How Kathar Shall Regain Her Old Self Back

K

kathar

New member
I used to be that person everyone got jealous of. 5'2, 115 pounds, worked out regularly, didn't eat crap, looked and felt great. How did I get here?

I went off to boarding school for a year of high school. Bad experience all around, including nutritionally. Working out? HA. Eating well? I ate entire pizzas in one sitting. I frequented that vending machine almost every night. It's a wonder I escaped at only 130 pounds.

Fast forward through high school. I told myself I was going to lose the weight, but I only maintained. I maintained that 130 pounds until senior year, where I caved a bit and rose to 140.

Now, college. I'm pretty sure I actually lost weight at first, but winter and inertia set in and here I am, writing this post, at 150 pounds and 32% body fat.

I am determined now. I wish I had an 'epiphany' moment that I could site and say "THIS is when I decided to lose weight!" but I didn't. I don't even know my exact weight - 150 is an estimate. When I come home in a week I'll have a number. The closest thing to an epiphany is the sun finally coming out, and people shedding their layers of winter clothes. So: mission statement time. Here we go:

I want to get back to 110 pounds. My set time frame is "as soon as is possible while maintaining my health". Under a year would be nice. I want my figure back. I want to fit into my old clothes. I want to know that I'm not risking my future health. I want to be proud of the way I look, rather than ashamed. Luckily, I can do this!

~*~*~

Why have I gained weight? Boredom eating and inertia. I get bored easily, and eating food, sadly, is something I find quite entertaining.

Inertia = When you're doing something for a while, it's hard to stop. This ties into my weight issue in several ways:

- When I'm eating, I find it difficult to stop.
- When I'm sitting at home, I find it difficult to get to the gym.
- When I'm not caring about my diet, I find it difficult to care.

There's a flip side to inertia, though. It works both ways. This is a bit of a revelation I had. Here's one way it's working out for me:

- When I'm at the gym, I find it difficult to give up after 5 minutes. Then, I find it difficult to leave after going on the treadmill.

And here's the way I'm anticipating:

- When I've lost weight, I'll find it difficult to give up and stop doing it. (well, at least until I hit my target.)

~*~*~

I don't believe in commercial diet plans. Most of them, in my opinion, are just ways for people to make money. I'm just going to count calories and not eat crap. I'm shooting for 1200 to 1500 calories per day. I will also exercise - 30 minutes on the treadmill, walking/running. As I do more of this, I'll do more running and less walking. I'll also do strength training and crunches.

Here I go...
 
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What is your current height and weight?

5'2. Estimated weight is 150.

If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?

110 pounds.

At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?

I'd LIKE to be 110! But that's probably too much too fast. Let's say 130.

Why do you want to lose weight?

I don't want to be unhealthy. I want to look good again. I want my old clothes to fit. I want to lose the uncomfortable feelings fat gives you while moving. I want to be the first person in my family to succeed at dieting. I could go on.

Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?

Not really. I want to lose weight now so I won't have to have a deadline. I guess I want to be thinner for when I go back to college; that's in August. But that's just a coincidence of timing.

What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?

Not caring. Every time I've gained weight, it's because I stopped caring. Also, when I get home my family will probably go out to eat. I need to regain a sense of care instead of thinking "I'm already at a restaurant. Might as well get (unhealthy food X).

Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?

I eat out of boredom. That's my problem. I was never a horrible eater. I just eat too much, and eating too much will make you gain weight whether it's hamburgers or tofu wraps. In addition, I tend to eat food just because it's there, and buy it on impulse.

What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?

Not eating out of boredom. It sounds so simple on paper, but that encompasses a constant struggle. Also, exercising more. I never used to exercise, but with a free gym membership at college, I have no excuse.

Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?

I've maintained that healthy weight. What worked was willpower, something I seem to have misplaced. But I can fake it.

Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back?

Lack of CARE. I'm going to capitalize CARE, because that's the only thing that's going to save me.

What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?

I've tried various diet plans. None of them have really worked, because I stop caring.

Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?

I'm going to do that right here!

Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?

I can't cook at home right now, but when I go home I plan to do so. I cook healthy stuff, generally.

How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?

If you count the dining hall, I go out to eat almost all the time. Other than that, I go to random restaurants. I can tell you now that I am going to be in the Pita Pit a lot, at least for this week.

What are your three favorite foods?

Too many to count.

What are your three favorite restaurants?

See above.

What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?

Eat less. Don't eat out of boredom. Don't eat bad stuff because it's there.

If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?

I would have a waist again. My thighs would not touch. (They never used to before I gained the first wave of weight.) I wouldn't have nearly as much upper-arm fat. My stomach would be considerably flatter. My face would be less puffy.

Do you eat when you are not hungry?

I was NEVER hungry before. Literally. I didn't remember what hunger was like. I ate because I was bored, or because I was "supposed to". Starting this diet is going to make me hungry, probably, but I welcome it.

Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?

Very rarely.

Do you hide your food or eat in secret?

Not that I know of.

Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?

Yes, but not nearly as much as when I am bored.

Do you eat as a reward?

Maybe subconsciously.

Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?

All the time.

What do you normally eat for a meal?

It depends, to be honest.

What type of snacks do you eat?

Most of my snacks are either healthy or not horrible. I just eat too many of them. One of my big weaknesses is pita chips. Right now, I'm eating fruit as snacks. I like Luna bars.

In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?

I go to the gym and walk/run on the treadmill for half an hour, with music. I bring my own music because I hate what our gym plays. Plus, that way I can pick songs that are suitable for my exercise routine. For instance, I'll walk the verses and run the choruses and bridge. Or if it's a relatively short, upbeat song, I'll run the whole thing. It's kind of fun to plan this stuff out. Then, I go to the weight training machines and/or do crunches.

Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?

School gym. When I come home I'll be going to the Y.

What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?

I like the treadmill, to be honest. Seeing how many calories the machine says I'm burning keeps me going.

What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?

Right now, it's determination. I plan for it to be inertia.

Do you have rewards for certain goals?

My reward is the knowledge. It's the numbers on the scale. It's how I'll feel. It's the fat melting off. All of this is imagined, of course.
 
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Thursday, April 24, 2008

This is technically my second day of the diet, but I found this forum. Before I went in, I started exercising and reduced my calories a bit.

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Breakfast: 9 AM. Package of raisins. 130 calories.

Lunch: 1 PM. Pita from the Pita Pit. White pita with hummus/baba ganoush, spinach, sprouts, tomatoes, pineapple, and hot sauce. 410 calories.
Lunch: Orange, 70 calories.

Snack: Berry-almond Luna bar. 180 calories.

Dinner: Asparagus, 80 calories.
Dinner: Fat-free Dannon lemon chiffon yogurt, 60 calories.

Snack: Kashi brown sugar oatmeal cup, 200 calories.

Beverages: Lots of water. Unsweetened iced tea at dinner. Peach herb tea (no caffeine) in the evening.

Random crap: A few pieces of sugar-free gum. In the dining hall I had a small piece of pita bread. (by small, I mean the size of, uh, a stick of gum.)

Total: Roughly 1200, probably a little under. I suspect this might be a bit low.

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Exercise: Went to the gym. 30 minutes on the treadmill, 251 calories burned. Did some of the strength training machines. Also did some crunches.

Morale: I feel great! Mildly hungry, but of the "I wouldn't mind food" variety, not the "MUST EAT NOW" sort.

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Discoveries for today:

- I always hated non-chocolate Luna bars with a vengeance. However, the Berry Almond flavor is amazing and 100% chocolate-free, which makes it healthier. (They're the same calories, but this one has less fat and saturated fat.)

- I will be relying on hot sauce. A lot. It's minimal calories and it obliterates the "taste problem". Perfect example: The asparagus was cooked with bell peppers. I HATE bell peppers, but when I went into that dining hall I was determined to get asparagus and nothing but asparagus. Solution: Cover it in hot sauce and you can barely taste it!

- Speaking of the dining hall, getting a to-go box eliminates the problem of eating food because it's there.

- I rediscovered how much I liked oranges, oatmeal, and yogurt. This is a Good Thing.
 
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Thursday, April 24, 2008 (for real this time)

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Breakfast: Package of raisins, 130 calories. (The same breakfast as yesterday. Worked fine for me. I'm always in a rush in the morning, so.

Lunch: Wheat pita with hummus, spinach, tomatoes, sprouts, feta cheese, and hot sauce: 460 calories. (Swapped white for wheat - they actually had wheat today! yay! - and swapped pineapple for feta cheese.)
Lunch: Two pieces of sugarfree gum, 10 calories. (OK, so technically less than 10, but if the package says <5 per piece, I'm going to count that as 5, because it makes math easier.)

Snack: Berry-almond Luna bar, 180 calories.

Dinner: 1 cup of cooked spinach, 115 calories.
Dinner: 1 cup of carrots, 85 calories.
Dinner: 3/4 cup of cottage cheese, 200 calories. (I'm guessing here. The portion was about the size of my fist, maybe a bit smaller. I have relatively small fists. I'm assuming it's full-fat cottage cheese.)

Snack: Kashi apple-cinnamon oatmeal cup, 200 calories.

Total: 1380 calories

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Exercise: 30 minutes on the treadmill walking/jogging. Didn't do strength training today. That's tomorrow. Technically, I also played volleyball, but it was extremely casual and barely counts.

Morale: I feel great. I know it's easy to say that now, but I really do. I have energy (I used to have to take a nap in the afternoon. Not anymore.) Not only that, but my acid reflux is MASSIVELY quieter.

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Discoveries:

- Rediscovered cottage cheese. I keep forgetting that I *like* these things.

- Cooked spinach is amazing.

- Chewing a piece of gum while getting food at the dining hall keeps you from grazing on crap. Laziness comes in handy!

- I will, in fact, probably have access to diet-friendly food this summer, because of a horror story. Apparently my sister was taking some questionable diet pills one of her high school friends recommended. Said diet pills, according to the doctor, made her have her period, on and off, for 2 months. The doctor told her, basically, to cut the crap and go on a proper diet. My mother plans to do so too.

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If you have any suggestions please let me know! This, much like myself, is a work in progress.
 
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Not sure if people read this, but at least it helps me.

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Breakfast: Package of raisins, 130 calories.
Breakfast: Two pieces sugarfree gum, 10 calories.

Lunch: Wheat pita with hummus, spinach, tomatoes, sprouts, feta, and hot sauce: 460 calories.

Snack: Apple Larabar, 180 calories.

Dinner: Two (rather large) summer rolls (the kind made with rice paper) with tofu, carrots, romaine, cilantro, and herbs. I'm guessing 400 calories? There was a fairly substantial amount of tofu in there. It wasn't fried, though. Speaking of tofu, the alternative was chicken and shrimp, which I thought might drive the calories up. If it was just chicken I'd have gotten that.)

Snack: Fat free peach yogurt, 100 calories.

Total: 1300 calories, possibly 1400 if I'm underestimating on the spring rolls. It can't be much more than that. There wasn't a whole block of tofu in them.

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Exercise: Today is laundry day and my gym clothes are in the wash, so I didn't go. I did try to walk more places than usual.

Morale: I was really tired this afternoon, but I suspect that has more to do with the fact that I got very little sleep last night studying. Exams are next week. Sigh. I think I should stop eating bars in the afternoon, but I tend to get REALLY tired around then and they keep me from taking a nap.

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Discoveries:

- Why did it take me a FULL YEAR to discover that not only does the refrigerator case at the student store sell summer rolls, but that they're really good?

- Iced peppermint herb tea is amazingly good.

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Tomorrow will be challenging. I have an exam in the morning, and then my mother's taking me out to lunch. Then I have to meet with a professor in the afternoon and find time to get to the gym. I'll try, though.
 
Hey and welcome to your diary!
I am on a similar weight loss frame as you, about 40 pounds to lose (I am a bit taller at 5 feet 4 or 5 feet 5.... maybe I should get measured), used to be small and spunky, put on a lot of weight during college (and school).
I also suffer from "inertia"... once I am sitting it is a big hassle to stand up ;)! But I have been very good since January, some weeks I do more exercise, some weeks I do less (when my gym membership expires every month I tend to lag behind for a few weeks, and then I go back to it when I renew the membership!).
I am trying to break the 20 pound mark on my 4 month anniversary which is the 6th of may! That would be so awesome. I have lost about 18 pounds by now (my ticker is slightly off because I only weigh in officially on sundays, but I weigh myself a couple more times a week) and the difference is HUGE! My belly has popped inwards, my trousers are way too big (I did nto expect this to happen so fast) and I am so happy!
I would like to be done and at my goal weight by the 3rd of august, but if I am not, it doesn't matter. But that is the date I have set myself (it is a salsa festival I am going to with my band).

So I know how you feel and because I am 4 months in the future from you I can tell you, in 4 months you will feel AMAZING!!! So don't stop, even when the road gets rough!

And also anout that feeling that nobody is reading your diary: there are a lot of people who post 10 times then disappear on these boards, which is why often a new diary doesn't get read as much, because it is such a hassle to write your soul out just to have the people leave 2 days later, but in a few weeks, when you are more integrated in the community you will love it on here! And you will have plenty of people come and visit.
Have a great weekend, Camy
 
Saturday, April 26, 2008

Ah, OK. I figured it was something like that.

Today was especially difficult. I had an exam in the morning, a meeting with a professor in the afternoon, and in between, my mom came to take me out to lunch. I wanted to go to Panera (their salmon salad is really good, and according to their site it's only about 320 calories. I trust them on this; it's just salmon, green beans, onions, peppers, a small amount of wheatberries, and dressing, which I get on the side.)

Why did I just wax poetic about Panera salad? We didn't go there. We ended up at a steakhouse, the kind where they bring you nuts and bread at the table. But I didn't eat a single nut (I know nuts aren't horrible but they're incredibly easy to overeat), nor did I touch the bread. I was quite proud.

Then, we went to Whole Foods. It was depressing to see all the wonderful food that would be very difficult to fit into my diet, even in maintenance. This is when I really hate being short. Oh well. I picked up some of their roasted curry butternut squash for dinner.

----

Breakfast: Banana, 100 calories. Maybe less. It was a rather small banana.

Lunch: Grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli. The broccoli was definitely plain, but I don't know what they did to the chicken breast. I told them not to use butter or anything. There was definitely seasoned salt on there, at least. The chicken breast wasn't enormous, but it was more than 3 ounces. So I don't know. I'm going to say 500 for the meal.

Snack: I admit it - I took samples at Whole Foods. However, this amounted to two tiny cheese cubes (smaller than a die each), two grapes, and a sliver of a strawberry. I'd be amazed if this came out to more than 100 calories.

Snack: Pineapple popsicle, 80 calories. (This was REALLY GOOD. But since it was from Whole Foods, kind of expensive. I'll try making my own once I get home.)

Dinner: The aforementioned roasted curry butternut squash. 6.5 ounces of it. I don't know how many calories it was. On the one hand, it's just butternut squash. On the other hand, it was kind of greasy. I'm guessing 300, but I could be undershooting.

Dinner: Mango-lime yogurt, 130 calories.

Snack: Tomato, 50 calories.

Total: 1260. Give or take. I have no idea.

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Exercise: I did, in fact, make it to the gym today. And I did the free weights for the first time! It was intimidating as all get out. I'm sure I was doing them wrong. I attempted biceps curl, military press, tricep extension, and bench press, solely because they were the only things I remembered when we went over this stuff in fitness class. (I sound so stupid saying this stuff as if I know what I'm talking about. I don't.) I used one 15-pound weight in each hand. It was very difficult. Sigh. I also did my normal cardio routine, and a few of the machines.

Morale: I'm not hungry, but I am kind of depressed. Reality has sunk in, I guess. My roommate had a friend over and they ordered a pizza. It smelled really good, and they offered me some. It pained me to say I already ate. I know I can make my own pizza, and my own pizza is good, but it just isn't the same. Not to mention all the stuff with high fructose corn syrup (so much stuff!) that I know I can't eat anymore.

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Uh, crap.

So I went online and apparently the steakhouse I went to was a chain. (duh, Kat. it's in a shopping center full of chains. quick, name one non-chain steakhouse!) So I looked up the chicken. Not only was it not 500 calories. Oh no. It was under 300. They SAY it was under 200 but I call bull on that.

In other words, I totally need to eat something. Problem is, there's nothing in my dorm room. Literally. All we have is that pizza, which A) isn't mine, and B) isn't healthy. I guess I can change out of my pajamas, run down to the market, and get some oatmeal maybe.
 
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OK, so I walked to the market and picked up some more of that maple oatmeal for 200 calories. (The apple oatmeal wasn't bad, but the dried apples were kind of creepy. At least they're real apples and not artificially flavored pears or whatever, like some brands of oatmeal seem to use, but I still don't like dried apples.)
 
April 27, 2008

I wonder why I even do this.

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Breakfast: Package of raisins, 130 calories

Lunch: I wanted more of the summer rolls but they didn't have them. I had to go to Alpine. I got this:

Sundried tomato bagel with hummus, tomatoes, field greens, and sprouts, with a banana.

Estimating 650 calories (300 for the bagel, 200 for the hummus, 50 for everything else on the bagel, 100 for the banana.

Snack: Cherry-pomegranate Clif Nectar bar, 150 calories (and no, it didn't have any bloody sugar in the first 5 ingredients. well, technically it did, since dates are sugar. but still.)

Dinner: I don't even know at this point.

Total so far: 930. I still need to eat dinner.

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Exercise: Today is my day off, and I don't even want to do it today even if it wasn't my day off, considering my exercise routine is apparently an excuse not to work hard.

Morale: If you can't tell, I'm extremely bitter and depressed.
 
The dining hall is serving barbecue chicken. They claim 228 calories. I call bull. I'll try and take off the skin and wipe off most of the sauce. I still think it'll be 300 for the chicken.

I don't know what else I'll eat there. A vegetable of some sort.

And yes, I'm still depressed. If anything, I'm even more depressed. Posting these makes me more depressed because I simultaneously feel like everything is judging what I eat (and of course, it can't measure up), and like nobody cares. I see all these threads with hundreds of pages and people getting actual encouragement. It makes things worse.
 
Turned out they weren't serving barbecued chicken after all. Instead, I had a salad, of sorts, with tofu, sundried tomatoes, and lettuce. It wasn't very good but it was my only choice. The entire thing was 300 calories, I think. Then I had a cup of Cheerios for 150.

Total for the day: about 1380.

Morale: still incredibly depressed.
 
Depression sucks.

I just read through your journal so far and you are doing great, no reason to be depressed!

My first few weeks dieting/exercising were pretty depressing as well now that I think about it. The whole nostalgic feeling with the pizza smell has something to do with it I think. In one of the first weeks, I went to an IHOP with some friends and ate a crappy side salad while watching everyone else gorge themselves on who-the-hell-knows-what. It really pissed me off that I had put myself in that situation. When you realize you are going to have to work hard to fix something that is essentially your own fault, it can cause some guilt pangs.

I promise that what will cheer you up is when you weigh in and start seeing progress. I didn't weigh in for almost 2 months after I first started and was shocked to see 20 lbs had dropped off the scale in that time. I don't think I've been depressed for one moment since that day. Although I would suggest weighing in at the same time each week instead of after 2 months!

If I could rewind, I would have taken measurements of my entire body at the beginning. Do this now! Scale fluctuations are notoriously inaccurate and misleading. Stay in the game. It takes 30 days to break a habit and 30 days to form a habit. You can make the transition.
-Marcus
 
Breakfast: Raisins, 130 calories. I know raisins aren't the best choice for breakfast but I have to finish this six-pack of raisins I bought.

Lunch: Dining hall. They didn't have anything I could eat, so I made a salad with spinach, carrots, cranberries, the boiled chicken that usually goes into wraps, and hot sauce. It was mediocre. I think the entire thing was about 400 calories (250 for the chicken, 100 for the carrots, 100 for the cranberries.)

Snack: Lemon Clif Nectar bar and a tomato. Roughly 200 calories.

Dinner (planned): Summer rolls with tofu, carrots, romaine, cilantro, and cucumber, 400 calories.

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Exercise: Went to the gym. Attempted to use free weights (more on the later), did the normal treadmill routine for 30 minutes. Also did some machines.

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Morale: Even more depressed and self-loathing than yesterday. To start off, it's raining today. My lunch was fairly bad. As if that wasn't bad enough, I went to the gym. I hate going to the gym. I attempted to do the free weights and there was someone next to me who knew what she was doing. I felt stupid next to her, because she was in perfect shape and doing everything correctly, and I'm fat and doing everything wrong. I don't know how to do it correctly. I can't even make my arms straight without weights. As if that wasn't bad enough, I went to re-rack my weights and knocked one of the heavier ones off the rack onto my foot. It hurt a little, but what was worse was that it was really loud and everyone stared at me. I hate the gym.

It's only going to get worse, because today is a friend's birthday party. They're going to a Mexican restaurant and I have to figure out a way not to eat anything. I figure I'll just take my English book and order shredded lettuce to dip into hot sauce.

Speaking of which, I have an exam at 8 AM tomorrow and the only option is an all-nighter, which is horrible for my body. But there's no other way. The alternatives are sleeping through the exam, or failing. I'll just sleep afterwards.

I don't know how to take measurements.
 
I ended up with a plate of shredded lettuce and rotting tomatoes, with old hot sauce. It was terrible. Everyone else was eating delicious food, and I had stuff that tasted worse than I'd imagine gruel would. I'd say 100 calories, tops, for it. I didn't eat anything else. I didn't have a single chip, or anything. This is a lifestyle change, so I have to do this for the rest of my life.

I came back and ate my summer rolls, which were mediocre and seemed so tiny.

I also forgot I had a banana today, so 100 calories more.

Total for the day: 1330 calories. Most of it absolutely disgusting. The only good things I ate were the fruit and the Clif Nectar bar, all of which is sugar I shouldn't be eating in the first place.

I don't know how it's possible for me to keep feeling worse the longer I do this. It isn't fair. Either I can look horrible and be terribly unhealthy, or I can systematically suck all the joy out of my life by eating disgusting food and punishing my body at the gym until I'm tired, out of breath, and feel like crying.

To top it off, I look the same as I usually do and my clothes don't fit any differently. If anything, I think I look fatter.
 
How long have you been on your diet/exercise regime? It's going to take a few weeks/months to see a difference in the mirror. Unfortunately, weight loss is a pretty slow process for most. From what you've described you're doing, I wouldn't be surprised to see a weight loss of 1-2 pounds a week. However, it is imperative that you weigh yourself at the same time/day of the week to minimize any scale fluctuations due to water content or intestinal content. My weight fluctuates sometimes as much as +/- 5lbs during the week. Only one day counts when I weigh in tho! Do you have a scale to track your progress?

Oh, and about measurements. I don't know how to take them very accurately either, but I do my best! Found a tape measure at wal-mart for less than $2. Worth the investment. Give it a try.
 
kathar said:
I don't know how it's possible for me to keep feeling worse the longer I do this. It isn't fair. Either I can look horrible and be terribly unhealthy, or I can systematically suck all the joy out of my life by eating disgusting food and punishing my body at the gym until I'm tired, out of breath, and feel like crying.
Click to expand...
You really need take a few deep breaths and take a step back and reevaluate what you really want.

You can eat delicious foods... you don't have to "suck the joy uot of your life"
 
Hey hey hey, calm down!

1.) I gave you encouragement! Have you been to other people's diaries? ONce you encourage them they feel more inclined to encourage you! And just like in "real" life finding buddies is not a 2 day job and doesn't come automatically when you join a website full of people, but you need to be friendly, "socialize" or stop caring, because in the end you are doing this for yourself, right? Go to my diary and check out the first 5 or 6 pages... nobody ever wrote anything! Other than me that is! I was frustrated in the beginning and then I realized everything I am telling you! This is a 2 way road!

2.) Because this is a lifetime change you are allowed to eat food! If it was a diet you wouldn't, but this is the rest of your life so you can't walk around bitter and with a rumbling tummy! I am medically restricted in my food but if I know we are going out (let's say mexican) I eat a smaller lunch, work out harder and then have something that will taste nice and will satisfy me. I also eat potato wedges (are like fat french fries) about once a week. I love them, and they come with mayo and I love that too. But instead of eating 12 of them, I eat 3. Gives me all the taste I needed, and I haven't eaten 7000 calories.
If this is depressing you you aren't doing it right babe! Sure some days are depressing, but not the whole process! I have bad days, with bad weigh ins, I have days when I want bread so badly I actually cry (I am not allowed to eat anything with wheat, barley or rye in it!). There are days when I hate everybody. But that is 1 day every 2 weeks or so. All the other days I am glad that I started this journey before it would have been even longer (read around the forum for a bit, check out the amazing women who have been working their asses off for years! Then stop feeling so sorry for yourself!).

Your calories are your chips in this game of poker of life: you know when you want to spend more of them and when less! So if you really really want that McD, just go online and find out how much a burger and fries are (around 750-1000 cals if you go for small or medium). Then figure out how much you can eat the rest of your day. Then do it!

3.) Healthy food= yucky food is for children in kindergarten. You aren't in kindergarten! Why is a salad with chicken so bad? Sounds good to me. Maybe go to town and buy yourself some olive oil and balsamico vinegar and sprinkle your salad with that. It will taste amazing. You can be creative and have really good food with few calories!
There are so many people that say, oh no that is disgusting. NOthing is disgusting if cooked correctly! I assume you live in dorms and don't cook yourself, well in those cases how about instead of eating tons of salad you dislike you eat a small portion of something you do like??
I eat chilli and rice for lunch about 3 times a week, only I have less than half a cup of rice with about a quarter cup of chilli on it. Tastes yum, not too filling (don't wanna have to nap!), not too calorific.

OK, maybe that sounds harsh, but it really isn't right for you to be sad and depressed about it! That defeats the point! You are doing this to feel better, if you are feeling worse... doesn't work out!
You are doing the exercise right and you have the caloric intake right. Now you just have to make it worth while!
I know you will be fine and you will be losing weight, but a skinny bitch with no happiness to her is surely not what you are aiming for, right?
So, I wish you a much better week than you had so far, Camy
 
I started a week ago.

I have a scale at home, but not here. I'll be able to weigh myself in a few days and figure out where I'm really starting from. It's going to be somewhere between 140 and 150. If it was any less my clothes would fit better; if it was more, they'd fit worse.

I've read entries in other people's diaries but I'm a bit afraid to comment since everyone knows each other, and it'd be very awkward for me to barge in.

The salad wasn't *bad* per se, but it wasn't very good because it was made out of whatever I could find. The chicken was low-quality shredded stuff. It was real chicken - not the pressed reconstituted stuff fast food uses - but it was just boiled, nothing else. The point of the chcken was to be a conduit for a tortilla and ranch dressing. I do like salad, but this didn't qualify. I'll be able to eat better food in a few days, probably.

----

Oh, right: today. I didn't pull an all-nighter after all; I gave up around 2 AM. I'm about to take a nap, but anyway, here's my day:

Breakfast: Vanilla yogurt, 140 calories. (I found this organic brand that's OK as far as ingredients go, if a bit more expensive. If anyone complains I'll tell them it's money I'd spend on crap.)

Lunch: 8 ounces of marinated tofu, 400 calories.
Lunch: Cherry tomatoes, 60 calories.
Lunch: Half a grapefruit, 50 calories. (note to self: do this again, it was really good.)
 
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