getting professional help

[Steve]

Steve; Here's my attempt at identifying my problems (step one ), after some serious thought on this today. First, I realized I really have been too restrictive. I'd plan out my day, but then eat one extra handful of nuts or piece of fruit, think I'd failed for the day, and just let it all go.

The all or nothing mentality will ruin the best of intentions. Looking at things in this light will always lead to failure because you only see yourself as being able to be 100% on or 100% off.

You allow for no middle ground and in reality, that middle ground is where all the success lies.

Fixing this is a matter of managing your expectations and consistently analyzing your inner-self-talk. Interrupting habitual thought processes regularly is the only way to change the way your mind naturally works.

Then, the next morning, when the scale didn't show any movement, I'd get upset, and do it all over again.

And here is the other common mental mistake; a short-term focus.

In reality, I should have known that of course something small is not going to make a difference. However, it is that feeling of failure, and deep hatred of myself for not being able to stick to the plan that drives me to eat.

I can tell you right now you are allowing your mind to control you and your emotions instead of the other way around.

Why should anything invoke hatred with this? If you find that to be the case it's your surefire way of figuring out that something is in fact 'off,' which it seems like you are realizing.

Even if your dieting and exercise parameters are wrong, never should you feel hatred. You don't fail until you stop trying. I've said this before many times around here, but I've failed more than I've succeeded on my own personal journey.

The difference between my failures and your failures is simple; my failures are only viewed as opportunities to learn and adjust my plan. Your failures are a time to sulk and bang your head against the wall some more trying the same damn thing that led to failure the first time around. Maleficent says this a lot.... "the best thing about banging your head against the wall is stopping."

My failures are accompanied by forward momentum b/c I learn what didn't work and adjust accordingly. Your failures lead to emotional distress and the idea of "trying the same thing again this time." "This time it will be different."

So, I think if I can give myself a calorie goal (1500 or 1600?), and eat what I want spread out throughout the day, I will limit some of those feelings, and therefore stop the crazy eat everything in sight moments.

Maybe.

I don't know your stats, I'm sure it's in this thread someplace but I haven't looked through the entire thing.

Along with getting an appropriate caloric intake set up... I think you need to couple this with identifying the exact reasons why you tend to eat everything in sight. Write them down. Analyze them.

I've discussed pain/pleasure before and it would be worth a search to find the post I'm talking about. If you want to instill a change of emotion and thought which will invariably lead to a change of consistent behavior, you must find a way to associate intense pain to not doing this and intense pleasure to doing this. By doing this, I mean living this lifestyle with flexibility and consistency. Learn that rigidity often leads to failure. A rigid plan as well as a rigid mentality.

We all act out of our desire to avoid pain and gain pleasure. Get control of these mental associations and you'll get control of your behavior.

Other problems: I'd workout really hard, too hard, and get burned out, so the weight would come back on, and I'd workout hard again, etc. A cycle.

It's that same all or nothing mentality from above and a refusal to see 'failure' for what it really is.

This leads to 3 steps forward and 3 steps backwards. Your constantly moving but making no ground. That must be corrected.

All this stuff I'm talking about has multiple roots. I'm sure your program has something to do with the inconsistency. A larger root is your mentality though.

I did really well with my eating today. I did go over my calorie allowance, but I'm okay with it, and I didn't go crazy. So yay. One day at a time.

Babysteps win out everytime in my experience.

 

[Omega]

I'm no expert but 1500 calories for a young male who is also active and working out doesn't seem like enough.

The poster is female - pictures from the before-after thread follow.
http://weight-loss.fitness.com/before-after-between/21653-before-pics-10-pounds-lose-tone-up.html

 

[douknowjello]

Woops my apologies, I don't know why I thought she was a he. I didn't see the posted pics. I'm going to use my tired excuse I just came home from a 12 hour shift and haven't slept yet. Again sorry if I offended.

 

[GonnaGetAbs]

Steve, Thank you, thank you, thank you. That was great. Exactly what I needed. i will be going back to read it many times, I'm sure.

Duoknowjello, No offense taken. Thanks for your advice.

Omega, I forgot I had posted those pictures. Thanks for bringing that up. I guess there's no sense in posting new ones, since I really haven't lost that much weight, yet. But I will!

I did get mad at myself yesterday, but only for a little while. I really think I'm slowly learning to get rid of that bad self-talk that then leads me to overeat. I hope I am anyway.

 

[Steve]

You're welcome. I think it's very important that you work on identifying your old habitual thought patterns, think of ways to correct/replace them and really emphasise consciously implanting them into your line of reasoning and thought. Sounds tricky but it really isn't... assuming you are willing to invest the time to organize your thought patterns down on paper.

 

[GonnaGetAbs]

I most certainly am willing to invest the time to solve this problem. Any suggestions on what to put down on paper? Simply try to identify problems, and brainstorm some ideas for solutions to them?

 

[Steve]

Identify potential mental road blocks.

For instance, we always seek to avoid pain and gain pleasure, right? Every single decision is based on these two concepts. People rarely pay attention to what they associate pain and pleasure to, they just go with the flow. Our behavior and decision making is on autopilot for the most part, like it or not. This is one of the common reasons why you see so much inconsistency in people's attempts after the first month or so.

For example, and when I say you, I don't really mean you... just to clarify my point:

In the beginning you saw pleasure in losing weight but at the same time you saw pain. The pleasure would come from things like impressing a guy, feeling more energetic, fitting into that bikini, etc. The pain came from things like having to exercise every single day, restricting foods and not eating the yummy things you love, sacrifice, pain, patience, time, struggle, etc.

Without controlling anything mentally, we're going to resort to the most powerful desire. If your sole pleasure association to losing weight is fitting in that bikini, yet, at the same time you associate tons of deep emotional pain to the process of weight loss... the net outcome is going to be struggle, inconsistency, and a lack of progress for most. Pain > Pleasure in this case.

Now suppose you have a horrible picture taken of you, or an outgrowth of your favorite outfit, or god forbid a serious health scare due to your weight, or you realize you can't get down on the floor to play with your kids, or you put serious thought about not living to see your children grow and have their own kids. This list goes on and on and on.

But something of that nature can drive you into positive action. Up until that point you've known all along that you would like to lose weight. But you didn't believe it was possible nor that you should. Believing and wanting are two completely different things. The pain of the process as noted above outweighed the pleasure. But this event has the ability to turn the tables. All of a sudden the pain isn't associated in the process of losing weight. Instead, the intense pain is associated to NOT losing the weight.

The secret is not letting it go to the point of being forced into realization.

I've always spent time listing out my pain/pleasure associations I have in relation to anything I'm trying to accomplish yet find myself being inconsistent.

I actually did this in the beginning of the year when I was starting my business. I knew it was something I wanted more than anything.... it was such a real desire consciously. Yet, I wasn't consistent with action. As soon as I did some identification and planning, the tides turned quickly. Pain/pleasure associations is only one facet of mental training/programming to use... there are many. People relate to different tools but they are all useful and important.

So what I would do is identify and then think of ways to attach intense pleasure to achieving whatever it is that you desire and intense pain to not achieving it. Until you not only do this, but BELIEVE it, things are always going to either go this way or that.... sort of in limbo.

I've told a lot of people before that I spend more time training my mind than my body and I'm not kidding when I say that. I'm currently writing a chapter in my book about the psychology of it all... what started as a short manual for my clients has turned into quite a long chapter.

I always add that people always 'see the light' when this sort of thing is discussed yet, in my experience, very rarely do they follow through with this sort of stuff on a consistent basis.

Yet, it's the only way to make serious change in your mind. Our past experiences lay neural pathways down in our brains that never go away. That's why old habits die reallllllll harrrrdddddd. The only way to change is to create new pathways, laying them over the old. To do this takes a ton of effort, consistency, and mental control.

I'm rambling at this point... I know... but hopefully you've found something useful here.