Icychic is back! Long way to go...

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icychic

icychic

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So I've been gone for quite some time. Almost 2 years now I think. Wow. And I have not been doing well. I am now sadly over 150 lbs. I am not okay with this. The last couple of years have not been good to my husband and I financially or emotionally. It came to the point where we sold our house, left practically everything behind, and moved across the country and are now living with his parents and his brother. Overall the move has been good, but it still sucks not having our own place. Hubby has slowly been doing better, and I do enjoy living out here. Hoping the next few years slowly get better and better for us.

Now on to why I'm here. As I said I'm now over 150 lbs and that is NOT OKAY! I need to make a change. I need to exercise. I need to keep trying to eat better food, smaller portion, and drink much more water. (Speaking of I'm going to get a glass right now).

I don't know if any of my workout DVDs made it through the massive purging that happened before we left our lives behind, but I really should check. That said I have also been looking into BeachBody. They seem to have a 14 day free trial for their On Demand program which means as long as I have internet, I can access workout videos from a variety of their programs including Core de Force, P90x, insanity, 21 day fix, etc. After the trial it's $39 quarterly. The cheapest thing for me to do really is just go for walks in the beautiful summer weather, and look up workout videos online to see if I can even get into a routine of working out before spending money I don't have on yet another workout that I may barely use.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I've been down under 130 lbs before and I need to do it again. I need to lose weight, not just because I want to look better and feel better about my body, but because I feel like garbage. My body doesn't feel good, it feels unhealthy, and it should feel unhealthy. So I'm back to make changes. I know it won't be easy, I know I will have set backs, and I know it will take time and effort, but I want to do this.

I am aiming to weigh myself tomorrow in the morning to get a gauge on my weight. I will also try to take my measurements for a new starting point. From there I will aim at first to simply drink 1L of water a day, and workout everyday. This could be anywhere from doing 10 jumping jacks to an hour long workout - but I will do something each day to remind myself that exercise needs to be part of my daily life. I will also set a goal of losing 1 lb per week, with the weeks starting on Saturday.
 
I'm sorry that you have had a tough time of it icy, but it looks like you have managed to retain your ability to look on the bright side. Welcome back hon xo
 
I guess you're right cate, I am still looking on the bright side :) I just hope I stick with it this time. Sick of feeling unhealthy and hating how my clothes all make me look pregnant.
 
Unofficial weight this morning of 151.5. Better than I thought! Not good, but 2.5 less than I thought I was starting out. Will take official weight and measurements tomorrow. Then I will begin a plan to lose it.
 
Question: is there a way to set a default for your typing font?

Official weight and measurements to start this journey, best I could take on my own:
SW: 152.0
Bust: 38
Waist: 33
Stomach: 37.5
Hips: 39

Goals by Dec 31/17
Weight: 129
Waist: 28
Stomach: 31
 
Thanks Sunflower! It's good to be back. It means life has calmed down just a bit and I can spend some time bettering myself again.
 
1. What is your current height and weight? 152 5'2"
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? 115 but not sure that's realistic
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? 132
4. Why do you want to lose weight? To be more confident and feel better about myself and to be healthier and feel sexy. I've never thought of myself as sexy.
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? Not this time. I got down to I think 125 or so for my wedding just over 3 years ago. Within months I'd put it all back on. And now I'm even heavier.
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? Motivation, time, food cravings.
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? Poor eating habits, stress, lack of will power and lack of exercise.
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? Smaller portions, less sugar, exercising.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? Tracking calories, portion control, healthier foods, no snacking on junk, lowering sugar intake and exercising.
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? Stress and stopped paying attention. Went back to my old eating habits and poor snacking and stopped exercising.
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work? I don't think I could ever completely deprive myself of the things I enjoy. I couldn't forever cut pop, chips and popcorn out of my life. Or ice cream, cheesecake, etc. I may lose weight but I'd feel deprived and unhappy and end up binging or cheating and feeling bad and quitting the process completely.
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? I have done this and thing it did work. I'm not going to do this right now, but even if I don't end up counting calories I may later start this again.
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? I try to eat home cooked meals, but don't always cook them myself. Live with my husband, in-laws and brother in law so usually someone cooks something. Anything from pasta like spaghetti, butter chicken, tacos, frozen fried fish, burgers, salad, sandwiches etc. Some stuff healthier than others.
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? We've tried to cut this out more cuz we can't afford it. We eat out when we go to the movies and occasionally I've got fast food for dinner. Movies sometimes monthly other times weekly or we may not go for a couple months.
15. What are your three favorite foods? I love pasta and snack on chips and candy a lot.
16. What are your three favorite restaurants? Don't really have any. My go to would be McD's, subway and Tim Horton's.
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? Portion control, healthier snacking, less sugar.
18.If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? If be healthier and thinner and more toned.
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry? Yes. Trying to stop that.
29. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? I don't think so, though there are days that I've felt really hungry no matter what I eat.
30. Do you hide your food or eat in secret? Sometimes with candy and snacks.
31. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? Sometimes
32. Do you eat as a reward? Not so much though sometimes with desserts or candy.
33. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? Yes.
34. What do you normally eat for a meal?
35. What type of snacks do you eat? Chips, popcorn, chocolate, candy.
36. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? Nothing.
37. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home? Will be home mostly.
38. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? Not sure i have a favorite.
39. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? I need to work on being motivated.
40. Do you have rewards for certain goals? No. Though a new wardrobe would be great if I hit my goal and we have money for it.
 
I have my fitbit flex going again so I can monitor my steps. Currently set to a 5000 daily step goal. Not much but given I work a desk job I know it will be difficult most days if I don't put the effort in. I haven't done much for exercise yet or eating better. Breakfast today will be the usual corn pops and milk (I find most of the cereals I would eat are all about the same for calories). I also have a bagel with a bit of strawberry cream cheese, some rice (leftover and needs to be eaten) and a spring mix salad with some Italian dressing. No idea what dinner will be. There may be some candy snacking but gonna try hard not to. Also aiming for lots of water drinking today.
 
Doing good with the no snacking today. But not drinking near enough water, and had too much dressing on my salad which also made it taste not so great. Been up almost 12 hours and still have 3 hours of work left. So tired! And trying really hard not to snack on junk today....
 
Hope you got through that last 3 hours ok Icy & manage to have a relaxing evening & an early night xoxo
 
I did ok at work. Then came home and felt starved and ate 2 burgers. Halfway through the 2nd I knew I'd made a mistake making 2, but took my time and did end up eating both.

152.6 this morning. Ugh. But I think it could be cuz it may be that time of the month. We shall see how the rest of the week goes.

I'm waking up a bit late today. Have 30mins to shower and grab lunch and breakfast etc. Plan right now: corn pops, yogurt, bagel, roast beef sandwich. No idea what dinner will be but that should get me through the day.

Hit my 5k steps goal yesterday. Didn't drink enough water but working on it. Got less than 4 hrs sleep with a lot of restlessness in between per my fitbit. No wonder I'm so tired!

Boss comes tomorrow so lots to do at work today. Time to get moving!
 
Sorry to hear the past two years have been so tough on you guys but I'm glad things are starting to look up! Looks like you're off to a good start.
 
Thanks LaMaria!

So far today: corn pops, small salad with italian dressing (not so much like yesterday), yogurt, bagel with strawberry cream cheese. I was still hungry but put off eating anything more for a couple hours. Drank some water (not enough today). Now I am eating an extra long twizzler which is 190 cals... YIKES! But it's in my drawer and I'm not going to throw it away so I'm eating it. Gotta grab groceries on my way home, and have an appointment this evening so probably won't eat dinner until late. Will try for a light dinner to make up for the candy. And I need to sleep earlier today. Gotta be up early tomorrow to make sure I look good for my boss tomorrow. First time he is coming to visit and I can't be late or look like crap.
 
icychic said:
Gotta be up early tomorrow to make sure I look good for my boss tomorrow. First time he is coming to visit and I can't be late or look like crap.
Click to expand...
So long as you are doing your job really well it shouldn't matter. I wonder how many men would have this thought.
Hope you have a good night's sleep Icy xoxo
 
I hope you got more than 4 hours sleep this night ;) and are ready for meeting your boss. Do you always sleep so little (or maybe is it because of your work specifics?) or it was just one time thing? From my experience, if I have a good night sleep (read long enough) I am most likely to choose healthy foods instead of some junk, but when I have slept little – oh boy, I even do not wish to list what kind of sh*t my body demands!

Good luck with losing around 20 pounds by end of December!! My goal is the same – looking forward to get rid of 22 lbs! And as you wrote in my diary- we can do this! :):beerchug:
 
The owner is apparently not usually a fun guy to deal with. The visit was ok and they have now left. They will be back next week. The sad news is I have officially been told they don't know how long I will be around for. They like my work, but with us closing next year and only 1 or 2 programs running they do not have a need for a full time administrator. I should be fine until November when they do graduation, but after that I could have nothing or much less hours. Fun times! But he has given me his card and said to use him as a reference so that's good! Always nice when you can use your current employer as a reference! And it should mean if I get this Air Canada job that they'd work with me to get me the 2 weeks off for training. Fingers crossed I get that! And I guess I look further into starting my own bookkeeping business.

Cheeselover: I don't sleep earlier enough usually to get 8 hours, but even then it seems I'm restless so it compounds the issue.
I tried to get more sleep last night. Woke up before my alarm and couldn't fall back to sleep. Super restless again. Between 915 and 530 I got 4.5 hrs sleep. Took about 30mins to fall asleep, was awake 5 times in between, restless 19 times for a total of 222 mins. Not good at all :( Gonna get my hubby to wear it tonight or tomorrow to see what his sleep is like. If he thinks it'll be useful we might try to scrounge money for a new one, or find a used one online.

Food:
Corn pops, 2x roast beef sandwiches. Tea with probably too much sugar but raw sugar is better than white sugar, right? Slice of homemade banana bread. No idea what's for dinner. I caved when I got groceries yesterday and got 2 bags of chips and a 2 bags of nachos cuz they were all on sale. Nachos are at home - will likely be eaten by me with salsa and melted cheese on top. Yum! The other 2 bags (dill pickle & salt n vinegar) have come to work with me. Partially for a daytime snack, partially for on the way home for something to help me focus - as weird as that sounds. When I start to get sleepy it helps to have something to do. So having a drink I can drink, or chips to snack on helps me stay awake and aware.

At least the fitbit thing is helping me realize why I'm so damn tired. I'm not getting near enough sleep, and I'm restless on top of it which makes it even worse. Pretty sure we need a new mattress but we don't have money for it. Once A starts working and he says he feels he can handle it for a while, then I can try to scrounge money for a decent mattress. Hopefully that will help BOTH of us sleep better and be more productive during the day.

I think I weighed in this morning at 154 :( But that was after I got dress, not my normal light sleepwear attire. And still sorta on my period - it's being weird....Which is normal....But weirder than it usual is. It's pissing me off.

But anyways, time to head home! And no groceries to grab today - leaving that for tomorrow if need be. Or Saturday likely since we'll be in town anyways.
 
Job insecurity sucks, I´m sorry yo´re having to deal with it. About the fitbit sleep thing: "restless" usually means you moved or turned over in your sleep so I wouldn´t worry about that part too much. 4.5 hours is crazy little though! I tend to need more than a week for a new sleeping pattern to work, so don´t give up on going to bed earlier yet as you may stop waking up early soon.
 
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