Hi! I'm new!

Baby steps honey..you don't change overnight. I've been where you are, but I'm still learning and it's getting better. Don't soley rely on the shakes for suppers and whatnot. You'll be ok. Take your mind off of it and concentrate on your class tonight.
 
B-Protein Smoothie, Orange
S- Baby carrots, Hummus, handful of cashews
L- Steamed veggies, 3oz Steak, Orange
S- 2c. Watermelon, 2/3 c. NF Cottage Cheese
D- Stir fried Broccoli + 4oz. Turkey Sausage, 2 Frozen Margaritas (Yum!), 2 sugarfree worther's candies

Workout-
Cardio-x
Weights-x
Abs-x

All day I was DYING!!! The architects we share the office space with brought in the normal assortment of shortbread cookies, cashews and Mrs. Field's.... it was torture! I gave into a handful of cashews for a snack and tided myself over with an orange for dessert. Yesterday was so hard. I was dying for a cookie. I thought I would give myself a break and ate a bit more volume for second snack (til I was full, not just satisfied) and then declared that instead of going for a run, we needed margaritas. Happily enough I didn't indulge in all the amazing Mexican food at the table (yes, of course my boyfriend opted to eat dinner there.) and after my margaritas I went home a cooked broccoli and spicy turkey sausage. The turkey sausage is high in fat (4oz., 120 cal. 7g fat, 10g. protein) but I was craving a little flexibility in my life. I think it is safe to say this is a little backlash at some of the rigidity I can make my diet into. But healthy backlash! I was feeling a little boxed in, like I had to "stay on the straight and narrow", which is not what this is about. This is not rules or black and white. This is the best I can do at the time. Making one good decision, followed my another and hopefully they will all add up.
 
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Quick check in:
B- Protein Smoothie, 1/2 Orange, 1/2 Banana
S- Hummus, Baby Carrots
L- Salmon, Steamed Broccoli, 1/2 Sweet Potato
S- Apple, String Cheese
D- Broccoli, Turkey Sausage, 1/2 Apple
S- Yogurt, 3 huge handfuls of air popped Parmesan Popcorn, 1 huge glass of red wine (yeah! movie night! Hopefully my workout puts a dent in this:p)


Workout:
Cardio- 50 min run
Weights- yes (1 hr. Body sculpting class)
Abs- yes
 
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Ok, so I actually waited a whole week to weigh myself (quite an accomplishment:p) and I weigh exactly the same. Well, not exactly but close enough. 126 lbs. The good thing about this is all I did was shrug. No crash diet plans or re-evaluating what I am doing to make some crazy overhaul. I feel really good. My body feels a little less squishy and a little more toned and I have been really consistent w/ my workouts. So, I'm going to chalk this one up to muscle gain, fat loss. I have been trying to listen to what I want, within the parameters of my diet, and it's making me feel really good. I know it's stupid but yesterday I was having NF cottage cheese + watermelon and wanted seconds. Nothing huge just extra 1/2 c. cottage cheese and another slice of watermelon. I started to feel guilty that it wasn't in the "plan" or more than I "should" be eating, but I went for it. I tried to soothe the negative thinking with just trying to remind myself that more "healthy" is better than more "other" (also my exercise strategy- running is better than walking, walking is better than sitting, do what you need to do, easy up on yourself) and that it was healthy fuel for my engine. I know it's dumb but it's those little things that help with the balance. Not too much. Not too little. Today I had a chocolate truffle too. I haven't had chocolate for while. It was great. It's nice to be able to stop at 1. It was nice to just eat it and enjoy it and not be using it for something else and then strategize when the next time I would or wouldn't allow myself to have chocolate. Yes, it's a work in progress. We'll see what happens with the weight.

B- Protein Smoothie, 1/2 orange, small bowl of cherrios and soy milk, 1oz. LF cheese (woke up late and was STARVED before my workout class)
L- Turkey sandwich in whole wheat pita loaded w/ veggies
S- another 1/2 turkey pita, handful of cherries, baby carrots
D- 4oz. Sirloin steak, steamed broccoli, chocolate truffle

Workout:
1 hr. Weights class
 
Woke up feeling a little anxious today. I think I am a little stressed about work and then I also have this feeling of an oncoming food binge looming over my head. It's like I expect to have my eating get out of control and it is starting to stress me out that it isn't. Like I should just binge and get it over with... force the "other shoe to drop" and then let that binge give me the motivation to be overly strict with my diet. What a control freak! Anyway I ate a normal breakfast and then couldn't shake my stressy looming feeling and kinda grazed through getting dress to try to procrastinate thinking about work. I ended up going through 3 handfuls of cocktail peanuts, 2 handfuls of cherries, a small bowl of cherrios w/ soymilk and then at a cookie when I got to work. All this on top of my protein smoothie w/ banana. Luckily, I'm here now and writing so that helps to diffuse the situation. I hate that I feel like I expect myself to "fail". I hate that I don't know what it's like to have a long healthy eating experience so once I get 2-3 wks. in I feel a cork bobbing in the ocean. I hate that I feel uncomfortable with what I am doing now (eating a balanced, structured diet) and resort to old bad habits to deal with that uncomfort and to bring some unhealthy temporary relief. Akkkk!
Ok, the only thing I can think of is to not beat myself up and stick to the rest of my daily eating plan. All of it. No compensating for this morning and starving the afternoon away. Just get back on plan and go from here. Ok, sorry to dump all this here but it just couldn't stay in my head, you know?
 
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Well, the weekend was a little weird... hodge podge eating... not very structured, but I will write about that later. I just wanted to log in today and try to keep on track w/ the journal.

B- Protein smoothie, 1/2 banana, yogurt
S- (no time!!!:()
L- Salad w/ grilled chicken
S- Hummus + Carrots
S2 - (workout) 3 egg whites + apple
D- Broccoli, grilled chicken w/ LF gravy, yogurt

Workout:
Cardio- 60 min run
Weights- Legs
Abs- yes

Going on vacation to visit friends and family in California for 3 wks!!!!! and am very nervous about food and eating and all. I always feel like everyone thinks I'm crazy and high-maintenance that I have to eat every 3 hours. I think I'm just going to try to do the whole "always have a snack in the purse" routine. Almonds, an apple? Portable? Ok, going to worry about it tomorrow.:eek:
 
Ahhh. Vacation approaches. I am still nervous about getting in all my meals AND maintaining portions but we'll just have to see how it goes. There is a part of me that is really looking forward to be out of this environment. New York is just so food oriented for me (I know that's weird but it's true) and I am excited to be in other people's routines for awhile. Live through their eyes, visiting friends and running errands instead of obsessing of what I am or am not eating, and when and how I am going to eat it. It is exhausting and stupid. Hopefully, I'll shake some of this negative thinking off. I was never really like this before moving here. I just slid into using food as an immediate anxiety reducer, and now I am obsessed with certain cookies from certain deli's etc., it's so stupid and time consuming. Anyway, today I’m doing ok.

B- Protein Smoothie + Orange
S- Veggies, Cottage Cheese
L- Steak, veggies, sweet potato, apple
S- Apple, String Cheese
 
It's good to get away at times to see how other people live. Who knows..you might come back from vacation w/new reciepes and new outlook on life.
 
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