I don't know where to post, or if I will get feedback. I just need a place to write this all out. And I have a feeling most would recommend a "professional".. but I just need to write this now.
I have always been a little bigger. But I got bigger when people started commenting. My dad asked me if I was pregnant when I was 11 because I had belly fat.. I didn't really get it at the time; why he would say something like that.. I mean, girls are already super sensitive at this age, aren't they? And in 7th grade (I would be about 12 or 13) I was in Weight Watchers... I was taken out of school a couple of times a week to go to meetings and weigh-ins. I was 5'6, 150 pounds. a little bigger, but not too severe. I think I wore a size 9-11 because I carried *and still do* my weight in my lower half like a pear shape. maybe it was because I was so young and was taller and larger than most of the other kids in my classes. I don't know. But anyway, I started binge eating around this time. I would have 10 bowls of cereal just to spite my dad because he was so insensitive.
I'm 19 now, 5'7 and 215 pounds. I still have emotional eating problems, and I binge like crazy. I've been on diets, but I sabotage myself. I will lose 10 pounds and still not be happy nor gain any happiness from the weight loss. I will think to myself "no, you can't let THEM (media, my dad, superficial friends/family) win." So I will eat, and eat, and eat until I am uncomfortably full. And about the health benefits... it's probablly because I am still younger that I have no physical health problems, but I'm sure if I don't lose weight they may come sneaking up on me.
But I do have severe emotional problems. and Maybe this is where the "professional" needs to come in. I have been severely depressed for 8 years. I hate myself, pretty much. I don't think I deserve to be happy. So maybe that's another reason that I binge eat. Because I deserve to be disguisting. It's hard to get help because I move around a lot.. it's tough changing doctors, remembering to take all the medicines I take, school, family, friends or lack of. I don't know. But thanks if anyone reads and has any ideas or support for me.
-lala89
I have always been a little bigger. But I got bigger when people started commenting. My dad asked me if I was pregnant when I was 11 because I had belly fat.. I didn't really get it at the time; why he would say something like that.. I mean, girls are already super sensitive at this age, aren't they? And in 7th grade (I would be about 12 or 13) I was in Weight Watchers... I was taken out of school a couple of times a week to go to meetings and weigh-ins. I was 5'6, 150 pounds. a little bigger, but not too severe. I think I wore a size 9-11 because I carried *and still do* my weight in my lower half like a pear shape. maybe it was because I was so young and was taller and larger than most of the other kids in my classes. I don't know. But anyway, I started binge eating around this time. I would have 10 bowls of cereal just to spite my dad because he was so insensitive.
I'm 19 now, 5'7 and 215 pounds. I still have emotional eating problems, and I binge like crazy. I've been on diets, but I sabotage myself. I will lose 10 pounds and still not be happy nor gain any happiness from the weight loss. I will think to myself "no, you can't let THEM (media, my dad, superficial friends/family) win." So I will eat, and eat, and eat until I am uncomfortably full. And about the health benefits... it's probablly because I am still younger that I have no physical health problems, but I'm sure if I don't lose weight they may come sneaking up on me.
But I do have severe emotional problems. and Maybe this is where the "professional" needs to come in. I have been severely depressed for 8 years. I hate myself, pretty much. I don't think I deserve to be happy. So maybe that's another reason that I binge eat. Because I deserve to be disguisting. It's hard to get help because I move around a lot.. it's tough changing doctors, remembering to take all the medicines I take, school, family, friends or lack of. I don't know. But thanks if anyone reads and has any ideas or support for me.
-lala89
