gingerbabe
New member
This thread is quite vague, but I’m desperate and need someone to talk to.
Here’s some background…
Growing up I was always the chubby one. Around 3rd or 4th grade I was obese and remained that way for a long time. I remember getting a letter from my doctor in the mail telling me I was obese and immediately tore it to shreds and then went back to get the one addressed to my mother and ripped hers apart too. Family would always comment about it, not necessarily to my face, but I would hear them in the next room. It didn’t help that my best friend’s brother and his friends tortured me incessantly and made me hate myself at a young age. Oh and did I mention my older is sister is blonde, tan, and thin while my brother was an all-start athlete?
I was always active and did school sports, but I just always seemed to be “big”. Senior year of high school is I guess when it started. I’m not too sure what triggered it. I was under a lot of stress from my brother passing away and dealing with my crazy alcoholic mother who was grieving. I don’t know if that’s what sparked it, maybe I was just tired of everything. I also got my first boyfriend which made me extra self conscious. I started obsessing about food. Binging, starving myself, throwing up etc…All I could think about was eating or not eating. Food was the monster under my bed. I worked in a private home and would give myself tiny portions of food and then throw it up. I loved going to bed starving. I went from being around 190 pounds to 140ish? It happened in the fall of 2006. When I saw my friends over Thanksgiving break they noticed I lost weight, then when I didn’t see them again till Christmas break, they were shocked. Fat me was thin. I kept it off for about a year until this past summer.
I felt great. I never had so much confidence. I was finally comfortable with showing people the real me and I actually enjoyed life and had fun. My weight was no longer holding me back.
I finally stopped throwing up and got rid of my unhealthy habits. I became a health freak. I ate how much I was supposed to and had a healthy balanced diet while going to the gym.
But now, I have put on 15 pounds and I can’t function. I didn’t go out tonight with my friends because I couldn’t stop thinking about how fat I am. Usually I am really confident and embrace my extra “love”. But, now it’s getting to me. I binged and purged tonight out of stress and because I felt out of control.
Basically, I am just stressed and I knew that posting this would make me feel better. Also, I don’t know what to do. What do I do?
Here’s some background…
Growing up I was always the chubby one. Around 3rd or 4th grade I was obese and remained that way for a long time. I remember getting a letter from my doctor in the mail telling me I was obese and immediately tore it to shreds and then went back to get the one addressed to my mother and ripped hers apart too. Family would always comment about it, not necessarily to my face, but I would hear them in the next room. It didn’t help that my best friend’s brother and his friends tortured me incessantly and made me hate myself at a young age. Oh and did I mention my older is sister is blonde, tan, and thin while my brother was an all-start athlete?
I was always active and did school sports, but I just always seemed to be “big”. Senior year of high school is I guess when it started. I’m not too sure what triggered it. I was under a lot of stress from my brother passing away and dealing with my crazy alcoholic mother who was grieving. I don’t know if that’s what sparked it, maybe I was just tired of everything. I also got my first boyfriend which made me extra self conscious. I started obsessing about food. Binging, starving myself, throwing up etc…All I could think about was eating or not eating. Food was the monster under my bed. I worked in a private home and would give myself tiny portions of food and then throw it up. I loved going to bed starving. I went from being around 190 pounds to 140ish? It happened in the fall of 2006. When I saw my friends over Thanksgiving break they noticed I lost weight, then when I didn’t see them again till Christmas break, they were shocked. Fat me was thin. I kept it off for about a year until this past summer.
I felt great. I never had so much confidence. I was finally comfortable with showing people the real me and I actually enjoyed life and had fun. My weight was no longer holding me back.
I finally stopped throwing up and got rid of my unhealthy habits. I became a health freak. I ate how much I was supposed to and had a healthy balanced diet while going to the gym.
But now, I have put on 15 pounds and I can’t function. I didn’t go out tonight with my friends because I couldn’t stop thinking about how fat I am. Usually I am really confident and embrace my extra “love”. But, now it’s getting to me. I binged and purged tonight out of stress and because I felt out of control.
Basically, I am just stressed and I knew that posting this would make me feel better. Also, I don’t know what to do. What do I do?
. Just realize that you need to break the cycle soon. Oh and drink alot of water before you go to bed tonight so you don't wake up puffy and dehydrated as binge eating/drinking usually does that to you 
