Originally Posted by Jessie29
Im writing this with the guilt of the binge I just had... Within 1 hour I had 3 sandwiches, one with Vegemite and plastic cheese, one with butter peanut butter banana and honey, and one with tuna mayonnaise and more butter! Following these I had an instant packet of macaroni and cheese, and then I heated up a 500g serving of spaghetti bolognaise! This isn't even anywhere near the worst binge I've had... Usually my binges don't stop until 11
At night when all the edible food has been consumed! At the end of
My binges my belly is huge; on the verge of rupturing - so it feels. I become depressed; write suicidal notes to myself or cry myself to sleep. Binging stops me from exercising, it stops me from studying, and it stops
Me from
Going out and seeing my friends. Since my depression has hit its lowest point, so to has my mothers - my precious best friend.
Just last year I got dux of my school in the hsc, but I didn't even care, I just wanted the year to be over. I was at my heaviest, and now I'm 10kg ever, 2 months on.
2 years ago I lost 20kg within a year.... And it's only taken me this past year to regain that 20, plus 10 more. Many considered my rapid weight loss anorexia, but I believe I had dicipline, self respect and self control. Now all I have is self hate, depression and a suffering body. I use to be the fittest in the school. It took my only 73 minutes to run 14km in the city 2 surf. Now I can't even run for 2 minutes . People say I'm better now with meat on my bones... And that I look healthier... Does that mean downing a whole mud cake with ice cream and scoops of peanut butter at 10.30 at night is healthy? I know that I am eating myself a slow death. I see diabetes and Cvd and obesity in my path everyday. I am not yet overweight, yet I am trapped and unhappy in a body that is not mine, being controlled by a mind which I don't know. I would give anything to be that girl who so happily lost 20kg and would jump out of her skin to do exercise. I miss that life. Sitting In a dark room all day eating and sleeping is not me. An 18 year old girl should be enjoying life. I've lost 1 year of my life to this disorder and I'm determined not to lose anymore. I need help
Hi Jessie,
Seems to me like you're going through the same thing as me... after having lost a lot of weight, managed to put a whole load back on again.... plus we are stuck in this bingeing nightmare - mine are also late at night, and can go on for a long time... I hate myself so much afterwards... only to do the same thing AGAIN the next day, or maximum I might hold out another 3/4 days before I have another one. It's a real vicious circle, the more you feel miserable and disgusted about yourself, the more you think 'oh what's the point' I have so much sympathy for you as I am in the same boat.
I just want to say, that like yourself, I managed to lose a lot of weight, without overdoing it but with patience and perseverance, and self discipline, and I just wanted to come on here to tell you that you did it before, so it means you can do it AGAIN. There is no rule saying that this time you've reached the point of no return...the point of return is entirely up to you and in your control. the point of return is when you put your foot down and say THAT'S ENOUGH.
And then you start introducing : a well balanced diet; a replacement for the binges i.e. perhaps a treat or two, just small things, e.g. small jam tart or fruit or sparkling water & lemon (that's my current fix), anything, that is fairly healthy and isn't a bomb of calories... without beating yourself up about it. A few early nights (less time to eat/think about, food). Eventually, you will wean yourself off the binges, as you get used to eating less food, you feel better about yourself and eventually the weight will start to come off. Just need patience and perseverance. That's the only thing really that works in this game. If you lose sight of that, then it's easy to fall off the wagon again.
The beginning is the most demoralising point, when we come face to face with where we are and what we have become, but if you put a positive spin on it, it's also the start of a new beginning - of something you've done before, and you did it very well indeed, so hence more reason to say that you will have the strength to do it again!!
Re: exercise, you are finding it hard to do because you are not used to running with the extra weight on you. I am exactly the same. But I'm going to persevere - either do gentle exercise, or wait until I drop a few pounds before I get back on that workout routine.
Wish you all the best with your fight against the binge monster and future weight loss!!
. SMoke a blunt 
