Girlfriend getting really frustrated. What's the problem?

E

eowdaoc

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My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, and since March my girlfriend has been trying to lose some weight (she was never overweight, she just wanted to lose a little chub).

She got a treadmill in March and had been running on it consistently every week, dieting, and doing crunches/pushups/etc.

Well, it didn't seem to work. Barely, anyways.

Over the summer she got frustrated with herself and started making herself throw up, which I didn't find out for a while, but when I did I helped her and she quit pretty much instantly.

I realize that doing that will mess up someone's metabolism, and she also hadn't been eating as much as she needed to be. So I figured that was the weight loss problem. Otherwise she has a very good diet and we're both vegetarians. She doesn't eat junk food, or fast food, or anything bad, I promise. In June we were messing around at the Space & Rocket center and she weighed in at 125 with clothing and shoes on. So I was like okay things are working out for her.

So around 3 weeks ago I offered to help her out because she was getting frustrated with a lack of progress. I told her to eat more, and I set up a diet plan for her so we could slowly increase her caloric intake over a course of a couple months. She hadn't been eating enough so I figured this was an improvement. We also started eating more lean protein sources (like tuna).

She also started working out with me, so it was more intense for her. We've been doing intense conditioning (jump rope, burpees, etc), sprinting, and strength training 6 days a week (not all each day, of course). On Sundays we run 4 miles. Thursday is our break day.

So now I'm thinking "okay this is going good now, I don't see anything wrong with our routine at all."

Well, about a week ago she started complaining that she had gained weight. I was just like "whatever it's all in your head don't worry about it."

Well, today she had a regular doctor's appointment, and when they weighed her it said 135. Now she's really upset and frustrated, and frankly I am too, because I thought I had covered EVERY aspect of this. She eats enough, she eats healthy, she gets enough sleep, she does intense workouts with me 6 days a week, she gets adequate rest time. What is the problem here?! I understand gaining muscle mass would mean a gain in weight, but not 10 lbs in 3 weeks.
 
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Ehh cut her calorie intake, and if you are eating tuna in oil, with mayo. Thats basically like 500 calories in 1 sandwich lol.

Honestly is she is just trying to loose weight, tell her to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Dont eat a lot of fatty foods (mayo(unless its the low fat one), butter, vegetable oil, fast food and crap like that). Have her do like an hour of cardio, tell her to get her heart rate up to 80%, thats when you burn a lot of calories...

the weight training idea doesnt really sound good if she is just trying to loose weight...

How tall is she by the way..?
 
First, the scales at one place or the other may not be accurate, it may her TOM and she was retaining fluids, it may have been at different times of the day, she may have been wearing lighter clothes (a heavy pair of jeans can weight 5+ pounds), etc. So the weight difference may not be real or at least not all body fat.

Second, if she is doing more intense strength training, she may have gained some amount of lean body mass (muscle, bone, water, blood, connective tissue, etc.). You really need to measure body fat not body weight, and the goal should be to loose body fat NOT loose weight. Unfortunately accurately measuring body fat is difficult.

Just curious, you are vegetarians and you eat tuna?
 
Well, I suppose the correct term would be "pesco-vegetarian" :newangel:


And no. It's in water, not oil. Only 220 calories per can, 2g fat, and 40g protein (which is like our only big protein source and we need it.)


Henetra, you don't seem to know enough to post on this issue. No offense, haha. I won't go into details.
 
How tall is she? 135 might not be heavy and a weight gain may suggest muscle development. Also, scales at the doctor office are off by a lot. Those scales are used by a lot of people, and they weigh you with all your clothes and everything. Also, using any type of public scale is just a horrible idea to get your current weight.

It sounds to me like she's going through with diets-after-diets. Did you switch to veg only because of diet? Or are you doing it by choice - ie. you two always been veg? It also sounds like she's developing a bad eating habit. Force vomit is not the way to go, and doing this even for a little while can really screw up your body's ability to burn off energy.

It also sounds to me like you're basing your entire concept of success or failure based on weight. Weight isn't everything, and using it for failure or success, especially when one isn't severely overweight to begin with, will always result in failure.
 
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yea, you shouldnt go by her weight. get her bodyfat checked and go by that...as everyone is saying, she probably just gained muscles...lol
 
Dallen said:
How tall is she? 135 might not be heavy and a weight gain may suggest muscle development. Also, scales at the doctor office are off by a lot. Those scales are used by a lot of people, and they weigh you with all your clothes and everything. Also, using any type of public scale is just a horrible idea to get your current weight.

It sounds to me like she's going through with diets-after-diets. Did you switch to veg only because of diet? Or are you doing it by choice - ie. you two always been veg? It also sounds like she's developing a bad eating habit. Force vomit is not the way to go, and doing this even for a little while can really screw up your body's ability to burn off energy.

It also sounds to me like you're basing your entire concept of success or failure based on weight. Weight isn't everything, and using it for failure or success, especially when one isn't severely overweight to begin with, will always result in failure.
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We were vegetarian before the whole "diet" thing started, purely because we like it. She hasn't made herself throw up since summer time.
 
I agree with the others that the 10lbs was more likely to do with the scale, clothes, time of day,TOM, etc

It might help if you listed some specifics like her body fat%, bmr, and current calorie intake.
 
if you want to look at the scale, have her weigh herself every week or so first thing in the morning after weaking up.

also, the advice about staying away from fat is bad. your body needs dietary fat, stay away from the BAD fats, not the healthy ones. Fat has more calories but will usually make you more full too (that's my experience) and that a macro has more calories per gram than the others doesn't mean that it should be avoided, you just need to fit it within the calorie needs of the person. I don't know if the person who gave the advice meant bad fats, but it looked more like fat in general with bad fat examples, I just wanted the OP to realise there is a difference.
 
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I'm a bit concerned about your girlfriend's history & the fixation on weight.

As noted above, weights fluctuate. You can't really get an accurate 'trend' of someone's weight loss or gain unless you have consistent readings (under the same conditions) that last long enough to show the way weight jumps up and down in response to: hormonal cycle, water retention, retention of 'other' stuff in the intestines, etc.

I think the best way to track weight is same time every day, same conditions (e.g., morning/naked/after using bathroom) & then wait an entire MONTH before judging anything about the results.

I also agree with the above comments that actual weight does not actually matter. It is about body fat composition. You can gain weight that is muscle and then you wind up with a lower body fat %. You will look leaner as a result.

Without knowing anything about your gf's body fat %, it is difficult to say what range of weights makes sense for you to shoot for (and I say range because no one is ever just one weight - unless you mean at that MOMENT). For all we know, she was unhealthy at 125 and eating "better" (not sure if you're getting enough protein in there, even with tuna once a day - there should be protein every MEAL), then she might be healthier & leaner at 135. But that's a random guess. If it is important to your gf to track her progress, then she needs to know these stats.

My BIGGEST worry here is that your gf has already demonstrated disordered eating, and that many people don't just start throwing up and then stop. Bulimia is about body image, but it is also about control and perfectionism and a whole lot of other things (including biological tendencies that some people have toward obsessive/compulsive behavior). People who have problems with disordered eating often need different advice from the usual - something tailored to their own particular needs. For example, many people here on this website (including me) track/log calories very closely. For some people, this type of obsessiveness about nutrition and diet can make the problem worse for them, not better.

It is not healthy for your gf to be obsessing about her weight, rather than looking to how she is doing. You don't tell us: is she stronger? faster? having better energy? etc.) What have the effects of your training and diet been OTHER than on her weight?

It is also not healthy for YOU to be obsessing about your gf's weight alongside with her, and to the extent you are the one trying to put together the right "program" for her, it raises a red flag for me. You say that you thought you had it covered and had thought of everything and you are just as frustrated and upset.

From what I can tell, you seem like a concerned, well-meaning boyfriend. I think it is great that you want to help your girlfriend! But I have a feeling that even if we got your gf's stats and then gave you the ideal nutrition plan, the ideal training program, and so forth, there would STILL be a residual issue lurking here. I think you need to look into a lot more regarding your gf's health - her actual physical stats (body fat %!) as well as her emotional health regarding her body - before you'll find the answer you're looking for. I also suspect that answers will only come when your gf starts looking for them herself. It's great for you to be gently nudging her in the right direction & you should definitely continue to be supportive of her progress (yes! She has made progress in adopting a healthier lifestyle!), but I remain skeptical that playing her trainer is the 'right' role for you, as her bf, to be assuming here.

Just my two cents.
 
Weigh in the morning, take photos to use for comparison each month or 2 weeks. Have more sex.

So what exactly are you two doing for 6 days each week? Do you eat eggs and fish? Are you eating enough protein?
 
sig said:
I also agree with the above comments that actual weight does not actually matter. It is about body fat composition. You can gain weight that is muscle and then you wind up with a lower body fat %. You will look leaner as a result.
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calcium said:
Just listen to everything sig said.
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Especially that quote!


When I first started....I cut calories big-time. I rode my bike till sweat poured from my helmet, I swam laps, did lots of weights and added a 2nd night of racquetball. After one month, I went in for my appointment to be evaluated. I felt & looked lighter & leaner and expected the big drop: I GAINED 2 POUNDS. Almost cried, felt totally dismal. Then they took out the body-fat calipers and it showed I had lost 2.8% body-fat!

Muscle weighs more then fat and you've been tweaking hard on the exercise...of course her body will respond like mine did. I'm not surprised she saw a gain on the scale. Go by body-fat percentage, forget the scale...it'll mess with your head every time!!!

The other thing is that most people expect instant gratification: we want it NOW. Too often people expect weight-loss to be like a hair-cut, something you can see quickly...we want results! Weight-loss can be painfully slow, and for many it's so gradual that we don't even perceive it. Even when I lost 40 pounds I couldn't see it in the mirror.

Your body isn't stupid, it knows when you burned calories and it'll inspire you to eat to replace them. All that excerise she did may have been offset by eating. You really have to watch what you eat, it's shocking how calories can add-up quickly!

Lastly, imagine a car on level ground: if you kick it really fast the car won't move, but if you lean against it and wait a bit...it'll start moving. That's weight-loss, it happens slowly and gradually. From what you wrote, it sounds like your gf is expecting results and widly swinging about...and that eating disorder is part of the problem.

Lay-out a balanced and carefully measured diet, implement a reasonable exercise routine including cardio & weights. Stay off the scale for a month or even longer....just hold the course and stick to it, it will happen!!!!!!

Lots of other good advice here!!!! :)
 
Have to agree with everyone else: she could be gaining muscle while losing fat. The weight on the scale does not distinguish between muscle and fat.

She should think about losing fat, not losing weight.

Find some method of measuring body fat (electrical scale, calipers, or a simple proxy like waist / height ratio or even whether the same clothes are fitting looser over the areas where the fat is (usually waistline)). Note that the body fat measurements may not be accurate in an absolute sense, and may produce day to day fluctuations, but they can be used to determine long term trends.

For consistency, weight, body fat, waistline, etc. should be measured at the same time of day, preferably in the morning before breakfast to reduce inconsistency.
 
BSL, I love the car analogy--I think it's too true!

While I admit that I weigh myself pretty often, I only count one weigh-in per month--in the morning, after the bathroom, a week after my TOM is over. As a woman, there are so many weight fluctuations that occur due to hormones that there's no way to be accurate if you don't take this into consideration.
 
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