Do what you want to do - people will understand and if they don't -- oh well their loss..
My quote of the week is from Dr Suess.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Gotta take care of Britta..
Ya definately. Good ol' dr. suess. I am definately going to be taking care of my needs going forward. I need to get that down before I can start focusing on others!
The bunny does also look cute.
I see how the Christmas thing is hard. Good on you for deciding to be more cautious about what you agree to another time. Within all the convoluted threads of my own family, everyone automatically accepts that some of us can make firm plans (for example the host must!!), and that some of the arrangements will have to be tentative. I also think that a guest withdrawing an acceptance when there are two weeks to go, and with the reason for changing being immediate family, is quite polite.
You would think that it is acceptable, but you wouldn't believe the guilt trips. And Dave doesn't see it, but that's ok because I can handle it, all I need to do is take a deep breath and approach it gracefully.
nice intro...good decisions
i will start a new diary after all this budapest thing is over. for now...my corner is there...like cheers, go, have a drink...everybody there knows your name hehehe...still not yet time for redocorating.
but what i wanted to say was: welcome to your new place sweety
when i read that post the first thing that came into my mind was: Britta's back
and that is just wonderful
a big hug
Lena
Thanks Lena!!! It's so great to be back!
Things are not happening too fast for me, because I have so much on my plate. I am moving into my new apt. in two weeks, so I am packing and cleaning and working and everything.
It's great to be here again though, I missed this place.
Last night I couldn't sleep.
While I was laying in bed, I was looking through the dark at the shadow of a beautiful potted tree that I have on top of my armoir.
Someone had it sent to me the morning after my grandmother died.
It was delivered while my dad, cousin, dave and I were down the street at the mortuary discussing what the next steps were.
When I got back home, I was touched by someone sending the plant and named I it Harley.
Harley is the Heroine in my favorite book of all time. She feels like my best friend when I re-read the book, and Cat, the author of Harley Like A Person came out with a book titled Harley's Ninth.
Harley's Ninth came out a few months before Granna died, and I started becoming friends with Cat, who offered me a place to talk through email, and shared with me her own experiences with death.
Most importantly, what I thought about last night was that in Harley's Ninth, the theme is really: Life Never Stops.
So my grandmother passes away, and I am promptly presented with a beautiful living tree that I name after my favorite character who's author is so obviously trying to show me that life doesn't just stop. She doesn't say it so bluntly, but she is giving me everything to work with, but I shut down.
Now if you read my entry in my other diary about trees and energy, or if you are Steve, you know very well that I came up with this concept very well on my own just before Granna died.
But I decided to shut down anyways. And then a few days ago I was sad that my family seems so broken for christmas, and I was saying that it seems like Granna was the glue for us, and dave says "Well I remember you telling me with such a happy look on your face that Granna will never leave you, and that she will be all around you. So why are you so sad if you know this?'
So why am I so sad after eight months of darkness?
Well I guess I never really came out of my cocoon. I started to construct my chrysalis before she passed away and then I went into this state of living without really living to live but rather living to remember which isn't really living at all, it's dying.
But anyways, this tree has now grown so much more than I have seen a plant grow. It's leaves are so big, and I am surprised because it seems like every week it produces one or two new ones, and all I do is water it every few weeks. Yes WEEKS.
Kind of like how I only take care of myself in spurts, never really giving myself the attention I deserve but I am still here, aren't I?
