Happy and Healthy - That's Me!

Okay...

Out of shame and embarrassment and feelings of failure I haven't been here for a few days.

But now I am going to say loud and clear - I HAVE BEEN EATING BADLY AND I'VE PUT ON WEIGHT!

:eek:

I'm not bashing myself up about it. I think it's important to get it out there and get rid of those feelings of guilt, because they just make it worse. I am seeing it for what it is - a couple of days which will pale into insignificance as my life goes on.

I have a new plan! Can you tell I like plans?

I am going to set my daily calorie intake at 1800. Once I have steadily maintained that for two weeks (I keep a food diary to keep track) I will reduce that to 1750 - two weeks later, 1700 - until I get down to 1600 where I will stay and burn the extra calories as my exercise routines intensify.

I am continuing with my running training - actually off to the gym in a minute and i'm quite looking forward to it!

I think I have to be prepared for the fact that I am still recovering from an eating disorder and there are going to be times when that gets the better of me. I need to try and keep posting on here through those bad times though so that I recognise what is happening and deal with it, rather than hiding it and developing shame and guilt.

Something interesting is - I have been feeling depressed lately. Not just your normal down in the dumps or pissed off - but a constant, overwhelming feeling or frustration and sadness. I took some multi-vits, iron, omega-3 and calcium supplements this morning (i'm normally terrible at remembering to take those things!) and I seem to be in a much more uplifted, energetic mood than I have been. I never considered that any nutrients I am missing could effect my mood so dramaticaly but now i'm thinking that maybe they do. I'm going to try and remember my supplements every day from now on!
 
Woah...It's amazing how four days of bad food can really mess you up!

I managed to do my running training, even if I almost died trying. The second I got off the treadmill I was in a daze. It wasn't that the training had gotten more difficult, it was that my body was being fueled by crap! I couldn't do anything else at the gym cause I felt like I was just going to doze off! My tummy started to feel really full even though I hadn't eaten anything, it was all the bad food that I have eaten that just stuck there and was screaming to me HELLO! REMEMBER US? Well I do and to be honest I don't like you one bit!

After the body shock i'm feeling happy and positive again now so it's all good. Looking forward to getting back to training with some good food in my belly and nutrients coursing through my veins!
 
Hi there H&H. I've enjoyed reading through your journal.

I think you're spot on about how our diet can affect our moods. I have been choosing very healthy fruit & veggie-packed options for a little over three weeks now and I feel 5 times better than I did before starting this new routine.

Great to see that you're continuing your running, and even better to see that you're not giving up! In that end that's really the most important factor of them all.

You're doing great! I look forward to following your progress.
 
Hey Schwa,

Thanks for following along and giving me your support! It's awesome to know there's people out there wishing me on!

Well, today was good. Most importantly, I got down to the gym (after many moodswings and spitting the dummy and saying I wouldn't go...) and did my running training. Today was run 3, walk 3 four times. I skipped a day in my training last week which I really felt today! It was hard going and I think I did almost vomit...ha! But it's amazing what your mind can do....it wanted it so bad and it just mentally screamed at myself that I had to, right up to that very last second. After that I did some more cardio and a pretty good weights session.

My food was okay today. I went over my goal consumption - I was aiming for 1800 but finished at 2100. It's still 100 under maintenance, plus I burned about 400 at the gym, so I finished the day at a 500 cal defecit.

Tomorrow is a rest day on the ole exercise so i'm really going to try and focus on keeping my calorie consumption down.
 
Nothing new as such. Today is a MAJOR study day. I have ludicrus amounts of uni work to do and that generally means ludicrus amounts of procrastination which generally means ludicrus amounts of food.

So instead of following that well trod path I am going to really focus on my study (my run yesterday has taught me that a little mental focus can help you achieve anything!) and I am going to have a positive and healthy day.

So I thought i'd come on here and share my little affirmation (okay, it's quite an obvious one, but anyway!)

TODAY I AM HAPPY AND HEALTHY

TODAY I AM HAPPY AND HEALTHY

TODAY I AM HAPPY AND HEALTHY!

Woohoo!

:party:
 
Today you are happy and healthy. Today you are happy and healthy. Today you are happy and healthy.

Heh. It's contagious. ;)
 
DAMN MY F-ING BOYFRIEND AND HIS F-ING PIZZA.

Pizza is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad for you. I went to the dominos website to work out my calories after the horrendous dinner my boyfriend brought home. HOLY BOLLOCKS! I almost died. And cried. Pure devestation. Anyway...

Today is a new day (i keep telling myself that!).

Tonight I have my next running training (should have been this morning but I forgot to hang up my gym clothes after washing them so they're still wet...doofus) which i'm really looking forward to.

More study...blurk. I didn't get anywhere near as much done as I needed to yesterday.

Well...yeah, my calculations for the week so far put me at 485 calories over mainenance (genius...I've been on this forum for a couple of weeks now and i'm still putting ON weight!). I'm hoping I can make up for that today though. Aiming for 1700 calorie consumption plus a burn of 500 calories at the gym. If I do it that'll put me at a weekly defecit of 515, creeping into the realms of weight loss...here goes!
 
hello...

happyandhealthy said:
It's amazing how you can be feeling so positive and doing so well and then it can all turn in an instant.

I had a wonderful positive and very healthy day, right up to 7.30. Then I went to cook dinner and realised that instead of washing the dishes last night my boyfriend had stacked them in his bedroom so they were "out of the way." So there was nothing to cook with. That god me grumpy and when I had a go at him he started screaming at me that I should have f-ing done them and on came the fight.

Fights with my boyfriend are the only time at the moment when i'm struggling to keep my ED at bay. As soon as he gets me tense I start stuffing my face full of food. In stead of having the nice healthy salmon and veg dinner that I had planned, I had two salami sandwiches (great weight loss choice there...salami!), a 55g packet of doritos, a mars bar icecream and a couple of chockie bikkies.

I was so mad with myself afterwards. THAT is my biggest battle - controlling those intense, emotional binges. I've worked through it all in therapy, I know why it happens (I shouldn't be with him anymore because he is SOOOOOOOO wrong for me) but I can't change that at the moment for financial reasons (Yay...money rocks. Who invented that shit?). That's why I still binge. In other areas of my life i've learnt to control it which is amazing...it's just that.

Anyway...it wasn't a total disaster. Binges in the past have seen me 4000 cal +. I managed to keep this reasonably under control. I finished the day on 2345 cals which, IF my maintenance really is 2200, was only 145 cals over.

I am serious about my ED recovery and about weight loss. In the past a set back like that would be the end of me, but now I am determind to make this journey with a total acceptance of myself and a total acceptance of the mountains i'll have to climb along the way. That's what will make it all the more amazing when I get there!

So, I am still positive! As I think i've said a few times already....today is a brand new day! I'm off to the gym in a few hours to do the 2nd day of training for this week. I'm also going to try to step up my level of cardio with a target of burning 500 calories (roughly, just according to what the machines say) all up.

My target for calorie consumption is 1600 and I AM going to do it today (see...positive!).

Here's to a happy and healthy wednesday!
:party:
Click to expand...



to my fellow emotional eater!!! :waving:

yes your therapist is right...ditch him!!!!

please tell me you didn't do those dirty dishes of his!!


take care of you!!!:hug2:
if you ever want to pm/email me feel free...whether to talk about emotional eating or loser BF's!!! LOL
 
Oh man...talking of emotional eating. I'm a mess! Baglady, totally with you on the whole ditchin the boyf thang. I need to finish paying off some debt (almost there!) and then every penny I have will go towards getting my little tooshy outa here!

Okay. Has there been any success in this diary so far? Feel like a bit of a failure, but i'm keeping my chin up. I'm seeing the fact that i'm back here to report to you wonderful people again as a positive sign that somewhere within me I have what it takes to see this through! I'm just working the shit to get to the roses.

Well...I am NOT stepping on the scales because I know that I have surpassed that horrible 100kg mark and i'm not going to depress myself with the evidence. Instead I am going to keep soldiering on until this starts to happen!

Today has been quite good, and without really trying which is cool! I've been out and about and pretty busy which always helps.

It's about 6.30pm and so far i've eaten about 1200 calories. I'm really not hungry so i'm thinking i'll have just a small dinner. I should definately be able to keep within my 1800 calorie target. Woohoo!

I have ballsed up my running training a bit, but tomorrow i am getting myself back into the gym. I'm going to tweak my program a little so I can put in a bit of extra effort next week and hopefully not fall behind. I am determined to see this one through!

So yeah...No progress yet, but i'm still trying and that's the main thing! Fighting with the emotional issues (and an eating disorder that is still far worse than I thought it was) will obviously slow things down. But even the tiniest bit of progress is better than nothing so when it happens i'm going to be stoked! :)
 
Eating Disorders

Sometimes I think it'd be easier being a shopaholic or alcoholic ... people with addictions to food have to deal with it 3 times a day. I am starting to realize that I just might have a problem with shutting my emotions off with food.

Thanks for shring your journey! It really helps to know that I can relate to someone else, and not feel so alone.

Best Wishes!
 
Hi

HI Happy and Healthy! I have read parts of your journal. It's nice to see that your main goal is for working out and building your stamina. Trust me when I say I am a binge eater as well. I found out that the more I work out the more I get hungry.
I am trying to train myself not to eat every time I get a craving. I try to drink my 24oz of water before I get in that fridge. LOL! Or I do little workouts like push ups, sit ups, etc.. I member I use to work at a desk job. NOt much motivation for me. I found myself doing alot of work and alot of snacking.
You know you are going to have your bad days. More than good. BUt you just have to keep positive. Think of it as a job. Becuase it is for your health. You seem to be on the right track! Keep it up girl..
 
Hi Happy! Thanks for stopping by my journal. I thought I'd swing by here and read how things are going for you. It looks like you're keeping a positive attitude, and really focusing on realistic goals.

It sounds like living with your b/f is a real hurdle - I found that once I got rid of roommates, I had a much easier time taking control of my eating. I didn't have the stress of dealing with them, and I was able to control EXACTLY what came into my house (I have NO self control). So I hope you get to a place financially where you can move out, and in the meantime keep working towards your plans. You can do it, and stumbling just helps you make better decisions next go round!
 
Hey guys,

Thanks so much for he support! I've been avoiding the forum these past few days (yeah..that'll help!) because i've still been struggling to get into happy and healthy mode. Coming on here and seeing all of your encouraging messages has made a big difference!!!!!!

I have been worrying that maybe it is too early for me to be thinking about weight loss and maybe I still need to do some more work on my emotions. But my therapist seems to think i'm ready, and I WANT to be ready. I just feel like my weight loss attempts have actually made my binging worse!!!!!!

There are other factors though - i've had so much to be stressed about these past few weeks. And stressed moments are definitely my worst binge moments. So i've decided to try and eliminated as much stress as possible. I'm taking a 3 month break from uni. Right now my head's just a bit to screwed up for me to do myself any justice so I think i'm better off taking a break and coming back to it when I know that i can really do my best. So there's a big weight off. I can wake up relaxed and think about what I want to do with my day, rather than what I need to get done for uni. Hopefully that means I wont back out of going to the gym so often (studying was usually my main reason for taking a day off). With the extra time I really want to work on my music again - learning some new pieces on the piano and building up the strength in my voice again.

Hopefully all of that will make it a lot easier to deal with my boyfriend as well!

Okay....so with a big deep breath and a fresh burst of confidence and motivation i'm back to keep trying to make this happen....so....

Here's to a happy and healthy friday!!!!!
 
Good for You Happy and Healthy!!! You do really need to sit and think what is the most important and what will make you Happy. So if letting go of Uni then do it. You know the whole "diet" thing doesnt work for me either. I eat what I want, with a few substitues, but the challenge is the protion size! :banghead:

And stress always plays in livign a Healthy life. It is way easier to grab fast food, binge on unhealthy stuff and not work out. I get there often. but Life is about challenge and dedication. There is this saying "You have to create what you want to be a prat of".

I'm glad you are getting back into your music. YAY!!! Do what you a passionate about. You can do this girl.. Anytime you are feeling down or dont wat to work out come on here and skim through some journals. Trust me you will get motivated and do it. I always do that.

You have a WONDERFUL weekend and Stay Positive! And dont for get to drink your WATER!!!!
 
Thanks jellybelly!

You're totally right, stress makes a big difference to how I feel and how I eat during the day! I've felt so much better these past few days knowing that I don't have to do loads of reading or write loads of essays!

I am more relaxed about having spare time. I think before I would eat because I had stuff to do but I didn't want to do it. Now that I don't HAVE to do anything I WANT to do things and that keeps me busy and stops me from eating.

I'm having a go at two challenges at the moment. The March Challenge and the Pushups Challenge.

March Challenge - My weight has stayed the same at 218. I am acutally REALLY happy about that (and don't quite understand it!) because nearly every day this week I have eaten over 3000 calories. Perhaps my maintenance calories are a lot higher than I thought!?

Pushup Challenge - I started with 8 pushups and a week later I can do 13. Haha, it's only a little improvement but you've gotta start somewhere right?!

I'm feeling really positive about this week. I'm confident that I will stick with all of the exercise I have planned. Yesterday I did a run with a friend. We were doing laps around the park at the end of my street. I did three laps(1.2km) and she did 8 (3.2km) (haha..she's a LOT skinnier than me and I wasn't feeling well). It was awesome to have someone with me for that extra motivation.
 
FINALLY someone at the gym was able to tell me how to use the body composition machine thingy from scratch. I could always work it when it was set up already but the problem was it never was!

The last time I used it was back in February 08 and i've done a comparison. I am actually really suprised that the difference wasn't a lot more and it makes me really happy that it wasn't!!!!! My body fat % on my trunk has even gone down!!!!

Well...here's the results. I'm going to take these readings once a week as I think it's a much more acurate measure of progress than weight alone.

WEIGHT 99.7kg
BMI 39.9
BMR 1689

FAT % 47.7 % Up 1.2%
FAT MASS 47.5 kg Up 6.9kg

RIGHT LEG 49.2 % Up 2.2%
LEFT LEG 48.8 % Up 1.8%
RIGHT ARM 54.2 % Up 3.8%
LEFT ARM 55.0 % Up 4.0%
TRUNK 45.1 % Down 0.1%

It's really handy that it tells me my BMR as well...that way I can work out a much more acurate maintenance calorie level.

So far today has been good! Eaten well and been to they gym and i'm feeling relaxed and confident that the rest of the day will go awesome too.

:party:
 
Awesome workout today. I really pushed my self and I can feel in my running training that my fitness is really improving which is awesome!

I've got another run on sunday with my friend which is keeping me pumped and making me get down the gym to train even when I don't want to! The fact that she is a lot fitter than me really just makes me want to work that little bit harder so that I can catch up to her. I don't think she's following any kind of training program to build up her running like I am...I would love to go for a run a month or so down the track and be able to run further than her! haha...maybe wishful thinking eh? But competitiveness motivates me so why the hell shouldn't I dream!?
 
Yesterday turned out pretty good in the end...a little bit too much chocolate, but nothing to cry over!

I'm feeling positive about today...saturdays are really busy for me which means the time goes by without having the opportunity to think about binging and the bam, end of the day and it's been a goodun! Here's hoping anyway!
 
Hi Happy n healthy :waving: Ive been reading your journal and can relate to it quite a lot. You are doing great!! We pretty much have the same goal weight, and when i started this fitness/diet kick 3 wks ago i weighed 88kg. So were kinda similar. I too was totally unfit so its been great starting to workout at the gym again and start building up my fitness from scratch. Some days are hard though as you know.
What were you studying at uni?

Look forward to reading your progress girl. Keep up the good work! Before we know it we'll both be 55kg :cheers2:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top