Half of Me:The Story of Fat Girl Slim

Glad to hear about the loss. Your dad sounds like a good guy;) Your dinner the other night sounded so good. I'm so happy that you were able to indulge a little bit without feeling guilty about it. Your doing great!

-Sam
 
Sam - thanks so much...I was stoked about the loss...i HATE that f'ing scale.

:D

I am finding I can do things like that dinner out if I am careful. It was a really nice time.

My dad is a really cool guy, not like a traditional dad, totally someone I can tell anything to.

Little girls will always strive to make their dad proud.
 
Never hate the scale- it is an inanimate object incapable of feeling.
you dont want P.E.T.S (people for the ethical treatment of scales) coming after you do you? :D

Little girls will always strive to make their dad proud
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So do big boys.
My dad is my first and only hero.
If I end up 1/2 of the man he is I will be doing good.
 
P.E.T.S. - OH GOD NO, NOT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha - I know but that thing has goverened so much of my life, it has earned every nasty feeling I have for it :D

Nice thoughts about your dad, I don't know him but I would venture to say you are on your way.
 
So today I decided to take a mental health day (yeah, I know, you are all surprised that lawyers even have brains...haha)...I am on cloud nine today for no apparent reason (well I know a small part of it) and I am sitting at my kitchen table doing absolutely nothing.

HAHAHAHA - I LOVE IT :)

I even get to go out Friday night...BONUS!!!

All in all, a good day so far...I may make some cookies, I think I may even be ale to avoid eating them...
 
Took a mental health day yesterday- it really did me a lot of good, allowed me to think about some things that are going on in my life- got to play golf to so all is good. :D
It is not that people think lawyers do not think......just are incorrigible and have no conscience.:D
They think though:D



Where you going Friday night missy??
 
Bigguy said:
Took a mental health day yesterday- it really did me a lot of good, allowed me to think about some things that are going on in my life- got to play golf to so all is good. :D
It is not that people think lawyers do not think......just are incorrigible and have no conscience.:D
They think though:D



Where you going Friday night missy??
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Well what if I said I was incorrigible and had no conscience??? Oh, you meant professionally... well I am ok then :D

Can you believe people actually pay to talk to me???

Friday night, I am headed out into the City of Brotherly Love to regain my youth :D

Girls night out baby!
 
Oh shit....
New confident Ali is going on the town..
You are going to have so much frickin fun.

*off to see how much plane tickets to Philly are*
 
Bigguy said:
Oh shit....
New confident Ali is going on the town..
You are going to have so much frickin fun.

*off to see how much plane tickets to Philly are*
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Come joint the fun :) I haven't been out since losing all this weight, I would be a liar if I didn't say I was curious to see if I get noticed...I'm not doing anything mind you but noticed will make me feel good :)

I can't freaking WAIT. It is going to be a blast!
 
ali.smedley said:
I was curious to see if I get noticed...I'm not doing anything mind you but noticed will make me feel good :)
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1. Unless the guys in Philly are dumb asses they will notice/flirt with you.

2. Getting noticed/flirted with is better than trying to get picked up anyway IMO:D- of course I am married so I do have these limits even if I were to be flirted with...:(
 
Considering that I have never been flirted with or picked up in a public place I am not sure how I feel about either...
 
ali.smedley said:
Me = never.

It is depressing...I'm a loser, haha (sniff, sniff)
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I know you are kidding- sort of- but I will not let that go-

You are very far from a loser and you know it. Just because we live in a society that is all hung up on the 'perfect' look and you do not have it does not mean anything other than there are a lot of stupid men in this world.
I find it very hard to believe you have not been flirted with anyway- I think you do not realize it when it happens.

You are smart, beautiful, have a good heart and a good soul. I think you would be fun to be around.....if a guy will not flirt with someone like that then he is stupid.

Now me on the other hand- who does not possess all the aforementioned great qualities......
Loser- one would say......:D
 
Bigguy said:
I know you are kidding- sort of- but I will not let that go-

You are very far from a loser and you know it. Just because we live in a society that is all hung up on the 'perfect' look and you do not have it does not mean anything other than there are a lot of stupid men in this world.
I find it very hard to believe you have not been flirted with anyway- I think you do not realize it when it happens.

You are smart, beautiful, have a good heart and a good soul. I think you would be fun to be around.....if a guy will not flirt with someone like that then he is stupid.

Now me on the other hand- who does not possess all the aforementioned great qualities......
Loser- one would say......:D
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I mean I know I am not a loser, but you said it yourself, it is human to want to be validated. You are right, I may not have noticed it. I think I am in the habit of having such a crappy view of myself and I need to start working on it asap...

I don't know how you can see all of those things in me just from this place but I believe that you see them and I thank you for telling me :) I hope you realize that you possess all of those same qualities, except trade out beautiful for attractive, haha.

I think there is a retraining involved when you lose weight...I just keep learning new things every day, you know?
 
ali.smedley said:
I don't know how you can see all of those things in me just from this place but I believe that you see them and I thank you for telling me :)
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- you are an attorney. Attorney=smart. At least book smart:)
- I have seen pictures. Trust me- beautiful. Worst case very pretty.:D
- good heart and soul- conversations we have had point directly to this.

I think I am in the habit of having such a crappy view of myself and I need to start working on it asap...
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I think we both really need a lot of work on this end. It is really strange how childhood/adolescence is so short in duration but the effects last forever. I have not been made fun of for being fat in years yet I believe i will always see myself as fat.

I think there is a retraining involved when you lose weight...I just keep learning new things every day, you know?
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Trust me I know. I know all too well. Some days I am over the moon, others I wonder why I ever started something that I will not finish- at least in my mind.

it is human to want to be validated
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This is what it all comes down to IMO. The problem is I really think I need to go back in time to HS looking and acting like I do now in order for this to happen- and i would shoot myself if i ever had to do that. At some point I will tell you about my HS life- age 14-18- or my 'adolescence' -11-13- and you will understand. Actually you probably already do without knowing it since you may have gone through the same shit.

Rainy and crappy here today- can you tell? :D
 
Have you ever had a 'moment'? One that feels like a breakthrough of sorts? I have had a few since starting this but today I think I had a big one.

I woke up at 5 and drug my sorry self to the gym. I went to bed late and I was tired. Now, don't get me wrong, I was in great spirits and my mood was good, I just felt fuzzy from being tired. I get to the gym, get on my elliptical and start moving. I had two new songs on my music player which I had hoped would help motivate me to keep up the pace and get in a good workout.

A few minutes in, I am just dragging. I can barely keep my RPMs above 80 which is my bare bones minimum. My muscles are taking longer to loosen up and I just cannot get into a groove. I start thinking to myself...why bother? Why am I getting up when it is dark and killing myself for something that probably, at the end of the day, isn't going to work. Why am I wasting my time???

That is a dangerous line of thinking. Someone very wise on here posted something the other week that popped into my head at that moment.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

I realized something at that moment. I spent the last 15 years of my life trying to kill myself because I was to chicken to do it all at once. I am no longer afraid to live.

I can do this. I will do this. I am doing it.

I realized that I can take this as far as I want to take it. I can push myself harder, faster and further than I ever thought I could possibly go. I will not allow myself to be beaten again.

I pushed through the end of that workout with flying colors. I then threw myself on the stairclimber for the first time. It did it for 5 minutes and it was hard but I climbed 31 floors in that amount of time. I have no context for that number but it seemed like a lot to me :)

I then decided that I was going to walk to the river's edge to see what I could see. I ended up running. I felt alive and happy and like I could conquer this thing.

I heard a cool lyric yesterday that sums this up pretty nicely...

I always needed this, but I never knew how much I wanted it.
 
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