Hollyy's Diary :]

diehardcutie

New member
Bonjour Everyone!

It's finally time that I started doing my diary, I've been wanting to for awhile but let my insecurities get the best of me.. no more! Hope I'm doing this right

Not sure where to start but I'll start with the basics. The names Hollyy (yes I do prefer to spell it with two y's, no typo), I'm 19 years young and I'm from Canada. I'm pretty short at 5'2ish. I'm very obese (classification II "very high risk") weighing in at 234lbs. I don't know what to say about that, I was always a very tiny child from when I was born (5lbs14oz) to about grade 3. I was as tiny as a mouse, which is how everyone used to describe me as. Once I was in grade 3/grade 4 I started to add weight, not much but I was chubby. By grade 5, I was overweight for my height and age. I remember at my grade 8 graduation I was over 200lbs. It was horrible. I can't blame anyone else but me. I was inactive, I was unhappy with myself and turned to food. Started 'dieting' in high school. Lost weight, put it back on, continued to lose weight and gain it back for years.

After deciding that I need to get to the root of my problem instead of focusing on the symptom (obesity), I found out that I am an emotional eater to the extreme. I eat when I'm happy, sad, angry, nervous/anxious, you name it! So from now on I need to find different outlets. I need to rewards myself with something other than food. If I'm angry I need to find a better way to deal with that than eat, so on and so forth.

Found a wonderful set of questions that I thought would be awesome to share in my diary and here they are:

What is your current height and weight?
234lbs (09.22.10)
If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?
In the 120's
At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?
Under the 200 mark and into ONEderland :]
Why do you want to lose weight?
For a number of reasons: healthy, family history of heart disease/heart attacks, I want to be active. The biggest reason being that I was diagnosed back in January '10 with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome. It was pretty hard to take since my boyfriend Matt and I both want a family in the near future. After researching about PCOS, I read that losing weight and becoming healthy can significantly decrease the side effects and help with the infertility, so a very good reason to lose this weight!
Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?
My immediate family (mother, brother) always take a trip each year. This year it's Paris, France. Being a French Canadian and thick French Heritage, I couldn't be more exicted. I'm going in alittle over 21 weeks, so enough time to get down to a good size and go shopping.
Everytime I go somewhere or out with family, I always hide away from family pictures. I do NOT want this to be the case in France. I want to take thousands of pictures and not cry when I see them. I want to live life and love who I am on the outside. I love me and who I am, just not happy with my outside appearance.
What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?
Honestly, I'm at this point in my life where I have no choice and nothing will stop me. I'm pre-diabetic. My dream career is to be a military fighter pilot, and you cannot join with diabetes. I will NOT become diabet, I will NOT allow myself to get to that point. So I have to lose this weight and I will. I'm very confident in that. I've been doing good so far! Very proud :]
Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?
Emotional eating and not being active!
What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?
Stop emotionally eating, be active, no more pop (I'm addicted)
Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?
I've tried everything from the "Cabbage Soup Diet" to going to "LA Weightloss Clinics", they work but they were treating the sympton not the problem, so I gained it all back. I do NOT recommend the Cabbage Soup Diet, at all.
Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back?
Like I've said, treated the sympton not the problem. I need a lifestyle change, I need to mend my relationship with food all together. Food is not the enemy!
What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?
Fad diets like the Soup Diet, not realistic, they're not for life they're temporary. I need a lifestyle change and change my habits.
Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?
I want to, I think that would be an excellent idea! I plan to do so
Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?
haha yeah right, I can't even make toast without it burning. I'm going to start cooking though with my lovely mother's help! She's an awesome cook as is my entire family (minus me unfortunatley)
How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?
I used to go out a lot, until this month where I've changed that. Jackastor's is my favourite place to go!
What are your three favorite foods?
French food, specifically poutine (French Canadian)
Chinese/Japanese/Thai
Pizza mmm
What are your three favorite restaurants?
Jackastor's
The Keg
Prince Albert's (very very greasy lol)
What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?
Portion control! We eat so much nowadays. For me, I need to learn portion control. I need to watch my sodium and sugar intake. Sodium is good you need it, but don't overdue it! I need to stop when I'm full and eat slowly!
If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?
I would be so outgoing. I would hangout with friends more, I wouldn't stay couped up at home all the time. I would be the outgoing person that I used to be.
Do you eat when you are not hungry?
Yuhp
Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
Yes, especially at night
Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
I hate eating in public, I feel so embarassed.
Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
Definetly
Do you eat as a reward?
Mhm, bad habit!
Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?
I do unfortunatley
What do you normally eat for a meal?
Hard to say really, anything that's in the house that looks good. I'm VERY picky as weird as it sounds.
What type of snacks do you eat?
More salty, like chips. I'm not a chocolate/sweet fan really.
In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?
Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and No More Trouble Zones. Really kicking my butt! I also have a Siberian Husky named Diesel, who I need to take on long walks (he's a working breed, not that I need to explain haha)
Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
Mostly home, or walks around the neighbourhood. I'm starting to go to a gym on Friday!
What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?
I love strength training, especially upper and lower body, I feel that I excel at it. So exercising pertaining to those areas. I need some core work thats for sure!
What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?
With wedding planing, France, hopeing for a family. Those things are all motivation for me. I have a very supportive boyfriend and family. My boyfriend's in the US Marine Corps (yes I do know him, get that a lot..) and very athletic so he keeps making sure I get my daily exercise in.
Do you have rewards for certain goals?
Every new size, I'm going to buy myself an outfit, or some makeup, a new history/political book (huge junkie). Stuff like that, no more food rewards!

Current Statistics (09.22.10)
Weight: 234lbs
Bust: 43"
Waist: 37.5"
Hips: 50"
Neck: 14"
Left Arm: 14.5"
Right Arm: 14.5"
Left Thigh: 28.5"
Right Thigh: 28.5"
Left Calf: 16.5"
Right Calf: 16.5"

I started my life style change the beginning of September 2010. I started at 240lbs (at my highest ever in April '10 at 255lbs). So I've lost 6lbs and 19 off my total body. Very happy, but have a long way to go :]

Anyways, that's all for today. Sorry, it's pretty long :( but I have the gift of the gab! When I start talking (or typing hehe) I just can't stop!

Thanks for reading! Have an awesome week everyone,
hollyy


"Tout est Possible!" (Everything is possible!)
 
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Hey!

Stopping by to say good luck! You and I are somewhat similar, I'm 5'2 trying to lose about 30lbs and my family has a huge history of diabetes and heart problems. My dad was recently diagnosed as a diabetic and I'm basically next in line if I don't kick my ass into high gear. I noticed your dream job is to be a fighter pilot in the military..high five! That was my dream job too..until I took a lesson on learning how to fly and got sick up there trying not to stare at the ground. The real lesson I learned that day: big planes = good, little planes = headache. My new dream job is to be Military Police, and I'm halfway enlisted. Only thing I need to do is lose about 10lbs so I'm within the required height/weight. The extra 20lbs after that are my own personal goal.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Good luck with all that you do! You can do it!

~Swoofie
 
Thanks for stopping by! That's awesome that we have a lot in common :) I'm sorry to hear about your dad that must be rough. It's never easy when someone in your family has something like that. haha thanks! I know a lot of people who are like that, the bigger the plane the better ha. I love both, but if I'm traveling then I love big planes the best. I still have a long journey before I'm qualified to become a pilot (degree blah.), when do you plan on enlisting or do you already have a ship-out date? Good luck with becoming an MP and your weightloss! Keep pressing on :)

Thanks so much, it really means a lot to hear supportive words!
hollyy
 
I still have to take my physical before I'm officially enlisted, which requires me to lose weight. I scored high on the ASVAB (92! woot!) and I received a waiver from the Army for my knee, which I injured and had surgery on a little while back, so the only thing holding me back is my weight!
 
congrats on the waiver! it's pretty hard to get waivers these days, so you must be totally relieved! well 10lbs and you'll be good, that should't take you long. I wish I only had 20-30 to lose haha
 
Good luck with your weight loss! 21 weeks is heaps of time to get fit & ripped. You're doing really well so far and I admire your choice of career. Reach for the stars! :)
 
Thanks so much, Shinsplit! :) I'm really hoping to have a good chunk of weight off in 21 weeks, going to work hard for that won't be easy by any means!

Have a great day!
hollyy
 
I'm going to list my daily menu at the end of each day, starting tomorrow. I've been sick for the last week and I'm still feeling dizzy from my ear infection/cold.

have to rant...
I really wish parents would keep their kids home when they're sick.. it just gets everyone else sick ugh.. I don't know why some parents actually think that their child is going to pay attention in class when they're sick. It's much better to keep them home, talk to the teacher and get any missed class notes/assignments so they can recover faster and stop spreading the virus around. I don't know, it's just always bugged me.

:rant:

Diet Plan
I've decided that I'm going to follow Canada's Food Guide along with consuming low GI foods. My daily calorie goal is 1200 calories for right now. When I start becoming more active (will soon) then I'll be adding more calories.

Canada's Food Guide: (women 19+)
7-8 Servings of Fruit and Vegetables
6-7 Servings of Grains
2 Servings of Milk and Alternatives
2 Servings of Meat and Alternatives
2-3 Tbsp of Good Oils and Fats (canola, olive and soybean oils for example)

*eat atleast 1 dark green and 1 orange vegetable daily
*atleast half of grain intakes should be whole grain (changing to whole grain/wheat 100% because I'm following the low GI diet)
*grains low in fat, sodium or sugar
*drink 2 cups of milk (soy in my case) for adequate Vitamin D
*eat fish atleast twice a week (mmm organic salmon!)
*lean free range/organic meat and free range/organic skinless chicken breasts
*choose soft margarine low in saturated and trans fats

Low GI Diet
I'll just be eating foods that have a low glycemic index rating (55 or less) which is actually a good variety of food! I've heard nothig but benefits for doing this.

Hope everyones doing great!
hollyy
 
September 24th
So today's been an 'okay' day. Started off with getting up at 6am, yikes, with having to drive my mom to work for 6:45, drop my brother off at school for 8:15. Came home, worked out, picked up my mom (works haf a day) and ran some errands, yada yada yada!

Today was my splurge, I guess, went to the movies, had pizza, had a pop. However I must say I totally kicked my ass in working out today. I'm so sore! I know a lot of people will say that's 'bad' but I like knowing that I've pushed myself really hard today with working out. Did that workout twice and should feel absolutely lovely tomorrow morning haha.

Saw the movie 'The Town' with Ben Afflect, pretty good but don't go see it with your mother and younger brother! Watching several sex scenes with a super strict christian mother.. not a good idea! oops!

Tomorrow, I need to get refocused on the eating plan and to continue to workout!

As for an update on 'weight', I apparently gained a pound.. so not happy. But to make up for that, I'm very excited and happy to say that my size 20 pants are freaking loose! I could probaly fit into an 18 atleast or in my mothers opinion a 16 but I don't have the balls just yet to try to go down a new size haa

This is a pretty disorganized/unstructured diary post, but it's late and just wanted to give an update.

Til tomorrow!
hollyy
 
Hey Hollyy!! Good going. I know what it feels like, when we finally get into pants that we have always wanted to, or the ones that were always borderline tight, suddenly start feeling loose. Keep going :)
 
Newbie16 - I know eh? doesn't it feel awesome? thanks! you too!

So I usually update at the end of the day, but I couldn't help it. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 4lbs (233lbs). I'm 2lbs (231lbs) away from being the lowest weight I've weighed all year. Very excited, now that my monthly friend is gone and I'm not sick, my scale is now showing what I truly weigh haha. No more bloatedness, no more stuffy nose, yay.

have a great Sunday everyone
hollyy
 
Today's been an awesome day diet wise, but a horrible day other than that.

This morning while my mom was driving my brother to school (which I usually do but today overslept) the front left tire blew. The tire was absolutely shredded! Last weekend we drove to Toronto via 401 which is the busiest highway in North America especially at the Toronto segment. Our mechanic said that if this were to have happened when we were driving down there, and with my heavy foot (120km) we would have been killed. Very scary thought

So long story short, got a new tire and realized that it's about time we bought 4 new snow tires (I live in the snowbelt, we get lots of snow). With that expense, needing new front brakes, a new washer, a new bedroom set for both my mom and I we are absolutely stressed to high heavens with finances.. sigh.

Anyways enough with that!
I had a yummy whey protein/soymilk/raspberry smoothie for breakfast and boy was it good! Had Swiss Chalet for dinner (woke up late so no lunch), they have their yummy Harvest Fest on mmm.

I did good though, I only had 1 pepsi (prefer coke..) and a quarter of my refill which I then gave to my brother. Didn't eat half of the fries, and didn't eat the skin on my chicken. Very proud!

I'm also down 1lb today at 232lbs :) This is the lowest I've weighed all year, I got down to 232lbs this April and gained, but now I'm back and planning to lose more!

My BMI went down from 41.3 to 41.1! and I've lost 3" total off my body!

Statistics and Weight Sunday September 19th compared to Sunday September 26th
Weight
Bust - 43" 42"
Waist - 37.5"
Hips - 50" 49"
Neck - 14"
Left Arm - 14.5"
Right Arm - 14.5"
Left Thigh - 28.5" 28"
Right Thigh - 28.5" 28"
Left Calf - 16.5"
Right Calf - 16.5"

My hips are no longer in the fifties! wootwoot

So now only 103lbs left to lose :) couldn't be more proud of myself (well until I'm at my final weight)

hollyy
 
Probaly the worst day of my life.. ugh
For starters, two of my classes that I needed to take next semester for Admission into my International Relations program, are FULL. Meaning I have to wait til May, which sets back my degree by a lot. I'm so pissed off I can't even begin to explain. Now I'm so excited to answer peoples questions as to what I'll be doing in January to May when they see I'm not back in school.. I just some people aka my stupid family would mind their own business and worry about themselves. But of course, it's fun for them to compare little me to my 'oh so successful cousin'. I'm so sick and tired of hearing how smart she is and how she's going places, and how that they really expected more of me.. nice family eh?

I really regret taking a year off from university, I would already be in my second year and in my program but nope now have to push it back another year.. I just wish my family would minds it's own business and stop expecting so much from me..

Not only that, my mom and I, who don't agree on anything, had another argument today. Unfortunatley I can't afford to move out, with paying for university, a car that I'm saving up for yada yada yada. it's so expensive to live, it's ridiculous.

A couple months ago my boyfriend starting working longer hours at work, so I barely even talk to him. It's understandable I know he's busy, but he's the one person that makes everything okay. I was supposed to see him again this weekend but I can't afford to fly down there and have to push it back.

I don't know why, but what people are saying is really getting to me and it shouldn't. They say how he doesn't really love me, because there's no way for an attractive guy who can get any girl he wants to be inlove with someone whose overweight. Nice friends I have. Now they're saying he's cheating, he's not talking to me anymore because he doesn't want to.

I feel like I'm in the movie inception, they plant a small idea into my head and it just grows. For the first time in a long time, I'm really struggling with low self esteem. As silly as it might sound, I haven't since high school and that's the truth. I've never worried about him cheating, I've always believed he loves me. But now I'm questioning whether he loves me but deep down inside I KNOW he does, I just keep thinking what if..


Other than those 3 huge problems, my eating is going well, I'm back to exercising. I'm just trying to stay out of the kitchen so I don't eat my emotions which I have a tendancy to do.. I would love just to move away and cut all contact with my family..

Needed to rant somewhere.. thought my diary would be the best
 
Late update, but thought I would anyways

Going to be rather short. Felt sick today, so didn't eat much and when I did I had a Harvey's Original Bacon Cheeseburger.. yah yah I know bad. But I didn't have a coke or poutine with it like I usually do, so a bit better in my opinion.

Down 1lb today, :) so that means I'm at 231, the lowest I've weighed in atleast a year! So incredibly happy, I know I say that every diary post...

Anyways, I start the October Weightloss Challenge! Very excited
http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club-challenges/43638-october-weight-loss-challenge.html

First weigh-in in the morning!
 
Hey!

Just stopping in to say keep up the good work. Sorry to hear you're feeling down and sick. I hope everything gets better soon!

~Swoofie
 
It's been awhile, or so it seems, since my last update. I've fallen off the wagon a bit, I've just been really depressed. Stopped working out, I've been eating less and not healthy. So tomorrow I have to restart, I need to stop being so down and stressed out, I can't keep using those as my excuses..

How can you tell the difference between depression and just heartache? just thought I'd ask incase anyone on here knew..

Today's weight is 230lbs, not bad, haven't gained!

Not much to update on really, sorry guys :(
 
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