having trouble knowing where to stop- pouring of soul, feedback appreciated.

G

grrrkgrrrl

New member
some of the people might have seen me around here, some might not have noticed me.

i am female, 26 years old,5'6. when i started my diet change in september i was 186 pounds and currently i have dropped down to 146. my BMI was 29ish and now it is 23ish, so I am feeling quite proud of this.

my diet habits have changed forever, i have learned a lot and I am coming out of this process wiser. but i am also faced with something hard: making the concious decision to go into maintenance.

people around me tell me how "you don't need to lose any more weight", "you look fantastic", but i am shrugging these comments off with a touch of paranoia.. like they mean well, but i still have a way to go.

even though my dress size has dropped from a uk size 16-18 to a 12, i cannot "see" the difference when i look in the mirror myself. i see myself the same as i have been, i see fat on me and i am afraid- yes, afraid- to go into maintenance.

i have decided that when i do go into maintenance, i will still be eating pretty much what i eat now, just up the calories a bit and keep weighing myself as usual to keep steady.

but i just can't get myself to actually put it in the meal planner.. give myself 1800-2000 kcals from now on. there is a feeling inside me like "i haven't done enough" and i must keep on going and it's because even though the scales say one thing, my eyes see another.

i am putting this up and looking for advice, and i am aware that some people might think i am being too much, but i honestly need some feedback. has anyone else faced the same issues? when would you know when to stop the calorie deficit?

love,

grrrkgrrl
 
Here's a question for you - what kind of exercise are you doing now? While it's possible that you have a skewed body image (most of us who have lost a bit of weight tend to), it's also possible that you just need to shape up what you have in order to be happy with your body .. and to be more comfortable moving into maintenance.
 
now that the -stupid- weather's clearing up, i have been walking- quite long distances, like walking into town (1.5 hours round trip in normal pace) instead of taking the bus, doing this 2-3 times a week.
which is not great exercise, maybe, but it's something i would never have done 6 months ago, even.

and yes, i understand about the toning up part, and it does make a lot of sense, but even if i start going to the gym or doing weights, it still means i will have to up my calories--->which is what scares me.
 
and yes, i understand about the toning up part, and it does make a lot of sense, but even if i start going to the gym or doing weights, it still means i will have to up my calories--->which is what scares me.
Click to expand...
I totally understand that ... but you might not have to raise your calories at first, which is why I suggest it.

At a BMI of 23, you have a bit of a range before you get down to an unhealthy level ... so I'm thinking that adding in some weight lifting (and I mean proper weight lifting, not barbie weights for a zillion reps or something like that) while maintaining lower calories to start .. might really help. It'll work on getting rid of any residual fat while really reshaping your body. AS you see the shape change, it might give you the psychological boost you need to gradually increase calories and figure out where your maintenance is.

For me, I found that as I got into strength training, my focus began to shift from losing weight to being stronger and healthier, which made it easier to move into maintenance when I needed to. Now that I've maintained for nearly 3 years, I'm working on going back into a reduction mode (which is tough, too).

But I"m just wondering if by changing the focus of your exercise, you can sort of work towards a shift in your mindset about food.
 
KaraCooks said:
.

At a BMI of 23, you have a bit of a range before you get down to an unhealthy level ...
Click to expand...

this is the second bit that's playing in my mind. i know that at a BMI of 23 i am not skinny or-even close to unhealthily so-, and i -could- potentially lose more.

but, what i am thinking about is actually being at a level where i will be ABLE to maintain... to explain it plainly, i do not want to get into a skinny state that i will not be able to maintain and then go up again, which will lead to negative thoughts and possible traps, if you know what i mean.

o jesus, i am sure you're getting a headache by now, but i am appreciating the comments, kara.
 
LOL. Seriously don't worry about it. I don't mind.

It is a mind game. And ultimately you'll just have to find a way to make it work for you. But if I (or someone else) can throw out something that helps, then it's a bonus.

Maybe someone else can throw out some thoughts as well.
 
I have transitioned to a maintenance level somewhat inadvertently, just because I got hungrier and started to eat a little more, bit by bit, until pretty soon my weight became quite stable. Maybe that's something you could consider doing.

I have heard of programs where you intentionally gain back 5 pounds, then lose it again. This is supposed to give you the confidence that you can lose the weight whenever you want to, so you won't panic when the scales inevitably go back up.
 
Something I've read was that having some sort of body-dysmorphic issue can be fairly common for people who have spent a lot of time in their life being overweight. I don't know if that is the case, but I thought it may be relevant.

Self-image is a mind game. I'm not a therapist, or any MD for that matter, but you need to realize that you fall into the "normal" range for someone with your height/weight/gender.

You have come an extremely long way! Be proud! :D
 
@kara

i appreciate it ;) it is a mind game and at the moment it feels like i am playing chess with myself, only i don't know if i am the white or the black.

@harrold
gaining 5 pounds doesn't seem to me like ideal..doesn't it mean you gain back -mostly fat- as muscle gets built more slowly- only to prove a point to yourself? i am happy if it works for some people but for me it doesn't sound good. but thanks ;)

@andy
you are right, but i am sure that there are many conditions that need to be justified before someone can say they have a disorder.. i would agree i have a skewed body image at the moment though..which i am working on. i even asked my landlady today if it's ok to put a full body mirror up the wall, mostly so i can be all self-admiring ;)
 
haha, you know I specifically avoided calling it a disorder, because it IS only temporary. Keep up the effort. You need to believe its going to get you to the place you want to eventually be!
 
you're right! you called it "issue" :p but my spider-sense picked up between the lines... hahaha

anyway, thank you all for letting me vent, and i understand it is thinking that i mostly need to do for myself. getting all your guys feedback and thoughts helped though

x grrrkgrrrl
 
They say that if your BMI is between 25-29.9 you are overweight. You fall under that, so as far as that goes, you're golden. You need to hit your body image issues head on, because that's the monster you're dealing with now. Focus on maintaining. Maybe start focusing more on strength and endurance rather than actual weight loss. Mix up your routine, do some yoga. It's time for you to shift your focus.
 
some thoughts.....

stop looking in the mirror for a while, or, if you want to really look into a mirror, start looking through pictures of you 6 months ago. You see yourself every day, so changes, the real and big changes happen gradually enough that you don't really see them.

I've heard from a number of people that the most that a person should diet is 6 months before taking a month 'break' and maintaining that weight. Mostly to let the metabolism catch back up (it slows with dieting) and get used to the lifestyle you're trying to maintain. Esp if you've dropped 40-50 lbs, it's time to re-evaluate and resettle yourself. You're rebuilding the foundation for whatever you want your final lifestyle practices to be.

I don't trust my eyes for much, what tells me when I've lost the weight I want to? my clothes and my friends. When my jeans don't look like a sausage casing with a leg in it and I don't get a wicked case of muffin top, then I know I'm making it there.

Realize that if you take a break, and keep your exercise routine, if you do put on a pound or two, it's likely to be as much muscle as fat. You just made the next leg of it all that much easier.

maintenance is something you do to your car, not your life. You live your life and you make choices. You maintain your car.
 
maintenance is something you do to your car, not your life. You live your life and you make choices. You maintain your car.
Click to expand...
Well yeah. :) And I maintain my body, too. :)

Some people take better care of their cars than they do of their bodies - always put premium gas in them, change the oil every 3000 miles, get regular tuneups, etc. How many of us have maintained our bodies as well as we've maintained our vehicles? Very few!

After I'd lost a good bit of weight, I stopped losing for a while and maintained. I did that for 2+ years ... and yes, I do consider it maintenance. I put only the premium stuff in my body. I get it checked up regularly (went to the doctor and got a full physical for the first time in over a decade). I run it (exercise) regularly and safely. Etc.

I think maintenance is a great way to look at it. Start treating yourself better than you treat your possessions.
 
understandable outlook. Myself, the concept of maintaining is sort of like work, meaning I'd rather take a coffee break. It's too much like being a recovering alcoholic for my blood personally. I've mentioned it a number of times before, many people diet like they're punishing themselves for being fat. It seems to me, maintenance is almost the same thing. I mean, you can keep ever vigilant on your calories, or you can have it down and know you're doing it right, and just checking yourself on occasion, like you would for anything else.

I see choices. I'm going to eat the brownie, or I'm going to drink some water, have enough brownie to get a taste, then go gnaw on some celery sticks. I can make a choice that I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing, or I can always relapse into my old habits. I see that period of time as more the reward and end goal vs yet another task.

then again, we do think rather differently.
 
Big D said:
understandable outlook. Myself, the concept of maintaining is sort of like work, meaning I'd rather take a coffee break. It's too much like being a recovering alcoholic for my blood personally.
then again, we do think rather differently.
Click to expand...

i believe both ways of seeing things can be valid, but it really comes down to individuals.. myself, yes i sort of see myself as a recovering "foodaholic", as the relationship i had with food led me to believe this.
so yeh, these past days i've upped my calories, it feels like i am eating sooo much, but i try to remember that it's actually what i need to eat in order for my body to keep working and not lose any more. still weighing everything, counting calories, i don't trust my eyes or gut feeling. waiting for the weekend to see how it went.

xx grrrkgrrrl
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top