Okay. Here's the deal. I trained traditional Jiu-Jitsu up until 3 years ago. The problem is following.
I trained with great desire, excitement, and great results. I was preparing for International Championship in Germany. In fights, not demonstrations. Sorry for poor English.
Then, one day, everything came to a full stop. I stopped training, I don't speak to my former Sensei anymore, after witnessing some stuff, never mind what, all I know is that I don't want that kind of person to be someone that I will look up to.
I continued training as much as I could alone, but, that was short-lived. I started drinking (heavily), got to a point of drinking 0.7L of vodka, the cheapest one, for under 11 minutes, and sobering up after 30 minutes. Smoking too. One day, i reached 5 packs of smokes. Formula, i think it was called. The cigarettes were not even inside the shop, it was outside in a improvised plastic can. 0.35 dollars a pack. That day, I vomited, coughed my lungs out. I reduced slowly smoking, now I am at 1 pack, or 1/2 pack, or 3 cigarettes a day, depending. I quit drinking, that was never a problem, I drank alcohol only for like, a year, I don't have any desire to drink it at all.
I was, when I was at my peak, 117kg weight, while I was training, of almost all muscle, (didn't use anything like steroids, proteins, or whatever), now I have 125kg and a lot of fat. The only good thing, is that I have fat all over my body, not concentrated on one place. By the way, I am 186 cm high. The problem is, that I am loyal to my martial art, I tried to train other martial arts, I just couldn't do it. Now, I don't know what to do. The problem is, I still smoke, there isn't another Jiu-Jitsu club around, in any town, and even if there were, when I look what I was, and where I could have been now, if I haven't done this to myself, just makes me run away from Dojo.
I posted this here, since I haven't told anyone about how I feel towards all of this, no one actually knows that I have any problems about this. My kimono is still in the locker, neatly laying there, like a ghost of past and a possibility of what could have been.
I trained with great desire, excitement, and great results. I was preparing for International Championship in Germany. In fights, not demonstrations. Sorry for poor English.
Then, one day, everything came to a full stop. I stopped training, I don't speak to my former Sensei anymore, after witnessing some stuff, never mind what, all I know is that I don't want that kind of person to be someone that I will look up to.
I continued training as much as I could alone, but, that was short-lived. I started drinking (heavily), got to a point of drinking 0.7L of vodka, the cheapest one, for under 11 minutes, and sobering up after 30 minutes. Smoking too. One day, i reached 5 packs of smokes. Formula, i think it was called. The cigarettes were not even inside the shop, it was outside in a improvised plastic can. 0.35 dollars a pack. That day, I vomited, coughed my lungs out. I reduced slowly smoking, now I am at 1 pack, or 1/2 pack, or 3 cigarettes a day, depending. I quit drinking, that was never a problem, I drank alcohol only for like, a year, I don't have any desire to drink it at all.
I was, when I was at my peak, 117kg weight, while I was training, of almost all muscle, (didn't use anything like steroids, proteins, or whatever), now I have 125kg and a lot of fat. The only good thing, is that I have fat all over my body, not concentrated on one place. By the way, I am 186 cm high. The problem is, that I am loyal to my martial art, I tried to train other martial arts, I just couldn't do it. Now, I don't know what to do. The problem is, I still smoke, there isn't another Jiu-Jitsu club around, in any town, and even if there were, when I look what I was, and where I could have been now, if I haven't done this to myself, just makes me run away from Dojo.
I posted this here, since I haven't told anyone about how I feel towards all of this, no one actually knows that I have any problems about this. My kimono is still in the locker, neatly laying there, like a ghost of past and a possibility of what could have been.