HELP!!!!!!!! binging again

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partygurl

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since saturday i have been bingeing a little bit and im worried i wont be able to pull myself together n it'l be the slippery slope downwards into my eating disorder again.

have worked so well last few months and have lost 10 pounds but been soooooo f-ing stressed this last week that i been thinking of comfort things alot... got alot of things on and to top it off been going through a very bad patch with the boyfriend and am moving house in the next few weeks and am worried that i will be doing the move without his help which will be even more stressfull. alot of what goes through my mind every day is sugary treats and alcohol.

saturday i had a few friends over for a bbq.... went wild with the alcohol.. drank a bottle of champagne to myself then started on the beers n then jack daniels. was pretty out of my head when i only planned on getting a little tipsy. jsut craved it so bad.

sunday i ate like a pig.. including half tub of haagen dazs cookies n cream.. felt sick when i went to bed

monday i sorted my head out and eat healthy and normaly

yesterday i slipped a little and had some chocolate that i didnt really want to eat and then finished my daughters dinner of chicken dippers and rice.. i really didnt need to do that.

today i still felt a strong craving so i allowed myself a chocolate bar which is quite light n only has 7g of fat... but that made it even worse and i ended up buying a packet of oreo's and had 8 of them.

i am still eating healthy meals in between eating and drinking crap.. and i am still doing my usual exercising but i know i am ruining my hard work really but where i am soooo stressed out right now i am just craving some kind of comfort ... exercise is not enough to make me feel better at this point.. it usualy is and i feel buzzing for the rest of the day.

HELP... i do not want to sabotage all of my hard work over the last 3 months... and i do not want to slip back into having a full blown eating disorder again with the added bit of alcoholism just to top it all off...... and this is how it normaly starts. i need to stop this before it slips any further.

any amazing suggestions??????????????????? :newangel:
 
Let me ask you some question:

Are you tracking what you eat in some shape or form? Like are you mentally noting what you eat? Like are you saying, "I can't eat X because I already eaten Y?" Or writing it down somewhere?

Are you worried about something? Like when you worry do you want to eat? Do you talk a lot about food? Like if someone ate something, do you tell them what is good or bad about that particular food? Do you constantly find yourself talking about food with your friends/families?

What are you binging on? Is it food you consider bad or good? When you eat, what are your thoughts? Are you thinking about how good it is or how you are just going to only eat one when there's so many left in the box/shelf? Are you thinking about your weight? Are you thinking about all you worked so hard for? Do you find the cravings more instense when you think about your weight?

Are you eating enough? Even though you might be hitting your calories limitation, it might not be your limitation; meaning that are you eating to satisfy yourself? Or the body image you think you'll obtain by eating some particular type of food?

Do you look at your body constantly? Like do you spend a lot of time in front of the mirror or folding clothes around your body?

Do you spend a large amount of time at the food store looking over labels or reading articles on food/diet?
 
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I asked about this when I had the problem a while back.

The person I talked to said that this is actually very common for people who start losing weight. I told him that I originally had no real goal in mind; just get healthy. And that is still my goal.

What I found is that the very best, the absolute best way, to overcome this problem is to actually allow it to occur. It is a natural evolution you must overcome. This is the true test: you can eat like crazy and lose everything you worked for; or you can solve this craving issue and continue to live healthy and normally while still enjoying the stuff you find "bad."

Naturally speaking, this issue has to do with two things: the body's perception of food and the body's perception of a healthy weight. This differs with everyone. For example me, my natural weight, I found, seems to be 180 and my body's perception of food mainly consists of a certain degree of food - mainly Asian and Italian based. With that said, you have to find what your body is naturally seeking. To do this, you must let go of all you think is right, and start listening to your body. Of course, the books will tell you that eating X and Y are good and why Z is bad, but in reality, that "Z" element is what your body naturally wants - if you deny it, it will crave that "Z" element. The best way is to enjoy eating X and Y, and from time to time, no real limitation on amount or time, you must allow that "Z" element.

A good book I must say would be:



This book is amazing and it was recommended to me by a forum member here. After reading this book, I never had a problem again.

It sounds like your problem has to do with constantly keeping track of your progress. This is why I totally and utterly hate it when people tell other people to write down all they eat and the marco/micro breakdowns. It eventually hurts people. It works at first, yes, but eventually, your body is just going to scream that enough is enough. You must instinctively eat food and you must instinctively understand when you are eating enough and when you aren't eating enough. This is a skill long lost in the void of diets, and artificial gyms.
 
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i eat usualy about 1800 cal a day .. i dont watch too much what i am eating but i make sure its food that is good for me.
i dont spend alot of time in font of the mirror coz i am always quite busy.. who knows though if i wasnt.

since things have been better with the bulimia/binge eating .. i havent really craved eating sugary stuff or getting totaly drunk ot having a mega binge that much.. but last few days i have realyl wanted to have a massive binge and i hjave been fantasizing about sipping on a nice cold glass of wine.. that will lead to a full bottle.

i do generaly talk about health, fitness, exercise, food related stuff a fair amount yes.

i dont write down what i eat at all but i know i roughly eat 1800 cal a day, normaly if i fancy something sweet i allow myself it and its usualy enough to satisfy me but as i said.. last few days just one little thing isnt tnough and if i have the one little thing it has lead to eating more then i need to the point of being very very unconfortable.


Yes i do have issues with knowing i have to keep my weight below a certain point as i dance and do modeling .. so i know deep down it doesnt really help me coz im eating healthy and exercising for vanity as well as health.
although i had issues with food from when i was about 9 or 10.. they did get worse when i started to do the modeling when i was 19-20, 7-8 years ago.
i have yoyo'd alot in the past and my weight goes up and down to suit a particualr modeling job i have been booked for.
deep down i wonder if i should stop doing work that i put my body on display for... but....... i like the money.

oh and when i binge ... its usualy high sugar stuff .. chocolate, ice cream, cookies, cakes etc... either to the point of throwing up or to the point i feel very very ill.. although i havent binged to that extent for a while. i need nearly get to that point sunday though but knew it was getting dangerous so forced myself to stop ... if i really feel the need to binge and there is no access to sweet stufff then i will take the next best thing which is usualy high fat stuff such as potato chips, greasy cheesy food etc.

feel a bit vexed coz havent felt cravings for food or alcohol this powerful is a long while but i am jsut overloaded with stress... daughter had been playing up BIG TIME lately, major probs with the boyfriend that may lead to a split up, studying plus working,,, and now will be moving house in a few weeks.
 
As with any evolution, remember there is a high point and a low point. There is a point where you are about over the hump, but not quite. Think of it like doing a pull up. The longer you hang, the harder it is to pull yourself up. Do it quickly, and get it done.

I recommend going outside, buy everything you think is "bad," store it up, and then boom, it's over.

I had huge cravings for pop tarts, and not just any, that one with cookies and cream. I had to have it. So how did I get over it? I just went to the store and bought three or five boxes, I forget now. It took nearly 4,5 months to complete it and I had to throw some of it away. I came so sick of it, I actually felt sick when I look at it.

The natural evolution of eating is that you crave it -> eat it -> get tired of it -> crave another thing or nothing at all. Do you ever had it when your mom cooked you something? And you liked it? And she started cooking it everynight until you got so sick of it that she stopped for like a year before you start craving it again? Well that's sort of like how food works. You want stuff, then you eat it, get tired of it, and move on to the next thing. It's natural and perfectly alright to go into something even though it's "bad."
 
Yeah it sounds like you're stressed. Just keep cool, and you'll make it out. Best of luck to you.

It sounds like your job is one heck of a job. At some point, I think you should ask yourself if it's worth it.
 
decided that i was gonna do some mega bingeing and get it out my system.
i had a 5 day binge in which many litres of ice cream were consumed, as well as lots of pizza, chocolate, donuts, alcohol etc.. i knew i needed to get to the point where i felt disgusted and nasty n then it would be the end of the binge.

as i say, it went on for 5 days and final day sunday i went for it big time and drunk a fair amount aswell.

put on 3 pounds in that 5 days LOL

been back to normal for 2 days now and feel alot better, the sugar and grease cravings are gone. worked my ass off at the gym yesterday n at spinning class this morning... and feel good.

glad that little episode is over ... hopefully for another few months.
 
Thats not the correct way of thinking partygurl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Its self control, like me. If anything gets me stressed (sometimes) i just think f**k it and eat a loaddddddd of sh1t.

Its not the way to think though. Eating cleaner would help you actually deal with the stress more efficiently also!

Anyway, get back on track gurl ;)
 
i really didnt feel like i had any self control for those days, no matter how hard i tried to sort it out, just couldnt get myself to that point... was moving house and was so stressed with that but then the move fell through so the stress turned to upset and gutted-ness.. plus in the middle of all of this i was splitting up with the BF and had a naggin voice in my head scolding me coz i know i have a modeling job in just over 2 weeks.

i think the final day sunday .. i was sat there half drunk, scoffing pizza and macaroni cheese and i suddenly realised what an utter loser i was being and thought that if my BF is going to do disspearing act on me that im gonna need to show him what he is losing n stop wallowing in self pity abusing my body.
 
“When educating our minds we must educate our hearts"​

(Chillen)

If you seek more passion in the reasons for your personal goal and spin off indirect and direct reactions from this same passion, this passion will exceed the passion you have for binge eating.


Passion is HIRED. Binging is FIRED.

Only YOU can make it RETIRED.

Crack open the head-rock and let passion ROCK around the CLOCK.


Look, then, into thine heart, and write!

(Henry Wordsworth Longfellow)

Your heart has the seeds. Your spirit brings the needs. Feed the seed with the need and bring good deeds.

One who succeeds whither the weeds

(Chillen)

Encountering problems should never be a surprise. If you have the internal spirit; will yourself to be near it--anything you encounter can be overcome.

(Chillen)


This IS YOU:

My motivation and desire will never dim. As long as my heart keeps tappen' this will never happen.

(Chillen)

Don't let failures draw the line in the sand for additional progress. Failures can do just this. They can STOP ANY FURTHER potential for progress in the goals you seek. And, YOU decide which happens.

When you fail do you find it hard to get back up?

If you do, you are completely normal.

Many people use failure as an excuse to give up.

It is important to understand that failure is a part of the growth process.

Think about this example. How many times does a small child fall over before they finally stand and eventually walk?

It is countless, but somewhere along the way, most of us lose that ambition to keep trying until you succeed.

The next time you are defeated, think about it as part of a process. Get up and try again and again until you move forward.


There is a lot to learn from the innocent passion of a child.


NOW GET ROCKEN! :)

GROWL for all to hear for miles........


Best wishes,


Chillen
 
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You said this yourself, so don't look at me badly for saying it. I don't think modeling is a healthy job. Models are like strippers that you pay to wear clothes instead of take them off. You're both selling your body out to look pretty to someone else's standards, because you like the money. The main difference is your job's labeled by society as legitimately respectable work because we have some weird phobia of our own bodies that makes nudity disgraceful. Put beads over your nipples and suddenly you're classy for acting French =p

Obviously I'm not commenting on the work you've done as I've never seen it, but what I am saying is that the job itself requires an unhealthy mentality and puts WAY too much of your life's focus on the meaningless aesthetics and that's almost the limit of your qualifications. It's easy to feel uncomfortable about yourself, or unstable about your eating habits when there's so much riding on it. It's like pushing a button because someone told you not to.

And you put yourself through it for the money. That glorious money that's so great that you're so happy binging on tubs of ice cream so you feel disgusting enough to force yourself to exercise and eat right again.

Money's fun, but it's worthless. You can buy stuff with it. You wont be happy. You can buy nice clothes, you still wont be happy with your lifestyle. So what's the point on having all that money if you're uncomfortable and stressing out like this?

I just think it's sort of warped that here you are, someone who seems to be in good overall health taking care of themselves properly, and yet you're still fighting strong cravings and eating disorders with what sound like issues of self image, and feeling disgusted at gaining a few pounds here and there. Something about that doesn't seem right when you look at it like that, does it?

This doesn't entirely sound like someone who's living well for themselves. Get some work that makes you worry about something other than how many centimeters you've gained to get your mind off the importance of your weight (muscle weighs more than fat anyways, so even your weight isn't a great measurement for your body's health. Plenty of the world's greatest athletes have rated as morbidly obese on their BF ratios while being considered some of the most fit and attractive athletes in the sport). If you love modeling, great, keep doing it, just don't live for someone else's expectations. Especially if they're just paying you to prance around in pretty clothes so they can sell those clothes.

Health and happiness are priceless. If you can't maintain the two in synchronization, your lifestyle isn't working for you. You're never going to wake up and decide you don't like chocolate anymore because you're too healthy for it. It's just gotta become who you are, and how you act is largely, if not almost entirely, based on your circumstances in life. Know what's good for you, listen to you body (it WILL tell you what you should be doing or eating if you learn to pay attention to it), and keep your sense about it. You don't have to be as thin as you can be. Any organism with its goals that out of whack would never thrive successfully. Body fat plays an important role in your body. Don't hate it just because you can acquire too much with abuse.
 
I disagree with the above post. If someone is passionate about modeling or any job for that matter, they can make it work. Not all models are runway models that go to fashion week. That's a small portion of the large population of models. Yes, those are the ones that get all of the fame and money, but they're also the ones under the most pressure to fit a certain image. All of those people you see in advertisements in newspapers and magazines. Those are all models, and most of them look like average people because that's who the market is for. What about fitness models. Can you claim that is unhealthy?

To the OP, if you feel pressured by your job, do something to take the pressure off. What's more important, a job or your physical and emotional health? I think the stress you're putting yourself through is more damaging than anything else. Take a step back, realize that the food isn't everything. Don't beat yourself up over this.
 
partygurl said:
:D awww thanks. :D

made me smile reading all of that.
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You are welcome.

You control binging by controlling your internal functions within.

Nothing happens without your prior consent--no matter the intensity of the opposing force compelling you.


Best wishes


Chillen
 
Reward yourself once a week, i eat something that has between 800-1000 calories, is it a big piece of cheesecake, or a 200g chocolate and that stops me from craving things during the rest of the week, and it's guilt-free cause i work out in the evening. I used to have the same problem as you, i am a chocolate addict, i can eat big amounts and by big i mean big. When i was binge eating i would go through 5000-7000 calories in an hour, so believe me, it works. Don't look at it as good or bad food, look at it as extra calories. I hope this will help you as it helped me.
 
Spicy, it seems you overlooked the portion of my post where I stated

If you love modeling, great, keep doing it, just don't live for someone else's expectations.
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Magazine models? They don't look like normal people. In fact they're some of the more photoshoped and weight pinched models. Have you ever seen how much work goes into making those models look a certain way? Newspaper models are a bit more realistic, but a lot of the time they to aren't your average body type.

My whole point about the modeling was that it's an influence in your life that will drag your attention to aesthetic details and will put a LOT of pressure on you to trim or tone something to what an employer thinks it should look like. In a lot of cases, yes, this is unhealthy.

Are fitness models healthy? Sometimes... Sometimes maybe not. There's a lot more to being healthy than being thin and having muscles, and being a bit pudgy is NOT a sign of poor health. Your body's a whole, but it operates individually. If you have low fat and high muscle but your heart isn't conditioned to support the increased pressure, or if it hasn't strengthened at the same rate as your muscles, you can have serious health problems, regardless of how great you look.

Fact is, exercise is one of the best things for you, but even exercise has its unhealthy disadvantages. Think of it like this. Naturally, we'd be moving virtually all the time. We'd be moving right from birth, and we'd have to excercise all day just to perform basic tasks of survival. This gives the body a LOT of conditioning over time which we generally don't get growing up in the same extent. The workout is actually fairly unnatural. We'd never live slow paced lives only to burst out with energy for an hour a day. You're putting a much heavier load on your internals all at once than you'd normally get the chance to. If your cells are hungry, they will be weak, and this load, and the physical effects of exercise will actually hurt parts of you. If you're dieting to force weight off for a job, your cells feel this. You might not, but rest assured that functions aren't being performed in your body exactly the same as they would be if you were eating fully. Over time this builds up in your body and the effects slowly accumulate. Note I said slowly. 1 extra dead cell in your arm wont give you weak tendens or anything, but constant abnormal dieting can result in minor virtually symptomless situations. If the rest of your body is operating at a pace it can't keep up with and meet demands of because it's been poorly conditioned through the dieting, you might get problems. You wouldn't want to train heavy impact if you were on a calcium free diet (granted I doubt that exists), so why's it any better to train heavily and stress other parts of your body that aren't getting their full fill of nutrience to keep top performance either?

We've seen athletes drop from heart attacks, strokes, we've seen them suffer organ failure just like the fat people. Granted, not at as high of a rate, but these things are happening which shouldn't be happening in a healthy body, something's compromising them, something in them obviously wasn't healthy enough despite their dedication to fitness.

We would never naturally make the concious decision to avoid food if we weren't being fed with all these studies and sciences which are admitedly still full of holes and gaps of knowledge and understanding. We were meant to eat what we could. Not avoid or deny ourselves food just because it contains something our body will convert into lots of energy we'd need to burn off but couldn't normally.

So yeah, model if you like doing it. But consider a change in your life if you can't be a model without concious effort towards keeping your weight down, or find work for someone who's happy with what you are. That's all I'm saying, health shouldn't be a struggle, or a goal (though it's good to set goals none the less), it should seem like a fact of life to you. Since the OP DID suggest they've considered getting out of modeling because of how it makes them handle their fitness, I think this is perfectly good advice to consider for her situation. If she sees any relevance or applicability in how she feels and what I'm saying, she can freely take whatever course of action she pleases. As things are now though, she doesn't seem to be on a track that's entirely working for her.
 
partygurl said:
i think the final day sunday .. i was sat there half drunk, scoffing pizza and macaroni cheese and i suddenly realised what an utter loser i was being and thought that if my BF is going to do disspearing act on me that im gonna need to show him what he is losing n stop wallowing in self pity abusing my body.
Click to expand...

Hi Partygurl

First things first - you are not a loser. Binge-eating/bulimia can be incredibly difficult to control and, as you've clearly said, it's when you feel out of control in life that abuse of food/alcohol can mirror that sense of having no control. As you know, eating disorders are primarily feeling, not food, related.

You've mastered your impulses in the past - this is your evidence that you can do so again. Remind yourself of this - no-one but you controlled your eating disorder so you have, within you, more control that you might feel right now. Also, remember that, by binging, you're simply falling back into old patterns of coping which didn't work first time round (ie you probably felt some immediate release at the time but, ultimately, you probably felt worse about yourself/everything).

There are many little "tricks" you can learn to adopt to help you curb your binging impulses. People use relaxation (yoga, breathing etc) or distraction techniques eg if you feel the urge to binge, defer acting on it for 15 minutes - take a walk, wash your hair, call someone on the phone - the impluse will go within that timeframe. Or tell yourself you will wait one hour (or 30 mins or whatever you feel you can manage) and you will consider binging then. If you can, tell yourself the same thing an hour later. I would suggest that you don't try to tell yourself that you can never binge again - forever is too long for most of us to imagine and can feel like an impossible feat.

Maybe keep a food/feelings diary? If you can, if you feel the urge to binge, take a little time to write out everything you're feeling - don't worry about structured sentences(!), just words that express how you are feeling at that moment. This can help to get out the stuff you want to try to deal with by bingeing.

Finally, the key to successful mastery of an eating disorder is structure, structure, structure. Plan your meals IN ADVANCE and make sure you don't leave too long between meals - I would suggest that you ensure that you eat a snack (fruit/yogurt etc) between meals to ensure that you're not actively hungry at any time as food restriction can prove a powerful trigger to binge. Also, if possible, remove your particular binge foods from the house (of course this may be impossible but maybe try to move them to a cupboard that becomes "off limits" to you). Often, if the foods aren't readily available, you can get through the binge impluse because of lack of accessibility.

Hope this helps and doesn't feel too overwhelming - I've worked in an eating disorders clinic for a number of years and can get a bit passionate!

Good luck and be kind to yourself
 
meditation and then talking out your problems is really helpful. Don't allow yourself to turn to food to help your problems when apparently they make them worse in the end right!?
 
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