GJeans Diary on Dr Cohen's

At least it is the end of a good Monday ...

I failed dismally to keep to my salad and steak at the braai on Saturday. I tried so hard but eventually we ate later than what I had reckoned and by that time I was really hungry. So I had some of their meat, :banghead: nothing about it makes me any proud. KFC has given way to the Braai as my absolute nightmare! And as we are scurrying to enjoy perhaps the last of the autumn sunlight and warmth, more and more of my friends are talking about Braai get-togethers. I just need to find an excuse not to go because clearly, I cannot control myself around lots of people and the smell of meat on the coals.

My only saving grace is that I did not have the cake... a sink full of dishes can be a real help. A few of us escaped the butter-icing cake by chatting as we washed and dried lots of dishes.

Sunday was also not my best ... it is true, once you have cheated, it gets easier to cheat again, and again. Really, why weekends are a problem beats me, hanging out with friends around food is definitely not helping! I cannot believe I can be this weak. This is where I continue to realise that my relationship with food is far from healed! It even makes me think of going for hypnosis :ack2:

I have to do my 20 minutes skipping before I crash ...

Keep hope alive ...

:seeya:
 
Who is that looking at me from the mirror?

I am finding that my journey is revealing a lot of things ... sometimes I cannot help but stare at my reflection at the change that I am seeing, at other times, I cannot stand to look at myself because I still see the fattie with the big belly and dimpled thighs. It is in part saddening.

While I still feel very encouraged by people commenting on how I have lost weight, it doesn't all the time make sense because immediately a flood of questions bubbles up: why did I let myself go like this, what if I cannot maintain the weightloss after the programme, what will my next life-changing event bring etc.etc.

Today a friend asked me if I felt lighter already and unfortunately I realised, I do not as yet feel lighter, I still feel big ... I tend to remember how I felt years ago when I weighed this much - i felt trapped in fat then and even now though I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel I am still way too deep and too far for it to matter.

One of my colleagues also commented today that I must have lost a lot of weight in the 5 weeks plus that I have since joined the company, and somehow I was unable to acknowledge that I have indeed lost weight. I felt shy and embarrassed to pat myself on the back, or was it that I felt shy that they had all noticed that i was large?

I dont know, coming so far on this diet is uncharted territory for me. I have never kept at something for this long to actually see where it leads me. I guess this journey stands to reveal even more about me.

I intend to peel layer after layer while literally shedding layer after layer of years of fat (a self-inflicted injury)

:seeya:
 
I had been ill in the past few days - also went to see a relative who is very sick and that just added to my woes ... but hey I am back.

The somehow unwelcome ill-health left me feeling very sorry for myself and I did two things badly, 1: I couldnt eat properly and take my water as required and then 2: I then made up for it with comfort eating.

I am going to the scales tomorrow and I dont think I will have lost anything.

I need to make sure that I recover fully, so I am off to bed,

:seeya:
 
Hello and Welcome!
I'm truly saddened to hear about your struggles through life. To lose your loved ones is really hard emotionally.
I've had a hard time changing my life, I've been up and down with my weight, I'd eat one day and then fast for a few days. It's time I eat right and exercise.
We are humans and we all make mistakes right? Keep doing what you are. Don't worry about one Mistake, worry about what's ahead and how life changing this will be.
 
Hello friend!
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I hope your week is getting better.
Tina:)
 
I chicken out ...

I didn't go to weigh on Wednesday, I just thought I know I was bad, the scale is going to say I was bad, I am going to feel worse, so ... I am going next week Tuesday. I am feeling pretty good about the weightloss so far, yesterday I took my monthly photos and it is amazing how compared to on the 12th of Feb I have shrunk ... I guess it is almost like THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN, wow, what a difference a few kilograms of lard can make.

Tina, thanks for the love. I am feeling much better, the antibiotics are really cranking, and so have gone back to proper eating, except for just now (Friday supper), but hey I am not complaining much. Hope you are well - I will pop in to your diary and see how you have been doing, you better have been good for both of us girl!

Thank you 4everSome1Else for the encouragement. Even though I have lost much, sometimes I am grateful about it especially when I see someone really sick - both my parents passed away suddenly while they were in relatively good health and seeing my grandaunt this past weekend and all the pain that she has to endure because her body no longer wants to carry on is heartbreaking. But I am also grateful that my parents did not suffer. Time heals and with every passing day, I learn to appreciate even the tough times.

So 4EVER, what are you doing in the way of eating or exercising? I hope you find something that is suitable and works for you ... I must be honest, having tried so many things before. it is such a relief that finally I have found something that works for me. Dont answer here, I will try to locate you (just like in THE MATRIX) and pop in to your space.

I don't know if I mentioned this before ... I sing, I sing at church. Sometimes I even do solo pieces ... I am singing this Sunday (the VIA DOLOROSA) for our regional conference alone on the stage with only the backtrack. I have to practice, I like singing but I feel uncomfortable on the stage, all eyes on me. It was made worse by my constant feelings of "unworthiness" by being fat. I want to sing well, but the butterflies have already started ... So be thinking of me.

I dont know if I will have time this weekend to post any entry. If I am unable, everyone, have a great weekend, stay focused, we can win this thing!

:seeya:
 
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Your very welcome GJeans
It's very hard seeing someone going throught what your grandaunt is. It must be hard but it also must be keeping you on track as well. Everyone has their days, but it's better to leave pain free then to live with it every day.
I'll let you fine my little space and you can ask me all you want on there =)
I hope to see you around very soon
 
Its been a long time since I last posted - life has been a bit hectic. I am travelling a lot for work, spent some time in the beautiful Cape Town - though I didn't take in too much of the sights because I worked at least 10 hours a day while there.

Same night I came back home, my cousins called to let us know that my grand-aunt has passed on - even though it sad and painful, knowing what she had to endure in the last few weeks, I am grateful that she is now spared the pain. I will be taking a trip tomorrow to go to the hometown to see my cousins and family and take time to remember who she was and how she impacted all our lives. I do not think it is going to be an easy time for all of us but it has to be done! The last few days have really got me back to thinking about death and how it has affected me and so on, so I have to constantly have my thoughts in check because I know how I tend to be swallowed up by the storm.

As regards the eating plan, I have really not kept to it, I cannot say for sure why I am battling but I find I am not too bothered about keeping to the right quantities and everything. It seems like the last thing in my life that I need to be focused on. Yet, I know this is exactly how I have ended up 30kg plus overweight in the 1st instance. There is something about the comfort that food brings. I have been thinking about how the pain seems to stem from the gut, and food seems to deaden the throbbing because it ends up around that area. I keep telling myself I need to be aware, vigilant and on guard - but some days I almost realise along the way that I am again falling into the trap.

The last time I went to weigh, I had lost 1.8kgs so I am now almost 15kg less and I need to focus so that I can continue to lose and regain some sanity and overall health.

Thank you dear Tina for the post, be thinking of me and praying that I will remain focused and strong. Yes while it might not seem like the most important thing for me to do at this point, I know I need to hold on to this and reclaim my control and my victory.
 
I am still alive, i have not been doing well in the month of April in general, as a result I have had a disappointin 2.8kg loss for the whole month - I cried.

I have not lost as I could have because I have really not been keeping to the plan - with travelling so much now, was in Port Elizabeth this week and going to Bloemfontein tomorrow, I am not in control of what I eat, I cannot really control how it is prepared. I have tried to make the right choices, fish and salads etc. but I still end up sneaking biscuits in between and hardly eat breakfast, I just feel to pay R90 for a hotel breakfast only to have yoghurt or 1 egg is a waste of money.

And it has not helped that when I am at home, I crave all sorts of things that are really not good - I have been having lots of bread and crisps and all sorts of junk that frankly I know I should not be having, so that is why i have lost a measly 2.8.

The good news is that this has shocked me to realise that I am getting out of control, so I have started slowly to get back on track, I am sitting with a tall glass of water as I am writing this entry and I am having tuna salad for lunch. I am going to be a little more strict with myself so that I can redeem any thread of respect and control I have.

That's it for now ...

You all have a wonderful week and keep on keeping on!:seeya:
 
I sort of think I am back ...

I am hoping to hoist myself back onto the saddle, man, I have had a rough ride ... I am going to weigh myself tomorrow and will see what the actual damage is after two months of "letting go":ack2:
 
I am so glad to see you back. I have missed you! I hope all is well in your life. Talk to you soon. Tina:seeya:
 
Second time around

I am back, I look at my thread and I cannot believe I was doing so well and I let myself down.

I have now started back on the program as of the 5th of January. I will weigh myself every week and take it from there.

This is it, if I fail again, well, what can I say...
 
I am so glad you are back. It is a new start and I know you can do this! I have been away for awhile but am back on track. Wow I am really glad to see your name. We can do this! It is a new year and a new attitude and here we go! Take care Tina:party:
 
Thank you Tina. Glad to be here again.

Since my last post - I have lost 1.4kgs as on 16 January 2009. I know this is not a lot, but I am happy about it. At least I am moving and this time I intend to keep moving until I hit goal weight - no matter how long it takes for me to get there.

I am a stressful eater. I am so stressed at work and I can see with all the things that I am eating.

I do not want to sound defeated but I do not know how to control myself against stressful eating. I may do very well during the weekday but come evening or weekend, all control and self-respect is out the window.

If there is anyone who has dealt with this and can help, I am all ears.

Cheers
 
HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a stressful eater too!!!! any problem I have I'm stuffing my mouth with something just to deal...:banghead: I don't know why...

I have really healthy snacks around now and water to try to help with my eating issues... I guess the easiest way to stop is by just doing it... I know much easier said than done..

I'm wonderign about this Cohen diet... Do you like it?? How is it?? is it real hard??

I love the rapid weight loss.. What's really been helping me lately truly is this forum... Whenever I am stressed or something I just log on and write it in my diary...

Wow!!! Good luck this year!!! The best is yet to come.. I know you can do it... Wooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooo:Angel_anim:

Another thing that really helps is writing down everything you eat and looking back on it.. Well good luck and if you ever need anything let me know...
 
Hi there.....

Hi Gjeans... I am a second timer too... You can do it... Keep up the good work...

Okay it was few years between my attempts and i now have a new program... its a real shame i didnt get a new one straight off, it has made a huge difference to my abilities to with stand temptation.. I failed the first time around because i wouldnt change my ways.. i could have, but i just chose to take the good old lets eat our way out....it worked but i ended up at 116-118 kg by 2006.... and yes i took another two years for me to accept my problems and bad habbits..

When i am stressed or upset, Nervous or angry.. I first decide ( with the help of cohens) why and who? then i take check, what was my instinct: Usually to grab the most sugary or fatty and salty thing i have in the house or if there is nothing i want i go buy.... (tut tut 4 me).. I still have this instinct, i also found out if i am tired i do the same thing also... even now if the kids stress me or frustrate me the first thing i want is some bad food... it seems to be my escape from everything and now i cannot, sorry, i choose not to use that path.. it has opened my eyes, i am really seeing exactly what i have been doing, and so much boredom eating.... its almost as if a light bulb has turned on..

When i want something i tell myself it will come again, there is always another event or birthday.. nothing i cant put off , dont get me wrong i attend i just take my food and fizzy drink...christmas was hard but once again i told myself.. what bad habbits you have chelle..ha ha ha... and again it will be here in the blink of an eye, it seems that way every christmas doesnt it?..... The other tactic is reminding myself exactly how much longer i shall remain on the program if i deviate.. I know cohens changes everything and it is a life change not a temporary thing, i remind myself when i have completed refeed, i will have broken many bad habbits, found the old/new me and i will be able to eat lots of yummy things but i must use the word yes with caution..lots of caution...

I think the road to your recovery is within you.. You have all the answers and the strength......

Sorry to ramble its just so hard to keep these sorts of things short.. well i find it hard...:)

But just as a note my mother and i both got a new program, if you find your cravings are still there, your program may no longer be for you, it really isnt a story they tell us about old programs... we were both amazed how easy things went after we got our new programs.. BTW that might also be another incentive for me not to deviate , the price of my new program was $750.00 thats a huge incentive.. there will be no third time..ha ha ha

Anyway apologies again for turning this posting into a novella... Good luck, be strong and be kind to yourself... You have already taken such a huge step... pat yourself on the back..

Dont be shy come and visit us,in the cohens section... lots of activity in there these days...

"May the water be with you"
TTFN
Chelle
 
Thank you so much to you both Ivette8uNOmore and Fifty2drop.

Ivette, I find that Cohen is the only programme that I have been on that has worked for me. I have been on a few in my time and I just lost very little and gained it all back and more. I know having fallen off the rail, it is a little embarrasing to still admit that it works, but the truth is that it does, only thing is my willpower. I guess at the crux of it, every diet works when one has the right frame of mind.

Talking about frame of mind, well, I guess I have still not gotten it right. I have just gone and did myself in again. Having started, I backtracked and I am back to where I was in December :banghead:.

But standing on the scale this morning (I don't own one, i go to the chemist close to my house - I don't want to buy a scale just as yet, I may weigh myself everyday - what do you think?) I decided enough has to be enough. I cannot do this to myself. My intention, and I want to put it down here, is to be 100% today. Drink my water, eat my portions and take it one day at a time. I will also enter an account of myself in my diary every day - that way, I have to be honest with myself.

So, here is the bad news, I am now 87.7 - whew, that sucks even just typing it in. :svengo:

Fifty2Drop, thank you so much for the encouragement, you have said everything that makes sense and that I know but that I just do not do. I will check out the Cohen section, maybe start another diary there too, that way I can be accountable to others who are on the same programme. I will be checking your entries as well.

Will be back tomorrow.
 
Hey Gjeans
You will figure it all out just take one day at a time. This is possible for us all. We just have to lean on each other now and then for support. I had a bad weekend of eating and not exercising so I feel really bad. To make it worst I did not even make it to the gym today. I planned to but got really busy here at home and did not make it. I hate letting myself down but I can't let it eat at me and hit it really hard tomorrow. Just one day at a time. We will win this battle. Take care Tina:)
 
It's ok!!!!!!!!!!! you will be fine.. stop getting unmotivated and just do it.. I know you can. So basically on cohen you can never come off it again cuz you regain it.. how long do you have to cheat for and then regain it.. wow it seems pretty hard... but life is hard so who cares.. just do it....:sifone:
 
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