Help!

Do you think I should dump my boyfriend?

  • Yes

    Votes: 14 66.7%
  • No

    Votes: 2 9.5%
  • After you lose weight

    Votes: 5 23.8%

  • Total voters
    21

HoneeBrown

New member
Hello,

I'm 5'3 and weigh 160 lbs. That makes me technically obese. I have G cups boobs, so that makes me look bigger. My legs and bum are pretty skinny but I carry a lot of weight around my middle. I have PCOS, which is characterized by having a thicker middle.

My boyfriend just told me that he could never get over the fact that he thought I was fat. He's mentioned it before, but I thought if I kept working at it I would be ok. I've tried, prob not as hard as aI should, but it doesnt seem to be working. He wants to graph my measurements and what I eat. I feel so humiliated, but at this point I'll try anything. He's extra skinny and prob has an eating disorder - so he acts as if weight is a really big deal.

I've lost all self esteem, which is sad because I used to be model hot and now I feel invisible. I feel like my weight is ruining my life. Somebody please help me. I don't know if I can take this anymore.
 
you can help yourself by spending a bunch of time reading the stickied threads around the forum - there's a lot of good info on nutrition and exercise to let you help yourself...

Then start yourself a diary below and start to really think about what your goals are -long term and short term and what you can achieve... and what you are willing to do to achieve them.

Yesterday is gone -you can't go back - all you can do is work on today... and towards tomorrow..

You have to WANT to do this for yurself -- not have your boyfriend do it for you... you're an adult who needs to be in control of her own life... Get an account at and learn how to measure portions and keep track of what you eat - YOU do it -not your boyfriend.. knowing what you are taking in is the best way to make adjustments
 
why would you ask total strangers if you should dump your boyfriend or not? You need to ask yourself that - if he doesn't make you a better person or want to be a better person or doesn't improve the quality of your life -and you do not make him a better person -then why stay together?
 
No offense, but your boyfriend sounds like a controlling dick from your description. It's one thing to express concern about someone's weight; it's another to try and dictate someone else's life to your personal standards.

You should lose weight for yourself, not to fit the mold that someone else creates for you.
 
First off, quit looking to the man in your life for assistance with your self-esteem.

Second, kick the ass. If he "can't get over the fact that you're fat"...why the hell is he in a relationship with you? Your significant other should love you fat, skinny, ugly, pretty, sick, healthy and everything in between. You're never going to be a pretty princess 110% of the time. Hell, when I'm dating...I purposely go out in pajamas...flip flops...hair not done up...no make up...if they're willing to stick around through me being "comfortable", then they are worth my time when I clean up (because I look pretty damn good then, lol).

No person should ever stake their plans for YOUR weightloss unless it's a personal trainer and you're working together. Chances are good that because he's rail thin...he's never had to diet a day in his life (and I use the word diet loosely) and being thin comes naturally for him.

I'd ditch the dope and strike it out on your own for a while. Stick around and find some friends. We're better at making you feel good about yourself than any person that claims they "can't get over how fat you are". Read stickied threads as Maleficent suggested and keep a bright outlook. Start a journal and stick with it daily. Know how many calories you can take it and pick up an exercise regime.
 
I agree with Pitbull mommy

Deep Six the guy, find someone who loves you from the inside out, not the outside in, and then lose weight for yourself, your health and your self esteem.

Hugs to you!
 
Ditch the moron. My H is normal weight, and he loved me even at my heaviest. Sure, he prefers me thinner, but my weight never made him stop loving me. You deserve someone who boosts your self-esteem and makes you feel happy and loved--not a critical moron who enjoys humiliating you.
 
I can say that in my opinion every woman deserves a partner who is supportive of her. Whether your current partner can mold himself into such a man for you needs to be seen. If one of you has to change - in my opinion it is that aspect of him.

I am also a PCOS lady.

I am sure that you understand the health risks associated with PCOS


You are really not that big compared to many PCOS ladies - and I am sure that like me you will have been told that one of the best things that you can do for PCOS is lose weight.

I would agree with all the general advice that the other posters have given. There is a wealth of information on the forum.

Abbagirl and I are both PCOS ladies - and we have had excellent results by combining walking as a main form of exercise with dietary control.

Many PCOS ladies stick to a low carb diet - but I would not say that my diet is low carb as fitday notes that I have a high percentage of carbs because I have a lot of fruit and veg and quite a bit of cereal. I do not however have any rice, pasta or bread.

The best posting on the subject of PCOS that I have seen here is the following:

I suffer from PCOS but still reached my weight loss goal last year. Here are my "Top 10 Tips" to help you in 2008.

Health club memberships will be at an all-time high. The promotional flyer I got from the local gym in the mail today went straight into the trash. I am vowing never to pay another year of “fat tax,” those fifty-plus dollars a month many of us agree to pay for a one-year membership that most will probably use for a few weeks. Of course, I believe in exercise as part of any weight-loss program, but it doesn’t require a gym or any expensive torture contraptions.

I’m sure sign-ups on ediets.com will soar. I’ve tried most of the more popular diets they offer: Atkins, Slim-Fast Optima, etc. -- the results never went beyond losing five or so pounds. Atkins is just so hard! And I consider a Slim-Fast shake desert, not a meal! But after years of trial and error and much reading on the subject, I have at last found a healthy, balanced diet that doesn’t require any special shakes or the banishing of carbs.

I also tried numerous supplements. Hoodia, which I took religiously for four weeks, had absolutely no impact on curbing my appetite, along with a few others containing stimulants that made me feel like I was having a heart attack. But don’t get me wrong; I do feel that the RIGHT supplements can have a dramatic impact on weight loss.

I believe the underlying cause of PCOS is insulin resistance. And I believe this because as soon as I started to treat my insulin resistance. I saw a dramatic improvement in my skin and in my hair: less acne, more hair. And I also reached my weight loss goal of losing 45 pounds over the course of last year. I am 5’9” and now weigh a healthy 150 pounds.

Because of insulin resistance, many women with PCOS have a much harder time losing weight. Here is why: Insulin is the hormone responsible for allowing glucose, or blood sugar, to be absorbed by the cells of the body, where it is converted to energy. If you are insulin resistant, your cells react sluggishly to insulin. When you eat a meal -- whether it's steak, fish or vegetables -- the body breaks it down into glucose, a usable energy form. When you are insulin resistant, extra glucose remains in the blood stream, until it is finally sent to the liver and converted to excess body fat.

These are my Top 10 Tips to Weight Loss with PCOS.

1.
Gradually cut down on refined carbohydrates (white bread, white rice, white pasta and most sweets) and replace them with healthy sources of carbohydrates (whole grain bread, brown rice and whole wheat pasta). Refined carbs have been processed so that most of the fiber and nutrients are stripped away. This causes the body to quickly convert them into glucose. Whole grains still contain the fiber that will allow your body to digest the food more slowly, keeping you blood sugar levels from spiking and help to correct insulin resistance. I found that I was able to lose weight by eating roughly 70 grams of healthy carbohydrates per day.

2. Avoid all hydrogenated fats. Look at labels. If the product contains ingredients like hydrogenated vegetable oil, don’t buy it. Look for products that are free of hydrogenated oils and trans fat.

3. Moderate your intake of saturated fats. Saturated fat can mostly be found in animal products like: bacon, red meat and cheese.

4.
Incorporate healthy fats into your diet: instead of cooking with vegetable oil use olive oil. Add nuts and avocados into your salad. They are excellent sources of Omega-3, the heart-healthy fat.

5.
Have lean protein at every meal. This will help to control glucose spikes. Servings should be 3-4 oz, about the size of a deck of cards. Try turkey, poultry, veggie burgers, and lean cuts of pork and beef.

6. Avoid starchy vegetables like carrots, beets, corn and potatoes. They naturally contain higher amounts of sugar that can cause glucose levels to rise. Opt for vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus and zucchini, which are low in sugar and high in fiber.

7.
Buy whole foods. This means if it comes in a box, it’s probably not good for you. Prepackaged food is full of preservatives, chemicals and sodium which can actually make PCOS symptoms worse.

8. Start an exercise program you can stick with. I began with walking 10 minutes a day, 3 days per week. Now I have worked my way up to jogging for 30 minutes, 5 days per week. Find an activity you enjoy whether it’s walking, rollerblading, hiking or swimming, and gradually increase your workout session lengths and the number of days per week you do them.

9. Begin taking supplements. (Insulite Labs PCOS System offers the best combination of supplements for women with PCOS that I've found.)

10. Take it slow! Losing more than half a pound per week is too fast and you will probably just gain it back.
 
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What would be ideal for you? For him to change and accept you for who you are, no matter your size? Well, you can't change him. And, you are obviously not happy with the way he is trying to change you.

You have to feel good for yourself. Have to lose weight for yourself. And, if you are with someone, you have to accept them for who they are, and vice versa.

Good luck to you. I truly wish you all the happiness each of us deserves.
 
I don't mean to sound rude, but are you trying to lose weight because your boyfriend wants you to? Or is what he is saying coming after you made this decision to change?

Honestly, if the guy doesn't want to be supportive in one of the most important and amazing things you can do for yourself, it is likely he would not support much else. By the way, keeping track of your eating and measurements is NOT supportive!

I won't vote in your poll and I won't tell you to break up with the guy... but total strangers like me and all who have posted already are willing to give you the support and motivation that you're not getting from him.

I wish you a lot of luck in finding the right choice for you!

-Ryan
 
Wow- everybody on here has got some great advice for you, and I pretty much agree with all of it. My boyfriend has never known the thinner me, and I've always been overweight since Day 1 of meeting him and I distinctly remember him telling me what attracted him to me- He said "There's just something about you, the way you carry yourself, your confidence and self-esteem. It makes people want to know more about you, to try and figure you out. Nobody can figure you out." Those were pretty much his exact words. The confidence I had in myself.... even being overweight, is what caught his eye. Now that I'm losing weight, seeing a hotter version of my body will just be an added bonus for him (which he's already smiling about) because he loves me, not my body.... why reward this asshole of a boyfriend by looking and feeling better??? Do it for you- losing weight for anyone other than yourself will never be successful in the long-term, not to mention the emotional damage.... unless this guy has some other really amazing qualities you haven't mentioned, then why stay? Anyone who can make you feel so worthless isn't good for your mental health. The funny thing is, there are probably a million guys out there who would love you and think you're sexy just as you are .... so don't waste your tears, your stress and your time on someone who's not compassionate to you- the fact that you have a medical condition that can cause weight fluctuation makes him an even bigger ass because it shows how vain he is.... and as everyone else has already mentioned... all the support you could ever need to get through the challenges of weight loss can be found right here- most of us are on here every day because it's where we can come to have a judgement-free zone with people who are all experiencing the weight loss struggles together.. this forum has been such an amazing gift for me... without it, my own weight loss journey wouldn't be nearly as rewarding. Best of luck in whatever you decide, but make the decision for you, not him. :)
 
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