Go Healthy or Go Home! [Weight Loss Diary, Take 2]

Loch

Loch

New member
Hello, I'm not sure who's still around and who isn't (saw IrishPrincess and Tete still going at it, which is awesome!). I joined this site in 2009, and it took me some time, but in 2012 I hit ONEderland and felt better than I'd felt in my life. I could bike along the river, up hill, down hill, and I was walking like a maniac. I hadn't been 199lb in almost 10 years. I felt beautiful, like I could take on the world, and then it all kind of came undone.

Relationships have always been my cryptonite. I can't live with them, can't live without them. I went from an intense relationship that made me WANT to be healthy, to dejected and alone. Food, for me, has always been comforting. Soon enough, 1lb became 5lb and then I was 15lb back into the 200s.

I met my current boyfriend in November, over a year ago. He's been wonderful, supportive, I couldn't have a more kind and giving person in my life. However, his need to be enabling has sent me down a horrible path.

In the span of a year I went from 199lb to 280lb.

Who does that? How can I go from loving myself that much more (and trust me, that little bit I did was a mountain compared to how I felt in 2009) to choosing food and lethargy? I found myself growing attached to food again in a very dysfunctional way. My boyfriend enjoyed going out with his kids, and I wanted to be with him...and food became fun. It wasn't a need, it was a crutch, and now here I am.

I only have 2 pairs of pants that fit (and are getting holes on the thighs), no shirts that fit (so I don't really go out unless I wear a sweater). The tipping point? Never had I been this bad...so bad that even wiping...I told myself I'd never get to 300lb and so help me, I won't. I was begining to find it hard to fit in booths in restaurants...well, good thing, because I don't ever want to go back.

People always tell me I look good for my weight, even at 200, they thought I was at least 180. Great. Doesn't change how I feel inside. My boyfriend feels just as bad...and he's truly an enabler. He thought what I wanted - what I needed - was the food. Now, he's understanding when I say I'm staying in for the night while he takes the kids out. He helped me buy a treadmill, and I'm so thankful for that, because (pardon my french) I'm so FUCKING done with this weight.

I've started writing in a journal, and I'm on day 4. I'm joining a weight loss group called TOPS today, hoping that face to face time will help to keep me motivated and encouraged to lose weight. It's once a week, so I think this will be good for me.

Alright! So, I plan on uploading pictures tonight. I really want to stick to it this time for good. I'm gonna browse the diaries later and give ya'll some support and love <3. Thanks for reading!

Holy pancakes! This is my old journal!

Weight Loss Pictures

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You did it once and you can do it again!

But, I feel your pain, food is my go to solution for every emotional/stressful thing that happens in my life.

Your "Food became fun" comment, was like a lightbulb in my head, that's what I would do too. Instead of going to walk in a park, it's "Ah, let's go Buffalo Wild Wings" Never thought about it like that before, hopefully that will help me change my mindset too. No, we don't need to go eat, we can do something else more healthy.

Sounds like you are in the right mindset, you go girl, you can do this.
 
Thanks so much!

Yes, it was so hard to say no when he would say "Do you want to go home or...?" and I'd say, "Let's go to McDonalds" where we could sit eat, sip soda, and do crosswords. Sunday would become a ritual of going to Costco to shop and eat unhealthy food. I had to show him how much I gained by trying to pull on my old pair of pants because he said I looked fine to him. It made him sad to think he did that to me.

No, he didn't do it to me, I did it to me. I made the choices. I used to be able to go into McDonalds, turn around, and say "Not today!". I got so bad that we would go and if I didn't get my LARGE fries, I wasn't happy. I couldn't eat just a cheeseburger. I had to have my usual meal.

I had to cut the limb off, as it were. So now I stay in, and until I get all the crap out of me, and feel satiated on smaller meals, I won't be able to go out like that.

Oh! Also, I'm walking to work and back now, good 40min right there plus my treadmill. I can't wait to feel happy again.

I'm gonna go read your journal now!
 
Heeeeyyyy Loch!!!:) so happy to hear from you:) really enjoyed your post above!!!! Well done you for coming back! I missed reading your posts!! Can't believe you gained 80 pounds and I forgot you were in onederland!! Amazing!!!!! But hey, you can get back down there if you put in the hard work!! I'm currently after dominos pizza!! I know I'm a big fattie give you advise when I don't follow my own haha!:( I have gained a stone and a half back from the 3 stone I lost!! Aagghhhh

Hope you are feeling better about yourself hun, Lets do this together!!!:):) I'm gonna put up a pic of my weight loss too:):)
 
Oh man, I was eating a large dominos pizza every other day at work. It was bad! I felt so gross, and bloated all the time. I'm DONE with that crap.

I plan on working so hard, and you better, too! We have to get out of this rut and get healthy ;)!
 
Welcome back! I wasn't here for your first go-round, but I look forward to seeing your journey from here.
 
Thank's, Cory. I'll have to give your thread a look, too!

So I'm down to 273.9, which doesn't seem like much (I weigh myself daily, and I don't take it hard if it's up and down). I know come Saturday (my personal weigh in day) I'll hit a good number. I weigh in on Tuesday's at my TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) meetings.

I had a lot of fun yesterday at the meeting. The ladies were all older than me, and there was also an older man there, but they were hilarious. We all had a good laugh, joked, and all in all it was very welcoming. The whole idea of it being kind of competitive will work well for me. I want to lose weight and go in there saying I lost, and get little beads and trinkets for those loses, and prove not only to myself but my group that I can do this. It's exciting!

I didn't pack my usual lunch today, but I plan on eating within my budget. No cheating for me! I also plan on walking home again. I'm feeling tired today but hopefully I wake up a bit more and have a more early bed time ;).
 
Welcome back to the forum! I haven't met you yet either, but I'm always happy to see more and more people joining and/or coming back. As hollybelle has said, you've done this before so you clearly know what you're doing. Just stay positive and you'll get to where you want to be. :)
 
Thanks, Mandy!

Made it home, just waiting til I can make my supper! Totally on goal today for my calories. Pictures today, yeah? Yeah!
 
Loch, it's great you have somewhere to go in which you feel comfortable, can draw support from others, and that has a slight edge of competition to it! Also, so jealous you can walk to work. I'm way too far away for that.
 
When I read your thread it sounded like you lived in the country. Is that so? I'm so jealous of YOU. I want to hike like, all the freaking day long, but where I live it's as flat as a field. There's no hills to speak of. It also gets as cold as -20F here if the weather feels like it. I'm just freaking tired of being rolly-polly so I decided to say F-U to winter and start walking. It's a good 20min, not to shabby, but damn I'd kill for some awesome trails and mountains.

TOPS is crazy awesome. I'd actually encourage anyone to look them up in their city, they're all throughout the states and Canada. I had no idea it was even a thing until last week. But, even this forum is great. If not for the forum I don't think I'd have lost the weight before. It's my own insecurities and guilt that made me fall off the wagon and avoid the place as if it were the plague.
 
I am indeed in the country, smack dab in the middle of Appalachia. I really love where I live, but the only downside is that you have to specifically carve out time to exercise. I can't just walk an hour to work or walk to the store or whatever to get it in, which is why I do all the fitness classes. It's about 1 degree F (-17.2 C) here right now, so there's definitely not any hiking going on. If it's this cold in the valley, it's WAY colder up on the ridges in the mountains. I'm usually a winter-loving person...but, spring please hurry up!
 
No kidding, I'd rather get a good sweat than be bundled up and hardly able to breath. Winter is too cold for me sometimes. We make due, though!

Posted up pictures. ACK, why did I let myself go on so badly? I look and feel like a blob. Here's to the next 6 months! I'm gonna say goodbye to my big butt >.>
 
Your actually carrying the weight really well in the pics loch! What height are you again??
Also how many calories are you eating per day?


And yes yes yes!!! We can defo do this together!!:) I'm currently on day 1 of eating good and i hope I don't break out! Also that class you go to sounds awesome and so supportive:) xx
 
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I'm 5'8"

I always felt like people were saying "you don't look xxxlbs!" because they were being nice. I guess it happens so much, maybe it's true. I have seen women my height and weight who carry it all in their thighs/tummy/ect, while for me, I carry it pretty much all over.

I remember in my old thread, when I was here all the time, I kept saying "I'm gonna catch up to IrishPrincess!" and now I'm saying it again haha. I'm so glad you're still here :)

I'm eating 1800 calories on a good day, 2000 on day's I need a midnight snack (which is usually a banana and juice). As I get used to smaller portions I'll work my calories down again. When I first started out (260lb in Feb 2011) I started at 1600-1800. I didn't have too much troubles with it, but I know I need baby steps or I'll fall flat on my face.

Soooo I weighed myself last night, and this morning, and I'm now 272.4, which is freaking awesome. I started this year at 280! It's easy to lose the first bit, but still, I wanna see progress. Since the 8th I've lost 7.6lb so, I'm pretty happy with that. It's a good 3.8lb a week.

My ultimate goal is to lose 3lb a week. To do that I need to stay steady at 1800 calories a day and pop in 500 calories of exercise a day. I can do it, especially if I keep walking to work.

Crazy thing is, I kind of looked at what I'm eating, and realized I don't eat too many carbs. I fill up on veggies and fruit, and for supper I lean toward steak or chicken. I may add a few starches in every odd day to make sure I get all the food groups. I cannot WAIT to fit back into my old jeans!
 
Hey, you and I have started out at really similar weights! I think it's good that you're taking baby steps. One of the worst things you can do is over extend yourself first thing and then have it all crashing down.
 
Yeah, I saw that! I so wanna get back down to 250 though! I gotta work real hard to catch up haha. I feel confident this time.
 
You can do it! I'll bet you'll fly passed me. I lose soooo slowly. :p

I'll have to check out your old thread. Is that the journey in which you made it to 160?
 
Oh, no. When I was 14, literally JUST when I started High School, I got mono and strep throat at the same time. This made me go from 200lb - 160 because I could barely eat, let alone drink anything. I'd always been chubby, the odd one out, and for once I got a taste of what it was to be at a healthy weight. However, that weight had been lost because of an illness...so I didn't know how to eat right.

I struggled with the weight, boyfriends, high school, and before I knew it I was up to 260.

Things didn't really click for me until my ex-fiancé and I broke up. He had been overweight too, and I moved back in with my mom, so I didn't have someone to eat fast food and sit in front of the television with. I began walking more, I joined Curves, I started eating Subs near work. I don't know what it was. I just...stuck to it. I barely had a social life, so I would eat well at work, go home, eat dinner and then go to bed.

So it took me between February 2011 - July 2012 to lose 60lb. Man, oh man, it was awesome. I'd discovered in myself a love for exercise, adventure, and so much more.

A nasty 3 month relationship/break-up made everything kind of fall apart. For the first time in my life I got black out drunk, tried to drown myself, and went through a really shitty couple of months.

Ironically, I met someone who made me very happy, my current boyfriend...and thus, I gained all this weight back and I find myself in this predicament. I'm in a better place mentally, but I know I'll never be able to give him 100% until I lose the weight.

I WILL get back down to 160lb, and I'm going to do it with hard work. If I do it the easy way (sickness, diet pills, surgery) I'll never learn what it is to be HEALTHY.
 
Sounds like we have similar backgrounds. I’ve always struggled with my weight too and never really felt as though I fit in anywhere. I didn’t really have a lot friends in school. I preferred to stick to myself. I binged a lot too. I remember buying those Little Debbie oatmeal cookies and eating several of them in one sitting in our school library during my lunch. I would also raid my mom’s coin jug and walk to the corner store to buy as much candy as I could. Sad, but those were my choices for some ungodly reason. I’m trying not to dwell on the past because I can’t change that. I’m just glad I finally woke up and started making these changes. I’m determined to get to my goal weight and to stay there just as it sounds you are. We’ll both get where we want to be. We just need to stick with it. :)
 
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