heartbroken

C

choirgirl79

New member
Hi my name is Tanja, I am 29 years old and absolutely heartbroken. This guy I have been seeing told me my weight bothers him so I ended the relationship I dont want to be judged on my weight, I feel so heartbroken right now like I am not worth anything, has anyone been here? I just feel so worthless.
 
I'm sorry you had to deal with such a person in such a personal way but it is OUTSTANDING that you let him go on his way. You obviously know deep down that you ARE worth much more! I wish you the best of luck in finding true love and lots of support here.
 
I'm sorry. Don't let the heartbreak get you down. If you want to lose weight, let it motivate you into doing it. You can show that jerk of a boyfriend what he is missing out on. Boyfriends like that are not worth being with anyway! Good luck! :waving:
 
Wow, that sucks...

I'm gonna play a bit of "Devil's Advocate" here, and I must ask, only because it happens a lot in relationships... did you gain a significant amount of weight after the two of you got together? I'm not saying its right, but if that is what happened, he may feel that there's a part of you that he found attractive early on is no longer there. And yes, we all feel that 'he/she should love me regardless' but you have to remember that humans are visual creatures just like all animals, and part of attraction is based on sight. Its that primal 'survival of the fittest' instinct, and all that. I'm not saying its right, I'm just saying it is. Many can rise above it, but many cannot.

Of course if he got in to this relationship with you as you are, then came out and told you your weight bothered him... he's an out & out schmuck.

Now, that being said, Welcome to the forum. I hope you are wanting to lose the weight for you, and not for a guy that you have already ended a relationship with. Doing for you will help you in the long run. Hang in there!
 
Yes, I have also been there, but the reason was different. I'm fairly muscular, and a guy I was dating told me he thought I looked like a man with breasts (right after we'd been intimate). I was devastated. It hurt so much, I kicked his ass out of my bed and told him to go home and to never call me again. Apparently he wasn't the brightest light on the block, because he called me for months afterwards trying to get back together. As if ...

At the end of the day, I figure people are with each other because they find each other attractive on all levels. If he doesn't like you the weight you are, then why was he dating you in the first place?

I'm not going to say the guy was a dickhead, but what he said was really inappropriate and hurtful. You deserve better ;)
 
sorry to hear, I hate to ask but does your weight actually bother you I am assuming it does since you joined this site here... if someone cannot accept you for who you are other than your physical traits you really do not want to waste your time with that person.

I had something similar happen, in the same week I got into a car accident wrecked my favorite car I have ever owned...... my gf of 5 years broke up with for some dude she met over myspace in florida? And I was kicked out of school.... I found a great girl while I was still overweight lost 125lbs to get down to 175 got my grades back everything is working and she has been with me since... best of luck to you!
 
just be careful not to eat your pain...

i totally sympathize. be especially alert about how you're handling the way you feel right now though... i'm in the boat i'm in now because i let myself eat and eat and eat to fill the void when my ex left me. after eating all my feelings and realizing i'm better off without him (met an awesome guy, that is now my awesome hubby) i also realized i'd gained 140 pounds in what seemed like an instant! now here i am trying to take back all those foolish, heartbroken, bites!

you'll be fine. make yourself happy first, and the rest will fall into place.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. But, that's for the best. It shows you the true character of your ex-boyfriend. Men like that would leave their wife of 30 years to be with someone younger. Or thinner. Or whatever. You did the right thing, kicking him to the curb.

I'm just sorry to hear that you got hurt in the process. Please keep in mind that you can always lose the weight, but he will always have this personality trait.

I apologize for trashing your ex-boyfriend. This kind of thing peeves me, as I have had personal experience in this situation- I was in your shoes at one point in the past. I let her go, but it was the best thing that happened to me. I am now married to a very wonderful woman and we have 2 young boys together.

And best of all? I'm losing the weight now. Imagine what that girl would have thought if she saw me at the end of my weight loss journey? Maybe this is just the motivation that you needed- Not for him, but for yourself, for your health and soul. If he sees you after you've lost the weight, tell him to hit the road, and that he should have thought about that a while ago.

I'd like to mention that my wife was concerned about my weight, not because I was fat, but because I gained weight fast during our marriage. (80 lbs or so) But, she never ever said that the "appearance" bothered her. She was worried about me being around for our children, and for me to be there for her as well. Now, that's sincere love.

Best wishes in all that you do.

Sincerely,
George
 
Thank-you everyone for your kind words and support. To answer the question yes I was the same size when we met, we were friends for 4 months and our first date was new years eve of 2008. He told me even if I was bigger he still would want me. His mother, step father and sister said he could do better then me and get a thin girl so as we were becoming closer he told me that my weight is starting to bother him so I told him I am tired of being judged. I must add this guy I met at church and his mother is in the choir with me. So I still have to face his mother in choir and him at my church and I feel so overwhelmed and depressed. Because I am tall I carry my weight well, I have wanted to lose weight because of my back pain. Well I dont barely have an appetite right now, and having trouble get out of bed I feel worthless and like I will never meet anyone. He also knew my new years resolution was to lose this weight, I am also a vegetarian so I eat healthy, I feel just not worth anything. How do I function in choir with his mom knowing she is a part of it I just dont know :'(
 
I'm so sorry you feel that way. You are definitely not worthless. If he dated you and you were the same size and then his family was all butting in and he started to listen to their crap, then you definitely don't want a guy like that. You want a guy that will stand up for you against his family if it comes down to that and he definitely isn't that kind of guy. You deserve someone who respects you, especially in this situation against his mother who has no right to say anything about your weight anyhow. It's just ridiculous.

If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and not anyone else. Like someone else said (forgot the name) show your ex what you can do! I know that may sound bad, but you know, my fiance had a friend who hated me and made fun of me being fat. Since then I've lost 40 pound and I'm going to lose more and I'd LOVE to run into him when I've reached my goal weight and just think to myself, so there you ass! Of course I'm doing it for myself, but a little "so there, look at me now" feels good too ;)
 
choirgirl79 said:
Thank-you everyone for your kind words and support. To answer the question yes I was the same size when we met, we were friends for 4 months and our first date was new years eve of 2008. He told me even if I was bigger he still would want me. His mother, step father and sister said he could do better then me and get a thin girl so as we were becoming closer he told me that my weight is starting to bother him so I told him I am tired of being judged. I must add this guy I met at church and his mother is in the choir with me. So I still have to face his mother in choir and him at my church and I feel so overwhelmed and depressed. Because I am tall I carry my weight well, I have wanted to lose weight because of my back pain. Well I dont barely have an appetite right now, and having trouble get out of bed I feel worthless and like I will never meet anyone. He also knew my new years resolution was to lose this weight, I am also a vegetarian so I eat healthy, I feel just not worth anything. How do I function in choir with his mom knowing she is a part of it I just dont know :'(
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Wow... I stand by my statement. He is a schmuck. A weak-minded one at that. And his family manipulating him like that against you is deplorable. Likely if you were thin, they would have picked something else about you apart because that's what it sounds like the type of people they are.

As for how you function in the choir with his mother in there? You look at her and see her for the petty minded hag that she is, and feel grateful that you will not have married that guy and have to endure her as a mother in law.

Be strong, don't let nasty bits like that bring you down... don't give them that type of power over you. Look in the mirror, look yourself in the eye, tell yourself you are better than that... and mean it.
 
Oh, bless your heart. What a cruel thing for him to say. Just turn that around. If he was that cruel to say that, then he definitely wasn't worth it. A real man would have started going on walks with you or something. You should have told him..."oh, you're not man enough to work with this?" What a creep. You use that as motivation. Lose all the weight you want and let him see you. Success is the best revenge and you'll love yourself for it!
 
Thats very sad to hear. I'm glad to ended the relationship because you deserve someone who will love you for your inside beauty. Someone who trully loves you will think you are beautiful inside and out no matter what.
 
choirgirl,
So sorry to hear of the loss you feel right now, but it probaly was for the best because if you feel low now well he would of only supressed you and that could of led to depression. I would say you are better of without him but you need to concentrate on yourself and lose weight for yourself and not any man on the planet, I just hope that you love yourself better and DONT take the low road. Regards caroline x
 
A person who would sing in the church choir and then go tell her son that he could find a slimmer girlfriend is called a HYPOCRITE. If you are spiritual, pray about it and ask for the strength to face her, remembering that she too is human,just as you are and is not a judge of you-only your Father is, and He loves you. You would not have been created to be worthless-you are a treasure.
Two years ago, I met my boyfriend and have sinced gained well over 30+ lbs. I must say that it is not unusual for a partner to be shocked or dissatisfied when this happens.
In your case, your guy just did not have the strength and fortitude to withstand pressures from those surrounding him. Which means he does not have a backbone, and good riddance to him. You don't want someone whose opinions can be swayed back and forth, do you? No!
Stand firm. Get up. Don't define yourself by this experience-you are so much more.
 
choirgirl79 said:
Hi my name is Tanja, I am 29 years old and absolutely heartbroken. This guy I have been seeing told me my weight bothers him so I ended the relationship I dont want to be judged on my weight, I feel so heartbroken right now like I am not worth anything, has anyone been here? I just feel so worthless.
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choirgirl,

Guys are scum (even though I'm one myself lol). The thing is don't use that as motivation. You have to want to do this for yourself and nothing else. I've been down that road before too. I've had chicks break up with me cause of my teddy bear figure. The thing to remember is that you're NOT worthless. You are an amazing person, no matter what you look like, or what you do. You need to look in the mirror everyday and say that you reek of awesomeness! You are the essence of magnificence! Feel free to private message me anytime, I would love to help out however I can.

formerbandguy (Gator)
 
Hi dear,

I have been there, right about when I was your age. This seemingly is a sad, heartwrenching thing, but I promise in the long run you will be glad you knew he's "not the right man", now.

You have to work on building your self worth, your feelings of self esteem HAVE to come from inside.

Focus on things you love about yourself. Make a list, ask your friends to tell you things they love about you.

Keep adding to the list, the more you think about it, the more things will come to you that are wonderful, life affirming and just plain bad ass, about YOU.

I started this many years ago and it's been the best motivational tool I have ever had.

You don't need him, you need to bring out the greatness inside you.
 
geoaidan said:
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. But, that's for the best. It shows you the true character of your ex-boyfriend. Men like that would leave their wife of 30 years to be with someone younger. Or thinner. Or whatever. You did the right thing, kicking him to the curb.

I'm just sorry to hear that you got hurt in the process. Please keep in mind that you can always lose the weight, but he will always have this personality trait.

I apologize for trashing your ex-boyfriend. This kind of thing peeves me, as I have had personal experience in this situation- I was in your shoes at one point in the past. I let her go, but it was the best thing that happened to me. I am now married to a very wonderful woman and we have 2 young boys together.

And best of all? I'm losing the weight now. Imagine what that girl would have thought if she saw me at the end of my weight loss journey? Maybe this is just the motivation that you needed- Not for him, but for yourself, for your health and soul. If he sees you after you've lost the weight, tell him to hit the road, and that he should have thought about that a while ago.

I'd like to mention that my wife was concerned about my weight, not because I was fat, but because I gained weight fast during our marriage. (80 lbs or so) But, she never ever said that the "appearance" bothered her. She was worried about me being around for our children, and for me to be there for her as well. Now, that's sincere love.

Best wishes in all that you do.

Sincerely,
George
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That's an awesome post.
 
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