Here I go again...

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...but still very sucky. Making honest mistakes doesn't make you a bad person; good or bad is determined by what you once you DO know better. Sending some hugs your way in case you need them :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

PS: you ought to be in bed right now.
 
How are you feeling about the new job? Still local? I'm going on a placement soon for work so starting end of Jan and beginning to dread it - I barely tolerate the people at work that I like, let alone new strangers that I have to impress because they'll be writing all their observations about me down.. The stress! Hope you are looking forward to a new chapter my lovely.
 
Thanks to you both. I'm hanging in there. Just went on my walk, and otherwise giving myself permission to lay low.

I find it interesting that I'm coping with my stress by baking rather than eating or drinking. Beating the hell out of some dough is therapeutic. I could get good at this.

DrBee, keeping the faith.
 
:) Everyone likes a baker, don´t they? I don´t have the patience for baking, I´m afraid, plus the kind of stuff I´d like to try would overwhelm my calorie budget for a week.
 
Pretzels and cinammon swirl bread were a big hit. I am now Chef of holiday cooking, at least in the ex-wife set. God I love cooking.

Something wild happened yesterday. I was enjoying the holiday, not going wild but not logging everything. At the end of the day I logged out of habit, and found I was within calorie budget. Now I didn't work out, mind you, but left to my own devices, my eating patterns are becoming habit. So that's two major holidays down where I was within budget! It just shows I'm getting it.

Today I drive to see other half of family. Ooh, and other good news is two prospective employers want to speak to me next week, both competition for my old company, so that's really exciting! I could be back at work before January is over, which is the goal.

About to get up and weigh in, have coffee, etc.

I didn't say it before, but you folks really helped me out last week. Thanks for being there. It made a huse difference to me.

Happy Holidays!

DrBee, trapped under sleepy kitties
 
If you find beating dough to be therapeutic perhaps you should try beating clay for stress relief, or even sculpting something for that matter. Good luck with the job hunt.
 
:D It sounds therapeutic to me: kneading AND getting your hands properly dirty is a great combination. Lost another 0.6 pounds despite gaining your spurs as a holiday chef? I salute you most humbly!
 
Back home after visiting family. Three days without my walk, and I feel awful and sluggish. I don't think I broke my calorie budget, but still was eating holiday food, so also gross. Need to get regular meals and walking to feel normal and good again. Telling myself as much as anyone.

This forum wouldn't mean much if I didn't share, so I'll add that I did drink gin last night. Finally gave in to "holiday" thinking. It was interesting though, I really went for it to see if I wanted this back in my life.

I hated it. The taste, the initial buzz, the loss of judgment and sense of self, the irrational hunger, the soporific effect that had me asleep by 10, and yet I'm exhausted today after tossing and turning all night. I'm bloated. Other digestive upsets.

Fuck alcohol. At this point, I never want to drink again, and I actually mean it. Without it I was doing so many other things I enjoy. Now I can't do shit I'm so tired and pissed off. Poured out the champagne for New Year's, smoked a bowl, and said good riddance!

Feels... great, actually. To know.

I will, however, nibble at the wings I ordered. After a salad.
 
Maybe I should try gin..sounds horrible ;) Nice that you had that realisation confirmed for you - here's to a dry 2017! Bet it's nice to be back home.. nice seeing family but nicer being back into a routine that you can control.
 
What Hana said, except for trying gin. Can´t stand the stuff. I´ve been here for a week now and the sum of my alcohol intake is less than half a liter of wine and one beer. Having relatives who don´t drink much makes things a lot easier. Good to hear you´ve done so well!
 
Sunflower_ said:
Maybe I should try gin..sounds horrible ;) Nice that you had that realisation confirmed for you - here's to a dry 2017! Bet it's nice to be back home.. nice seeing family but nicer being back into a routine that you can control.
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You said it! Speaking of routine, about to enjoy mine now!!
 
LaMaria said:
What Hana said, except for trying gin. Can´t stand the stuff. I´ve been here for a week now and the sum of my alcohol intake is less than half a liter of wine and one beer. Having relatives who don´t drink much makes things a lot easier. Good to hear you´ve done so well!
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My main family is dry, but my brother in law on ex wife's side was trying to pour it down my throat. Anyway, all that's over. Back to my happy little life. Then next week hopefully things boil over on the job front. Ideally I'll take all of January off, and go back to work on Feb 1. One can hope.
 
Holy fuck, went on my walk just now. Was dreading it because after drinking I'm usually whipped. Made it just fine. 1.52 miles took 35 minutes and burned 457 calories. I love that being big means weight bearing exercise burns so many calories.

Tomorrow I'll go back to gym to lift. I'm trying the goofy new 5 by 5 program the kids are doing these days based on past success. Goal is to regain some lost muscle tone (which will add even more to my "afterburner" metabolism and calories burned while watching Netflix), then lay a foundation for some gains. A few good layers of muscle will do wonders for loose skin I hear.

Anyway, feels so, so right to be able to exercise again and make my own food. Haven't weighed myself since I know the holidays have yet to come out of me (constipation and edema are body wizardry).

See you tomorrow.
 
DoctorBee said:
Holy fuck, went on my walk just now. Was dreading it because after drinking I'm usually whipped. Made it just fine. 1.52 miles took 35 minutes and burned 457 calories. I love that being big means weight bearing exercise burns so many calories.
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Your body was probably ready for a break anyway and worked on your muscles while you were celebrating. As you get smaller you can up the intensity of your walk (in speed or elevation) to make up for carrying less. Should be good!
 
Heya
I've Started another journal today and have been reading thru a few others and I have to say. I have such admiration for you. 1, your honesty and 2, I know for sure that I would have done a 'fuck it all' and eaten and drunk my way thru everything. It's weird to feel proud of someone I have never met and just read their thoughts but I do feel proud of you. You, sir, rock!!
Onwards and upwards. You are an inspiration.
xoxo
 
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