Hi Frances!
Wow...I can see how this could be very frustrating to go for so many years with minimal results. I definitely have recommendations and would totally like to follow "with" you on progress. I am on a weight loss journey myself. My starting weight was 215 pounds at 5"4'. I've lost 6 pounds in the last 30 days and counting. I have a nutritionist and personal trainer, so I have learned quite a bit about food and fitness
I would be more than happy to share to help you with your fitness goals. I too would not want to stay on a bar/shake diet...and you shouldn't have to to lose weight. It's like....where's the real food at!! Really to me eating healthy and losing weight should be more of a lifestyle change. By being on a "diet", you only lose the weight during that period of time, and then the minute you stop and transition to "real" food...you gain all the weight back and them some.
This is primarily due to not learning "how to" eat, and because you were once at a significantly reduced calorie intake that drastically skyrockets the minute you start eating real food, and because a person doesn't understand food and calories there is a drastic incline of unwanted pounds.
My take on all of this losing weight stuff? Clean eating and working out. Most shakes and bars have a ton of sugar in them, which eventually turns to FAT. Not good. I would stay away from shakes and bars. Next, I would start eating real food only. No meal replacement, no processed foods...all heart healthy, on your supermarkets shelf food. Real food.
You want to load up on veggies of course, have some fruits, and some whole grains in your diet daily. Minimal bread, dairy, sugar, and sodium at all cost because of the obvious. Also, small frequent meals. You should shoot for 5-6 mini meals per day with a 1200-1500 calorie daily intake. If you're use to larger meals, it will probably take up to 2 weeks to get use to this where your stomach shrinks to adjust to your new eating habit. Hang in there, it won't last forever. One trick I had was to have a half a snack baggie (the really small bags) of the healthiest unsalted nuts, and I would snack on them in between meals so that I never got those nagging hunger pains. This also keeps you metabolism working on overdrive!
This is want you want. You want your body burning calories as much as possible. Next, hydrate...hydrate...hydrate. Be sure to drink tons of water to flush the fat and yuck muck out of your system as you start shedding pounds, and so that your body is operating at its optimum performance. This is a great place to cut calories...sodas and fruit juices have tons of sugar and calories. They kill your daily calorie intake!
If you absolutely have to have some other drink during the day be sure that 90% of the day your drinking water, and maybe the other 10% could be a small cup of joe in the morning (only), and another low calorie drink, but the more water you drink the better (within reason of course, don't go and get water poisoning
Here is what under 1500 calorie day would look like:
Breakfast: cup of coffee, oatmeal with cinnamon (not sugary instant), 1/2 banana
Mid-morning snack: 10 grapes and 10 almonds
Lunch: 4 turkey breast lettuce wraps (turkey breast with romaine lettuce, tomato, and red or green onion with mustard)
Mid-afternoon snack: celery (equal to 1 large stalk) and peanut butter (1 tbsp)
Dinner: 1 cup cooked brown rice, 2 cups of stemmed broccoli, boneless skinless chicken breast
Snack: 2 cups of popcorn (watch a movie
***This is actually well under 1500 calories. You can add a couple more 100 calorie fruits, veggies, or healthy snacks low in sugar and salt, and would still be under 1500!
Now this is how it all works together with you work out routine. 80% of your weight loss will be determined by what you consume (eat). Only 20% is about exercise; although, exercise is absolutely essential for heart health, endurance, and that awesome figure you'll have when you reach your goal weight!
That being said...3500 calories equal 1 pound of weight. If you consume 3500 additional calories than what your body is burning, you will gain 1 pound; however, if you burn 3500 "extra" calories from what you consume you will lose 1 pound. This is where it gets fun, and brings it down to simple mathematics. Try it...it absolutely works!
Say if you ate 1500 calories for the day, and then went to the gym and did 30 minutes weight training and 30-45 minutes cardio. BTW...you absolutely should be doing weights. Weights help you burn calories for 48 hours...even during sleeping! It has a residual affect. Cardio burns during the routine, weights burn during and after. You need to be doing both. Also, weights get your body AND skin toned as you're losing weight. That means no or minimal lose skin after weight loss and sculpted buns, arms, and legs!
So back to what I was saying...if you ate 1500 calories with the exercise and what your body already burns each day, you would burn approx. 2400 calories (give or take, not sure what your lifestyle is, but the more active you are the more you burn). Minus 1500 would leave you with a 900 calorie deficit or -900 calories. By day 4 of doing this same regimen, you would have a deficit of 3600 calories, which equates to losing 1 pound.
At this rate, you could lose 7-8 pounds per month! This is very doable. I started this a couple weeks ago and love the progress. I wouldn't suggest going under 1200 daily calorie intake for your weight, but you could add more cardio if you want to lose more each week but you should probably keep it at maximum 2-3 pounds max per week...just to be healthy and to let that skin shrink back with your newly shrinking body.
Let me know if you have any questions. Hope this was helpful to you. Good luck on your journey!