I hate my body so much

[danny1]

I'm sorry I didn't read or respond to this sooner, I was off doing finals work and then the holidays and all...Nov turned out to be a rather good month of working out. I got out there at least 3 times a week to the gym doing weight training. I learned I had 20% bodyfat though. That was really depressing for me. I'd ideally like to be at 10-15% and while I've lost weight, having once been a size 38 waist and now can fit in cuts of 34, I still see myself as having a TON of work to do. Id like to fit in a size 30-32.

You kind of hit it on the head David, though I have horrible self esteem when it comes to my looks and my body. The thing is I'm smart and practical thinking enough to know that how I feel is ridiculous and that I am face wise, better looking than a lot of guys out there, and even in my current state I'm better off than a lot of other men, but for some reason I still look at other guys, guys that maybe even aren't as attractive as I am overall, but for some reason I think they're much more ideal, just because they have better bodies and I want to be like them. I've been always "different" personality wise and what I've been interested in, it's sad but it's almost like I want to be a generic Abercrombie wearing lacrosse player.

I think in my case I'm a bit unusual for a guy, wanting to be smaller. I'm kind of hung up on being slim I think, because when I WAS slim I was not only my most attractive, but that was also the happiest time of my life and perhaps my thinking is that if I get thin again, it will be like that again, which I know is naive, but it would be easier.

It's just very tough, my younger brother could model if he wanted to. In that respect I'm very jealous of him. I'm confident enough in my talents and personality that I like myself but it's only my metaphorical, mental self with all my personality and interests, strengths that I respect, but it's all intangible, sure I'm a sensitive romantic young man, what girl wouldn't like all that, but when it comes to the physical, I feel I am disappointing. I feel it is casebook cliche, he's a great guy but his body is mediocre. I want to be best lover I can be and I feel I owe it to be the best to whomever I'm with. I'm the artist/writer wanting to look more like an athlete. It's all wanting validation.

pic is from Nov. I'm not sure if I look better now than then or not, I probably don't, I have been really down and haven't had the motivation to really get to the gym that much this month.

I hate to be the ass on this thread....but bro everyone is telling you that you really don't look that bad. Your 20 years young. Idk where your going to find the motivation to start working out but I think If you realize how close you really are to gaining your goal you will be fine. You got a great base to begin with. If you Want to gain muscle you seem like you get a pretty good frame to get it going. If you want to lose weight you don't have much to lose, and you can be cut up by summer easily. It's all on you from here you got great feed back from people. People dont bull**** on here so i'm not going to either. You go hard for 2 months I'm telling you, you will love yourself. Good luck brotha you can do it

 

[Maximiliani]

Hi there! I just read over your thread and I totally know what you mean about disliking how you look and such. I was the same way (still partly that way). I tried all the unhealthy ways out like diet pills, starving myself while also working out (really bad idea) and even an all liquid diet. BAD! Im not sure how many girls have responded to this thread but IMO you look great. I actually think your body is perfect. I hope you can get the help you need (maybe from the books referred to you) to fix your mental thinking about yourself. You definitely do not have to be an athlete or have crazy huge muscles to be good looking at all. I think you have just the right amount (in fact, much more muscle than that, I dont find as attractive.) Anyway, good luck with your goals and dont be too hard on yourself!!

Thanks! =) I really appreciate hearing that. I'm sorta shy, so I often don't get much feedback from girls or get hit on much, so, I really, really appreciate hearing that. =)

Also danny, you're not being an ass at all. I actually got the book you mentioned and it so far has been a good read. I wish more plastic surgeons were like him today! Heidi Montag should have read this book.

 

[lilsarrygrl]

You're welcome I'm glad it helped. I understand the shy thing. I tend to go for guys like that haha. like my boyfriend was amazed Id even talk to him he told me after we met because he considers me a "hot" girl and himself a skinny nerd. (not saying you are skinny or a nerd though) So dont worry, there are other girls out there like me not looking for a big athlete jock type. And you said you are in college right? Im sure you will meet some girls there

 

[Maximiliani]

I'm in college yeah, but I'm self conscious bout how I look so I kinda stay away from dating unless I really like someone, and I'll pay attention to her regardless. I made visits to our late-nite cafe on campus freshman year just to see/say hi to a certain barista. She ended up transferring but we still keep in touch to this day. Only girl really I've liked enough to go after regardless of how I felt about myself.

I used to be bigger looking even though my weight has generally stayed the same since 07, which is the 196ish range, but bodyfat and muscle I guess have switched places a bit since I look completely different from 07 to now. I'm currently apparently 20% bodyfat though, which means I have over 39 lbs of fat, which quite honestly is discouraging to me, especially since I wanna get down to 10%. A lot of work to do, which I don't mind, I'm picking up a new routine (5 x 5) that at one point I was doing a variation of and it indeed works, but I don't believe in two months time I'll be there...it just seems too good to be true!

 

[g8r80]

You're below 20% body fat right now. Probably closer to 15%.

 

[Maximiliani]

You really think so? Here's some more pictures, I personally, while I don't want to believe it, wouldn't be surprised if I was at 20%......

 

[Maximiliani]

Would aiming to loose 30 lbs be too much? I'm trying to organize my program and set some concrete goals so I'll know I'm progressing.

 

[jkjk8991]

30 pounds is a bit unrealistic man, if you weigh 196 pounds, even if you were 20% body fat, which im almost positive you're more down near the 15 range, but 20% would mean you have 39lbs of fat. (15% is about 29)
if you were 15% and you lose say 15 pounds of fat, not muscle, you would be around 8.5% body fat
if you were 20% body fat it would be around 25 lbs to be 8.5%, but again, im positive you're under that.

 

[reese]

Some people have emotional/psychological reasons for hating their body so much and that's very difficult to treat. Because if they can't believe they're beautiful, how can they believe us telling them they look fine?

 

[Maximiliani]

Here's a current picture.

People on another bodybuilding forum didn't think I looked that different from January.

 

[DrShelly]

Have you ever considered that your judgements about your body actually create how your body shows up? What if actually having gratitude for your body, and getting out of judgement of it will allow it to change?

I had similar judgements... competed, dieted, worked out like crazy...and still didn't have the perfect body in my mind. It's all about perception.

There are these really easy [personal link removed] that can help you change all of this!!

 

[lessen]

buddy your crazy , i swear i had a horrible mental picture of you when i read ur first post. your body isnt bad at all maybe all u need is toning , gosh u make me feel bad about my body hehehe. i think u need to work out on your self esteem thats it.

 

[roniejanet]

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