* I can't stay fat forever! *

Hey Jessica23,

Congratulations on the 1 pound loss!! We take them where we can get them girly!! Sounds like you are doing great to me, keeping focused and making good choices...remember...under eating always leads to over eating!...so good job on going to Subway and making that great choice! I'm glad to see you like Tuna..I actually love that food...my husband gags when we open the can, but I actually like it! It will continue to take work, but, trust me, you will be under the 220 mark before...and that feels sooo good! Slow but sure it will happen...one right choice after the other!


The clothes will be there when you want to buy them...(the style always changes!) and you will totally rock them when you feel good about yourself...no matter what the scale says! The weather is starting to change here in China, so I will be going to the tailor to get my last winter's clothes taken up (I'm pretty sure...although it doesn't seem that long since I put them away for the summer!)

I know what you mean about the scale calling your name...as you know, I didn't weigh but once a month for the last 14 months...and last month, I finally broke over and got a %bodyfat scale and it synchs up with my computer...and well, it's kind of addictive...and now, I want to get on the damn thing everytime I go by the bathroom...but I really noticed that with the different time of day, the scale can vary tons...like 2-3 pounds, and same with % body fat...my weight is always higher and % bodyfat lower at night and the inverse in the morning (so I weigh in the morning!). I limit myself to Saturdays and Wednesday mornings now. The chart on my computer doesn't look so out of whack for the week that way!


You're doing great Jessica23...keep up the great work!


Sarah
 
UGH!!!!!! HERE IT GOES:


I have a confession to make and I've been telling myself ALL day that I was going to admit my fault on my diary and I was ready to, until I read sweet Sarah's comment and she always makes me feel so good and strong! And now I'm just so dissapointed in myself, I've been sittin here staring at this screen for the past 20 minutes trying to figure out how I'm going to say this. I know I want to say it because for those who read this who are starting out kind of like I am, or who've been doing this for a while, It's OK to make a mistake as long as you get back on track immediately!!


First of all, Sarah, you are so kind and thank you for following my journey and giving me encouragement, you are an inspiration to my weight loss.


Ok, so last night I did great eating my tuna and subway,.. well when I got home this morning I was hungry and Andy (my fiance) asked me if I wanted some frozen pizza he was about to cook, so I ate a couple of slices of that, I felt kind of bad about it but not too bad and THEN... I don't know why I did this but I ate 2 reese's cups and 4 oreo's and a little bag of pretsils,.. that's like 450 Calories just for that, not counting the pizza,.. Ok grated it could've been MUCH MUCH worse but I'm just ashamed because I did so great yesterday and then I RUIN it with Chocolate and cookies.

The bad thing is, if I had had more junk food than that in my house I would have ate it too, that's all I could find though, and I was FULL after the pizza that's why I can't figure out why I did that, I'm very ashamed, I know it wasn't as bad as it could've been but there was no need for me to do that and I wish I could take it back but I can't.


I didn't go to the birthday party this morning, I was very tired so I had my sister come get my son so he could go, well they brought me back 2 pieces of cake, and I ate about 3 bites of it this morning and threw the rest away,.. I just didn't want it.


Tonight I've got a t.v dinner around 300 cals, and a lunchable around 300 cals, when I got here I got a dr. pepper (which I NEVER drink) but I was very very tired and I thought it might help, so that's 250 calories.


I'm going to weigh in Monday and I hope to see the results I'm looking for. I'm not giving up, I'm going to work extra hard to ward off my craving and I'm going to stick to it, if I give up now, I'll end up being 300 pounds, so I'm getting back on track going hard at it.


Thanks for being with me through my journey!
 
Jessica don't beat yourself up!! We all have bad days and the worst thing we can do is deny that.


The thing I try to remember is how bad I feel after eating all that stuff. It never feels as good as I think it will when I'm eating bad items.


Just remember, your bad night is not the worst thing in the world. How wonderful that you have shared it and accepted it and now you can move on.


Best of luck with the rest of the weekend!!


PEC
 
Thank you so much PEC! you made me feel so much better!



Ok I have NO idea why I am doing this but,.. I enjoy seeing all of the before and after photos of you all and I guess here it goes...


This was me Before I got pregnant and gained 50 pounds


this was a little over a year ago but about the same weight I was when I started a month ago.


This was about a year ago after I had lost about 15 pounds from the previous picture, I think I was about 217 here.



That's about all the pictures I have of myself being this big, I have no body photos because they are way too emberassing, well I do have one but it's on a phone I have at home, I might post it oneday,.. I'm really ashamed of these pictures, especially the middle one,.. that's not how I want to see myself or have other people see me and Dear Lord, I hope noone I know sees these! If you know me please pretend you dont lol because these are emberassing and I can't even stand to look at them.. I will post a new picture when I hit my 20 pound mark,.. hopefully next month sometime.
 
Hey Jessica23,

I agree with PEC...don't beat yourself up...so, you had some bad choices...the past is the past and you can't change that...you can change the present...so live in the present! You know, the best thing to do it start back at it right now...not tomorrow, not next week...right now! The next thing you need to do is get yourself some good choice snacks in the house...fresh fruit or even dried fruit or raw nuts (walnuts or almonds or even peanuts) ..something that will satisfy that craving but not the processed sugars...for me on cookies, candy bars etc...one is too many and two is not enough...I'm just better staying completely away from that or for me it's "back to the races"...and a race I don't want to enter on getting back up to my highest weight...so you've beat yourself up...now, get back to today and make one good choice after another and maybe consider upping your calories a little on good food...remember, under eating always leads to over eating...better to eat more of the good stuff (fruits and veggies and lean protiens), than starve yourself. We are all wanting to be that fitter, thinner person...so the key is to start acting like that fitter thinner person you want to be right now and you'll eventually get there...not by tomorrow, not by some fad, quick muscle losing diet...but by making good choices today and slowing, but sustainably, we get there...then, when we are at our goal weight...there's no transition to maintenance...we're there, because we've always been there! Simple...yes, easy...no!


So, get your brain off your day yesterday and get back into today...and make it a great day...go out and do a nice brisk walk and get your brain back in the fitter thinner mindset!


Sarah
 
Thank you Sarah, I have started over today and I plan to never binge like I did last night again, I still don't know why I did it but I am glad I am past it and I'm excited to see the results ahead of me no matter how long it takes as long as I do a good job and continue to see results even if they are very tiny results at a time. You're story inspired me alot while I was reading through your diaries and I'm so happy to have read them and got to see some of your experience and journey.


Thank you JimmieBaker I'm trying very hard not to rush, I really just need to keep my mind off of it and just let it go, eat right exercice and weigh in, but It's on my mind CONSTANTLY I'm working on trying to get it off of my mind all of the time. Congradulations on your success as well and I'm glad you have found joy in excercising I know I use to LOVE it! I'm about to start getting some good excercise in, that's my next obsticle.
 
Hi Jess, thanks for stopping by my diary!! You are beautiful, love your photos. YAY FOR CURLY HAIR!!!! :hurray: Hahaha I say that because I'm like the only person in this town with curly hair, at least it feels like it! And curls are awesome.


Only thing you can do after a binge is brush it off and keep going! One bad day is nothing to many good days!!! Plus in the real world everyone has days when they eat more than others. Just make sure it's just the one day, and it doesn't turn into several :biggrin: And like you said, it could have been so much worse... but it wasn't and that's the main thing!
 
Thank you Luzdafuz,.. Yes I love my curly hair! It's hard to manage sometimes lol but people are always telling me they wish theirs was curly!


Well I did great last night and this morning when I got home I ate some Chicken breast and a couple sausage things Andy had cooked I think I stayed at around 1200-1300 Calories.

My mom got my her, my sister and I a "slim away" belt lol they are suppose to be like the "Wraps" and it sais it sheds water weight, I'm wearing it now, When I put it on I look so much different It's like wearing a gurdle lol I seriously look so skinny in it, maybe because I have it on as tight as it would go lol but I'm not sure if it will really get rid of the water weight or not but we will see.


I'm having a great day today, every week I try to buy one pair of pants and shirt for my son for fall and winter so I wont have to buy so much at one time and I was up to like 3 outfits and I got a text from my mom this morning telling me to come over she has my son some clothes,.. well she got him 4 outfits and 3 sweat shirts so that made my day and helped out ALOT! I also got this shirt I"ve been wanting and a pair of shorts it kind of perked me up today, my mom is the fashionista of the family and she is ALWAYS shopping! I never ever buy myself anything always other people, I've always been like that It just feels like I'm wasting money if I spend it on myself lol I don't know but it felt good getting a new outfit today. Tuesday is SHOPPING DAY! YAY! I'm so excited!


Well I weigh in tomorrow! (fingers crossed) because I've done really good, well except for the whole reeses and oreo thing, I hope it doesnt hurt me! We are eating at Red Lobster Tuesday when we go shopping it's our FAVORITE restaraunt and we don't have one in our town, I know I'm eating a salad and shrimp scampi, I'm not sure how fattening that is?


Tonight I braught with me a tv dinner 300 calories, a cup of macoroni and cheese, the ones u put water in and microwave it,.. 220 calories, I haven't ate anything today, I haven't had time to go grocerie shopping so I didn't have anything simple to fix before work I will probably eat a can of ravioli when I get home in the morning my calorie intake is a little low for today but I will think of something.


I hope ya'll are all having a great day and have had a great weekend!!


Keep the scales moving! We are doing this!! let's keep it up! I'm proud of you all!!
 
Jessica you are very pretty, I like your pics... especially that so cute one of you and your son. The junk food thing... it happens it is soooo hard to get away from, but as Sarah said... try not to let yourself get too hungry eat other things before the uncontrollable urges get you... the nuts and stuff good advice, fruit for sugar, nuts for some healthy fat ( I do some peanut butter on whole wheat toast sometimes if I really need that snack with fat) Oh and bigger than the lapse into the old sugar habit, is the awesome success you had when you tossed that cake in the garbage! Woohoo way to get iin control! Be proud of that because every good move counts. You didn't just keep going on the junk, you moved forward, good job!
 
Welcome Jessica. From what I'm seeing, you seem to be a big fan of processed foods, have you thought about adding some home-cooking to the routine? I've found some good stuff on www.zonya.com for easy, healthy recipes. The baked lentils recipe is pretty easy to modify to be Italian or Mexican with different spices, or you can add whatever veggies you want.


http://www.zonya.com/pdf/recipes/Oven_Baked_Lentils.pdf


I've also found some good (if a little blunt) information here:

http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss


Anyway, keep up the good work, don't let the binges bring you down, but don't overdo them, either!
 
Thank you rainyforest and Little John, I do cook at home I just sometimes have problems with junk but I've done pretty good this week.


I was 222 Monday so that means I've officially lost TEN POUNDS!!!!!! I'm very happy about that and excited to see more results. My shopping trip went very well, I got a pair of jeans that I love but.. they are about 2 or 3 inches from fitting so i'm working so hard on getting into them, I was a little dissapointed because they are 18s and when I was 180 I was a size 14 and now 18s don't even fit! so I feel like when I do get back down to 180 I won't be in a 14 but I don't too much care about the size, as long as I feel good and feel like I look good!


I got a Victoria's Secret PINK sweatshirt and I didn't think it would fit because they only go up to a size Large but my mom wanted my sister and I to have one so I got it and it fits good and I tried on an old navy shirt in XL and it was too big so I had to get a Large in that as well, made me feel a little good lol. I couldn't wait to share my shopping experience with all of you and to tell you all that I have lost TEN POUNDS!! 40 to go! or more!! I'm going to do some step ups tonight I'm making Andy find something for me to do some stair steps on lol I don't have any stairs or steps so I will find something and I'm TRYING to get him to "coach" me while I do my sit ups I told him I wanted him to scream at me like the trainers do on Biggest Loser lol!


Anyway I'm very proud of you all and thank you for being with me through this journey/struggle I'm going through!! I'll be back to report more Friday night when I get to work.


I love you all!
 
Well it's Friday again which means I have 3 nights of 12 hour shifts at work. Andy's Grandpaw made me a foot stool so I can do some excercises on (he makes alot of woodwork, swings, birdhouses, toyboxes, chairs,.. etc..) So I asked him to make me a little stool about the size of a stair so I can do some step ups on it so it'll be kind of my me walking up and down stairs, well it's a few inches taller than I would like but that'll just add to the workout so I can't complain. I've been doing 50 crunches a night and I'm not sure how many "steps" I should do on my stool I'm kind of thinking 50 for each leg but I'm not sure about that yet. I got my asthma meds so now I can do workouts without weezing! I'm going to do some Zumba tonight at work.


Didn't have the best week with my diet so I'm getting my head back on my shoulders and hitting it hard,.. I"m ready to fit into those size 18 jeans!! Hell, I'm ready to fit into size 14 jeans, but this is about baby steps!! I'm going to be doing my grocerie shopping Monday and that helped me alot when I first started out because I had healthy food in the house, lately I haven't had much.


Tonight at work I ate a little bag of buggles, 130 calories, and I brought a can of soup 240 calories that's only 370 for the day but I forgot my t.v dinner at home so I will eat it when I get home which will bring me to 610 I realize that is very low but I need them to be low for a couple days anyway to make up for this past week. It's low calories but when I think about it, that's not too bad, a can of soup, a t.v dinner, and some chips for one day. I'm drinking a diet coke in a 20 oz bottle, when it is gone I will fill it up with water I hope to drink two bottles of just water. I'm still not quite sure why alot of people have been saying that diet coke is not good for a diet, I've heard that for years but, It has NO calories, no carbs, no fat, so I don't see how that could be bad at all, just wondering?


I'm just so ready to be under 220 again, and I'm very ready to be under 217, that's my lowest weight since I had my child 20 months ago, so I know when I get under that I will be excited and I really really can't wait to be under 200! But for now I'm just working on pound by pound.


Keep it up everyone, Sometimes we fail, we are human but we've got to get back on track and keep going and working hard!
 
Congratulations Jessica23 on the 10 pound loss! That is awesome! keep up the good work!

:party:


Baby steps is the key...and making one good choice after another...they all add up!


Sarah
 
Thank you Sarah!!


Well this morning when I get in from work I ate some macoroni and cheese and some turkey slices, around 600 calories for all of it, which is alot of calories in one sitting but I had only had 370 that who day so I still managed to stay under 1000 calories.


I started off today great, I drank 2 glasses of water and I did 60 steps on my stepping stool which should equal around 4 or 5 flights of stairs. I'm TRILLED about that! I did 15 minutes of ZUMBA last night and man it wore me out! I'm going to try to make it to 20 minutes tonight.


Food for tonight, I brought 2 tv dinners 240 calories each and I'll probably have a bag of bugles 130 calories which will be 610 and I"ll try to eat about 300 calories when I get home. I'm so excited to weight in..... WELL... I took some BEFORE Pictures today and let me say, they are TERRIBLE! I will post them when I lose more weight so we can compare but I'm way to ashamed to post them now.


I don't have too much else to post right now, I'll be weighing in Tuesday, I had a perfect diet and excercise day yesterday and I will today as well and Sunday, I hope to have a perfect day Monday too and maybe it will show on the scale Tuesday! I sure hope so!
 
Crap I typed a WHOLE thing out and now it just dissapeared! UGh here I go again!


I need to update my last post because my food is different than I said it would be.


My mother in law, and sister in law was comming into town tonight ( I work about 20 miles from my own town) and they offered to Bring me Pizza, even Andy, all day long has been offering to bring me PIZZA, I kept saying no I cant eat that but Finally I had to be blunt and say "Look, I'm not going to eat it so please don't bring it, thank you though" but omg pizza sounded sooo good and I dont even like it that much! Anyway they ended up getting me 2 Grilled chicken wraps from Mcdonalds, I looked up the calories before I told them to get it, it's 270 cals a piece and I had two, and I had a small bag of bugles, I will eat a tv dinner before I go home so I wont want to eat when I get home and probably have another bag of bugles bringing my total calories for today to 1040 which I'm pretty happy with.


Other than the 60 steps I did before work I haven't done any excercise tonight, I'm tired but I know if I do some I'll feel so much better so I'm going to do some Zumba in about an hour, I have to wait on the next shift of nurses to do their rounds so noone walks in on me doing zumba on youtube dancin around like im crazy and all my flab flappin around the place lol. When I get home I'm going to do about 40 more step ups, (as I call em) and 50 crunches.


I'm very excited about my weigh in day because I've done so good and I've stepped up my excercise alot, when I first started I wasn't doing hardly anything. and next week I'm planning on doing pretty close to perfect all week, I have a whole week planned of good healthy meals and lots of fruits and vegies so I'm excited about that too!


I love all of my friends and family but when it comes to my diet and journey I wish everyone in my life was like all of you, most people really don't care how many crunches I do or what I ate today lol so this is a good place to kind of let it all out and swap stories and stuff. I appreciate all of you!
 
Not having a very good day today, a good diet day yes but just not a very good day in general. I'm upset about a few things, but I won't bore you with that.


I ended up getting off at 12 last night instead of 5am so that was good, I went home and excercised alot I did 70 more steps on my stool, 50 crunches and some leg excercises. I ate a half of a tv dinner because it tasted really funny I think something was wrong with it and I found some carrots in my fridge that I completely forgot about, I drank so much water yesterday and last night I don't even know how I drank that much.


I started my day off today with a 20 oz bottle of water and I left my 2 t.v dinners at work last night so I was planning on eating them tonight but I went to subway instead, last time I went to subway I got white bread, this time I got wheat bread, I got the foot long and I ate half of it a little while ago and I will eat the other half sometime in the morning before I go home. The napkin sais that a 6 inch turkey on wheat bread is 280 calories unless you use other condiments and stuff but I only got mustard, letuce tomatoe, pickle and onion so I hope it is still under 300 calories. I will probably eat something around 300 calories when I get home so that's great for today.


No excercise for today yet, just not feeling good and not having a very good day, I'm going to have to get over it tho and do some excercise. I can honestly say I have done so good the past few days I'm so proud of myself I just hope the scale shows my hard work as well.
 
Did Great today! Had the footlong sandwhich I ate half at about 6 tonight and the other half a couple of hours ago, no excercise today, my muscles are SO sore, I guess from workin so hard last night but I'm definately going to get in some excercise when I get home, just 2 hours left and I get to go home! I'm very ready!! My calorie intake is at about 600 right now for the whole day so I'm probably going to go home and eat a lasagna tv diner which will bring it up to about 900, still pretty low but, I didn't have any snacks today and my schedule is VERY strange working form 5pm to 5am, soo I sleep most of the day and it's just crazy but I'm making it work. Getting groceries tomorrow so excited!!! Gunna get lots of healthy foods! That will help me eat more also right now my calorie intake is so low because I have nothing good for me to eat. I'm SO excited to weigh in Tuesday, if there is no weight change I'm definately going to keep going and working like I have on my diet and I will not give up at all, BUT I will probably be a little dissapointed because I've worked the hardest this week than I ever have I would wait another week to weigh but I can't help it, that's all I can think about!!!


Oneday this week I'm going to cook chicken breast in the crock pot with heinz 57 sauce, my mom use to cook it when we were kids and I've been thinking about it alot, and I use to eat instant mashed potatoes and macoronie and cheese with everything, but with my chicken I'm going to eat some boiled broccoli and probably have a piece of weat bread to go with it.

I also (I have no idea why I never thought of this) I was looking online for good things to fix or cook when your on a diet and it said Grilled Chicken Wraps, I'm going to do that oneday this week but I think I'm going to use wheat tortillias as well. Gunna get in some more Canned tuna( in water) this week because years ago my mom and I lost alot of weight pretty much just eating tuna, chicken, and salads, but Tuna has always been a great staple in my diets. I put a boiled egg, mustard and some pickle relish, and I usually eat it with fat free saltine crackers. I know I'm eating crab legs Tuesday, I LOVE crab legs and they are very low in fat as well, just can't dip them in butter lol and I will have a salad with it and maybe a potatoe.


I wish it were cooler outside and I would do alot of walking this week but It's going to be in the 100s this week I'm hearing and I would do it at night time but the snakes have been outrageous this past few weeks, my neighbor just a few days ago killed a 4 food 9 inch rattlesnake, I seen it, it was huge and scary!! I didn't hardly see many last month but the past few weeks I've seen alot, and we live out in the country so I think I"m too scared to go walking at night,.. I'll think of something!


Everyone have a great week and keep up all your good work, I'll report Tuesday on my weigh in day,.. Let's hope for at least a 2 pound loss!
 
Yay for a good food day!!! Wish I was closer to Subway, we used to live opposite one... so good when I couldn't be bothered cooking anything!!! Don't have ANYTHING around where we are living at the moment (serious... live in a small remote mining town, it's awful! Sorrounded by desert!)


Wow, what work are you doing 5pm-5am??? That's crazy hours!! I would go nuts working at night!!


Here are a few good recipe websites:

http://www.thegraciouspantry.com/- clean eating recipes, both meals and sweets

http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/- mostly desserts/ sweet snacks, but a few meals. She's vegan and most of the recipes are healthy versions of other things

http://www.charskitchen.ca/ This chick is also vegan, but some of the meals and shakes are SO GOOD

http://balancedplatter.com/ A bit of everything

http://www.thespunkycoconut.com/ Another that's a bit of everything


Just suggestions, I use the above sites for inspiration all the time! They're all blogs but have the recipes listed down the right-hand side of the pages.


So feeling you on the snake problem too, there's HEAPS around here this year!!! We have huge lizards everywhere too, and they're really territorial. I don't walk anymore because of my knees but sometimes I find them swimming in the swimming pool, which freaks me out! Have to scoop them out, and I'm so paranoid every time I go swimming that I'll have a jaws-type situation with a lizard... EEK!


Good luck on your weigh in, I have mine tomorrow too!!
 
Thank you for the websites!!!!!!!! I sit with an elderly lady at a nursing home, it's very easy work just boring!! If you have in in-ground pool please check the filter! We use to have snakes get trapped in them, ewwwww!! Omg! Lizzards,.. ahhhh I hate them too, and I have no idea why but I hate frogs too haha maybe Fall will hurry up and get here so we wont have to worry about all those yucky slimy things! lol I live in a pretty small town too we just got a subway a few years ago, ours is inside of Walmart so I never go there, I hate fighting Walmart lol but I have one down the road from where I work (in a town beside mine) I'm thinking about getting some slim fast shakes and drinking one when I get up I would say "breakfast" but it's pretty late when I wake up lol.. I'll let everyone know how the slimfast goes.

Thanks again Luzdafuz for the websites! I will enjoy them, I am about to go home right now so I will check them out the next time I get on.

I hope you have a great weigh in day tomorrow too!!!
 
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