Hello from Canada

Loch

Loch

New member
I have joined maybe 2 other forums in the past, ended up just falling off the horse after a week and not coming back...Do I think I'll stay this time? I don't honestly know. The good thing is that I'm still trying, and I still keep looking for help.

I'm 22 years old today, and I hate myself. How can I be depressed on my birthday? Everyday I look at myself I'm depressed.

I've gotten to the point where I no longer feel like me anymore. I avoid looking at myself passing a window. I take 50 pictures before I find one that I like. I cry when I look at myself too hard in the mirror. I feel like I have no say in my life, that I'm a slave to my eating habits and a slave to my body. I don't want to hurt anymore. I can't even run for half a block without feeling out of breath.

I need help, but how can I afford it when I'm already working to jobs? I have no friends, and I'm convinced I have BPD. The only person in my life is my boyfriend, and I feel that my weight is starting to make me distant from him. The fact is that he's even worse than me, and he doesn't motivate me.

I have to let this all out, and I know this is a rant more than anything, but I feel desperate. Too many times I've thought about death instead of living like this.

Not anymore, I have only this life, and I should be embracing it. I want to change. It's my damn birthday, and I want to make this the day that I change. I want to finally take control and lose this weight, get my life back on track, and feel like I can take on the world.

So I hope to make friends here, and gain support, and motivation. Am I asking too much? I have no where to go, no one to talk to. If I don't change myself, my habits, and my lifestyle now I may soon regret it. I fear that I may end up with diabetes or heart problems that run through my family. I want to live life...and I want to start now.

So, my name is Rebecca. I'm 5'8" and I weigh 260lbs. I was once 160lbs and I want to get back there again.

Thanks for reading.
 
It'll get better! I always gain weight when i'm depressed. Excercise will make you feel so much better about yourself.
You're gonna do great
 
Loch said:
The good thing is that I'm still trying, and I still keep looking for help.
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This is great news! It means no matter how bad you feel, you still carry hope.

I need help, but how can I afford it when I'm already working to jobs? I have no friends, and I'm convinced I have BPD.
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I have to let this all out, and I know this is a rant more than anything, but I feel desperate. Too many times I've thought about death instead of living like this.[/QUOTE]

If you feel you have BPD or are having thoughts of ending your life, you can't afford NOT to get help, here is a that can assist in helping you find affordable (if not free) help. You must address your emotional and mental needs and find peace before your weight leaves you

Not anymore, I have only this life, and I should be embracing it. I want to change. It's my damn birthday, and I want to make this the day that I change. I want to finally take control and lose this weight, get my life back on track, and feel like I can take on the world.
Click to expand...

In addition to getting therapy, i highly recommend this resource, , to help you get a handle on your thoughts, it's very effective and it's free . . . best of all, it will truly put you on the path to taking back control over your life.

Maya Angelou says "when you know better, you do better." Now you know you need to get help, go get it so you can really shine in this world, girl. :)
 
Your story breaks my heart :(. Like you I avoided mirrors and pictures. But not once I ever thought myself any less, even when people called me names. Like you I decided to do something about my weight, and I hated exercise. But just choosing to drink water and skip fast food helped me lose my first 40lbs. Little by little I started doing exercise, I don't over-due myself. In the end it's my willpower to lose the weight that has helped me.
Also I see that you get no support from what you want to do. When I started I also got no support, my brother said I'd last a week, my mom thought the same. But as time went by I did it. My brother still taunted me with buying fast food and eating it in front of me. But look at me now, I lost 116lbs and now at 204lbs while he is still 330lbs. I'm glad I did it and I want to go further.
What you are going to do is the best thing you can do for yourself. You will feel better and look better. I hope you succeed on your weight loss and wish you the best of luck!
 
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Hi, Rebecca!

Always nice to see another Canadian around the place.

Whereabouts are you, anyway?

Welcome to the forums. I hope you find part of what you need here. It's a very supportive bunch of folks.

As for the mental health thing - hey, you're lucky to live in Canada. It is generally (or at least it was back when I went through therapy years and years ago) covered if you go through your GP and get a referral.
If you feel like you have serious issues with depression/BPD, I really do recommend going to your doctor with it and seeing what the options are.

Take a look around the site, and I can't recommend reading the sticky threads highly enough. Some really good info there.

Happy to help you with any questions or problems, or just to be supportive.
 
I can completely emphathise with how you feel, i have cycles of depression which are quite bad sometimes, but since losing just a little bit of weight, this has greatly improved.
This is a really good forum, and you'll get all the support you need here. Good luck on your journey, and hopefully getting a well deserved confidence in yourself.
One tip, the first week can be annoying, but if you get through it, you'll be invincible.
 
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