ajwright713
New member
SO I am sure that the title probably threw a few people off, then again maybe not. I am new to the whole forum thing, so please bare with me while I get accustomed to it.
I guess this is the official start of my weight-loss diary. Even though I haven't lost anything yet. Today I had one of the most heartbreaking realizations of my life. I stepped out of the shower.. and actually took the time to look at myself in the mirror... naked none the less...and I had to stand on my toilet to do so. For the past 5 years every mirror in my house has been neck up only. I knew I had gained weight since high school.. everyone does right? I mean thats what I told myself to justify my robust figure. A lot of things had changed since my high school days. I was no longer actively involved in sports teams. I took on the role of wife and mother, then from there I turned into a single mother...and life just happened.
I have made so many excuses for myself over the years that even as I sit and type this I have a little voice in my head asking me what I am doing. I have thrown scales out and avoided going to the DR like the plague..simply so I wouldnt have to step on a scale. When I buy clothes... I make myself feel better by saying that they must have shrunk. When I helped myself to seconds or thirds... or even emptied a whole bag of chips in one sitting... I always made some sort of excuse to make myself feel better about what I was doing.
When I looked at my size 20 roly poly body in that mirror today... I never would have guessed that it was the same body that just 8 years before went to states for tennis or was on the cheerleading squad or rode on the back of parade floats as a queen. All I saw was the body of a quitter... I quit caring about my appearance and started putting all of my energy and concern into taking care of my son. I let my health slide and put myself at an even higher risk for diabetes, HBP and many other illnesses associated with obiesity.
Well... that all stops today. I dont want to just be "skinny" I was never really skinny to start with. I had always had an athletic muscular frame. I was thick.. but it was well toned. I want to have that back. I want to have the energy to go outside and run around with my son instead of sitting on the sidelines watching. I want to go to sleep at night time and wake up feeling good in the morning. I haven't slept well in years and I am also contributing that to the extra weight. Even though he says it doesn't bother him.. I would like to feel comfortable taking my shirt of when I make love to my boyfriend. These days it isnt even enjoyable because I am too concerned about everything thats jiggling and the sound my fat makes. (a little graphic I know, but I'm sure you all understand) I want to put on something sexy and walk in a room with the lights on and not worry about rolls or bulges poking out of everywhere. I want to feel beautiful again.
So... it starts today.. my new lifestyle. The way I feel about myself and my body is going to change. No longer will I eat a half gallon of ice cream because I had to buy a bigger size. NO!! today I will find the will power it takes to stand up to myself, and take control of my own heath. I will think for myself instead of letting my stomach do the thinking for me.
I placed an order for the TaeBo Amped workout tapes, Im really excited about that and I have also acquired a work out buddy to keep me motivated. I have the support of my incredible boyfriend who says he loves me no matter what size I am.. and a will power that right now feels like it could move mountains.
I'm so excited about getting my health back and seeing the results of the hard work I am about to put in. Tomorrow I am going to the DR so I can have a total physical and find out my exact starting weight. I will also pick up a measuring tape.. so even if I dont see pounds melting off.. I can always look at the measurements.
Thank you all so much for posting your stories on here and for taking the time to read mine. I know I have a long road and a lot of work ahead of me.. but i am more than ready for a positive change and I am sure that with the support of all the readers and members here I will have the motivation it takes ot make it to my goal... as soon as I figure out what they are lol.
I will post more tomorrow... =)