Here we go again... Mila's second try

I habe lost a kg (that's about 2 pounds)!!!!!! yey!!! The elephant has finally moved! And my BMI is going towards healthy weight now!
Will write more later, need to go to work!!
Love, xxMilaxx
 
Thank you very much Beckster! That meant the world for me!
Food so far has not been to brilliant, because I went to work and they have soooooo many snacks, like they have more kinds of chips than the supermarket has... I did hold back, but still ate some bits and bobs... I am starting to work something between long part time and full time from next week on and have my exams so I will have to get myself together and be strong. 1) i need to wake up early, 7:30 or so, and then study till I start working and then after work I will have to study some more! 2) I have to make sure I don't snack too much at their place and 3) I need to try to get my sports in every day!

Today I ate so far:
Breakfast: Babyfood and Cereal --> 200 cal
Snack of various kinds: grapes, a tangerine and a banana, a diet coke and a rice krispie bar -->250 cal (more or less)
Lunch: Sushi, Cherry Tomatoes and fruit (melon and grapes) -->350 cal
I won't snack in the afternoon, because I snacked enough in the morning and had lunch at 4...
Dinner: Salad with tuna --> 300 cal (I am never sure how to estimate my salads... I have olive oil on them, lemon and salt, sometimes tuna and rarely an egg in it, otherwise it is all lettuce and tomatoes...)
Ok, that would be 1100 cals... so not bad, and since I am not doing any real sports today I am happy with that.
My exercise of the day I got with my two little monkeys (they are 2 and 3), we danced to the shrek CD for about 45 Minutes like crazy, I had to pick them up and whirl them around and throw them onto the couch every now and then... man I tell you guys, no weights are as effective as them! My arms ache, I was sweaty and exhausted (not to mention dizzy!!). Kat weighs about 12 kg and Al must be 16 kg...
I adore my job, I think it is amazing people pay me for loving and caring for the 4 most amazing kids. I mean it is hard work on some days, especially when the weather is not so nice and one or all of them are cranky and sickish... but then what work you get to and get hugs from everywhere and when you leave a little face is smushed against a window yelling "love you mila, c'm back sooooon".

I went shopping and I am amazed at the price of everything, it is ridiculous that if I ate processed ready meals every day I would spend about 15 pounds on the whole week, and because I cook all my things from scratch and don't even eat processed bread or sandwiches I pay more than 20 pounds for about 2 days worth fruit and veg!!
I am shocked! I mean nowadays it is luxus to eat correctly and be thin! And I can totally see how poorer people have to opt for processed yucky meals, because making the same from scratch is just more expensive!

Ok, I am gonna go and study, I have to defend my thesis on Tuesday and I am scared!!!!
I might write tonight but probably I will wait til tomorrow evening or so.
Greets, xxMilaxx
 
Had a fight with the man, he is such a pain in the ass, for various reasons and I am sad and unhappy and frustrated with life. I need to do so much, but can't get myself to do anything because all I think about is him and how stupid he is.

Food up tp now was ok, though I only had breakfast so far...
I will go swimming later, no clue how to manage everything today but there must be a way.
Grrrrrr... xxMilaxx
 
^ I'm guessing thats your boyfriend or husband? They can be a pain in the tushy can't they? I'm feeling exactly the same way about everything. Its so hard not to just give up and be a freak my entire life but I know if I finish what I'm doing, and show myself and everyone how strong I am, maybe they'll give me more respect and be nicer.

Going swimming must take some courage, I could never do that :O I can't even go to the gym, I'm extremely shy and self concious, which is why I'm buying a treadmill for my 18th.

Imagine that ey? Instead of a party, I get a treadmill. Life isnt meant to be like that.. but what can you do? Just keep swimming, just keep swiiiimmminggg! (LOL Finding Nemo joke :p).

Keep up the good work missy, I like the way you think and type, I'll definitely be back to see how you're going.

Do it for yourself, ignore everyone else. xx
 
Thank you miracle for your nice post! Yeah the man is my man, we are more than bf/gf because we live together etc... (sort of he does have a room somewhere else but he uses it as a studio just to work without me bugging him).
Food for today:
Breakfast: cereal and baby food --> 200 cal
Lunch: 1/3 cucumber, 5 cherry tomatoes, 1 real tomato, 20 grapes, half a prune, banana --> 250 cal
snack: apple and granola bar --> 200 cal
Dinner: sushi --> 350 cal (estimating, but I only had 4 pieces of sushi, but very filling ones... so actually it might have been higher)
That would have me at 1100 cals (maybe 1200 because of the sushi) for the day... not enough I guess... I am gonna have some "Option Hot chocolate" when I get home (still in uni), which is only 40 cal but tastes alright!
I swam but it was definitely my worst day, I am extremely sore from having the kids yesterday and dancing and throwing them around... my arms, legs and back really hurt!!
I have been almost good, drank too little water though and ate one werther's original.
Also it was another one of those days where I felt like I was starving myself all day, so definitely need to eat mroe tomorrow, maybe I will have a nice salad for lunch (it will be after my dissertation defense, so sort of celebratory) and then just something smaller for dinner. Because I feel more hungry over the day then in the evenings.
After making up with the man, he actually told me that he was impressed with my muscles in my arms and my abs (still very well hidden but definitely there)!
OK will revise some more and then go to bed, good night my dearies, xxMilaxx
 
^ Men can be nice when they want to be, ey? :) Mine was uber nice today too.

Your food for today sounds good, but like mine its not enough. I felt full today though for some reason. LOL, we're trying to lose weight, and we're not eating enough? Doesnt sound right haha.

A werthers original isn't bad at all. You should allow yourself treats to stop from binge-eating! I had 3 slices of Terry's Chocolate Orange today. It's lasted me since easter (damn stupid holidays..), and my dad and brother are pinching my other easter eggs. I don't mind :) Less for me!

Well done for eating very nicely today, and swimming too!
Arent kids great? They have fun messing around with you, you burn cals messing around with them. Win win! :D
 
My defense was crap... I am pretty sad because I knew a great deal of stuff but I got so nervous and sweaty and yucky... I don't even wanna talk about it and usually I am all positivity after exams and tests and presentations, because I think even if they wren't good at least they are behind me.

Frustrated xxMilaxx
 
I am ill again... this happens so often I am not even surprised but I was hoping that being good and doing sports would make me stay healthy for more than 2 weeks... I hoped in vain I guess. It's nothing serious just a head and upper airway cold, it started very suddenly at midday, massive headache, weakness, fever, cough (dry), asthma playing up a bit and as usual digestive issues (aka diarrhoea and nausea).
At first I thought I could work against it by takin in massive amounts of vitamin C so I drank two innocent smoothies (they are just fruit) and then some grape juice but nothing worked and I feel awful.
I need to be better tomorrow, because I have a long day, study and 7 hours of work, so I am just sitting around in my bath robe and pjs and resting for the evening. I am gonna press myself some juice in a bit too... hopefully some vitamin C overdose will help eventually.

I ate a lot of crap today as well because I was feeling so down that I hoped the food would get me up physically and psychologically.
Breakfast: cereal --> 200 cal
Lunch: veggies and couscous salad --> 350 cal
Various bad snacks all over the day: 1 piece of dark choc, 2 smoothies, grape juice, grapes, sushi, piece of bread --> 800 cal
Dinner never happened!
It is not even thaaaaaaat much actually so about 1350 cals... felt like so much more!
I am going to drink my oj and go to bed, goodnight, xxMilaxx
 
1350 is fine! Maybe even too less depending on your height and weight.

Those are not bad foods! :O Bread is good, grapes are fruit, smoothies are just quicker ways to get your 5 a day fruit and veg, and one piece of chocolate is fine!! You should treat yourself sometimes like that so you don't just go binge-eating!

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing great!!!!!!
 
My sickness progressed to diarrhoea and vomiting during the night, but the dr. I went to see was unable to tell me what it was... he said an allergy... bullshit! What kind of allergy gives you fever and vomiting, a headache and a sore throat??
Oh well... have eaten nothing so far and highly doubt I will eat much apart from paracetamol today.
Feel crummy! xxMilaxx
 
Yesterday with like the litte toasts I ate and nothing much else (some apple sauce) I barely reached 500 cals.
So today I don't feel nauseous, but I have a pretty intense cough and my throat still aches. Sports won't happen till Saturday (lets hope I can rollerblade). I have no food plan for today but I am not feeling soooo hungry.
Greets, xxMilaxx
 
Oh yeah I almost forgot in Sunday I measured myself, I don't have a tape measure so I used the one at my job's and it was one of those metally hardish ones... also only set on inches and I don't even know what they mean... bu however you guys might! What was sad is that my 3 measures (chest, waist, butt) are sort of similar....
Ok here goes:
Chest: 35 inch (88.9 cm)
Waist: 31 inch (78.7 cm)
Butt: 41 inch (104.1 cm)

Hmm... used google as a calculator to know in cm!! Ok, so to be Marilyn Monroe perfect I need to gain 1 cm in my chest and lose 18.7 cm in my waist and 14.1 in my butt!! SOOOO not gonna happen, I bet!
Kisses to all, feeling better, xxMilaxx
 
Ok food of the day:
Breakfast: cereal and fruitgurt (it is stll thought for children, but the kid on the label is at least a year old, if not older!! That is quite a change, up to today I only ate ones with a tiny little babe on it and the note on the side saying that you can use it from 4 months on!!), plus a piece of bread, that I just could not resist --> 250 cal
Snack: granola bar (thouigh it was a fruit bar and not a granola bar)-->150 cal
Lunch: Spaghetti "in bianco"... so without anything on them but a tiny bit of butter and salt --> 300 cal (?¿?¿?)
Afternoon: Real pressed Apple Juice--> 120 cal
Dinner: greens, tomatoe and tuna salad--> 300 cal

So 1120, but I felt full and satisfied all day, and that is what I aim for. I didn't do any sports because of the cough, the throat and the exam tomorrow!
Have a good day, evening, etc... xxMilaxx
 
Yesterday I was bad and I ate chinese for lunch (and not like very light chinese either), but I had written my biggest exam and it went well so I needed to celebrate!!
But for dinner we had just salad... and melon with ham, but I only had 3 slices of very thin ham (though parma ham... but I don't think I want to keep on living if I am not allowed parma ham).
However I have lost another kilo!!!!!! And my BMI is not overweight anymore!! I am soo happy I could just dance! I did not have the best week what with being ill and all and I didn't even go swimming the past 3 days, but I still ate well, except for yesterday, so I am pretty proud of myself! I am still coughing and wheezing so I am not swimming or blading today, I am however walking 4 miles to the biggest supermarket around to buy some food for tonight.
Today I am having fruit for breakfast (melon, apple, kiwi), lunch will be some bits and bob of fruit and veggie I guess and for dinner I am making my nana's world famour chicken-artichoke casserole... but first I have to figure out how to make it!
I will post how it went this evening.
Have an amazing day, xxMilaxx
 
I have been awful all weekend... honestly, yesterday instead of eating veggies for lunch I had an amazing Beefsandwich from some argentinian vendors on the streets... it was 1 piece of beef on white bread (so all I have forbidden myself) but gosh, it felt like heavens!! I didn't snack all afternoon in exchange but still...
then for dinner suddenly some friends decided to come and I made my first attempt at paella. It was good!! I try to tell myself that it was just rice, some chicken, and seafood (and I did make it from scratch completely... didn't even use canned veg or anything!!), but I know it must have been like 1000 cal per plate (I only had 1 serving).
Anyhow today I went to the museum with my little girl and obviously we didn't eat fruit there... I had some Pommbears (man they must be the best crisps in the world) and half a giant cookie (she didn't want it and throwing perfectly fine food away??? Never!!), plus apple juice (but I reduced it to half water).
For lunch I ate at around 4 a can of artichokes and a granola bar, to make up for the massive snacking in the morning...
oh well, for dinner I will have salad and fruit salad and some facial or something with a friend... looking forward to it.
Love, xxMilaxx
 
The evening was aweful, I only ate a plate of salad (which tasted nasty), then had a huge fight with my boyfriend, he has moved to his place (where he hadn't stayed for months) to think about our relationship... it was the first time I opened up to him about a lot of feelings, in fact I am the "open" one but never ever tell most of my feelings to people. I told him about a lot of things, about my insecurities (I look and act very secure to hide my insecurities, you know what I mean), I told him everything, how I feel my mother damaged me, how I am always trying to be perfect to be what she (and people generally) expect me to be, how people don't return this and how I feel that the world lets me down (it is so easy to write all of this here because 1st no one reads this anyway, and 2 I don't know you people, you don't know me... I am protected here). I am afraid of rejection and I need to always do and be what is expected of me, I don't even know what I want or who I am, only what people want me to be.
This was the first time ever I told him this an he reacted exactly how I feared he would, he got insecure and afraid and said I was too fragile and that he needs to think about a lot of things and that we need a break for this because he can't think about me if I am there.
I feel pretty damn crap... but I am not an emotional eater, so this might help me in my weight loss... I am so glad I have my job where my little ones hug me and kiss me and tell me they love me, no matter what.
I am going to work now, see y'all later (I will post about food and stuff afterwards), xxMilaxx
 
Got my period yesterday and didn't feel well all day, so I didn't really eat... I had some humous around lunchtime but felt like throwing it up again, at around 5 ish I had a few pieces of broccoli the kids left over and a handful of pasta. That was yesterdays food.
I am feeling much better today and I have enjoyed my breakfast. I guess I will have bits and bobs for lunch because I am at work and then a salad and an artichoke for dinner.
Feel better overall (got a nice summer job that pays great... got the job offer just yesterday), xxMilaxx
 
OK opposed to yesterday today was absolutely miserable...
my job turned out to be hoax, a scam or whatever... well anyways totally ridiculous, the guy (the "employer") asked me about a day after hiring me if he coul use my bank account to pay something to someone bladibla, either he was trying to do money laundering or he was trying to steal from me, both not so nice options. He also send me pictures of "himself" and some other random people, that he blatantly stole from the internet (in fact I think some of the pictures are pretty common advertisement images that I have seen on ads...).
Well however, I am out of a job for the summer, and I feel totally stupid for believing him in first place and since he already had my bank details (to send me my monthly pay) I had to go to the bank, close the account (they were afraid of the money laundering so preferred to close it) and open a new one, I have no cards or anything until then... And I am astounded at how mean people can be! I am poor, I work two jobs and struggle every month, why would someone try to steal from me? I am going to be very suspicious around everything these days!

According to this I behaved horribly today and I had a soda (well ice tea), then had meat for lunch, snacked around the clock, had 4 biscuits before dinner and a piece of bread with my salad for dinner. And I did no sports apart from walking the dog, which cannot count as sport. I studied but not nearly enough... well a crummy day in every sense!
Grrrrrr xxMilaxx
 
I fell of my wagon... again... I have done no sports all week this week, I have eaten everything in sight, even though I didn't really need it (but I WANTED it)... so I am back 1 kilo up... I am not going to change my ticker, and work this week to lose this kilo again, so that my my next weigh in, on Sunday, I will be my tickerwieght again.
I am sick of myself giving up, even though I didn't plateau or anything, I am having massive problems with the boyfriend, have been working and studying (although too much work and too little study), have not done too well in my last exam and I am just down.
I need to get myself up, this was not just healthy eating and sports, this was supposed to make me a happier person, someone like I was 3 years ago when I arrived in this awful country, all smiley and happy and lovey. I never used to cry and now I do it constantly. I used to be able to see the bigger picture, to see that a fib with my boyfriend is not like throat cancer or starvation in namibia, but I can't anymore.
I have also lost a part of who I am, I used to do what I wanted, when I wanted it, I used to be independent and happy that way, now I am totally dependent on my bf moods, on everything. I have had few really good days in the past few months and I don't know why.
But first I want to change how I look, I want to be cool and "fab" again, get thin and look and feel fit, my medicines have discoloured my teeth (stained them) and I want to have my white smile back, I want to bleach my hair and have blue streaks in it again... I want to be the person that did that and was happy afterwards and not the person that I am now, who is afraid of changing, who stays in all evenings.
Most of these things are not even weight related, they are related to my life as a whole, but changing my looks would (hopefully) help me change my mood, show me that I can do one thing right. Not feel like such a failure anymore. I feel like there is so much I want to do and I am afraid of doing them. I would like to be able to see the good sides of my relationship with my man again and not just the downsides, and then be strong enough to either fight contrarities or leave the guy and find myself someone else.
But I can't! I am trapped in myself, not able to get out of this strange being that I have created. Someone who is not fot and happy and jumpy and dancing anymore, but someone who is sad and sits at home all day. I used to be soooo sociable, and now I fear the calls from my friends asking if I want to go out with them. My only outings are cinema and dinner... I am only 22, why can't I be fun?

Ok enough ranting, I am gonna stop complaining, now that I have done so and try to fixate on the good parts of life: I am healthy enough to live a fairly comfortable life, I am strong and I am going to lose the weight and show myself that I am not a loser, but a strong person. I am gonna change! From now on! I know I have said this so many times, but I need to do it now, or I will be very unhappy for a very long time!
Love, xxMilaxx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top