I'm burning up, baby!

[dandelion]

Well, I'm burning up my fat, at least! I introduced myself in the Newcomers thread earlier, but just to reiterate, my name's Katy, I'm 18, and I'm here for some support and guidance in losing weight, and hopefully I'll make some friends along the way!

Losing these 50 pounds means more to me than just being a thinner, healthier, person: it will prove to me that I can accomplish something of this magnitude. I will be infinitely proud of what I've done at the end of this, and that will mean that maybe I'll have confidence again! Ever since I gained the weight, I've felt so humiliated and ashamed all the time, even worthless. I avoid social interactions and try not to go out in public whenever possible because I'm terrified that people that knew me before I gained the weight will see me and laugh at me. It's emotionally crippling having to worry about what people will think of me all the time. I can't really go on like this, and that's why things have got to change. Not only my weight, but how I feel about myself.

So, I'll just lay out my goals here.
1. Lose 50 pounds through healthy diet and frequent exercise.
2. Learn to love myself and not worry about what other people think (for the very first time in my life!)
3. Become a more compassionate and helpful person in the process.

PS:
I had 3/4 a cup of Smart Start cereal and 1/2 cup 1% milk for breakfast. Whee!

EDIT:
I also thought I'd offer an explanation as to why I'd freak out this much over weight. My mom is a size 4, 5'11, and she's been the only female role model in my life. I was somewhat raised with a phobia of being fat, and now I am my phobia! Even though I think curvy women are beautiful and sexier, I have troubles accepting that ideal for myself, and I'm not sure why.

 

[JeremyRice]

your minds in the right place!

just keep your head straight and motivation high and you can accomplish anything!

 

[dandelion]

terrible day.

After working out more and dieting all summer, I decided to go shopping for some cute new clothes to reward myself. I was really excited to go, and so my mom and I went off to the mall.

So, first of all, the bra measurer people let me know that I am now a 36B. My boobs have gotten smaller (they were only a 36C before), which was something I was afraid of. But, I rationalized that it was fine since that probably meant that the rest of me had gotten smaller, too.

Then, I went off to try on jeans. Not only have I not gone down a size, I have gone from a 13 to a 17. I haven't even gained weight, I don't know how this happened other than that my already small boobs gave up all their fat to my already huge hips.

God, I feel like such a failure. I think I'm going to go on Aderall or something so that I'll lose weight. I wanted to do it the natural way, but I did that for two months and I've only lost my boobs and gotten fatter hips and thighs. I'd have to reduce my calorie intake below the 1400 it was at already to lose weight, which sucks. I just feel so hopeless and down. I thought I'd already hit rock bottom, but now I officially have. Two months of hard work, and I've only gotten fatter.

Not only that, but I'm developing an intense social phobia because of this. I don't want people to stare at me and laugh at how fat I am, or assume that I am lazy or a glutton or a slob. I don't want anybody to see me. My boyfriend wants me to come with him tomorrow to talk to all the people he'll potentially move in with next year (they all have a room open), but I'm worried that they'll laugh at his fat girlfriend. I don't think I can go.

I don't know who to turn to so I can talk about this. I'm falling apart.

 

[stuco]

Curvy women are sexy but there is a difference between curvy and just...big. For example beyonce is curvy while monique is big. See what I mean? Good for you for starting you new plan and 10 lb loss already! thats great. Look at it this way, at least you are not starting out heavier than you are. Keep up the good work.

 

[maleficent]

Then, I went off to try on jeans. Not only have I not gone down a size, I have gone from a 13 to a 17. I haven't even gained weight, I don't know how this happened other than that my already small boobs gave up all their fat to my already huge hips.

Did you take measurements before and after -it might the the actual jeans that are running smaller and not you being bigger...

Every manufacturer of jeans runs differently some are cut smaller than others. Were your original 13s getting big on you?

God, I feel like such a failure. I think I'm going to go on Aderall or something so that I'll lose weight. I wanted to do it the natural way, but I did that for two months and I've only lost my boobs and gotten fatter hips and thighs. I'd have to reduce my calorie intake below the 1400 it was at already to lose weight, which sucks.

Don't drop below 1400 calories, it might be in your best interest to up those calories - what is your daily food plan looking like? Where are those calories coming from? and what does your fitness plan look like?

Hang in there... you aren't a failure at all...