Hi I'm new...needing encouragment

L

libra

New member
HI,
I'm a 24 soon to be 25 year old girl and I like many of you have been overweight/obese all my life. While I was in highschool I struggled with losing weight...especially after having my mom grab my arm fat in church and tell me I'm fat. I did everything from starving to binging/purging and diet pills to get myself from 190 to 165 in a matter of 2 months and it worked...temporarily. I got to college, got a boyfriend (who I'm still with till today) and gained all my weight back plus more. By the time I realized I was 265lbs (i'm 5'5). I whipped myself into shape and reached 210lbs (had many plateaus, back peddles and what not) but I did it in a mostly healthy way (working out and eating almost right). Well I got discouraged and stopped. Why? Well my mom who is also overweight joined me which I didn't mind because she was actually looking to me for weight loss advice and as a partner. Well that partnership soon became a competition which became very discouraging. "I burned ___ running for ___hr on the treadmill," "I only ate _____today," and the dreaded "I lost ____lbs, how much did you lose." So I stopped completely, began eating, binge eating at nights after long 12hr shifts at work (I'm a nurse) and now I fear I'm back to 240lbs (I'm too afraid to weigh myself). Anyway today I just need some support and words of encouragement cause now I feel all alone sure my boyfriend is helping but its not enough. My mom calls me fat every time she sees me, pokes and pulls at my side belly fat and the fat of my arms and according to her (in her words today..."I look like i'm 300lbs." I've been on this forum for a while but just as a lurker but now I really would like some advice, cheering up, support suggestions anything. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. I'm trying to find a workout that would be good for me (since I've gotten bored of the treadmill, Turbo Jam and Tae Bo) and I'm terrified of going to a gym any advice support or words of encouragement would be great...I don't want to go back to my old ways
 
I'm sorry that your mum is being so unsopportive with you . She probably think that by teasing you she will make you competitive and encourage you to lose weight. You need to try different forms of exercising to find out what works for you. I started by just walking and then worked up to running and love it. I also have a Wii which is another great way to exercise. If you want to do things at home put some music on and just dance or look for workouts on youtube.
Weighing and writing down everything that you eat keeps your calories under control.
If you go off track don't beat yourself up about it but get straight back to healthy eating.
Read other peoples diaries and look at the photos in the before and after section for inspiration and ideas.
Good luck
You can do this :D
 
Can you have a heart to heart with your mum?
Its surprising who becomes a diet sabboteur and how they go about doing it.
The people who love you most can be unwilling to let you change.

She needs to realize that weightloss is a long process with such a slow and gradual slope that it can be so easy to get discouraged. Sit down with her (over a few glasses of wine perhaps) and tell her your plans. Tell her what you expect of her, and the guidelines for her behaviour you will tolerate. Obviously she must love you like crazy, she's your mum.. but mix that in with fear and cometition and her emotions are probably at odds with each other.

You are sooo worth it! Please don't give up.
 
hey! im new to this forum too. in fact this is my second post besides my intro! i definitely can relate to you. my grandmother, who i absolutely love, always does that same thing to me, ever since i was little. she doesn't know better, she's in her 80s and shes european, so she really means well, but it ends up being super hurtful! if i ate something with a lot of fat i'd always get this look from her. she could never keep her mouth shut! this definitely caused me to have a weird outlook on foods and exercise. and i know what you mean, it'd hurt me a lot and then i'd just eat whatever i wanted, because it made me feel better. the most i've ever weighed was about 220, when i was 19. a lot of that had to do with my new boyfriend, now husband. he was in the marine corps and he could eat whatever he wanted it didn't matter, so i kind of just joined in on the fun! i'm now at 187, and now since i'm in the military, even though i meet body fat standards, i don't meet the weight standards, and i'm working really hard in meeting that. only 20 more pounds to go, and 50 more for my goal. when i was about 17 or 18, i weighed 130! it's crazy for me to think about that, and ughhh, idk how i got to be this heavy. wait, i actually do, late night fast food! it's the freaking devil i tell ya! well anyway, if you EVER need anyone to talk to, about seriously anything, i'm here for ya! just send me a message :)
 
Thank you all so much for your replies...I feel really motivated now...sitting down and talking with my mom is like impossible whenever i try to tell her how i feel most of the time she blows it off and thinks i don't know what i'm talking about...you know kind of like i'm still a 7 year old or something maybe its the african culture...anyway i'm going to try my best to find something i like to have fun at doing and not think of it as a work out...but thank you all so much i feel 100% better
 
hey there, just wanted to say hi and welcome to the forum :) i've been on and off here for a while, i lost some weight last year but unfortunately have put it on all back and feel like kicking myself because i'm back at square 1 :nopity:

anyway, the forum is great for support, everyone's really friendly and you'll find lots of encouragement too.

about your intro story i can identify almost 100% with it! i'm 30, also african, have been obese all my life and growing up my mum tried to put me on every diet known to man. i remember many years back there's one time we did one of those crash/fad diets together (we didn't know any better back then about nutrition or proper ways of loosing weight)...anyway, i always remember i stuck through it for the full 2 weeks and so did she...but she lost way more than i did...and everyday she'd be like " i lost x kgs how about you?" at the end of it i was shattered because she kept looking at me suspiciously and asking if i'd been sneaking chocolates during the diet and i hadn't!:banghead:

anyway, i know my mum loves me but growing up she was always on my case about my weight, when my thin friends would come to the house to visit she'd be like "please give her some tips on how to loose weight and be thin like you" i HATED it and it would drive me crazy. Anyway, so one day i decided to write her an email...it was like 10pages long i wrote the low down ugly truth about how i felt about myself, how i had zero self confidence, how i hated myself and how i looked and couldn't stand to look in the mirror, how all my friends were getting married and having babies and i'd never had a boyfriend etc etc. i just said it all. When my mum read the email she told me she cried and cried and had no clue that that was what i'd been going through over all the years. She there and then completely changed her perception of me. She told me that she loved me unconditionally irrespective of my size and that she'd help me whenever i was ready to start working on my weight...and ever since she's been really great about it all.

Gosh, okay i didn't expect that email to be that long lol! i just thought i'd let you know there's others who can identify what your going through.

libra said:
Thank you all so much for your replies...I feel really motivated now...sitting down and talking with my mom is like impossible whenever i try to tell her how i feel most of the time she blows it off and thinks i don't know what i'm talking about...you know kind of like i'm still a 7 year old or something maybe its the african culture...anyway i'm going to try my best to find something i like to have fun at doing and not think of it as a work out...but thank you all so much i feel 100% better
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I am new here too and I can totally relate to your situation. I have a mother that is the same way. She tried to take me to weight watchers at 10 years years old and it is only gotten worse since then. If I say "Mom, look! I lost 15 pounds." She says "Well, you would look better if you lost another 15!" Then I get frustrated and stop working out and gain it back. I have tried to talk to her about it so many times and it never helps. I know she wants to help, but she doesn't understand that killing my self esteem isn't really a great motivator.

What I learned from this is to avoid having those conversations with her. I don't talk to her about my weight issues and I don't tell her about my current diet or exercise. It is more self destructive to talk to her about it than to just work hard and talk about it with supportive people... like here :)

If you find any fun exercises, be sure to pass them along! I could use some new workouts to keep me motivated too!

Best of luck to you!!
 
Thanks everyone I feel so much better...I"ve been doing great eating right I just haven't found an exercise regimen or program that I would have fun doing so I'm still working on that...I try to avoid my mom but its like the first thing she does when she see's me is pinch my belly fat and talk about my weight no matter how much i try to avoid it...sigh...but I'm going to try my hardest not to let it get to me anymore and prove to her and myself that I can do this
 
Feel Your Pain

I am so sorry to see that your mom is being so mean to you about this. I could feel your pain. I hope you can pick yourself up. I myself trouble with weight loss and constantly lose and gain it like if its a game. But i think i came across the solution for me and that is to stop dieting. I came across a great solution and i am willing to share but this site has rules so i guess if you read them you would know how and why i can't. Girl just know i am cheering you on all the way. Maybe we could be friends and i could let you in on it. CHOW for now
 
why450 said:
Maybe we could be friends and i could let you in on it. CHOW for now
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Please don't take any notice of this post!!!!!! It is the first and only post by somebody that is almost certainly going to spam you with something to try and get you to buy something. The links get deleted by the mods so the only way they can try and get through to people is but encouraging you to contact them. It really annoys me the way they prey on people.
 
No Gimmicks Here

eyckmans said:
Please don't take any notice of this post!!!!!! It is the first and only post by somebody that is almost certainly going to spam you with something to try and get you to buy something. The links get deleted by the mods so the only way they can try and get through to people is but encouraging you to contact them. It really annoys me the way they prey on people.
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Yes he is right... I am trying to get you to buy/use a product but it's only because I used it and it worked for me. Throughout my child hood i have always been over-weight and when I hit my 20's it turned to fat. I tried almost everything but my weight would go and come like a sea saw but now I have it under control. I don't come to forums and share my secret but I come here to get inspiration to keep going and your story just touched me. To be honest I paid $97 for the advise i get. It's based on losing weight by eating, they give you meal plans that suit you (or i should say what you like eating). Imagine that I thought i was gonna be punked but the stuff works to a tee. I am no internet marketer as my friend Eyckmans implied but just someone trying to share my remedies. My final advise is stay away from diets they trick your body into thinking it will die from starvation causing it to hold on to all the bad fat in your body.
 
why450 said:
Yes he is right... I am trying to get you to buy/use a product but it's only because I used it and it worked for me. Throughout my child hood i have always been over-weight and when I hit my 20's it turned to fat. I tried almost everything but my weight would go and come like a sea saw but now I have it under control. I don't come to forums and share my secret but I come here to get inspiration to keep going and your story just touched me. To be honest I paid $97 for the advise i get. It's based on losing weight by eating, they give you meal plans that suit you (or i should say what you like eating). Imagine that I thought i was gonna be punked but the stuff works to a tee. I am no internet marketer as my friend Eyckmans implied but just someone trying to share my remedies. My final advise is stay away from diets they trick your body into thinking it will die from starvation causing it to hold on to all the bad fat in your body.
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If you are sincere then I apologize. We have so many people that come on to this site and their only posts are to spam.

To Libra - there is no need to spend any money on diet products etc, miracle cures do not work long term . The only way to lose weight and keep it off is to eat correctly and get enough exercise. There is no secret to it. Anybody that is asking you to part with your money hasn't got your best interests at heart. You certainly don't need to pay 97$ to get advice as you can get all the advice you want free on these forums.
 
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Libra,

I understand what it's like to feel down and have those night time binges. It can be especially hard when someone like your mother teases you. Negative feedback from others (especially if you have just started upon a weight loss regime) can be a serious set back, and it sounds like she's been doing this to you for several years. It can be hard to confront that.
When I need to comfort myself without food (and this is not always easy to avoid), I take a long hot bath with some epsom salts and put on some music I love, light some candles and meditate in the tub. Of course, exercise is great, too. Often times, I'll work out and come home feeling lonely and that is when I am tempted to binge... when no one can see me. I find the baths help. Maybe you have a ritual like something or other that you can turn to when you need to turn off your mother's voice in your head :)

Best of luck!
 
Go Girl

eyckmans said:
You certainly don't need to pay 97$ to get advice as you can get all the advice you want free on these forums.
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I really wish i heard that advice before i started. Free advise.... I am still glad i used the stuff i bought because it helped me to jump start and he is right constant exercise is needed and proper eating too. I know you will do it girlfriend whether you pay for it or you get it for free...you will do it!!

CHEERS
 
thanks to you all...as of right now I've lost 3 lbs in a week which is awesome but something i won't tell my mom cause she won't believe me...I was so scared of weight myself cause my mom always makes me feel like i'm back to my old heavy self...anyway i'm doing great eating small portions not starving myself...I'm still eating the foods I love but in moderation...now I still trying to find the perfect workout for me that I enjoy and I think i'll be on the road to success
 
janstefin said:
I have seen your post and I am sure I can help you, email me at xxxxxx and I will send you the details
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Libra, ignore the above poster, he/she has spammed the same post all over the forums. It will only be to get you to part with your money.
The spammers seem to be really attracted to your thread!!!!!
 
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eyckmans--lol yeah I've totally ignored that poster...I wonder why spammers are attracted to my thread :(, maybe it makes me look vulnerable...anyway I'm making progress on the eating habits still working on the exercise need something thats fun and that I won't feel lazy to do after 12hr shifts at work...
 
Well done on the eating. It's difficult to concentrate on anything else when you are working such long shifts. Look up some dance workouts on youtube or if you have a Wii buy Just Dance. Dancing doesn't seem so much like exercise but more like fun especially at your age so much easier to motivate yourself to do it. My 20 year old instead of going to a normal pub goes to a disco/pub and dances for hours at a time as she really doesn't like to work out. Also sometimes when we are watching a film on the telly she sits and pedals the static bike while I go up and down on a step. You don't notice that you are doing it so much if you are watching something. We usually watch musicals why we do it. Moulin Rouge, Mamma Mia etc.
 
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