Just some general comments and observations I've made over the years doing what I do:
1. Most people have absolutely zero control over their thought patterns. What they focus their attention on and what they are saying internally is as sporadic as the wind. And thus, life is really out of control.
2. Most people don't realize this lack of control for one very simple reason. They live programmed lives. Things like work, paying the bills, watching their favorite television shows, etc, etc consume most every single day. The 'schedule' fills the void of not having control. It 'fakes you out.' All along though your mind is doing it's own thing. It's not until you try and make real change in your life that you realize, "Hey, things aren't working here. I know what I want but I can't get myself to take enough action to get it." If you're luck you make this realization. If you're not, you might keep trying again and again and live a pretty frustrating life or you'll give up and go back to your old ways.
3. Among all the powerful 'features' provided to us naturally within our subconscious minds, I truly believe one of the greatest limiters is the idea that we predetermine what we think we deserve. An example is being overweight. A lot of people *really* want to be thin and healthy. Yet, even with all the knowledge at their fingertips and even with a great trainer, some will fail. Many actually. Invariably they get thrown off course... they derail themselves what at times seems purposeful. Some psychologists believe we have engrained in our minds what we are meant to obtain and acheive. We have ingrained what we deserve. Deep down if the overweight individual believes they aren't meant to be thin and healthy or they don't deserve to be, no matter how hard they try they will eventually revert to destructive tendancies. Based on what I've seen in working with obese people, I tend to agree with such a notion. And this is why digging deep down and really doing some critical assessment of your mind is beyond important for those who simply can't seem to find the will.
4. Clearly defining goals is extremely important. We all know this. However, most people spend extremely little time on this. Or they do it once and never look at it again or never modify them as things inevitably change around them. This is failure. You can't half ass the creation of goals. They need to be complex. They need to be flexible. They need to be empowering. They need to have a ton of emotion linked to them.
5. Comfort is a dangerous thing in relation to goal attainment. What I mean is, many people set goals, right? Then they take some action to get them closer to said goals. The first few days are easy. You feel renewed b/c you are taking positive action towards improving your life. Then, comfort sets in, and it zaps motivation and energy right from you. Certain things in my life have been very hard to come by, even when I planned for them and felt beyond determined. The 'newness' of some of my pursuits wore off quick... it's like when you buy a new car and you love it... you love getting in to drive it. After a few months it's just another car. That's how goals can become. Except cars, even if they don't feel exciting, still get you to where you want to be. Boring, old goals do not. When I've come to these points in my life, I literally start off each day thinking I'm not willing to settle for anything less than exactly what I originally wanted. I literally refuse it. With said refusal must come action. I also keep my goals moving since my target and surroundings are also moving. It only makes sense.
6. People, even if they have great goals, tend to haphazardly attempt what they set out to do. They keep hardly any record or analysis of what sort of progress they're making. With weight loss, someone will start making 'smarter' food choices and exercising a bit. Two weeks later they step on the scale and it's up two pounds and they literally throw a tantrum. That's stupid, flat out. If what you're doing isn't working, analyze what you're doing and make modifications. You don't fail unless you stop trying and that's a profound statement in my mind. One many people overlook. I've most definitely failed more times than I've succeeded in my life. The difference between me and many others is the simple fact that I treat my failures and react to them much, much differently than they do. I learn. I make changes to my approach. I feel empowered to figure things out. Failure is my fuel.
7. If I've said it once I've said it a dozen times on here; pain and pleasure dictate most everything in life... especially our choices we make. We fear pain, do everything in our power to avoid it. We starve for pleasure. Pain is more powerful than pleasure. Obviously it's pretty important to identify what you link pain to and what you link pleasure to. When I go over this with my clients, invariably something is said like, "I without a doubt link pain to being fat."
Okay, sure, I knew that. But is it enough pain to affect your acute decisions you make on a day to day basis? Most often no, it's not. More often than not, other pain/pleasure links override this general pain association you have linked to being fat.
Some of these pain links might look like:
- Changing my body takes way to long (instant gratification)
- I don't like exercise
- I hate healthy foods and am addicted to sweets
- I'm afraid that if I change my body I'll still have shortcomings and I'll be more upset b/c losing weight didn't fix them
- Losing weight involved a lot of unknowns. It's literally changing one of the major ways you identified yourself for a long time. New identities are scary and what's scary is painful in the mind's eye.
I could go on and on... but the bottom line is these links must be identified if you're ever to change or override some of the ones that are hindering your consistency.
In almost all cases, when someone can't seem to be consistent or they're procrastinating with regards to something they supposedly want, said person believes taking the action will involve more pain than pleasure. Seems so damn simple but when you actually dig deep with most of these people, that really tends to be the case no matter how bad they say things like, "I really want to lose this fat."
I've said this to quite a number of people on here over the years and I'd be willing to bet only a handful of people actually sat down and identified their associations, let alone tried to change them consciously. Yet, it's something that is extremely simple and effective.
With this ideology, the most important concept is associating as much pleasure as possible to what you want in life while simultaneously associating as much pain as possible to NOt attaining what you desire.
8. This is related to most of the points above but what we focus on is our reality. We know this. Perception is reality. That's why no two people's reality is identical. You look at something and see one thing and I look at the same something and see something entirely different. These differences are born out of tons of things such as our upbringings, our pain/pleasure associations, our moods, etc. Most miss the very simple idea of realizing how they're seeing things. How they are interrpeting what's happening in front of them. They're letting life's events control how they feel. This hardly ever works out for those who are trying to make massive change in their lives.
Perspective is such a powerful concept, it's almost scary. If used properly though, it can really drive success. I remember one day in grades school one of my teachers said something about the average lifespan for a male. I forget what it was at the time but I rememer thinking, "Well I'm healthy as hell so I bet I'll live to at least 75."
I then proceeded to do the math. Six months is what seems like a short time period in the grand scheme of things, yet, long enough to accomplish quite a bit if we set out minds to it. 75 years gives me 150 six-month periods. I have 150 chances to make a difference. I have 900 months to take life by the horns. I have 27,375 days. 657,000 hours.
Time is such a precious commodity. It's finiteness is scary to me.
I know life is short.
But don't others realize this?
So many people I come across (not everyone) live and make choices as if time was infinite. "Tomorrow is another day." I don't know about you but 27,375 days doesn't look like much time at all when I compare it to infinity!
And that's assuming you still have 75 years left to live. Most anyone reading this does not.
Those sort of realizations of perspective thought really drive me.
It takes a lot of determination to focus on being healthy and make it last, it is a true lifestyle change and not just a diet. You're smart to absorb what you can from the advice that you get here and to be opened minded. That's the right way to approach it, with an open mind and lots of determination and effort you can do whatever you want. I hope to see you stick around and achieve your goals!