I feel ashamed and embarrassed

urging.sight

urging.sight

New member
I want to lose weight,
but im ashamed and embarrassed by my weight because of the way my brothers and sisters look at me when they know im exercising, like im confirming that im fat to them.
I feel a little embarrassed when i exercise because Im afraid of what my family will think.
:confused:


I dont know what to do, my life is out of control, i hate it, i really do.
 
I used to be the same way. I would hate for people to watch me work out. I still look over my shoulder ever once in a while at the gym just to see if anyone is watching my fat butt sweat. Sometimes people did watch. Who the F*** cares. Right now all you can think is I am doing this for me to be heathly. Who cares what they think. You can't let the fear of others keep you from becoming the person you want to be. Also why would your family do anything but support you? They should support you and your weightloss journey! There are many people on this forum that have felt the same way you have. Don't let others opinons effect you in a negitive way! You do you.(words of wisdom from my sister)
 
Lea said it so well I don't know what else to say but that I whole heartedly agree. I got to the point where my work outs were 'me time'. I put my headphones on and completely tuned out. You DO NOT talk to me when I work out and I enjoy doing it alone or with someone but not talking.

You have to take yourself to another place, put all negativity aside and ignore anyone watching or what judgments they might make. Some of them are just hypocrites who have probably never worked hard for something in their life. They don't know what it's like to struggle with weight loss. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. You should be so proud of yourself for persevering and making the strides you have.

For me, I had very low self esteem. I was always worried what others were thinking of me. I think I really started improving once I got past that. We only have one life. We need to do what is right for ourselves and what will make us happy in the long run. It's all about you! You can do it! <3
 
Thanks LeaJnice and beautifulLIE,

I have to deal with 5 siblings, almost all them are in the very thin range.
- im the only one that turned out this way, like very big.
But I am the only one who has more sense than anyone else in the family.
Sometimes I remember the gifts i have, but most of the time, im in an angry depression.

GUYS i really dont like the person I am, i feel like im lashing out on people because of this problem I have, and it makes me loose all self-worth.
I feel lost right now, I understand what your saying, but how can I see that for myself?

I donno....
 
you might want to talk to your parents about getting you some therapy... sounds like you need someone to talk to and get some help with how you're feeling...
 
Well you can have them look at you and say mean things to you while you get in shape or you can have them look at you and say mean things to you while you do nothing to correct the issue.

I agree with maleficent that counseling is a good idea but that is the case with most of us fat folk. Not only do we need to improve our bodies we must improve our minds. Self worth is far more important than X lbs. You can not wrap everything you are into how you look or how other people think you look. You must change for you and not for anyone else around you. After all you are the only person that has to live with you and your decision for the rest of your life.
 
:grouphug: Sorry you are struggling with anger, dear. Speaking from my own experience, losing weight was a great catalyst for me to deal with so many things that were making me mad and depressed in my own life. And there is no tonic quite like knowing that you look good and are taking control of your life!

Now don't use your sibs possible judgement as an excuse to keep you from doing what is right for you. In the end, likely everyone you know will be thrilled and happy for you that you took control and got healthy! NO EXCUSES.:smash:

You made your way to this forum for a reason. It can be a great tool for you in changing your life!
Best wishes on your journey.:auto:
I'll be cheering for you,
ABBA
 
Dont Give Up!

Hey,

I understand how hard it can be. There are a few things you need to do a try.

I would reccomend that you find a way to exercise that allows you to be alone and comfortable with you. The first part to achieveing the body you want is to be happy with your decision to lead a healthier life. If someone is "hating" on you for exercising it is usally because they are jelous of what you want to accomplish. That may sound wierd, but it makes them feel less ambitious and important.

The next thing you really need to try and do is find a way to have fun working out. If you can do various things to help break up the "boringness" of working out you will be able to lose weight much faster, and really feel a lot better.

So, dont let anyone get you down, stay true to yourself and your goals and know that wanting to live a healthy lifestyle is ok and is great. You deserve a healthy mind and body, so dont give up! Get out there and take it one step at a time. I know you can do it! Im here for help if you need it!
 
urging.sight said:
I want to lose weight,
but im ashamed and embarrassed by my weight because of the way my brothers and sisters look at me when they know im exercising, like im confirming that im fat to them.
I feel a little embarrassed when i exercise because Im afraid of what my family will think.
dont know what to do, my life is out of control, i hate it, i really do.
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i would suggest you to be happy! staying happy is the most important thing if you want to lead a normal and healthy life.
i am a health consultant and my elder bro is fat, and the best part is he has been working out since last 6 years, in fact coz of him only i got into this field. he has a huge belly. he is some times a major embarrassment for me coz when my patients/clients come home, they are shocked to see my brother... i have stared using him as an example now a days to tell the patients that if exercise daily and doesnt stay happy this is what happens. so i would suggest you to be happy and just do your stuff
 
anirow said:
i would suggest you to be happy! staying happy is the most important thing if you want to lead a normal and healthy life.
i am a health consultant and my elder bro is fat, and the best part is he has been working out since last 6 years, in fact coz of him only i got into this field. he has a huge belly. he is some times a major embarrassment for me coz when my patients/clients come home, they are shocked to see my brother... i have stared using him as an example now a days to tell the patients that if exercise daily and doesnt stay happy this is what happens. so i would suggest you to be happy and just do your stuff
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Like seriously? You are ashamed of your brother because he has extra weight? That seems so rude. You are not your brother and you don't control what he eats. I would be ticked off if I was your brother.....
 
Another thing you might try would be to get in 'exercise' that's a game and involves your family.

Play volley ball, soccer, invite one of your siblings to go walking or cycling with you... after all, if they're doing it with you, how can it just be because there's something wrong with you?

Also, try to remember that your family may poke fun at you at times, but they probably are concerned for your health as well. After all, if you're fat, exercising doesn't confirm it - your size confirms it. Talk to them about your health concerns and frame it as you wanting to be fit and healthy - not just about your weight.

Most of my family is obese, and I guarantee you that I would absolutely love it if they were exercising more (Yay for my sis who started a regular Wii Fit program!) - I want them to be around and health for as long as possible. I do make suggestions for fitness and exercise, but it's not because I'm ashamed or don't accept them for being fat, it's that I love them and want them to be healthy. I imagine that's what your family wants for you too, so try to keep that in mind!
 
anirow said:
i would suggest you to be happy! staying happy is the most important thing if you want to lead a normal and healthy life.
i am a health consultant and my elder bro is fat, and the best part is he has been working out since last 6 years, in fact coz of him only i got into this field. he has a huge belly. he is some times a major embarrassment for me coz when my patients/clients come home, they are shocked to see my brother... i have stared using him as an example now a days to tell the patients that if exercise daily and doesnt stay happy this is what happens. so i would suggest you to be happy and just do your stuff
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I'm confused. You think that if people aren't happy they won't lose weight? Or maybe you're saying that only people that aren't overweight are happy? Hmmn. I think you're sadly mistaken.
 
I think for me I was always so worried that people would see that I was fat while I was exercising, but then I realized that I'm fat and there's no hiding it whether I'm exercising or not. I'd rather have people catch me doing good things for myself, trying to take control of my fat problem than have them catch me sitting on the couch and have them stereotype me as a "typical fat-ass".
 
I know the feeling about being embarrassed about excersizing... i used to feel the same and that probably why i've never even tried before... you feel like your confirming that your fat by working out but guess what not just fat people work out, healthy people work out... and you dont need excersize to confirm your fat... if your fat your fat no matter what your doing no matter what your wearing. people try to hide it and deny it like it's some big secret they dont want anyone to know about... believe me, people know, and people dont care, theyre too busy thinking about their own flaws and what other people must be thinking about them... fuck em... do what makes you feel good and if excersizing is what makes you feel good you should do it... you listen to music i'm sure not everyone likes but does that stop you from playing it? If i dont like the way you dress does that mean you shouldn't dress that way? don't let them stand over you like that. I would be more ashamed that you let other people dictate your life then that people think you working out confirms your fat... obviously you know, how ignorant would you have to be to not know the shape and condition of your own body
 
MotherOf2 said:
I know the feeling about being embarrassed about excersizing... i used to feel the same and that probably why i've never even tried before... you feel like your confirming that your fat by working out but guess what not just fat people work out, healthy people work out... and you dont need excersize to confirm your fat... if your fat your fat no matter what your doing no matter what your wearing. people try to hide it and deny it like it's some big secret they dont want anyone to know about... believe me, people know, and people dont care, theyre too busy thinking about their own flaws and what other people must be thinking about them... fuck em... do what makes you feel good and if excersizing is what makes you feel good you should do it... you listen to music i'm sure not everyone likes but does that stop you from playing it? If i dont like the way you dress does that mean you shouldn't dress that way? don't let them stand over you like that. I would be more ashamed that you let other people dictate your life then that people think you working out confirms your fat... obviously you know, how ignorant would you have to be to not know the shape and condition of your own body
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Wow...well said...you're wise beyond your (young) years grasshopper. :)

I'd just like to add something about the OP's thoughts of people who regularly work out "looking down" at "fat" or "out of shape" exercises..

First and foremost...I've been a weightlifter for a long time...so I'm been in weightroom/fitness center for many years. I see the overweight and out of shape people come in all the time. Personally, I would NEVER look down on them or make fun of them. Quite the opposite...it takes courage to do something new...and something that will be a struggle for you at first until you get into the flow.....and there are others like me....so for every "regular" there that might look at you funny, there is at least one or more like me who say "welcome aboard". In fact I helped a lady the other night using the pec deck machine in a less than optimal manner...


Secondly...if you stick to it...and people see that you are serious...you will earn that respect even from the idiots who for some reason get their kicks from disrespecting people..

Good Luck!!
 
Michelley85 said:
I'm confused. You think that if people aren't happy they won't lose weight? Or maybe you're saying that only people that aren't overweight are happy? Hmmn. I think you're sadly mistaken.
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no i dont mean that, but with worries and tensions, you are tend to lose/gain weight slowly...if you want a technical analysis, send me a PM i will give it to you
 
I know how it feels to be embarrassed to exercise in front of other people and to compare yourself to thinner members of your family. My mother was super thin and worked out almost every day. I hated to go to the gym with her or even to the gym without her. We looked a lot alike and I knew that people were constantly comparing us, even when she wasn't around because everyone knew her. Well, one of the personal trainers saw how uncomfortable I was and he would make an effort to come talk to me when I was on the treadmill and stationary bike. He complimented me on every pound that I lost and made me look forward to exercising. And it really pissed off the super skinny girls that looked down their nose at me and who actually made fun of me when I was there. That's why when I finally did lose the weight (the first time I went on this weight loss journey) I tried to do the same for other people. I said hello and introduced myself to all the new exercisers and smiled and gave encouragement.

Bottom line - some people aren't very nice and some people are. Don't let anyone make to you feel too embarrassed to do something good for yourself. Exercise isn't just an admission that you are overweight, it also happens to be good for you. It can make you feel good too. Put on your headphones and tune out your detractors. Trust me - you'll be much happier for it.
 
I agree with everything that has been said, with the exception of anirow who I would be ashamed to have as a sibling for being that damn shallow. But I think you might want to look at other areas of your life as well. Yeah everyone can use therapy but you know what the problems are and you should maybe try to deal with some of those as you go. Because they will still be there even when you lose the pounds. Plus if you're skinny and lash out at people they just try to feed you anyway. :)
And whenever I see people walking or jogging around I always notice and think good for you that's awesome.
 
Though I think the delivery was bad I agree with anirow somewhat. If you are depressed chances are high that you will not have the energy or will power to do what it takes to take on the fat monster. This is not always the case but I know when I get down the last thing I want to do is diet and excersize... Its all sitin on the couch with some grub :D

I think mental health and happiness is far more important than physical health and happiness. I mean come on, the saying is "fat and jolly". I never heard "He was skinny to moderately average weight and Jolly". Be happy with you and who you are. Being fat does not mean you have to be unhappy. If you love you others will too :)
 
well, thanx everybody and sorry if i havent been able to make my point clear to everybody. may be i am from a non English speaking origin so i must have messed up with words. but the whole point was to keep yourself fit, mental fitness is a must. and this mental fitness can be only achieved if you are staying happy, not worrying much
 
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