Hello everyone,
I arrived at this forum when I googled before & after pictures of people who have lost weight. I'm going to use this forum for encouragement and accountability.
I currently weigh 225, I am 5"4 and 38 years old. I began to gain weight at around 9 and was overweight by the age of 11. I fell into eating for comfort as a child to overide the emotional pain I was experiencing living in a house hold with an alcoholic mother. I don't say that for pity, rather as a statement that pinpints when, where and why my relationship with food turned from "just food" to food being something other.
My family was extremely critical of my gaining weight, and to add insult to injury, my mom and aunt are both very tiny women, like 5"0 with small petite frames. My mom saw my weight gain as a vanity issue gone bad. Her favorite thing to say to me was, "I just don't understand how you can keep eating like that and gaining weight, I just think to much of myself to let myself go like that." Urghhh, to this day that phrase " I just think to much of myself, to let myself go like that" irritates the shit out of me. Oh yes and the other phrase I hate is, "you would be so pretty if you just lost some weight". Why do people say stupid things like that to children.
Ok fast forward to the now and present. I'm getting older and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's time for a life change and to finally conquer and subdue these demons that have led me to being over weight, with high blood pressure (since I was 25 by the way) and feeling ugly. I don't think I have ever felt sexy. I find that sad and annoying and I refuse to get to 40 years old still feeling fat and unsexy and unhealthy.
About three years ago I successfully lost about 40 pounds. I did it by walking and lifting weights along with moderate changes in eating. Then I just lost my mind, stopped exercising and stopped the little moderation I was employing with food. Result I've gained 35 of those forty pounds back.
This past winter I tried to start walking again and developed fierce plantar fasciitis in both feet. I was very bummed, because walking was so successful for me before, and I enjoyed it. My current plan to start back with exercise is to ride my bike to work. I work 10 miles from my house. I figure a few months, while the weather permits it, of riding my bike to work will enable me to lose enough weight so that when fall hits I can go back to walking with no plantar fasciitis springing up again.
So here I am starting over, and stating here that the time is now. My weird relationship with food and eating and guilt and feeling bad about being fat and then eating more cause I feel bad is at an end. I'm not sure what relationship with food I will end up with, but I'm determined it's going to be healthier than where I am now.
Thanks for listening to the long winded history and rant.
I arrived at this forum when I googled before & after pictures of people who have lost weight. I'm going to use this forum for encouragement and accountability.
I currently weigh 225, I am 5"4 and 38 years old. I began to gain weight at around 9 and was overweight by the age of 11. I fell into eating for comfort as a child to overide the emotional pain I was experiencing living in a house hold with an alcoholic mother. I don't say that for pity, rather as a statement that pinpints when, where and why my relationship with food turned from "just food" to food being something other.
My family was extremely critical of my gaining weight, and to add insult to injury, my mom and aunt are both very tiny women, like 5"0 with small petite frames. My mom saw my weight gain as a vanity issue gone bad. Her favorite thing to say to me was, "I just don't understand how you can keep eating like that and gaining weight, I just think to much of myself to let myself go like that." Urghhh, to this day that phrase " I just think to much of myself, to let myself go like that" irritates the shit out of me. Oh yes and the other phrase I hate is, "you would be so pretty if you just lost some weight". Why do people say stupid things like that to children.
Ok fast forward to the now and present. I'm getting older and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's time for a life change and to finally conquer and subdue these demons that have led me to being over weight, with high blood pressure (since I was 25 by the way) and feeling ugly. I don't think I have ever felt sexy. I find that sad and annoying and I refuse to get to 40 years old still feeling fat and unsexy and unhealthy.
About three years ago I successfully lost about 40 pounds. I did it by walking and lifting weights along with moderate changes in eating. Then I just lost my mind, stopped exercising and stopped the little moderation I was employing with food. Result I've gained 35 of those forty pounds back.
This past winter I tried to start walking again and developed fierce plantar fasciitis in both feet. I was very bummed, because walking was so successful for me before, and I enjoyed it. My current plan to start back with exercise is to ride my bike to work. I work 10 miles from my house. I figure a few months, while the weather permits it, of riding my bike to work will enable me to lose enough weight so that when fall hits I can go back to walking with no plantar fasciitis springing up again.
So here I am starting over, and stating here that the time is now. My weird relationship with food and eating and guilt and feeling bad about being fat and then eating more cause I feel bad is at an end. I'm not sure what relationship with food I will end up with, but I'm determined it's going to be healthier than where I am now.
Thanks for listening to the long winded history and rant.
