work my way up.

I decided to start another diary I guess because I kind of feel like it's a new beginning.

The title of my new diary is from the lyrics of a song, "Happy" by Leona Lewis. I'm not really a big fan of hers or anything, but this particular song always gets me. Here are a few lyrics from it:

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound.
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be
Happy...

Over the past three years I've been in a mild depression. There are a lot of things I want to fix in my life: my weight, my career, my relationship with my husband. I want to improve all of these things, but sometimes it feels overwhelming and scary. I'm afraid to fail, but how can I fail OR succeed when I'm not really giving it my all? This songs reminds me of that. So what if it's hard? I just gotta keep on going.

So I logged back into weight watchers and tracked my breakfast. It's a start. :)
 
I remember you posting before and I was so excited at how similar our stats were. I started a bit higher, and my goal weight is a bit higher, but it's within 10 pounds. I even had a self indulgent holiday where I ate like crazy and didn't gain either.

I'm glad to see you back on the wagon. Good luck.
 
bluebuckeye said:
I remember you posting before and I was so excited at how similar our stats were. I started a bit higher, and my goal weight is a bit higher, but it's within 10 pounds. I even had a self indulgent holiday where I ate like crazy and didn't gain either.

I'm glad to see you back on the wagon. Good luck.
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Looks like we are pretty much at the same weight now. Good for you for keeping at it! Thanks for your support, and good luck to you too!
 
Woot! Welcome back! I remember you from before and saw you post elsewhere so I trucked on over here to say hi :) I had a feeling I'd see some familiar faces with the new year. Your username didn't have 2011 before though? That threw me off for a second because I didn't know they could change that, lol.

As for being MIA a few months, compared to me thats great. I've gonna MIA for alot longer than that :X But hoping to keep on track now. Glad you're back to share the journey :waving:
 
;)
douknowjello said:
Woot! Welcome back! I remember you from before and saw you post elsewhere so I trucked on over here to say hi :) I had a feeling I'd see some familiar faces with the new year. Your username didn't have 2011 before though? That threw me off for a second because I didn't know they could change that, lol.

As for being MIA a few months, compared to me thats great. I've gonna MIA for alot longer than that :X But hoping to keep on track now. Glad you're back to share the journey :waving:
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Thanks for "stopping by"! Actually, my user name has always ended with 2011. I first signed up in June 2010 with 70 lbs to lose, so I knew I wasn't going to be BikiniBound2010, lol. When I first signed up a few people thought that I was someone else that apparently was just BikiniBound, I think. So maybe you're thinking I'm someone else. BUT, I hope that doesn't keep you from following my diary anyway...;)

I wish you good luck with keeping on track as well. Hopefully both of us will not stray anymore!
 
Good first day back

Yesterday was a good start. I logged my breakfast and lunch into WW except for my dinner, a handful of baked chips (Light Lays) and a WW ice cream bar. I kinda got lazy at the end of the day with logging in my food. But I'm fairly sure I stayed within my points. My dinner was leftovers, very delicious enchiladas. Yes, for once I actually cooked something! They are one of my fav things to make. Pretty much everything I cook comes out of the Hungry Girls cookbooks. Has anyone else ever used them? I think they are great because they give you lots of recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert, and they are all low calorie, low fat, etc. and for the most part easy recipes. That's great for me who doesn't cook very often. They have three books out right now, so they have tons of stuff to choose from.

So when I logged back into WW for the first time since late October (Yes, and I have been paying all this time! :doh:) I realized they have totally changed the Points program!!! I'm sure it's a change for the better though, because it encourages healthier eating by focusing on protein, fat, carbs, and fiber, instead of the old method of calories, fat, and fiber. So a lot of things increased a little in points value, but also our daily points allowed increased a ton. Before I think I was allowed 20 or 21 points, and now I get 29! So we'll see how this new thing works out...

I got on the scale this morning and weighed in at 174.4! Almost two pounds in one day! Yes, I know it's probably water weight just because this is the first day I've gone without junk for awhile, but it still makes me happy. I just wanna get out of the 170s! I was so close before I took my "hiatus", the lowest I had got was 172.2. Hopefully it won't be too much longer.

So as some of you know I am an income tax preparer and work for my dad. He's had an income tax business for over 30 years and it's just me, my dad, and another guy who works part time. So it's almost tax season and I'm trying to enjoy my last little bit of freedom while I can. During tax season we work 12 hour days and I drive 45 min to 1hr to get there one way. So that's a 14 hr day with the drive included. And we also work Saturdays. My only salvation is Sundays but usually I just wanna sleep because I never get enough during the week. So my point in all this is that my time for exercise is nil. Last year I brought dumbbells to work and they sat in the bottom drawer of my desk all tax season. I was supposed to use them during my breaks but that didn't happen, lol. Maybe I'll be better about it this year. I have to figure something out because I don't want to lose all my muscle.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I have some other stuff to talk about it but will save it for another post so I don't keep rambling...
 
YOU ARE BACK!!! YAY!!! Thanks for posting on my diary so I'd know, I'll write more once I have time to read your new thread, but I just wanted to share my excitement now. Don't leave us again, ok???? :) Oh, and love the new pic!
 
Hey,
I don't know if you remember me but i think we started at the same time on this forum. Its so good to have you back :D. Good job on maintaining the weight loss. I am sure that u will be ready for that bikini in no time.
 
I can so totally relate to everything you wrote here:
BikiniBound2011 said:
Over the past three years I've been in a mild depression. There are a lot of things I want to fix in my life: my weight, my career, my relationship with my husband. I want to improve all of these things, but sometimes it feels overwhelming and scary. I'm afraid to fail, but how can I fail OR succeed when I'm not really giving it my all? This songs reminds me of that. So what if it's hard? I just gotta keep on going.
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I had the same issues at the beginning of last year (weight, career, relationship) plus school that I wanted to finish. Once I made one major change (when I switched jobs in June) everything else fell into place, albeit over the course of six months. I had the motivation and time to focus on my weight and become the runner I always wanted to be, the motivation and time to graduate earlier than I would have at my old job, and although ideally I would have been able to save my relationship, having it be over ended up being the best option for getting back to a happier me. Hopefully you will find that 2011 goes the same for you; one positive change turning into many positive changes, whatever that may mean for you. Make this YOUR year. I am very much overwhelmed and scared right now, but as you said, I wasn’t going to fail OR succeed with the path I was taking. I was stagnant, and now I feel as though I’ve got the whole world ahead of me, full of opportunities I never realized I had.

I am even happier to have you back than I thought before! You did great with maintaining your weight while you were away, but don’t let that make you feel like you don’t need us, haha.

Here’s to a healthy and happy 2011!
 
Island Girl said:
Hey,
I don't know if you remember me but i think we started at the same time on this forum. Its so good to have you back :D. Good job on maintaining the weight loss. I am sure that u will be ready for that bikini in no time.
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I do remember you!! Glad to see you are still here. Thanks for your kind words. I promise I will stop by your diary soon!

Laura F said:
I can so totally relate to everything you wrote here:

I had the same issues at the beginning of last year (weight, career, relationship) plus school that I wanted to finish. Once I made one major change (when I switched jobs in June) everything else fell into place, albeit over the course of six months. I had the motivation and time to focus on my weight and become the runner I always wanted to be, the motivation and time to graduate earlier than I would have at my old job, and although ideally I would have been able to save my relationship, having it be over ended up being the best option for getting back to a happier me. Hopefully you will find that 2011 goes the same for you; one positive change turning into many positive changes, whatever that may mean for you. Make this YOUR year. I am very much overwhelmed and scared right now, but as you said, I wasn’t going to fail OR succeed with the path I was taking. I was stagnant, and now I feel as though I’ve got the whole world ahead of me, full of opportunities I never realized I had.

I am even happier to have you back than I thought before! You did great with maintaining your weight while you were away, but don’t let that make you feel like you don’t need us, haha.

Here’s to a healthy and happy 2011!
Click to expand...

I can look back over the last three years and see how things have snowballed. Ever since I've finished school I've felt so lost and feel like I'm just going through the motions because I didn't have a clue as to what to do for a career. I think I spent my whole life planning out everything except for what my life would be like after college. It sounds stupid to say that, but that's basically what I did. I've been with the same guy since I was 15, so I knew I was going to finish college, get married, and then.....I guess live happily ever after. But once I did all those things, I realized I didn't have goals anymore and I felt so lost. I KNOW that's why I gained so much weight, because I was depressed about being broke, being lonely (not seeing my friends nearly as much), and hating my job.

As you know already, I've been learning a lot about dog grooming and now I know I really want to pursue that. Just recently I finally actually said the words "I do not want to take over the business." to my mom and dad, and so now they finally get it. So my dad is planning to sell the business in a couple of years. He wants to find someone to buy it before he a) dies or b) gets "feeble", as he puts it. I know it's harsh but he's very much a realist and he's 72 yrs old. So I have only two tax seasons left. I feel somewhat guilty because I'm worried that they'll have enough to live on once they sell it, but at the same time I need to do what's best for me, and would not be happy running that business.

I am hoping after tax season to find a job at a grooming salon (maybe either PetSmart or Petco). I'll probably have to start as a bather and work my way up, but that's fine I know I need to learn. The only thing I'm worried about is I will still have one more tax season left next year and I cannot work another job at the same time. So if I do find a job this summer I will have to quit it in December. I'm still trying to figure all that stuff out.

My husband and I love each other very much, but we're just not as close as we used to be. I know a big part of it is me being depressed. I try to talk about things with him, but it's not the same as when I used to talk about stuff with my girlfriends. Guys just want to fix everything, you know? A lot of times I just need someone there to listen. I'm not expecting him to know all the answers, but he gets frustrated. So I have closed up a lot. This also has led to intimacy problems. I don't feel nearly as close to him as I used to. I know if we don't work on it the problems will just get bigger.

So hopefully, starting a new career and losing weight will be the catalyst I need to fix the other stuff in my life. It feels so good to be actively participating in my life instead of watching it go by.

Gee, I guess I had a lot to let out!

Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere anymore! I definitely need your support!! Thanks for being so sweet and caring! :)
 
hi girl! sorry that its been so long since i've stopped in, I"ll have to change that! SOrry to hear about yoru problems with your hubby. Sounds like you really need to talk to him. I know that men in general like to 'fix' things and when you talk to him about how you feel, the 1st thing he thinks is "ok how do i fix this" and its just b/c he loves you. BUT i know, being a woman, thats not always what we want...we just want someone to listen. I dont' think shutting him out is the answer. You need to tell him that you just need to vent and thats it. You appreciate him trying to help, but you could use a hug more than advice. but don't stop sharing your feelings hun!
 
I can so relate to what you said about your hubby. My husband and I both went through depression at the same time for medical reasons. And like you I found it easier for me, and less stressful for him to not talk about alot of things. Right now I'm focusing on being more supportive and less snippy with him, just treating him like I used to when we were best friends and its working, thankfully. I also carefully pick the time and approach stuff when I feel he's receptive if I need to say something but I also have tried very hard to find other things for us to talk about to try and work on the friendship. I think that's normal, least I hope, in every relationship for there to be distance at times. Often we need our space from each other and can't get it so yea, lol. But both my husband and I are getting our health back and that's helping alot. So just focus forward and it'll all work out. Looks like you're doing alot of soul searching and doing great :)
 
Great to see you back! I'm not sure I like the new points program but to be honest I haven't given it much of a chance. I just liked the idea of the old program because it was very flexible and it seemed to teach people moderation and now it seems to be focused more on clean eating which I'm sure is much more healthier but not as easy to stick to. I should try it for a week before I judge though. Let me know how it works for you.
 
Korrie said:
hi girl! sorry that its been so long since i've stopped in, I"ll have to change that! SOrry to hear about yoru problems with your hubby. Sounds like you really need to talk to him. I know that men in general like to 'fix' things and when you talk to him about how you feel, the 1st thing he thinks is "ok how do i fix this" and its just b/c he loves you. BUT i know, being a woman, thats not always what we want...we just want someone to listen. I dont' think shutting him out is the answer. You need to tell him that you just need to vent and thats it. You appreciate him trying to help, but you could use a hug more than advice. but don't stop sharing your feelings hun!
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Hi Korrie! Nice to talk to you again. Thanks for your advice. I have explained to him that sometimes I may have an issue or problem that either doesn't have a solution or is not going to get one over night, but I just want to vent and have someone to lean on. I'm not expecting a solution. But I think this just confuses him even more.

He is a big worrier, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but anyway it's very easy to make him worried. Like for example one day he noticed I was kind of in a funk and we started to talk and I told him I was worried about finding a grooming job after tax season is over and he just got upset and was like, "Oh great. We really need that extra money. Now what are we gonna do?" But that problem is three or four months away! I told him that if I can't find a job with dog grooming I will just get a part time job doing something else, but hopefully the grooming job will work out. So that gave me the impression that maybe it's better to keep my worries from him, because I am the one that hardly ever worries, and so when I do, he thinks things are really bad. But holding things back from him is making me feel distant from him. Sigh. It's complicated. But we are working on it.

douknowjello said:
I can so relate to what you said about your hubby. My husband and I both went through depression at the same time for medical reasons. And like you I found it easier for me, and less stressful for him to not talk about alot of things. Right now I'm focusing on being more supportive and less snippy with him, just treating him like I used to when we were best friends and its working, thankfully. I also carefully pick the time and approach stuff when I feel he's receptive if I need to say something but I also have tried very hard to find other things for us to talk about to try and work on the friendship. I think that's normal, least I hope, in every relationship for there to be distance at times. Often we need our space from each other and can't get it so yea, lol. But both my husband and I are getting our health back and that's helping alot. So just focus forward and it'll all work out. Looks like you're doing alot of soul searching and doing great :)
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Thanks! It helps to know that other people are going through the same things. Every relationship requires work from both partners every day to keep it going well. With my husband I feel like we're not as close as we used to be. Part of the problem is we're both glued to our laptops when we're home! We'll watch movies together and go shopping together. We go out for frozen yogurt. Once in a while we go out to eat. But we need to make more time for each other, whether we do something extravagant or something silly at home, it can be meaningful. I hope your relationship continues to improve along with mine!

chubbygirl said:
Great to see you back! I'm not sure I like the new points program but to be honest I haven't given it much of a chance. I just liked the idea of the old program because it was very flexible and it seemed to teach people moderation and now it seems to be focused more on clean eating which I'm sure is much more healthier but not as easy to stick to. I should try it for a week before I judge though. Let me know how it works for you.
Click to expand...


Thanks, I'm glad to be back! I feel exactly the same way about the new program. But I will try it out and see. So far I've been doing too much partial tracking, and not keeping track of my whole day. It's hard when you go out to eat or you eat at someone's house to guess how many points you've eaten. It's so much easier when I just stay home and eat things I have nutritional info on!
 
The past couple of days have been quite hectic. I've been going to work to prepare for the start of tax season. I'm trying not to think about how pretty soon I will be stuck behind a desk for 12 hours a day and pushing paper around.

Also I booked another grooming client for Sunday morning. It shouldn't be bad because it's just a yorkie, but you never know it could be a little devil dog! This is only my second real client, so I'm still a little nervous. The first client was also a yorkie, and the lady ended up loving her cut. That made me feel realy feel great! So hopefully this next one will end up just as good. I'm also grooming my brother's Schnoodle on Monday, and I really need to groom my toy poodle again because she has turned into a big fluff ball! I'm running out of time to do everything I need to do.

Tomorrow I have dance practice and then it's time for the Saints playoff game versus Seattle! The Saints have so many injuries right now; they just put two of our best runningbacks on injury reserve this week. Despite this, I know we can win this game!! I'm going to be watching the game at my mom's house and will try not to eat too horribly but no guarantees, lol. I have weighed myself the past three days and still 174.X so still holding steady. Of course, I'm about to start my period soon (sorry TMI!) so the scale will be useless in the coming week.

Guess that's about it for now. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!
 
That's really great that you came back here before gaining any weight. Way to stay on the ball. I do remember you from a ways back. Thought I'd posted in your diary recently but it doesn't look like it. You are young and pretty! I am sure you will lose weight and improve your health. See you around.
 
Happychubette said:
That's really great that you came back here before gaining any weight. Way to stay on the ball. I do remember you from a ways back. Thought I'd posted in your diary recently but it doesn't look like it. You are young and pretty! I am sure you will lose weight and improve your health. See you around.
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Thanks! Even though I had slacked off, I still weighed myself nearly every day and so I have that to thank for not gaining weight. I wish I had stuck with it because I would be a lot lighter now, but at least I didn't gain and I am on track again!
 
Hi guys. I haven't been here in a few days but I'm not going anywhere! I weighed myself today and am down .4. I really didn't try this week, so I am pretty happy with that. I have went out to eat too much this week. I ate with my brother after I groomed his dog on Monday, then last night I saw some old friends I haven't seen in quite awhile and we went out to eat. So I am eating leftovers today and will try to start fresh tomorrow with tracking my WW points.

On a positive note, I bought a new cookbook last night called "Cooking Light Mix & Match Low-Calorie Cookbook". The recipes are in categories which are breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. They have the nutritional info for each, but the cool thing is as long as you eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks, no matter what you pick, you will have eaten 1,500 calories or less. It makes me hungry just looking through the book! I will hopefully get to try out a recipe or two this weekend.

Also the yorkie I groomed on Sunday came out great! I was nervous at first because I didn't realize he was a puppy (6 months old), but he was really well-behaved, except he was pretty wiggly. (But he's a puppy so I will excuse him for that!) He wiggled less as the groom went on. Plus, he was only like 4 or 5 pounds so it was super easy to move him to the position I wanted him in. His mommy seemed happy with his cut! He was so cute I wanted to keep him.
 
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