Heather's Journal - It's Time for Tough Love

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heatherdee

New member
It's time.

I quit smoking nearly two years ago and got to watch my weight climb over 40lbs. I allowed myself to eat and drink whatever I wanted because it was better than smoking.

Then it was a good thing. Now, I need to rid myself of yet another addiction of sorts. The addiction to food. I have given myself the groundwork I need to develop good habits and foster my weight loss journey. I spent the majority of the past two years working on my mental health. I then spent several months seeing a nutritionist to develop my knowledge base of what works for me and what doesn't. I joined a gym three weeks ago and am in the process of starting a fitness regime.

One would think I had laid the perfect groundwork for weight loss. And truly, when I look at it, I think I have. I think I just needed my "aha" moment to truly motivate me to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together.

Needing to be up front in this journey, I will share that I have a past history of eating disorders. I have not been diagnosed as such, but I have done everything from anorexia to bulimia to overeating. I'm done with hating myself. I'm done with starving myself, throwing up, and eating until I am horribly uncomfortable.

I'm DONE.

I had my "aha" moment today when I was looking at pictures which were taken to recognize a group of nurses who had won several awards in the health system I work for. I know that the "camera adds 15 lbs" but I think there must have been a lot of cameras focused on me, because I suddenly realized. . . .I look like the people I label as "unhealthy". My husband refers to women that are too thin for their bodies as "bobble-heads". I think I am now the opposite - my body is too big for my head! And this feeling was different from previous ones. This time I simply thought "I look and feel unhealthy. This has to be fixed."

I have since that moment come to figure several goals for myself. They are:

- Complete the Beck Diet Solution; a six week program of cognitive behavioral techniques to utilize when dieting.

- During those six weeks, starting tomorrow, I will keep a detailed log of what I eat and enter it into Spark People

- I will exercise at the gym at least 3 days a week

- I will walk or jog at least 3 of the days I don't go to the gym

- I will learn how to incorporate weighing myself without using that number as a judge of my progress or self-worth (this one is a doozy!)

- I will make my health my absolute priority. I was able to do this almost two years ago when I quit smoking. I can do it again.

I CAN DO IT AGAIN

This is my third entry into this community in attempts to lose weight. I have created a new name for myself and new account. . . .in hopes that it will be a new effort with new results.

Thanks for reading. :waving:
 
Day 2

OK . . .

So it's day 2 of my new "I'm determined" mindset. So far so good. I went to the gym today. Perfect timing, as I ended my day feeling like I just needed to get out of there. I signed up for a personal training session tomorrow - I get two free with my membership and one every 6 weeks after that. Pretty nice! I also reached out to two of my friends at work to see if they want to start a weekend walking club or something to motivate myself as I go to the gym solo during the week. Big things happening! I feel determined this time. . . .like all of the things I have been doing have been preparation for this moment and now I am ready to take on the challenge of truly getting myself into shape. I'm mentally prepared. . . .it's time to take on the physical challenge!!!!

So that said, I tracked my foods today on Spark People and want to post the end results which I hope to do daily.

Calories:1427
Carbs:663
Fat:150 (woah! just realized the spicy garlic chicken I had for dinner was INSANELY fatty!!! What the heck!?!?)
Protein:52

Since it is late, that is all I have for now. Good progress on all fronts, I think.

Tomorrow is a day full of meetings. Blargh.
 
663 carbs??? No way! What did you eat??

Besides that....you sound pumped! I give you credit where credit is due! I wish I had that motivation! Good work!

Best of luck to you!
 
More good progress!

:hurray:First off, thank you Flumes for stopping in! I don't know - I had a boxed chinese food make at home type of thing that had 500-some odd carbs in it?!?!?! I'm not sure - I'm not stressing at the moment. Just trying to ease myself back into a healthy lifestyle!! :willy_nilly:

So today was another victory - my first appointment with a personal trainer at my gym! Awesome! Also had my first weigh-in. . . .which I have made peace with. Official weight: 237lbs. Oi. However, I'm still down from my highest weight which was 240lbs about 2 1/2 months ago. I'm going to keep weighing myself at the gym every Wednesday. I figure that's a nice consistent way to keep track.

The meeting with the trainer was just awesome. Very informative as to heart rate, healthy exercising and weight loss, etc. I get two free intro sessions at my gym then a check-up every 6 weeks to see how I am progressing and make adjustments to my workout from there. So. Cool.

I've been to the gym twice this week and plan to go again on Friday.

Still feeling really positive; like this is the time. I've come so far in my personal growth and really have prepared myself to commit to a healthy lifestyle and to get to a good place. I even messaged some of my coworkers yesterday to see if they want to start exercising on the weekends together! SO not the old me! :)

OK, numbers for today. Then bedtime, as I have also resolved to get up earlier. (Ugh)

Calories:1454
Carbs: 134
Fat: 42
Protein: 60

YAY positive thinking! And YAY for three straight days of logging in here. :hurray:
 
Still truckin'

OK, so I haven't been doing brilliantly like I had hoped. That being said, I haven't been doing as poorly as I feared, either. I had a personal training appointment for today which I had to cancel secondary to neck pain. For some reason, my neck is hurting more this week than last. Maybe it's the screwy weather. Who knows. I did reschedule for next Tuesday and plan to go to the gym on Friday. That's the only day this week that I don't have something else going on at night after work, then on the weekend I'm going to be out of town for my anniversary. I'd like to work into my daily routine a short walk/jog with my husband on the nights that I don't go to the gym.

I started reading the Beck Diet solution tonight. . . going to keep reading while I watch Lost. For now, time to post my calories for the past few days.

Thursday
Calories: 2150
Carbs: 235
Fat: 64
Protein: 96

Friday
Calories: 2123
Carbs: 239
Fat: 55
Protein: 123

Saturday
Calories: 2343
Carbs: 229
Fat: 55
Protein: 88

Sunday
Calories: 2456
Carbs: 205
Fat: 81
Protein: 123

Monday
Calories: 2004
Carbs: 215
Fat: 72
Protein: 77

Tuesday
Calories: 1397
Carbs: 214
Fat: 37
Protein: 77

I find it hard to believe that today I did so well when I still had take-out for dinner and it was by no means healthy. I suppose that maybe because today during the day was much better than the previous days, that had a hand in it. *Sigh* I'm not sure. I went to see a nutritionist several months ago and got so incredibly good at managing my food - I lost and kept off 5lbs without exercise. At least I know that I did learn, and maybe have just slipped away from that line of thinking.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day. Here goes nothing!
 
OK! It has been a minute since I last posted, however I am proud to stay that I am up to step seven in the Beck Diet Solution and I have completed my two personal training sessions. I have even increased my weights in several of the machines I have been using by 5lbs! I also started weighing myself. I haven't lost yet, but I just started to change my diet as well. My goal is to be between 1400 and 1600 calories and have less than 40g fat. I will also cut back on drinking to 1-2 nights a week and limit that to 2-3 drinks. I will allow myself one meal a week where I can eat whatever I would like to - this will probably be on Friday nights.

Tuesdays are my weigh-in day for the June challenge. I will probably write in here about 2-3 times a week or as is warranted. Part of the Diet program I'm on is to choose a diet coach. I'm using this forum as my coach and making sure that I'm signed up for a challenge each month!! That way I know I"ll have to check in at least weekly and will be accountable for my weight loss.

OK. . . .for now that's all. Gonna see about getting an early bedtime as I haven't been feeling very well.
 
OK!

Had my weigh-in today and had some seriously good stuff. Despite a lack of exercise due to some kind of horrible bronchitis/cold thing, I'm down nearly 2lbs just from eating better! YAY!

So for the numbers:

6/1/10 - 233.9lbs
6/8/10 - 232.2lbs

Sweet.

And now I return to my sickbed. :p Ugh.
 
Returned to work today. Had a grand ambition to go to the gym but that didn't quite turn out - I was more than exhausted at the end of the day. Not from just work, but from it being the first day back since I've been ill. I'm going to be the administrator on call this weekend, but I told the nurse I'm working with in advance that I'll be at the gym at some point during both days. I think after a night of rest that I'll be ready to get back into it.

Let up on my nutrition tracking for the few days I was sick as I barely had appetite for anything and that I did have appetite for was inevitably unhealthy. I ate probably 1-2 meals a day max and just let it go. I have to give myself SOME leeway. Haven't read the Beck diet solution in a few days, but I think I'll give that task to tomorrow.

That is all for the moment, I'm zonked!! Hoping I can keep up this weight loss into next week, but we'll see! Gotta start kicking some butt at the gym, methinks! :)
 
Hop that you are feeling better now and well done on the weight loss. There's nothing like seeing the drop on the scales to give you the push to continue :)
 
Hi Heatherdee,

Just checkin back in with ya.

Great to see your progress! And its great to see your healthy lifestyle changes...ie food and exercise!

Well done!

Have a great weekend and keep up the great work!
 
Thanks for stopping by, everyone! Today was a wonderful success. Got back to the gym - definitely felt like I have been sick for a week. Everything was a little bit harder!! Ate well today - hubby bought food for dinner tonight so I'm trying to fill up on some veggies in the meantime.

Going to read the next chapter in the Beck Diet Solution! I've been administrator on call today and got basically no phone calls except this morning which was a little busy. Thank god! Happy Saturday, everyone. :)

OH! I also added a ticker to my profile! Started it at my highest weight which was measured two months ago. I was able to come down to 234 with diet changes alone. Now time to kick it into high gear! Felt great to be in the gym today. I feel so empowered when I go; especially when I see the changes in what I am able to do in the weight amounts and the time I can spend on the treadmill without getting tired!
 
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So, I just had to say that Lady Gaga, amidst my own protests to the like, has become my gym anthem. I absolutely have a girl crush on her. I just love her athletic body, her bisexual nature, her beautiful voice. The Fame Monster is literally just about the only thing I listen to at the gym. It's near obsession.

And I'm married. Hubs is OK with me having a girl crush, though. :)

Even listening to the album while not at the gym motivates me to be active. LOVE it. Love the feeling of wanting to get out of my seat and move. I'm going to rock this. :)
 
LOL

Lady Gaga definitely rocks!!
Music makes a huge difference to how much exercise you can do - sometimes the tracks on my earphones are the ONLY thing that get me through the last mile of my run.

Keep on going!
 
Congratulations in your success in quitting smoking two years ago!! Since you can do it, am sure you can succeed again for the weight loss!!

DETERMINATION and PERSISTENCE is the key. Keep it going! You have already achieved some success so far. GO GO GO!!!

All the best!!

Cheers!
 
Jay - Thanks for stopping by!! Seeing someone like you who has come from a similar highest weight is seriously encouraging.

Wayne - Thanks for the motivation!!! I'm trying my darndest. I think my hardest trouble won't come from exercise or anything, but from cravings for food. PMS brings about some really horrible ones.

So all in all, this week wasn't terrible. Went over my calories just a little, but I've been either to the gym or exercising at home 5 out of seven days and I just want more!! I'm truly enjoying having a regular routine at the gym again. I'm trying to hunt down the trainer I worked with 6 weeks ago to see if we can up my routine because I think I'm ready for more. *grrrr* *flexes my sad tiny arm muscles*

Food wise it could have been a little better, but overall not too terribly bad. I'm still working on the Beck diet solution. Up to day 11 at this point. I'm taking some a few days at a time. Tomorrow I'm doing the "skip lunch" activity. It's not meant to encourage the skipping of meals, just to reinforce that hunger isn't an emergency like we often think it is. Should be interesting - who knows! I have a lot to do tomorrow to keep myself busy and a big dinner to look forward to so that will be nice. Taking Dad out for dinner and a movie for Father's Day. Love my Daddy. :)

Can't wait for tomorrow morning and a nice solid hour at the gym!
 
OK SERIOUSLY?!!? I'm sick again for the second time in two weeks. This time it's some sort of horrible lower GI bug plus fever. Diet today was a handful of blueberries before I felt truly ill. Since then it's been a popsicle and ginger ale. Got my gym in this morning and actually did really well - 45 mins on the treadmill and did abs then stretching. I'm thinking tomorrow will be a bust as far as working out is concerned. Ah well. Hopefully this won't last more than a few days.
 
Hey heather, just found your diary when it got bumped. Glad you've returned but dang, sorry you keep getting sick. Time to dose up on the vitamins it sounds like and boost that immune system, lol.

I saw you mention the Beck Diet System so I googled it. No money for anything like that right now but maybe I can find it at the library, it looked interesting. Feel better! ~Lisa
 
Sorry to hear that you are feeling poorly again and hope that you are better soon. Hope being ill doesn't effect your weight loss in a bad way. I usually don't eat much if I'm ill but then over eat in the days after when I am starting to feel better.
 
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