hello_panda
New member
Greetings, I am the Panda. I am joining this site for a few reasons. First, and fore most, I am fat. 342 pounds last I checked, probably more than that now, it tends to go back and forth between that and 345. I'm 21 years old, and for the past...(pauses to think) four years or so, I was a member of a website, which I will not name, that advocated gaining weight. It's for erotic reasons, and while I did partake in this (gaining about 50 pounds in the process), I never truly enjoyed it. Well, that is a lie, I did enjoy it, but not for the reasons I thought I did. You see, for a while, I thought I enjoyed it for what it was, but that wasn't right. I enjoyed it because, for the first time in my life, I found people who did not look down on me for my weight, in fact, they loved me for it. For the first time in my life I felt like I truly belonged to something, and I did. The only problem was, it was killing me. I used to weigh 362 pounds, and then my blood pressure got high. So high, in fact, I have to take medication to keep it down. This was a big enough of an eye opener to make me stop with the weight gain stuff, but for some reason, I kept going onto the website. While I have lost about 20 pounds, I still feel conflicted about myself. You see, I lost the 20 pounds about five months ago, and have not lost any else. I do not blame this wholly on the fact I kept going on the site, but the fact that I was, quite honestly, scared. Still am. I used the site as a crutch, a way to keep myself from getting depressed or angry at the fact that I am overweight and unhealthy. I felt like, if I go to this place where it is okay to be big, maybe all the bad stuff about being big will go away and I can be happy again. This is not the case, and no matter how badly I wish for it to be, it will never happen. So tonight I closed my account, and found this place. Who knows, maybe I can substitute this place for my old haunt. Maybe, instead of living in a fantasy world and killing, I can finally start to live life how I always dream of, but never believed I could. I, like a lot of people who have been overweight for most of their lives, dream about what it would be like to be thin. Not for looks, I could care less about that, but to be able to do things that I cannot in my current state of being. Like go out and run a marathon, or climb a tree, or fly in an airplane without being afraid of getting kicked off, or something as simple as going out to eat and not worrying about the booths not being big enough for me to fit in. Any way, I think that is enough of that for now. They call me the Panda, and today marks the beginning of the rest of my life. I choose to begin it by living how I want to be, healthy.
